


It's Where the Monsters Go

by thebitchesofdathomir



Series: Off-Beat 90's movie inspired Reylo moodiness [2]
Category: Nightbreed (1990), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 90s AU, Ben and Rey's Bogus Journey, Devoted Reylo, F/M, Flashbacks, I am what they call, I don't know how to even begin tagging this, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, It's 1993, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Shit gets crazy, Star Wars alien species as real world monsters, This also gives me Donnie Darko vibes, Unplanned Pregnancy, Who Framed Ben Solo?, a predictable bitch, because it's a wild one, but apparently, certified HEA guarantee, flashbacks of high school Reylo, in a nutshell, summary sucks, there's gonna be some murder, uhh, writing crazy ass Reylo fanfiction is how I'm coping with this year
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-02-23 00:55:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 97,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23636410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebitchesofdathomir/pseuds/thebitchesofdathomir
Summary: Ben is once again haunted by the monsters of his childhood dreams as well as the demons from his past after tragedy strikes. He and Rey do what they can to move on but things quickly spiral into something much more sinister than they ever could have imagined.Rey will defend him and believe in him as she always has...but sometimes that is not enough. Sometimes the monsters win.And even then, Rey will keep trying to do anything she can to keep her family together.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Off-Beat 90's movie inspired Reylo moodiness [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1854436
Comments: 71
Kudos: 39





	1. Turn On Your Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story mainly stems from Clive Barker's 1990 horror/dark fantasy film "Nightbreed". It is an excellent hidden gem and has a whopping 38% on Rotten tomatoes. I'm as much a sucker for cheesy old horror movies as I am for Star Wars. The good thing about cheesy horror films though is that (at least for me) they don't betray you like Star Wars does. 
> 
> I gave it a rewatch last July and my Reylo brain started making too many parallels to ignore so this has been on my mind for a while. I know it won't be everyone's flavor as it's bound to be pretty crazy but I'm excited to see how this goes.

_He’s running. Sprinting._

_Tall dry grass tries to cut through the skin of his arms but he doesn’t even care. He has to go faster. He needs to._

_He looks all around for the gate, the only way out, but he can’t find it. It seems there’s a fucking mausoleum at every turn._

_And if it’s not that, then it’s one of them._

_The monsters._

_They were chasing him. Mocking him. Calling to him._

_And he knows not to trust them. He knows the only way out, the only way to be free of their grasp, was to get to the gate._

_He runs through a straightway of tombstones and dead grass when he finally catches sight of them. It feels like he’s been trapped inside this place for days and at the sight of the ancient-looking metal framework, he gives a small sob of relief._

_But he can hear them coming. They know he’s found it and they’ll be after him even worse now. So he breaks into a sprint, ignoring the burning in his lungs and the taste of blood in his mouth to make it the last forty feet. Thirty feet. And then twenty._

_“You can’t leave us!” He hears behind him._

_“You belong here! You belong with us!” Another voice says._

_There’s a jumble of other voices but in the final stretch, his beating heart blocks it all out as he speeds through the gates, spinning quickly to shut them and then stumbling back to make sure none of the monsters got through._

_When he looks to the gate from the safety of the outside, the monsters that had chased him are just shadows in the fog now. Their disfigured features still burned in his mind so he kept his distance, turning around into the field to leave._

_But then he hears one final voice echo from behind the gates._

_“He’s going to get you…he’s going to get you out there...Don’t let him.”_

_Ben turns to look at the gate but there is no one there. He decides to ignore the warning, knowing that whoever they were referring to could be nearly as bad as whatever waited for him in there._

_Except when he turns back around, a man with a terrifying masked face is standing in front of him. And before Ben could even scream, the man grabs his shoulders and pushes him to the ground, reaching for something in his coat._

_All he sees is the shine of a blade before everything goes black._

Ben wakes with a gasp, trying to catch his breath. He’s sweating profusely and he knows it’s not just from the hot August night. 

He feels tense and almost like he could taste the blood in his mouth from sprinting so hard. As if he really was just running through a demented graveyard and nearly got himself killed by a masked man with a knife.

Ben looks to the alarm clock just then. It was only two in the morning. He hadn’t been asleep too long and already he was awake again.

He sits up from the bed, looking over to see that Rey was still asleep. He’s relieved at least that he didn’t wake her. He didn’t want to worry her with this. They had to get up early anyway. 

But he still feels on edge and he knows he won’t be going back to sleep anytime soon, so he swings his feet over the side of the bed and moves out of the room, watching the steady rise and fall of Rey’s back as he quietly closes the door.

He makes his way for the balcony but stops halfway when he finds his jeans from earlier draped across the back of the couch so he could scavenge for his pack of cigarettes sitting safely in his back pocket with his silver lighter. 

He tries not to smoke as much anymore, but at the moment he’s too anxious to overthink it. 

Ben takes a deep breath as he steps out into the humid city night, clad only in some boxers. It gets so warm in the summers and he knows it will still be a while before it gets to be somewhat bearable. He hates the heat.

But it’s worth it. He has so much here. He’s happy where he is. Happier than he ever thought himself capable of. He and Rey had lived in this (admittedly, shitty but still endearing) apartment, for a few years now and although it wasn’t exactly glamorous, he wouldn’t trade it for anything.

And things have been so good, which is why his hands shake as he tries to light his cigarette. Because why the fuck, after all this time, would that dream come up again? 

That dream, that _nightmare_ , was one he’s had many times before. Those monsters, _those voices_ , were eerily familiar to him. The gates of Mortis would cage him in and the monsters who lived there would try to track him down.

But he hasn’t had that dream in years. He hasn’t even thought about it in what seems like forever. He might have forgotten entirely if it weren’t for this startling reminder. It belonged in another lifetime. One of pain and loneliness and so many other things that he and Rey had left behind.

When Ben was a teenager, or at least before he and Rey started dating, those monsters were all he could think about. It was what kept him up night after night and made him feel like he was going crazy. 

_All those monsters..._

What they really want, he isn't sure. He never has. They always said that he needed to stay there with them or that he belonged there...in Mortis. A place Ben knows isn’t real. Perhaps fictional by his own creation, but definitely not real. 

But then that figure at the end. That man in the mask who stood beyond the gates...Ben doesn’t remember that, or the cryptic warnings from the monsters back inside Mortis. 

He shakes his head, reminding himself it was just a dream. It didn’t mean anything, he tells himself as he tries to shed all the sudden bad memories the nightmare had resurfaced. 

_Too much bad,_ he shakes his head, trying to ignore how his hands still tremble slightly when he brings the cigarette to his lips.

Because it wasn’t just the monsters in his dreams that come flooding back with a vengeance, but everything else that had happened too. Everything they have worked so hard to build up from is now bouncing around his head and suddenly, all he can see is the face of a man he has tried to forget about.

Doctor Anthony Snoke. The fucking bastard.

Snoke had been his therapist when the dreams were at their most prominent, although he hadn’t done anything to help him. The prick used to tell him that dreams always meant something. And maybe they did, but Snoke always made him out to be something worse than he really was. Like how he tried to tell him how warped and twisted he was becoming and these dreams were the early signs of that. 

All those monsters telling him to stay in Mortis were supposed to be his demons, trying to get him to do bad things. 

But Ben never felt like that. He just felt afraid.

And yet, Snoke had been convinced and since he was the doctor and Ben had been the angry teenager, his parents didn’t listen either. And although things were different now between him and his parents, it still hurt that they didn’t trust him at the time. In fact, the first person that had ever actually _listened_ to him about this without the thirty-dollar an hour co-pay had been Rey.

And as if on cue, he hears the slider door open behind him, revealing a very tired looking Rey.

“Ben? Are you alright?” she asks, sounding concerned.

He nods, “I just needed some air,” he tells her. Ben doesn’t want to tell her about it now. He’ll just freak himself out and even more, he might freak her out. He shouldn’t let it go to his head and start letting her feel the anguish of these memories too. “I’m okay. Go back to bed, sweetheart, I’ll be in in a minute.”

But she doesn’t. She steps forward, coming to stand beside him at the railing. Like him, she was wearing very little. She was clad in his old Black Sabbath shirt that had enough holes for him to see her smooth skin peak out in places as it swayed when she walked. And besides a thin pair of underwear he knew was beneath, that was all. 

Of all the ways Rey could be beautiful, this was one of his favorites. Her hair a wild mess while she wore his clothes and little else.

But as he quietly admires her, the furrow in her brow remains. She knows he’s lying and he nearly smirks. Nothing got past this woman.

“Ben,” she starts again. “What’s wrong?”

He sighs. “It was just a bad dream. It got me a little rattled, but I'm okay,” he says quickly, trying to convince himself it was true but even to his own ears it sounds too eager. 

“A bad dream?” She looks to him carefully and given the surprise in her voice and the worry in her eyes, he knows what she’s thinking but she’s not sure if she should say it out loud. “Was it...It wasn’t–”

He sighs, knowing what she was trying to ask and also knowing he couldn’t lie to her. Actually, he’s not sure he was even capable of it. “It was,” he answers for her. “It was about Mortis.”

“Oh, Ben,” she says softly. She moves closer, reaching for his hand.

He shakes his head, feeling like a child, finally allowing himself to feel more than baffled and confused. “It’s been, what? Five years? Five years since I’ve had that dream and suddenly this shit pops up again?”

“Are you okay?” she asks, her hands gently holding his sides. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, no,” he shakes his head. “It’s stupid. Besides, it was just like the old ones,” he says, although the image of the masked man chills him, he decides not to tell her. There was no need to worry and knowing Rey, if he told her everything she would spend all night trying to think of a constructive course of action. As much as he loved that about her, he wanted her to get some rest too.

And besides, it was just a dream. That’s all it ever was, even when he was a teenager. He just has to keep telling himself that.

“It’s just been a while since I’ve thought about it and it got me thinking too much. But I’m fine. Really, I just wanted some fresh air,” he tells her, crushing the cigarette out in the ashtray on the patio table.

She looks to him a little skeptically but eventually caves, nestling her head against his chest. He’s hot and sweaty but he welcomes the embrace, smiling against her hair. “I’m sorry, Ben,” she whispers against his skin.

He chuckles softly. “Why? ”

“Because I know this makes you think and it makes you remember all the bad things that happened back then...and I’m sorry. I know we don’t talk about it much anymore but–”

“Rey, you never did anything wrong. Everything that happened, as bad as it might seem, it brought us to now. It brought us here together. I’d do it all again if I had to.”

That was mostly true. There were a handful of memories he wished he could burn out forever, he thinks, especially when his hands roam over her skin, no longer bearing wounds that he had once seen there. But the traces on her skin permanently remain from the scars she’s had to bear. 

He quickly tucks his face against her hair, needing to remind himself she was still here and he didn’t lose her. 

She doesn’t seem to notice his momentary crisis though as she smiles sleepily when she pulls back to look up at him. She looks almost ethereal in the dim glow of the city lights as it shines against the slight sheen of sweat on her face. “I love you dearly, Ben Solo.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart,” he kisses her forehead. 

“Will you come back to bed?”

He nods, knowing he should try. And now that he talked to her about it a little, he can relax a bit. 

As they move back through their dark apartment and settle on their bed, they stay close together, despite the heat. Rey presses a kiss to his chest, just above his heart. “Will you wake me if it happens again?”

“Rey, really. I’m fine,” he says, almost feeling embarrassed even if he knows she means well. "I can handle bad dreams by myself."

His embarrassment doesn’t sway her. “You shouldn’t have to though.”

Something coils tight in Ben’s chest, just beneath where her lips had just been. Love and affection and gratitude swell within him as he thinks of just how lucky he was that through everything, he had Rey. 

Any thoughts of Mortis or the masked man in the field slip away as he drifts off to sleep with her in his arms.

When he wakes in the morning, he realizes how foolish it was to think of monsters. A man of his age shouldn’t be afraid of dreams. And if it was really the past that angered him when he thought of these things, the press of Rey’s lips against his own remind him that those were times long gone. 

They had now. They had the future. They had each other. As far as Ben was concerned, that was everything he would ever need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've read any of my other stories, you probably realize that be of my favorite Reylo writing tools is to give Ben bad dreams.
> 
> Btw, 90's era Winona and Keanu are big style/mood inspirations for Ben and Rey in this story (and just Ben and Rey in general) so I'm probably going to spam you with them a lot.
> 
> like...  
>   
> omg, I love  
>   
> big fucking mood


	2. Family Ties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably going to seem cheesy but try to bear with me.

Ben and Rey pulled into the shop, occupying their usual spot. They could see the garage was wide open as they realized they weren’t the first ones there. 

Han didn’t always get there first. Sometimes Ben and Rey were the ones who opened the shop, but today it seemed the job was done by its true owner.

Ben gets out of the blazer, taking a quick bite of the hash brown before passing it over to Rey to finish. She’s only halfway through her egg McMuffin but accepts the hashbrown most graciously. 

They walk in under the old sign that reads, _Solo’s Autobody and Repair_ , as they do every day and make their way to the office where they know his dad is likely getting things rolling for the day. 

“Morning, kids,” Han says from behind his desk drinking his coffee.

“Good Morning, Han,” Rey greets, still eating. 

“Hi, dad.”

Han’s smile falls as he looks at the bag in Rey’s hands. “What the hell? Did you two get breakfast and not get me anything?” he holds a hand to his chest in mock offense.

“We don’t like you _that_ much,” Ben joked but Rey was already pulling out the Egg McMuffin they got for him. The crinkle of the bag makes Chewie perk up from under Han’s desk. 

“Ah, much appreciated,” he said as he took the sandwich from Rey and sitting back in his chair, the wheels squeaking a little. 

Ben shakes his head but can’t help but smile anyway.

He and Rey moved to the breakroom where their lockers were. They kept their jumpsuits at work after they kept tracking grease home. And if they get there early enough, Rey will dress beside him. If not, she will opt for the women’s restroom.

Rey was the only woman here and sometimes the others would come in to get dressed. As respectful as everyone tried to be, there were still the few occasions that people walked in unannounced and Ben attempted to block her from view. 

For now, he just kept an eye on the door, knowing they had at least a few more minutes before anyone else clocked in. 

Ben throws his jeans in the locker hastily as he steps into the old jumpsuit and starts to put his boots back on.

As he sits on the bench, tying his laces, he looks to Rey who is always much more deliberate about how she folds her clothes instead of just tossing everything in. When she’s finally dressed for work and ready, it’s only then that she takes her necklace off and carefully hangs it on the hook in her locker. 

He knows she hates taking it off but she has to for work. The locket and chain hung low and could get caught easily. 

Ben watches in quiet fondness as she tries to pull her hair back. Her hair was short these days so she couldn’t get it all up but she managed to at least get it away from her face. Actually, it fairly similar in length to his own. 

He had gotten used to just using a bandana as his own solution, even if Rey teased him it made him look like Rambo. 

“It’s already hot and it’s only seven,” she says, rolling up her sleeves, unaware he had been watching her the whole time. 

“I know,” he says, reaching out for her as she closes her locker. She steps before him and Ben settles his hands around her waist. He smiles up at her but he can see the slight concern in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

She runs a hand through his hair, humming slightly before finally speaking. “Are you sure you’re alright?” she asks him suddenly and he scrunches his brows.

“I’m fine, sweetheart,” he assures her.

The look she gives him makes him realize how skeptical she was. “It’s just...I know you said it was only a dream but it was about something that troubled you for years," she says rather softly.

Ben stands up, squeezing her hands, realizing what was worrying her. “I’m okay. Really. I...I don’t know why I had the dream but things are different now. I know I have nothing to worry about.”

She nods. “Do you promise to tell me if it’s bothering you or if you’re having a hard time with it?” she asks him.

Ben chuckles. “Rey, if I were having a hard time, you would probably know before I did..”

She smiles, giving his chest a playful swat but he swoops down and kisses her softly. It starts innocent enough but it quickly becomes much more heated as her hand threads through his hair and he clings to her a little tighter.

But it’s all over once they hear the door swing open. “Whoa, sorry,” Biggs says, clearing his throat. Ben pulls away from her then as he’s reminded where they are.

Biggs gives them a smile but keeps his eyes down. “Morning,” he says.

“Morning, Biggs,” both he and Rey say as normally as possible as the man faces his locker. 

“Nice to see you two are awake and ready for the day,” he teases them.

“Oh shut up, Biggs,” Ben says, knowing the older man wouldn’t take any offense to it. He was just messing with them. Rey giggles before heading out to the garage to get to work.

Ben follows her but his dad catches him before he gets very far. “Ben, hold up.”

Ben turns back for the desk. Rey stalls but he waves her along so she can get to work. He smirks to himself when she leaves with a wink. 

He stands at the desk, leaning over to pet Chewie, officially greeting him as his dad finished the last of his breakfast. 

“Listen, your mom’s car is being a little temperamental so I want you to work on it today.”

“Alright,” Ben nods. “Any ideas what’s wrong with it?”

Han shrugs, “Not really. I didn’t see anything obvious when I glanced at it earlier but I’m sure you can figure it out.”

“Alright then. I’ll keep you posted on it. Does she need it by tonight?”

“Not exactly. But if you don’t finish it, I might need a ride home. I drove it here this morning.”

“Did mom take the Falcon to work?” Ben asks.

“No, Amilyn gave her a ride.”

“You didn’t let mom take the Falcon?” Ben asks him, raising his eyebrows but smirking anyway.

“Hey, I offered,” Han tries to defend himself. “But she said it smelled like sweat, burgers, and dog so she hitched with Holdo instead.”

“I thought she would be used to that smell by now,” Ben chuckles. 

Han smirks. “Oh, she is. That’s just her princess way of telling me to clean it...again.”

“‘Again?’ Dad, when was the last time you cleaned the inside of that car?”

Han squints his eyes as he tries to think. “Uh...anywhere between twelve and–”

“Oh my god, yeah. You need to clean it,” Ben cuts him off, slightly grossed out with whatever his answer would have been. 

“I’ll get around to it eventually. But today, I’m on the books. That’s why I need you to work on the Buick. You got it?”

“Yeah. No problem.”

“Thanks, kid.” Ben stands up, heading for the garage. His dad calls out one more time. “Oh and if you see anyone trying to get Rey to do their work again, give them a good scare. These old bastards are getting too lazy.”

Ben chuckled. “You don’t have to tell me.”

* * *

Rey loved her job. 

She loved working with cars. She loved working with incredible people who she had learned so much from. She likes to feel like he can help people and that she can be apart of something that does good.

She never knew it could be like this, especially after having to grow up in Plutt’s junkyard. 

Rey sighs a little as she thinks of the man’s name. She hadn't thought of him for a while, but after Ben’s dream last night, she found herself recalling things from before. Things that were better off in the past. 

She looked over to Ben now, a big greasy mess and nodding his head slightly to the music they had blaring. He had tied the sleeves of the jumpsuit around his waist and rolled up the sleeves of his t-shirt a bit. Enough that she could see most of the tattoo on his bicep. The one with her name. 

Rey smirks to herself, trying to commit her attention back to the carburetor. 

She’s relieved Ben seems to be doing alright. She remembers when he used to wake from these dreams when they were still in high school. He would be so frightened.

Last night, he seemed a little caught off guard and rattled, but he did alright. He’s come so far. And today, he was thriving. 

Which is why she tells herself to not dwell on it. She didn’t want Ben to have to think about it just because she was. 

She can sometimes spiral into muddled memories and hazy snippets that she’s spent years trying to piece together. Plutt’s screaming. Tires screeching. The beeping of the hospital monitor. She thinks of it occasionally, but it always hits her hard. 

Rey gives a quick glance around the shop. She wouldn’t have any of this if it weren’t for him. It makes her throat feel tight and she stops working for a moment, gathering herself.

But then she feels arms circle around her waist as a nose pressed against her ear. “How’s it coming?” Ben asks her, perching himself over her shoulder to look at the carburetor.

Rey smiles. “Good,” she whispers, surprised at how scratchy her voice was. 

Ben hums. “Then do you think you could help me for a second? Mom’s car is giving me trouble. I need your expertise.”

“I don't know. I’m awfully busy. Besides, I’m sure you don’t need my help anyway,” she tells him, shrugging her shoulders to ease him off. She was trying to tease him but she could feel her cheeks were already blushing. He still had that effect on her.

“Yes, I do,” he insists, pressing a kiss to the edge of her jaw, managing to get his arms wound back around her middle. “I’m hopeless without you. I promise it will only take a minute,” he says over dramatically and she laughs at his antics, giving in to his plea. 

“Alright,” she says spinning around. “I’m coming,” she tells him, getting a look at the smear of grease on his cheek. 

He gives her one of his toothy grins she loves as he guides her over to Leia's Skylark. 

She doesn’t think about the past as long as the present reminded her how much she had to look forward to. 

* * *

Ben headed into the office to get some water. Rey was right, it was blazing today. It hardly ever got this bad but the garage, even with all the doors open, was stifling. 

As he walks in, Han is hanging up the phone and looks a little startled to see him.

“You okay, dad?”

“Oh, yeah. You just scared me a little. I haven’t been cooped up in the office for this long in a while and think the silence got to me a bit.”

Ben frowns a bit as it was clear he had just gotten off the phone. Han notices his eyes look to the receiver and he chuckles, slumping back in his chair and propping his feet back on the edge of the desk.

“I just got off the phone with your mom. She said the A/C in her building is so strong she needs a sweater.”

Ben groans in jealousy. “Man, that sounds nice,” He gulps down the water before refilling the cup and grabbing another one to bring out to Rey.

“Anyways, how’s it going out there?” his dad asks.

“Good. There was a leak in the fuel injector but I think I patched everything up. I was about to take it for a test drive. But I was going to wash my hands first. Mom would kill me if I got grease in her car,” he says, chugging more of the water.

Han gives a hearty laugh. “Indeed she would. I’ll never forget the first time I tracked grease on the carpet. She could have clobbered me.”

Ben smiles and nods before moving to leave, planning to give Rey her water but Han holds out a hand.

“Hey, wait a second. I want to talk to you real quick.”

Ben winces internally as that phrase usually leads to something bad. And Ben already has an idea of what it was.

“Did Biggs tell on us?” 

Han’s eyebrows shoot up and he gets a big smirk on his face. “What would Biggs have to tell on you for?” he asks, hardly keeping the chuckle out of his voice. 

Ben groans, wishing he just stayed quiet. 

Han is really laughing now. “Ben, if I have to remind you once again that the locker room is not your private–”

Ben sets down the cup on the edge of the desk and slumps into the chair across from his father. “We weren’t doing anything. We were just talking and I kissed her. That’s all. Biggs just happened to walk in when I did.”

“Well, maybe that's all but if I recall correctly that’s what you said after that one time when I walked in to find you both–”

Ben holds up his hands, trying to stop him before he could say anything. “Stop, oh my god, stop it. Stop talking.”

Han’s amusement doesn’t falter and Ben kicks himself for getting himself into this. He keeps his eyes on the ground as he tries very hard not to think about the _one_ occasion where he and Rey had gotten a _little_ carried away after they believed everyone had gone home but then his dad and Wedge had barged in.

Just another one of those things his dad was never going to let him live down. 

“Alright, kid, alright. I’ll stop. Just try to contain yourselves. These may look like a bunch of old farts around here but they’re worse than cheerleaders. They’ll gossip,” he jokes.

Ben snorts, finally able to look him in the face again. “Okay,” he manages. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

Han’s face calms down as he composes himself to say whatever he was trying to say. “Well, I just wanted to say that, you know, your mom and I are really proud of you.”

“Dad.” Ben rolls his eyes, not expecting this. 

“No, really. We are. And I know I should probably say it more often.”

Ben shakes his head. “No, dad. It’s okay. I get it.”

“Well, I’m glad. But what I really want to tell you is that I’m gonna give you the rest of the day off.”

Ben’s brow furrows in confusion. “What?”

“Both of you. You and Rey. I want to give you a little extra cash too.”

“But–” Ben starts, unsure what to say but Han speaks over him again anyway.

“Listen, I’m the one who has been sitting with the books all day, and clearly, you two put in some serious hours here. In fact, you two make every one else here look bad,” he chuckles, flipping through a stack of papers that are meant to prove his point even if Ben can’t see what they say. “If I wasn’t your dad the other kids would be stealing your lunch money,” he jokes.

“We like working,” Ben offers, looking over his dad’s shoulder through the blinds and out to the garage. He can see Rey fiddling away with something at her bench. Her head bobbing ever so slightly to the music that was muffled to him by the office walls. “Sometimes, it doesn’t even feel like work.”

Han cracks a grin and nods. “I know what you mean, kid. Maybe I did a good job raising you after all,” he cracks. “But seriously, I’m happy for you, Ben. I know she means the world to you and I can tell just how she looks at you that you’re the same for her. And if she hasn't gotten tired of you by now, chances are she never will.”

Ben can’t help but smile. Despite being with Rey for as long as he has, he still feels a rush of affection every time he thinks about it. 

“But you both mean the world to your mom and I. We want to take care of you, spoil you if we can. You, Rey, and Chewie...” he says, giving the big dog a scratch behind the ears, “...are all the family we’ve got left.”

Ben knew that was true. His eyes travel to the pictures framed up behind his desk. The ones of his parents and his uncle. 

_Luke._

Luke wasn’t around anymore. Ben wasn’t even sure if he was alive. He just knew the topic made his dad get quiet and his mom get teary-eyed as he had somewhat vanished when Ben was younger. Even his memories of the guy were limited. 

As upset and angry as they seemed to be that he was gone, they still kept his pictures up which Ben found odd, especially if they had a falling out. But then again, Ben had very little pieces of the story to fit together.

But Han doesn’t seem to dwell too long on the connotations of his words as he continues on. “So, do me a favor. Just take off early and do something you both like.”

“But I was gonna test–”

“Don’t worry about it. I trust you did a good job. I can take it for a spin later on.”

Ben chews his lip. “Rey won’t go easy until she’s finished with the Malibu.” She was extremely devoted and very stubborn when she wanted to be.

Han scoffs, pulling open a drawer. “I’ll make Porkins do it. According to the records, he’s been more attentive to the snack machine than anything else lately,” he says as he pulls out his checkbook. Ben scoots forward, knowing what he was doing.

“Dad, you don’t have to do that.”

“Too bad. Already done,” he says, ripping the check from the pad and passing it to him. “Regardless if you’re my son, I still take care of my employees. And if you _still_ feel sour about it, just think of it as the incentive to take her somewhere. At least take her to dinner.”

Ben considers it for a long moment and feels how his resolve starts to slip as he realizes that he would very much like to take Rey out. They had gotten used to staying late at the shop or just going home to wake up early. It would be nice to have a little break.

And he can’t help but wonder if it was their busy schedule lately that might have spurred his dream last night, although he was also still blaming the heat.

But maybe easing back a bit would help. Maybe it wouldn’t happen again. 

Ben takes the check from his dad. “Alright. Sounds good. I can’t guarantee I can convince Rey but I’ll try.”

“I know you will,” Han laughs. 

Ben smiles and gives him a nod as he stands up, folding the check and placing it in his pocket before picking up the water he got for Rey. “Thanks, dad,” he says sincerely. He was genuinely surprised at the turn the conversation took.

“Don’t mention it. I should be taking good care of my two finest employees anyway,” he says to which Ben scoffs at. 

He’s about to leave the office when he hears his name one more time.

“Ben?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you, kid.”

Ben is caught a little off guard. He and his dad loved each other, of course, but they rarely said it. But clearly, the man was in a sentimental mood so Ben didn’t read too much into it. 

“Love you too, dad,” he says as he gives him a final smile before heading back out to the garage.

* * *

Han watches through the blinds as he sees Ben approach Rey at her bench and passes her the water he got for her. 

They really were quite the pair. Han expected that Ben would have been much like himself when it came to being in a relationship. 

But Ben proved to be considerate and gentle in ways that Han never was when he was Ben’s age. And he only ever had eyes for Rey.

Han smiled to himself as he watched them through the blinds. He could see Ben squeezing her hand, no doubt discussing what Han had just put in place. 

He sees the look Rey gives him as she points to the bench where her work was, no doubt telling him she couldn’t leave it. But Ben pulls her closer and Han smirks, knowing he’ll convince her. 

Good.

Han could see the bright future they both had ahead of them and he was so excited to see where it took them. 

Which is why he was going to protect them any way he can. He failed to do so before and he wanted to now. Especially when he heard who had been on the phone just before Ben had entered.

He had lied when Ben walked in. He said Leia had called, and although she had, hours ago, it wasn’t his wife who he had been speaking with. 

He had been talking to a man he hadn’t seen in five years but had spent a great deal of time thinking about. 

Anthony Snoke. 

The bastard had called in, claiming his car was giving him trouble and how he would like to bring it in for maintenance. But it only took Han a few seconds to recognize his voice and for his blood to boil. He should have just hung up. He should have told him to find another mechanic. But he didn’t.

Instead, he told the bastard to drop his car off later that evening, keeping his voice as calm as he could.

Han has spent years thinking of what he would say to the guy if he ever saw him again and dammit, he was going to say them now. 

He always was confrontational. _Irrational,_ as Leia would say at times. But this...this was dangerous. It certainly wouldn’t be healthy for Ben or Rey to see that prick drive up in his dumbass convertible as if what happened five years ago was a mild disagreement. 

Before all else, Han was Ben’s father. And he was going to protect him this time around. But not without taking precautions.

Which is exactly why he needed to make sure he and Rey got out of there with no reason to worry. Even if he was prompted by Snoke's phone call, what he told Ben was true. They worked so hard and were so committed to what they do. Even if Han hasn't ever been that good with paperwork, it was clear they were overdue for something of a raise.

They’ve come so far and done so much, they don’t need to be thinking about this anymore. They shouldn't have to be stuck in the past when their future was so bright. 

And if Snoke was calling, asking for an appointment to the one auto shop that he knows very well is theirs, then obviously, he was playing some sort of game. He was stirring something up. 

Han was going to let him think he could play it but then end it before it ever began. He was going to tell him off once and for all and if Snoke gives them any trouble then he would just give Lando a call down at the station.

Surely that would handle things.

Just then, the door swings open and Han holds his breath hoping it’s not Snoke just yet but sighs in relief as it’s Ben and Rey coming through once more.

Actually, it was Ben with Rey squirming over his shoulder as he carried her in. Apparently, she needed further convincing. “Dad, would you mind telling her that I’m not making this up? She doesn't believe me,” he asks, turning to the side so he could see Rey’s face who, despite her demands to be put down, still had a smile on her face. 

Han laughs. “He’s not lying, sweetheart. Take the night off and have some fun.”

He sees the slight furrow in Rey’s brow, despite being almost upside down. He wonders if she’s suspicious. “Han, are you sure?”

“Yes, Rey! I want you two to get some air. Go crazy,” he insists, hoping they leave soon. He wasn’t sure when Snoke would come, or if he would come at all. He just knew he had to be ready when he did.

“Thank you, Han,” she says sincerely with one of her trademark smiles that make his old heart burst. 

“Don’t mention it, kid,” Han tells her, watching them fondly as they head back to the locker room to get dressed and ready to go.

Han finally takes a deep breath when he hears the blazer start up and drive away, knowing they were in the clear.

He looks at Chewie then. The big dog watches him as if he knew everything that was going on. Han gives him a scratch on the back. “Let’s hope I don’t fuck this up, old buddy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think of Chewie as Han's pet in any way...but I also love including dogs so...he's gonna be a dog in this one omg I'm horrible  
> 


	3. The Passenger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I made them mechanics and I try to sound smart but I don't know shit about cars. That will probably be a reoccurring theme so just keep that in mind throughout the story.

Ben leaned against the railings of the balcony but in contrast to the night before, he was fully dressed instead of just standing in his boxers. 

He was freshly showered and wearing one of his button-down shirts. He didn’t have many as most of his clothes consisted of old T-shirts he’s had since high school. But he did have a few “sensible” articles of clothing. At least that’s what his mother called them. 

Actually she had been the one to give it to him and given how it looked, he suspected it was something she bought for his dad that he never wore and then gave to him. 

Maybe that’s why it resembled some retro Hawaiian shirt. It wasn’t too colorful though so he didn’t mind.

And even if it wasn’t a band shirt, it had grown on him. Especially since he coined it one of his “fancy” shirts that he got to wear whenever he and Rey went out a little more spruced than usual. 

He had been surprised at his father’s insistence that they cut out of work early but he’s glad they did. It’s been a long time since they went out just for the hell of it.

The sun was setting and hopefully, it would take some of the festering heat of the day away. It was still too hot and Ben didn’t want to get sweaty again after just getting clean so he headed back inside.

He finds himself drawn to the bedroom where he knows Rey was finishing getting ready. But as he steps in, seeing her standing in front of the mirror on their dresser, he feels almost lightheaded. 

She had on a short floral dress that fit her like it was made for her. It was dark and drew all the more attention to her tanned skin. She still had her boots on, just like him, but he loved how it all pieced together. 

She looked incredible. 

“What?” she asks, not looking at him as she finished putting in her earrings.

He steps closer. “You look beautiful.”

She gives a roll of her eyes, finally looking at him. “Ben.”

“No, I mean it,” he tells her, reaching out to brush past the soft fabric. “Where did you get this dress?” It was rare to see her in one and he certainly would have remembered seeing it before.

“Your mom got it for me a few months ago,” she says, looking down at it fondly. “I’ve been wanting to wear it on a day I wouldn’t get it dirty at the shop.”

“It looks amazing,” he tells her, his eyes traveling up her figure back to her face. “You look amazing.”

As he winds his arms around her, admiring how lovely she smelled, he considers just staying in for the evening after all. 

He quickly realizes how ridiculous and selfish that would be though so he composes himself as he looks to their reflection in the mirror.

“Where do you want to go for dinner?” he asks her, pressing a kiss to the back of her neck. The beginnings of a smirk on her lovely face is all the answer he needs as he already knows what she has in mind. “Sinube’s?” he asks.

“Sinube’s,” she confirms.

He kisses her temple. “Perfect.”

* * *

Sinube’s was sort of their designated restaurant that they came to for nearly all special occasions.

So when Mrs. Nu saw them walk in, she quickly asked them what they were celebrating. 

“Sorry to disappoint, Mrs. Nu,” Ben tells her, his arm slung over Rey’s shoulders. “We’re just hungry today.”

The older woman smiles, leading them to a booth in the corner. There was hardly anybody else there. “There is always something to celebrate, no matter how small it is,” she tells them as they sit down.

Mrs.Nu had been the hostess for years. Even when Ben was a small child. A picture he had colored when he was eight still hung on the wall by the kitchen.

Admittedly, it wasn’t the fanciest of places but it was by far their favorite. 

They already knew what they wanted before they bothered to look at the menus at the head of the table. So did Mrs. Nu but she still double-checked with them before she turned away to put the order in. 

Ben took Rey’s hand from across the table and squeezed gently. 

“I guess we are required to have a celebratory reason to dine here. Any ideas what ours could be?” he asks her.

“We’re celebrating the fact that we’re not working at this hour for the first time in ages,” she tells him as if it’s obvious.

Ben chuckles. “To dad then?”

She nods. “To Han. We’ll celebrate for him. He’s the reason we’re here.”

Ben holds a hand to his chest in mock offense. “If I recall correctly it was I who had to drag you out of the garage. I think I deserve some credit too.”

She rolls her eyes. “Oh please. You’re just as bad as he is,” she jokes, her hands fiddling with the locket on the long chain.

Ben laughs, already quite enjoying the evening, and further grateful to his father for making it happen.

* * *

Han was glad when Elyhek clocked out for the evening. He and Wedge even offered to help stay late and assist Han with the paperwork they thought he was struggling so much with.

But Han waved them off, saying he was planning to stick around as Leia was getting dropped off in a little bit so they could both take her car home.

Or at least that’s what he told them.

So he found himself alone. Well, with the exception of Chewie. 

Han couldn’t keep his eyes off the clock. He didn’t give Snoke a time, he just said to drop his car off tonight. Not that Han would be going anywhere near his car.

Han shakes his head, mostly at himself. He was going about this in the most ridiculous way. He should have given him a time. But he was just surprised he managed to get words out that didn’t come in a slew of curses. 

Han swore under his breath, annoyed with himself at how worked up he was getting. He’s dealt with a lot of creeps. It’s expected in the auto business. And that was just counting on the years since he’s owned the place as a semi-responsible adult. In the years of his adolescence, he was rather reckless and used to get in a lot of trouble trading and smuggling car parts or drag racing with his buddies. Most of which still worked with him in the shop today. They still laugh about what idiots they used to be.

But the main point being, Han has gotten in his fair share of scuffles with a long list of assholes. But none of them unsettled him the way Anthony Snoke did. 

Snoke was a doctor. He was supposed to help people. And yet all he ever did for Ben was hurt him more.

Han’s resolve intensifies as he remembers why he’s doing this. He won’t let Snoke worm himself back into their lives after all the damage he had done the first time. After they had finally moved on and prospered in ways Han never could have imagined only a handful of years ago. 

He steps over to the water cooler, getting a quick drink, and trying to take a deep breath. He knows he should have called Leia about this and every five minutes he half convinces himself that he will. But he resists, knowing he could still be blowing this out of proportion. It would be better once he had an idea of what they were dealing with and then he could tell her. After all, he doubts he’ll be able to hide much from her. 

Han stepped out of the office, trying to distract himself by keeping busy and so he walked out into the garage and took a look at Leia’s Buick. He pops the hood, taking a look at the headway Ben had made. He cranes to inspect the fuel injector Ben had said was the problem and smirks as he sees it seemed to be back in order. 

And by the looks of things, he fixed it right up. Han smiled to himself, knowing he could trust his son to do the job, even if he knows Rey likely helped him once or twice. 

Han gets in the driver’s seat, keeping the door open so Chewie doesn’t think he’ll drive off. He just wanted to turn the ignition and see how it sounded. 

It doesn’t stall like it did that morning and Han suspects that if he took it for a drive like Ben was planning to do, it would prove to handle better than before.

But he knows that has to wait and for now he has to stay here. So he just leans his forehead against the steering wheel, wishing he didn’t feel so overwhelmed.

“Should I come back later?”

Han jolts up at the familiar voice and tries to hold back the gasp in his throat as he looks to see before him none other than Snoke.

Despite the August heat, the man was in a suit, just like he always used to be. Han turns off the engine and steps out of the car. As he slammed the door, he tried to think through everything his rattled mind wanted him to say without sounding hysterical. 

But he starts small.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Han asks, hardly able to look at him. He looked no different and Han swears he’s wearing the same suit he wore the last time he saw him.

In that fucking courtroom.

“I thought it was clear. I told you on the phone. My car is giving me trouble and I believe you told me to drop it off this evening,” Snoke says, his voice never rising and his face remaining placid. It was another unsettling thing about the man. At times he could be almost robotic. For a man working in a career with the human mind and dealing with emotions, he didn’t seem to possess either. 

“I’d like you to take a look at it.”

Han shakes his head. “No.”

“No?” Snoke repeats although his face remains unchanged. Snoke anticipated this. He isn’t surprised by Han’s denial. It only proves Han’s suspicions further.

“Listen, you and I both know you’re not here to get your car fixed so why don’t you tell me what the hell this is all about?”

Snoke gives a chuckle that makes the hairs on the back of Han’s neck stand up. “You always were too hasty, Mr. Solo.” 

Han doesn’t know what the hell that means but makes for his office, nodding for him to follow. Han holds out a hand to Chewie who was still sitting in his same spot. Han could have scoffed at the big dog. Some guard dog he was. He was far too trusting if he didn’t bark when Snoke of all people waltzed in. 

Chewie lays down on a moving mat as if he was going to take a nap and Han rolls his eyes as he lets Snoke into the office. Han doesn’t move to sit down, opting to stand with his arms crossed, even when Snoke invites himself to sit. 

Han forced himself to keep his eyes on him and to stay focused. 

The doctor doesn’t seem at all engaged though. “I see your business is doing well,” Snoke says, looking around the room. There was a clear look of judgment in his eyes. Han was surprised he didn’t run his fingers along the desk to inspect for dust. He was being so condescending. But then his eyes look at the pictures he has around Han’s desk. His eyes stopping on one of Ben and Rey with big smiles. “And I see your employees look to be doing alright.”

“Would you just spit out what you’re here to say?” Han blurts out impatiently.

Snoke looks back at him with the same unamused look in his eyes. “I thought you might be interested to know that your son is stirring up quite a bit of trouble these days. He needs help before it gets worse.”

Han scoffs, feeling his anger rise. He shakes his head. “You don’t know the first thing about my son so don’t sit there and try to tell me you’re here to help him. You had your chance to help him once and you made it very clear that you didn’t give a shit about what happened to Ben. You threw him under the fucking bus.”

Snoke rolls his eyes once more and he turns his attention to the side as if he was bored. Han raises his voice, stepping closer to him.

“Listen, shithead. Don’t think you can just barge in here, thinking you know what’s best for people. My wife and I brought our son to you when he needed help and you didn’t do anything. You only made him more afraid of himself. And when he needed you more than anyone else, you threw him under the bus.”

Snoke gives a shrug, holding up his hand to inspect his fingernails. “Ben committed a very serious crime. He was eighteen. He was a legal adult and I told the judge my opinion on the matter. You should consider Ben lucky at how minimal the outcome was. He was out of control.”

Han wants so badly to splash him with the remaining coffee in his cup, even if it had gone cold but he refrains. 

“No, he wasn’t! He was afraid! And you and I both know that Plutt got what he deserved. He was the criminal and Ben was just trying to protect her! She _would_ have died if Ben didn’t show up when he did. Do you understand that?”

Just saying the words make Han’s throat tighten. To think Rey could have been lost to them still frightens him to this day. 

Snoke gives another humorless chuckle. “That girl–”

“That girl means everything to him! You could see that even then. You knew what Rey meant to him and yet you told him to stop seeing her.” Han sometimes can’t believe it himself. The audacity of this bastard was unbelievable. “And then when you could have said something useful, you just–” Han practically growls in anger when Snoke cuts him off.

“If you’re trying to imply that the whole mess was my doing–” Snoke starts but Han doesn’t let him finish.

“Shut up. You don’t get to say anything about my family after it was _you_ that nearly ripped it apart. So, for you’re own well being, I suggest you get the fuck out of here. And for your information, my son is better than I’ve ever seen from him and if you do anything to disrupt that or to try and mess with either him or Rey, then you better get yourself a good fucking lawyer.”

Snoke remains unchanged, even as Han was practically screaming at him. He tried to stay in control but Han can’t be bothered if he raised his voice. He said what he wanted to say and he won’t regret it. 

Snoke stands, taking off his glasses and cleaning them with a small cloth he kept in his pocket. He is quiet as he does this and it only makes Han want to shout at him more. And finally, Snoke just shrugs. “Very well. I guess I’ll be going to a different garage then. Thank you for your time, Mr. Solo.”

And with that the prick left the office, seeming to be totally unaffected as always. Han watches him through the blinds and waits until he backs out in his car and disappears from sight. 

Han slumps down in his chair and covers his face with his hands. For the first time in a long time, he feels tears prick at his eyes. 

Dialing the number without thinking too much he brings the phone to his ear, sighing in relief when Leia answers almost immediately. “Hello?”

“Leia,” he chokes out.

“Han? What’s wrong? What happened?” she asks, concern evident in her voice.

There’s so much he needs to tell her. But above all else, he just wants to see her. He clears his throat, not wanting to worry her too much until they could speak face to face. “Sweetheart, do you think you could stop by the shop? Maybe Amilyn could give you another ride?”

He would pick her up himself but his hands are shaky and he doesn’t trust himself to drive right now. 

“I’ll be right there,” she says and Han takes a deep breath, slumping back in his chair. He picks up the frame Snoke had been looking at. The one with Ben and Rey giving wide smiles. It had been at one of the New Year’s Eve parties that he and Leia threw at their house every year. 

They looked so happy. Just like that had earlier when he sent them on their way to just go out and have some fun.

They deserved to be happy. And they _were_ happy. Which is why he knew Leia and him were going to figure what to do so it stayed that way.

* * *

Ben leaned back in the booth, full after their meal. He put his arm over Rey’s shoulder and pulled her closer. “I’m stuffed.” Rey had moved over to sit beside him after Mrs. Nu brought them their drinks.

“I’m full, too,” Rey says, pushing her plate away and leaning into him a little more. “It was delicious.”

“I’m glad we did this,” he says a little softer. “We haven’t been out in a while.”

They usually alternate between pizza, drive-thrus, or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Although they knew how to make a few nice things themselves, by the time they got home from the shop at night, they were beat and usually settled for lazier options than making their own food. 

It was something he always told himself he was going to improve but he never did. And given how much Rey loves trying things and will eat pretty much anything, it gives him the incentive to try again. 

But they were always happy to give Sinube’s their business. By the looks of things, they needed it. Only a few other people had come and gone since they arrived. And for Mrs. Nu, it seems she had taken over as the main waitress as there didn’t seem to be anyone else there. When she wasn’t waiting on them or the few others that had passed through, she was cleaning some of the other tables. Not so much of dirty dishes but of dust. It was sad.

Ben looks to the clock over the window of the kitchen. It was still fairly early and he figured they didn’t have to go home yet. “What next?” he asks her, resting his cheek against her hair. “We could see a movie or...I don’t know. Isn’t that what normal couples do when they go on dates?”

“Normal couples?” Rey asks him, raising her brow but he can see the smirk hiding in her features. 

He shakes his head. “You know what I mean.”

She chuckles. “I do,” she says, patting him on the leg.

“You know, I never knew much about normal, but I don’t think it matters. We’re happy doing what we do. Who cares if we’re not like other ‘kids our age,’” Ben says, trying to sound the way his dad did earlier.

Rey chuckles. “I am happy and I don’t care if we’re not like other people. After all the assholes we’ve dealt with, I would only want to be the way we are,” she tells him, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. Ben smiles, hugging her closer. 

“Me too,” he whispers.

Rey grins. “Good. Then, in that case, I think I have an idea of some things we can do.”

“Oh?” he asks her, intrigued at the glint in her eyes. “Where to?”

She gives a playful scoff. “I’m not telling.”

Ben chuckles then, smiling as he realizes what that means. He pulls his arm back to reach into his pocket and grabs the keys. He holds them out to her. “Then it looks like you'll need these,” he says, placing them in her hands. 

He would follow her anywhere. 

They stood up and walked over to Mrs. Nu to pay. She turns down the volume on the small TV she had on while she was cleaning menus. 

“Goodness, the news is getting crazier and crazier. I can’t believe the things that happen these days,” she says as Ben handed over the cash to her. 

“Did something happen?” Ben asks. 

“Oh, you know. The usual grisly stuff. Things that they never would have put on the air ten years ago but,” she gives a shrug, “times are changing. And people...they’re changing too. Did you hear about that Inspector they found dead last week?”

Suddenly Mr. Sinube’s voice booms from the kitchen, yelling something in Japanese. Mrs. Nu rolls her eyes before she responds and Ben and Rey stand there, unsure what they were saying but knowing they were arguing. 

Mrs. Nu turns back around with a huff. “Sorry. You just ate, I shouldn’t be talking about murders. He’s right, even when I hate admitting it,” she says under her breath. 

Ben was about to ask her who the Inspector was when Mr. Sinube burst through the door from the kitchen this time, still in his apron, and wiping his hands with a rag. He smiles as he comes over to see them. “Sorry to scare you.”

“Oh no, it’s alright,” Ben smiles.

Mr. Sinube smiles back. “I wanted to thank you again for fixing up the truck by the way. It runs better than it has in a long time.”

“Oh, I’m so glad to hear it,” Rey says. “If it gives you any more problems let us know.”

“Ah, thank you,” the older chef says. “And thank you for coming. We’re always happy to see you two.”  
“Oh, it was delicious Mr. Sinube, thank you,” Rey tells him.

He swats his hand through the air. “Every time you come, you make me repeat myself. We’re friends. Call me Tera,” he says with a smile.

Mrs. Nu chuckles. “You’re not alone, they still won’t call me Jocasta,” she says, counting the cash and preparing to make change for Ben. 

Ben stops her. “Keep the change.”

“Young man, you already left a far too generous a tip for both of us. I’m giving you some change,” she insists.

“No, really. It’s okay. Please take it.” His dad gave him some money to splurge on. If he was going to spend the money on a night out, he wanted to make sure Sinube’s was doing alright. 

Mrs. Nu smiles after a moment although it does look somewhat somber. “Well, thank you. You know, you’re some of our favorites that come in. It’s good to know you two are doing alright.”

“We are,” Rey says, leaning into Ben, wrapping her arms around him. "It's good to see you too."

They all say good night, giving kind grins and waves. Both Ben and Rey give a sigh of relief as they step outside and find the heat wasn’t near as bad as it was earlier. 

Rey gets into the driver's seat and spends a moment adjusting the seat and mirrors, muttering about how long his legs were. Ben chuckles to himself at her frustration as he pursues the cassettes for something decent to listen to for the journey. 

He puts in a new mixtape Rey made and he smiles as Siouxsie and the Banshees starts blaring through the speakers. Rey smiles as she pulls out of the parking spot. “This is a good mix. My best work yet.”

Ben laughs, knowing she says that about every tape she makes. “I’m sure it is, sweetheart.”

They roll down the windows, their hair flying around madly but cooling them with a better breeze than they’ve gotten all day.

Ben loved it. It was perfect.

And the night still wasn’t over yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there's a lot of questions and gaps about the past right now but it will all be revealed in time.
> 
> This is David Cronenberg who plays the Snoke like character in the movie which I kind of base Snoke's description off of as well.  
> 
> 
> Btw, I know this is all super cheesy but thanks for reading anyway. Things are about to get a little more intense from here on out.


	4. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your mornings will be brighter  
> Break the line  
> Tear up rules  
> Make the most of a million times no
> 
> Hope, Bauhaus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be a part of a much longer and more intense chapter but I feel like, given Ben and Rey's chipper mood, it would be a little odd to include with some of the heavier stuff so I decided to give them a chapter all to themselves. For that reason, it's a bit shorter but the next one should be up soon.

Rey hopped out of the blazer as they pulled up to the gas station. Ben opened his door too, his eyes focused on the 7-11. 

“I’m gonna go pay for the gas,” he says. “Are you too full for a Slurpee?” he asks her with a smile.

She smirks. “Never.”

“Usual then?”

“Yeah.”

He gives her a wink as he spins around. 

Rey chuckled to herself as she leaned against the blazer. She hadn’t told him where she was taking them but she suspected he knew by now. Still, he let her have her fun, and Rey loved him all the more for it.

She always had fun with him. Even when they had to work late or when they fell asleep on the couch watching TV. 

Rey looks down at the locket resting against her sternum. She holds it, opening it to see the picture safely tucked inside. 

No matter how many times she looked at it, it always made her smile. Leia had taken the picture but Rey didn’t notice until the flash went off. She had been so focused on him. She’ll never forget that day. The day he came home. The day he came back to her. And she’ll never forget that night when his parents excused them from the party and they sped off. Off to the place Rey was taking them now. 

She closes the locket as she hears sirens speeding by the gas station. She wonders where they must be going but then the gas pump clicks and she remembers where she is.

Ben comes out moments later with two Slurpees in his hands, one blue and the other red, and a bag of gummy bears hanging from his mouth. “I got all the good stuff,” he says through gritted teeth, trying to keep the candy from falling. 

Rey laughs at him, putting the fuel cap back on and hopping back in the blazer. She looks at him as he already gets to work on his Slurpee.

He passes over hers once he gets his hands free. “Blue raspberry for the lady?”

“Thank you,” she says before taking a sip and turning the key in the ignition. Ben rips open the gummy bears as he turns up the volume of the stereo. He proceeds to serenade her with a mouth full of candy, making a fool of himself and making Rey’s stomach ache with laughter.

They must have looked like twelve-year-olds. But that didn’t matter. This is what they liked to do and Rey wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

* * *

Ben wasn’t too surprised when they arrived at the familiar spot that overlooked the water. The ocean. 

Ben was glad. As much as Coruscant packed in, the lively city that it was, it did afford them their few places where it could get so quiet that for a brief time, he could believe it was just them and that in a way this place was theirs. 

Of course, it takes a long ride from the inner city and the knowledge of where to park. Something both of them had known for a while now.

Music played softly from the small stereo he always kept in the back. Rey sat on the tailgate while he leaned against the frame of the blazer, eating gummy bears.

They talked. They talked for a long time, neither knowing what time it was.

They talked about Mrs. Nu and Mr. Sinube, both of them concerned for the restaurant. 

They talked about his parents and what his mom was working on. She had spent a long time in politics but a few years ago, she decided to devote her time to more hands-on work and spending a lot of time fundraising for charities and volunteering.

When they spoke of some of the foster programs she was working with, Rey put her Slurpee to the side, her eyes falling a bit.

“She does amazing stuff with them. I’m glad they know someone cares for them.”

It was a very sensitive subject for her and Ben wonders how he let the conversation take them here. He was painfully aware of how it reminded her of how she grew up. 

Rey had slipped from the system from an early age. The agents that were assigned to her case after her parents were found dead had quickly granted custody to Plutt, claiming to be overworked and that Rey would be more comfortable living with someone she knew at least until they followed up. Only they never did.

Ben sets down the candy as he tries not to think of the old bastard. Plutt. He clenches his teeth for a moment, trying to remain calm by reaching for her hand, hoping she knows, despite how horrible her childhood had been, that she was so loved. Not just by him, but his family. They had been so accepting of her, even in the beginning and it meant the world to her. 

She gives his hand a squeeze as she changed the subject.

“Your mouth's all red and sticky,” she chuckles softly, licking her thumb and coming up to wipe the edges of his lips.

Ben laughs, quite admiring the effects and taking a deep breath, focusing on her attention to his face. He holds her eyes and he feels transfixed as he looks at her. The breeze made her hair sway ever so slightly, along with the hem of her dress. The fabric danced along her thighs.

And then, a few moments later, she makes his heart swirl when she asks him ever so softly, “Do you remember the first time we came here?” 

“Of course,” he breathes out, holding the day she spoke of very close to his heart. 

Rey holds her locket, smiling at the picture inside. “I think about that day a lot.”

Ben moves to stand in front of her, his hands settling on her thighs. “Me too.”

He’ll never forget walking out of that gate, running to her and wrapping his arms around her. He cried into her shoulder and knew he could never be parted from her ever again.

It makes his chest go tight and suddenly, Ben finds himself crashing down to kiss her. “I think about it every day. I remember what we wore," he kisses her again. "I remember what songs were playing," another kiss. "And I remember thinking that I must have been dreaming because, after all that bullshit, it was too perfect. But it was real. You were real.”

He inches his hand higher up her leg. Rey gasps when his thumb brushes past the fabric of her underwear, her legs tightening around him. Suddenly, Ben realizes how much this evening had paralleled the one they spoke of. Especially when Rey moaned out his name and pulled him further inside, urging him into the back of the car.

Ben ducked in, suddenly very glad he hadn’t put the rear seats back in. He had taken them out to help his dad move a few things from his garage at home to the shop. But now, it gave him and Rey more space, enough so to lay down on the thin sleeping bag she had rolled out. 

“Here?” Ben asks with a breathy laugh, pulling away to look in her eyes. Even in the darkness, he could see her as the moon shined over them.

She only nodded, her nose nudging against his and her hands holding his cheeks. Her lips brush against his. “Here,” she confirmed. Her voice was low and held an urgency he knows all too well. And it was all Ben needed to hear.

They both chuckled as they struggled to get their shoes off and Ben hastily closed the tailgate.

It had been a while since they did this in the car. Back when they were living with his parents and his room was so close to theirs, he and Rey would have to hunt for privacy and the blazer afforded them that as long as they were smart about where they parked it.

Ever since they got their own place, they haven’t had to be so discrete. Besides, they weren’t teenagers anymore and he thinks “kids their age” had likely grown out of having sex in the back of a car. 

However, this evening, perhaps they were feeling nostalgic enough to just go with it. This place seemed to have that effect on them. 

Ben had to roll onto his back to unbuckle his belt. Rey hovered over him then, kissing his throat as she undid his shirt buttons. She pushed it over his shoulders as he sat up once he was free of his jeans.

Very aware of how cramped the space was and slightly baffled that they used to manage this so easily not so long ago, Ben makes the most of it as he turned them over, settling between her thighs and working at the buttons of her dress that went all the way down the front. 

He stops halfway as he realizes she isn’t wearing a bra. He groans out as he dives to press kisses to her chest.

“Ben,” she moans, arching her back further into him, her hips searching for friction. He bucks against her once and even through the fabric of his boxers, it makes him see stars. 

She moans into the small space of the car once more. “Ben, please.”

“I got you,” he breathes out, quickly pushing her dress up over her hips, pulling her underwear down, as well as his own. 

He brushes a hand over her center, amazed at the wetness there. He gasps when she reaches down, taking him in hand before guiding him to meet her. With a single thrust, they are joined and Ben moans into her neck, amazed as always at how her body welcomes him. He shuts his eyes for just a moment, willing himself not to finish now despite the immense pleasure already coursing through him. Being with her always had this effect on him. Ever since the first time. 

It’s then when he’s trying to gather himself, that he realizes the music was still playing from the small stereo. The volume competed with their increasing heavy breaths but it still made him chuckle softly against her hair. A familiar song that always reminded him of them.

_Hope._

He starts slow, matching the pace of the tune. But he slowly builds up, thrusting faster as she moans his name. He watches her beneath him as they move together, her hips meeting his in a rhythm that belonged only to them.

He looks at her in reverence, amazed at her beauty. Despite her dress still bunched around her waist, it hid very little as he had unbuttoned the top. As he brought a hand to her breast, his fingers tangled with the chain of her necklace. 

He takes the locket and places it directly over her heart, settling his palm on top to keep it there. He feels her heart beating wildly beneath his fingers. One of her hands comes to cover his, holding his palm to her heart. It felt so profound, so _intimate_. Especially when they meet each other’s eyes.

After a long moment though, her eyes shut and her mouth opens in pleasure. It’s a look he’s seen from her countless times before but he always gasps when he sees it once more. He is forever amazed that he could bring her to this. He quickly feels himself slipping, only more so when her legs tighten around him. He buries his face in her shoulder and she brings her mouth to his ear. “Ben,” she moans, “I love you.”

He breathes out to respond but it almost sounds like a sob. “I love you, Rey. I love you so fucking much.”

It’s then he feels her body clench around him, her voice crying out his name and he moans into her neck as they lose themselves entirely, forgetting everything else but this. But _them._ He gives her all he has before he collapses on top of her. He was a sweaty mess and far too heavy for her but she just hugs him close, running her fingers through his hair and kissing his forehead. 

He repeats himself once more as he catches her eyes in the dim moonlight, his voice barely speaking over the dwindling end to the song. “I love you so much.”

Perhaps it was all the thoughts of the past that have been swirling around but it catches in his throat and he feels as if he could cry tears of happiness looking at her. He knows he’s exactly where he’s meant to be.

He is meant to be with her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so mushy and total trash but thanks for reading if you did. 
> 
> I'm afraid to say that from here on out, things get a little bit...pain train-y.
> 
> locket reference because I won't shut up about it  
> 


	5. Wicked World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tragedy strikes

Snoke watched as Leia Organa got out of a car, waving to the driver before hurrying inside.

Snoke should have anticipated Han would call his wife. These Solo men were too predictable. It made them all the more alluring of a target. Especially for a hunter like himself.

He never liked to be surprised and he rarely ever was. Which is why Han’s little show of fatherly protection wasn’t very shocking.

Snoke had let the man say his piece, knowing soon enough the man wouldn’t be saying anything at all.

And if things went as they seemed, Leia would be taken care of too. Even if Snoke would have preferred another occasion to rid the world of her and her pathetic charity work, this outcome had less of a chance of raising premature suspicions even though that matter was meant to be more in the hands of his associate.

Snoke was always careful. But apparently, not enough for the ginger man beside him to overlook. 

Snoke never worked with anyone, but Armitage had an eye for artistry, at least the kind Snoke did. The kind that took a certain discretion and anonymity. As he has perfected it over the years, perhaps he had gotten too comfortable in his routine as someone had caught on. 

Armitage was a minor obstacle but a necessary addition for putting his plans into motion. 

“You think he would have noticed the dog was gone by now,” Armitage scoffed, peering through binoculars as they watched the shop from afar. 

The whining of the man in the passenger seat persists. 

“Patience.”

Snoke hated working with him. He hated the constant sneer on his face and his need to be recognized for every single thing he does. He hadn’t shut up about how ingenious it was for him to lure the dog away from the garage with beef jerky only to sedate the large animal and hold it somewhat hostage. In Snoke’s own car, no less.

“How long until that animal wakes up?” Snoke asks Armitage, craning his neck slightly to look at the large dog splayed across his back seat. 

“At least an hour,” Hux answers, still looking to the garage. “But I doubt those two will last that long,” Hux says, once again with a sneer, nodding to _Solo’s._

“Very well,” Snoke says. “Get out.”

“What?”

“Get out of my car. I will leave, establish an alibi elsewhere in case anyone saw me when I went in before I drop the dog off somewhere where he won’t attack me when he wakes.”

“Maybe it’s better if we just kill the mutt and dump him,” Armitage offers although he scowls, looking to the dog in the rear view mirror.

“No. On the off chance he is found I don’t want any indication that what happens here was anything but an accident. The murder of a pet would imply otherwise. Which is something you should know considering your...occupation.”

Hux rolls his eyes. “Very well. I’ll stay here to keep an eye on things and I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Fine,” Snoke responds, waiting for the man to leave. The sooner he left the sooner he could get the massive animal out of his car. He could already guess the dog smell that might linger behind. 

Before Hux gets out, Snoke decides to throw one more jab at him, reminding him they were in no way friends. They were just co-workers, at the very least.

“If this little plan of yours doesn’t work or if your contact in forensics doesn’t pull through, we’re going to have more problems than just Ben Solo. For your sake, I hope it works or you may end up like your father. The same father you didn’t have the guts to take care of yourself,” he reminds him.

“It wasn’t a matter of guts. If I did it they would have suspected something.”

“Perhaps. Or maybe you just have a lot to learn when it comes to cleaning up your own messes.”

“After how we became acquainted, _Doctor,_ I’d say you do too.”

Snoke doesn’t offer another reply, instead just staring ahead and waiting for the man to close the door before he speeds off.

* * *

Leia managed to make chit chat and gossip about the day without fail but she was relieved when they arrived at the familiar garage. She thanked Amilyn half a dozen times and told her she would see her tomorrow before she briskly made her way inside. 

When she burst into the office, she saw Han holding a framed picture of Ben and Rey, his eyes looking red and teary.

Her heart jumps to her throat. Before she says anything, she rushes to him and he rises, wrapping his arms around her. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t come to get you. My hands were shaking and I–”

Leia grabs his hand with her own, trying to steady them. “Tell me, Han. What happened?” She rarely sees her husband so shaken up and it frightens her. 

He shakes his head as he finally speaks. “It was Snoke. He was here.”

At the man’s name, Leia feels goosebumps cover her skin. 

_No. Not him._ Not after everything he did to their family. To their son.

“W-What...What did he want?” she asks him. 

Han shook his head, moving away from her to pace. “He called me today, saying he wanted his car fixed. I knew–I could tell it was him. You know him and his creepy voice. It was obvious.”

“When was this?” 

Han’s shoulders slump a bit. “Around three-thirty.”

“And you didn’t call me? You didn't call me immediately?” she snaps at him.

“I’m sorry. I know it was stupid but I wanted to see what we were dealing with first.”

“And what are we dealing with?” she asks him. If he thought he could dive into this himself he better have some answers to some pretty serious questions.

Han practically shivers. “He was just creepy. He mentioned that Ben was causing trouble and that without help it was going to get worse.”

“What the fuck is he talking about? How the hell would he know anything about Ben right now? He hasn’t seen him in over five years!”

“I know. Which is why I stood here and basically berated the guy, but something’s off with him, beyond the obvious. It’s like he’s vacant when he wants to be.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him that if he messed with Ben or Rey we were going to take legal action. A restraining order at the least. That along with a series of other things I’ve thought about saying to the prick for the past five years.”

Leia knows what he means. She had her own long list of things she wanted to say to the guy after everything he put them through. But she tries to stay calm as she thinks as rationally as she could. 

“Alright. Where are Ben and Rey now? Did they see him?” she asks, hoping they were alright.

“They’re fine. They don’t know he even called. I sent them off as soon as I heard from Snoke. I didn’t want them anywhere near here when he showed up.”

Leia gives a sigh of relief. “Good. That’s good.”

Han stands there for a long moment before he speaks again. “Leia, I’m sorry. I should have called. You should have been here.”

She waves him off knowing now was not the time to argue over trivial matters when they needed to come together and be strong for each other. For them.

“I’m here now. You handled it just fine, Han. Even if you should have called me,” she cracks and he scoffs at himself. “But you’re right. We’re going to take care of this. I’m not going to let that prick just stomp back through our lives. Through Ben and Rey’s lives! They never deserved any of this.”

She takes his hands, stilling him from his nervous pacing. He never got like this. Not in a long time. And if he did, he never wanted anyone else to see. 

“You did good. Standing up for them.”

“I just want them to be safe. I don’t want that fucker ruining anything else for them.”

“He won’t. We’ll take care of it. But I do think we’ll inevitably need to tell Ben and Rey. They’ll need to take precautions and be prepared in case he tries to confront them.”

Han nods in agreement. “You’re right. You’re right.”

Leia nods, realizing for the first time since she got the phone call from him that she could take a deep breath. She looks around the shop, trying not to imagine what Anthony Snoke must have looked like standing in this very room. It upset her stomach. So instead she looks down to Chewie’s cot under Han’s desk to find it vacant. “Did Chewie go with Ben and Rey?”

“No, he’s–” Han stops, looking out the window to the garage. “Wait a second.” He rushes outside and Leia follows him, her heart sinking as she takes his worry for what it is. 

Cheiwe isn't here.

“Fuck,” Han swear, slapping a hand to his forehead. “I...shouldn’t have left him out here, he must have walked off. But when Snoke was here, we went into the office. In case I got upset I didn’t want to scare Chewie, you know how he gets,” Han says, running his hands though his hair. And then his eyes get big. “You don’t think Snoke–”

Leia puts a hand on his arm, stopping him from giving himself another thing to worry about. As much of an asshole Snoke was, Leia doubts he would dirty one of his suits to bother with a dog.

“He probably just walked off. Like you said. He couldn’t have gone far. Let’s go looking for him. For all we know, he could be on his way back home...and he’s got his tags. It'll be alright.”

Han nods and Leia wishes her words would ease the stress that was so evidently on his mind. 

“Here, Ben fixed your car right up. I checked it out before Snoke came,” he says, moving for it and she follows.

Leia moves to the driver's seat, knowing Han wasn’t in the state to do so even if it had been the Falcon and not her car.

As she sits down, turning the ignition, she looks over to Han who looked so frightened. Not just for Chewie but their son and Rey as well. They were their family. And even if everything felt out of their control right now, Leia believed in her family. They have had to go through horrible tribulations and obstacles and still they were together. This would not beat them now. They were stronger together.

She knows Han knows that, but she still tries to remind him.

“Han, I know this all seems scary. I’m terrified too. But if we made it through all the other shit, we’ll make it through whatever this is too.”

Han reaches over, holding her hand, giving her a very Han Solo smile. “I love you, sweetheart.”

Leia smiles. “I love you too.”

She puts the car into drive and leaves the garage. 

* * *

Armitage was drinking in a miserable little restaurant not far from the garage. He tried to find a coffee shop but he saw this place served beer which he much preferred given the hour and the likely celebration his contribution would cause. 

He tries to keep his ears focused on the outside but the pitiful waitress that was whining every time something happened on the small television she was watching. 

He hears his father’s name mentioned again and Armitage rolls his eyes, wondering when everyone would stop talking about what a hero he was to the city and everything he accomplished in his career. But that was a problem with death. People mourned the dead and treated them with a respect they rarely deserved in life. Why should death change anything?

At least the prick was gone now and things could start to change from here on out. 

As he’s about to order another beer, suddenly there’s a loud muffled noise from outside, making both the waitress and the old chef from the kitchen jolt. They rush to the window to see what the cause was. 

Hux has to hide his smile as he already knows exactly who it was. 

_That's my cue,_ he says to himself. 

* * *

Ben stirs, feeling sweaty. Fortunately, it had nothing to do with unwelcome nightmares. This time it was totally accountable to the August heat, and the warm body nestled beside him. 

He had no idea what time it was and wouldn’t until they started the car but he figured, given the faint glow from outside the windows, it wasn’t far off from morning.

They had spent the night here, he realizes, and he chuckles softly. 

He looks at Rey, inches from his face, her legs tangled with his. She was sleeping soundly. He brings up a hand to brush the hair out of her face before his eyes wander down to her necklace. Reaching for it, he opens it, hoping to peak at its contents for just a moment. He smiles at the tiny picture of them and Ben chuckles, remembering when he had gotten so frustrated trying to get the photo to the right size so it would fit properly. His fingers were too big to work with it though and he had to ask his mom to help him. But it was worth it when he saw how much Rey immediately loved it. 

He got it for her for their anniversary a few years ago. Rey had never been one for jewelry, mainly because she never really had any. But he knew Rey was very practical. She liked things to have a purpose and not just for show. Which is why he wanted to get her something that would help remind her every day that she was loved and that he would always come back to her.

He remembers the look on her face when she told him she loved it, tearing up when she saw which picture he had chosen. She wears it every day, only taking it off to work. 

But Ben hoped that soon he could buy her something she wouldn’t have to take off, his eyes drifting to her ring finger. 

There was no doubt in his mind he was going to marry her. He’s surprised they’ve held out this long, even if they were still young. 

Ben can’t believe how fast it’s gone, the time they've had. And they still had so much more to do together. 

Ben smiles to himself but decides to sit up, too hot from the sleeping bag. The movement jostles the space a bit though so Rey stirs, rousing behind him and instantly reaching for him. Her palm settles against his back. 

“You alright?” she asks, her voice scratchy from sleep.

“Yeah,” he laughs, turning to her. “But I think I need to stretch my legs,” he tells her, greeting her with a soft kiss.

He moves to open the tailgate, breathing in the fresh air in nothing but his boxers. He sits on the edge, grabbing his jeans to slide over his feet before he hops onto the ground to pull them up. He forgets they were parked on gravel and his feet protest the rough texture but he doesn’t really mind. 

The sun isn't out yet and the lingering coolness of night is welcome. 

He leans against the car, searching for his socks and boots. Rey scoots up behind him as he ties them. She settles a hand on his back, offering his shirt to him. 

He gives her his full attention, standing so they were exactly where they were the night before. With him standing before her, looking down at her like she was everything. 

He shrugs his shirt over his shoulders but focuses his hands on the buttons of her dress. By the time he buttons the top one, he looks up to her face, her eyes boring into his. Words no doubt on her lips, even if she seems to debate if she should speak them. He brings a hand to her cheek, letting her know she could ask him anything. And it must work because she finally speaks.

“No bad dreams?”

Ben isn’t too surprised at her question. She seemed to always worry about him, even when there was nothing to worry about. He brings his other hand to her face, keeping her gaze as he shakes his head. “No bad dreams,” he assures her.

He hears the small sigh of relief she gives before he leans down to hug her. They stay like that for a long moment, just breathing each other in. Both of them must have looked like a mad mess to anyone that might have seen them. But the early morning and their seclusion allowed them their last moments of privacy before venturing back into the city. 

Their hair was wild. Their lips were still stained from the Slurpees. Ben had his shoes on but his pants and belt were still undone and his shirt billowing open in the breeze. 

“Why don’t we head home, clean up, and then take our time before we head into work.” They could even go out for breakfast, to that one place with the waffles not far from the shop. If they brought in leftovers, his dad wouldn’t be mad.

She nods, smiling at him in the way that made his knees weak.

* * *

They arrived back at their apartment building soon enough. It was still early and traffic was fairly minimal. 

Rey didn’t mind letting Ben drive back as he seemed more awake than she did. She wonders why after he must have felt more cramped in the small space than she was.

Rey couldn’t be bothered though. She could handle being a little tired, especially when the night before had been so lovely. 

And perhaps the best thing of all was that Ben didn’t have any nightmares. Maybe it was all behind them once again and she had no reason to worry. She smiles, hoping that Mortis and the monsters from his dreams wouldn't hurt him anymore.

She hopped out of the blazer, stretching a bit and feeling in desperate need of a shower. But then she hears a familiar bark and she spins around to see Chewie running right for her. “Chewie?”

Ben comes around the car to see his father’s dog and both of them look around, wondering if Han had come to visit. But there was no one with him.

Rey scratches him behind the ears but he seems so happy to see her and even whimpers a bit as he jumps on her almost frantically. Rey looks to Ben with a furrowed brow. “He must have run off and found his way here by himself.”

Ben leans down to pet the big dog, trying to calm him down. “Dad must be going crazy. We better let him know he’s alright,” he says, whistling for Chewie’s attention to follow and the three of them enter their building, eyeing around for the landlord. There was a no dogs allowed policy but their landlord, Teedo, seemed to neglect everything these days. They hadn’t even seen him in over a week now.

They smuggle Chewie in safely, chuckling as they raced up the stairs and made it safely into their apartment. Chewie had never been in their apartment before so he instantly starts to sniff everything. Rey smiles at the big dog, scratching his head once more.

Ben instantly turns to the phone, no doubt dialing his parent’s house. “There’s a bunch of messages. They must have been looking for hours,” Ben says, nodding to the answering machine. 

Rey frowns as she looks to the dog. “Poor Chewie,” she hugs him once he jumps on the couch. “He must have been looking all over. I wonder how he knew where to find us?”

“Dad has stopped by here before and Chewie waited outside. He must have remembered,” Ben suspects but then shakes his head as he holds up the phone. “No answer. They must be out looking.”

Ben leaves a message, telling them they found Cheiwe and that they would bring him into work once they got ready, but that he was doing fine.

Rey catches a glimpse of herself in the black television screen across from the couch and she groans, standing up and heading for the shower. “I need to get cleaned up. If we’re in a hurry to get to work, you should join me.”

He smirks, following her close behind.

* * *

As enticing as it would be to spend hours under the warm spray of the shower with Rey, they were surprisingly very practical about getting clean in an all too reasonable amount of time. But he knows it’s for the best as his parents likely hadn’t slept, probably frantic about what happened to Chewie as he had most likely spent the night wandering the city streets. 

Ben was standing in front of the dresser, putting on deodorant when he heard a knock at the door. 

Rey looks to him from where she was brushing through her wet hair in the bathroom, in nothing but a towel. “That must be your father,” she says.

Ben quickly grabs a shirt and buckles his belt as he steps out of the bedroom. He closes the door behind him since Rey still wasn’t dressed.

He hears another knock as he pulls the shirt over his head, "Coming," he calls out, his voice muffled through the fabric. Chewie follows him to the door. Ben probably should have been worried about the inevitable noise that would ensue when the old man and the dog were reunited but he doesn’t mind. Teedo was probably passed out drunk three floors down anyway. 

But when Ben opens the door, he isn’t faced with his dad, after all. 

“Oh, hey, Lando” Ben is surprised to see. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

At the sight of his dad's old friend, Ben prepared himself to hear one of his usual corny lines Lando has been greeting him with his entire life. But he doesn’t. “Hey, kid,” Lando says softly.

“Here, come on in,” Ben said after a long moment, unsure what had Lando in such a state. The man steps inside, giving a soft pat to Chewie’s head. 

“There you are, big guy,” he says to the dog. 

Ben realizes that must be why he was here. Han must have sent him over to search for the dog. Lando was a detective for Coruscant City but Han still had him running errands for little things which never seemed to affect their long-lasting friendship but occasionally interfered Lando’s busy schedule. 

Ben never met anyone from his dad’s side of the family but ever since he was young, he’s been told Lando was his uncle. He was family. Which is why Ben could tell that something was very wrong. In a way that Lando never is. He’s not drunk or angry or anything Ben had rarely seen from him before. 

Perhaps only once.

“Yeah, he’s okay,” Ben says, running a hand through his damp hair. “Rey and I found him this morning when we got back. I tried calling my dad but they didn’t answer. I was expecting him to barge through the door,” Ben chuckles, hoping to get something of a reaction out of the man. But Lando remains unchanged. He was hardly even looking at him.

“Lando, are you okay? Do you want anything to drink or something?” Ben asks him.

“No,” he holds up a hand. “No, thank you,” he says, finally looking at him. “Is Rey around?”

Ben nods to the bedroom. “She’s just getting dressed. She’ll be out in a minute,” he tells him.

"You were gone last night?" Lando asks next. 

Ben nods, "Yeah. Rey and I were," he tries to think of a word for it quickly, "camping. We just got back this morning and Chewie was all over us. Like he was waiting."

“So you haven’t listened to your messages then?” 

“No, I–” Ben’s eyes looked at the answering machine he had left untouched, assuming they all regarded Chewie. “I didn’t think...Lando, what’s going on?”

Ben walks over to listen to them now, but Lando stops him. “No, Ben, I–” Lando starts, looking more afraid than Ben’s ever seen from him. “Ben, this is something you should hear from me.”

“What?” Ben looks at him, confused. 

“It’s...I’m so sorry, Ben. I wish it wasn’t like this but...I got the call last night and by the time I arrived, it was too late.”

“Lando, what the hell are you talking about?” Ben asks him, his heart starting to beat louder. 

They both jolt when the bedroom door flies open and Rey appears. She smiles to see Lando but then her face falls as she sees the state of things. “What’s going on?” she asks, stepping forward. 

“Rey,” Lando starts, reaching out to her, holding out a hand and trying to smile despite the shine of tears in his eyes. “Rey, come here, sweetheart,” Lando speaks to her as if she were a child. It was more gentle and eerie than Lando has ever proved himself to be. It unsettles Ben further. 

Rey looks to Ben and he gives a slight shake of his head, trying to tell her he didn’t know what this was about. She walks over anyways, her face furrowed with uncertainty, and Ben knows he must have a similar look on his own face. 

Lando sniffles as he holds a hand to each of their shoulders. “Listen, I...I don’t know how to say this. I can hardly believe it myself but,” he starts but ducks his head, sniffling as he tries to gather himself to speak.

“Han and Leia,” Lando chokes on his words, and Ben’s heart hammers in his chest, already shaking his head, fearful of the words he was about to say. “They were in a horrible accident last night...they didn’t make it.”

Ben feels his stomach turn as his ears try to process what Lando just said. He just shakes his head. “No,” he chokes out. “No, that’s...they can’t be.”

“They’re gone, Ben. I’m sorry,” he sobs. “I’m so sorry.”

Ben suddenly finds his vision swirling around him. He feels unsteady on his feet. He faintly hears Rey speaking, asking Lando something but he can’t understand it. He reaches out to her, feeling lost in some strange numb place. 

But then he hears Rey sob out, sounding so pained and everything seems to collide into him at that moment as it all sinks in, hitting him like a ton of bricks. This wasn’t a dream. This was real.

His parents are gone and the reality crushes him as he knows he is awake. 

His lip trembled as tears gather in his eyes and he stumbles back into the wall. By the time he slumps to the ground, Rey is beside him, wrapping her arms around him, her entire body racking with sobs. 

He looks up to Lando who had moved to the couch, his face hidden in his hands. 

Ben can’t bear to keep his eyes open so he shuts them tight, and a sob breaks from his own throat as he tucks his face against Rey’s shoulder. 

He feels like he could hardly breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm the worst. 
> 
> This probably makes zero sense and it seems like the biggest fucking mess right now...and it is. Hopefully, I can make everything seem clear soon. Honestly, I'm surprised if anyone is even reading this, lol.
> 
> Snoke is a VERY BAD MAN.


	6. Hollow Man

They didn’t move for a long time. Or at least they didn’t get up. Ben had slumped further down and Rey practically cradled him in her arms as he cried against her. 

Rey felt unsure of what to say or what to do, feeling so blindsided by the news Lando had brought them. 

Han and Leia...they were gone. 

Rey didn’t want to believe it. Han and Leia meant so much to them. They were Ben’s parents, and for Rey, they had been so accepting and welcoming as they let her in, treating her as one of their own. 

She had already lost her parents once. Her real parents. But their deaths didn’t exactly come as a surprise. She hardly ever saw them much as they were often out, trying to find ways to satisfy their addictions or run from their numerous debts. 

Of course, she had felt devastated at their death, but mainly because she realized they had left her for good. She always held out hope that they would come to see the danger of what they were doing to themselves and return to her but they didn’t. She knew then that she was finally alone and that emptiness ate away at her for so long until she finally let someone else in.

That had been Ben. Ben, Han, and Leia. 

Their death, the very notion of it, breaks her more than the death of her parents ever had. She loved Han and Leia and she knew that they loved her. They cared for her and they wanted the best for her and Ben. To know such kind and gentle people were now lost to them makes her sob once more. 

Her parents never treated her like that. Rey might have tricked herself into thinking they cared for her when she was trying to cope with how afraid she used to be, nearly starving to death at night. 

No. They might have been the people that brought her into this world but Han and Leia were the ones who treated her like a daughter. 

She sniffles, tucking her face over Ben’s hair, now dry. A small indication to her muddled brain of how long they haven’t moved. 

Ben suddenly stirs in her arms, sitting forward as he looked to Lando who was slumped on the couch, petting Chewie. The dog made soft whimpers as he seemed to understand that everyone was upset and it made him confused.

“Lando,” Ben starts. He sounded tense, panicked. As if he had just thought of something. “How did it happen? Was it a crash?” 

Rey hears Lando give a sigh as he scrunches his eyes closed, shaking his head slightly. “It was an accident, Ben,” Lando starts in a weary voice. “A malfunction.”

Ben stands up. “What were...Did they–” Ben stops, choking back on a sob as he tries to find his words. “Were they in her car?” 

Lando doesn’t answer for a long moment and Ben asks again, much louder, his hands shaking.

“Were they in her car?” 

Lando finally responds. “Yes. They were.”

Ben’s hands cover his face as he sobs out once more. “Oh my God,” he breathes out. “What have I…”

Rey stands up, confused. She rushes to him, trying to get a hold of him but he doesn’t even seem to notice her as she stands before him. 

“Ben?”

“This is all my fault,” he says finally. 

Rey shakes her head. “What are you–”

“I was the one who worked on her car yesterday!” he cries. “Whatever I did, I must have–”

Rey shakes her head. “No. Don’t talk like that! You didn’t do this,” she tells him.

Ben doesn’t look convinced and he just falls onto the couch hiding his face in his hands. Rey feels her heartbreak further as she sees him fall apart. Now not only with grief but with guilt.

He thinks he’s killed them.

Lando clears his throat then. “Listen, this is...this is obviously a bad time. Those two, they were family to me. I don’t have to tell you that. And I know how much you two meant to them. I know they loved you both more than anything and they wanted the best for you.”

Lando stands up, looking straight at Ben and Rey’s heart shattered further at the tears in the man’s eyes. She had never seen him cry. Lando grabs Ben's arms, ensuring he looked him directly. 

“And if they knew you would blame this on yourself they would encourage me to knock some sense into you, so don’t for one minute think this is your fault.”

“But I–” Ben starts. 

“You did nothing wrong. This...this seemed like some freak thing. I don’t even know what it was, but don’t start trying to pin this on yourself. I know you, kid. I know you get too in your head with these things and try to put it all on yourself.”

Lando’s eyes drift to Rey for a moment, as if to reference the prior instances.

“But Ben, right now...all you need to be telling yourself is that you’re going to be okay,” he says and Ben sobs out once more and it takes a lot of restraint not to embrace him but she tries to let Lando finish what he’s saying. “I know it’s hard. But you gotta know kid, that they lived a good life when they were around. And you, you and your girl,” Lando nods over to her. “You are going to go on and live your life again to it’s fullest, finding everything you two deserve knowing that it’s all they ever wanted for you.”

Rey steps closer, tears racing down her cheeks at his words. 

It was hard to imagine a future right now when everything seemed to have fallen apart. When it feels like half of their life has been ripped away without warning. 

But Lando was right. Eventually, they will be able to breathe again and to live a happy life. One that Han and Leia would have wanted for them and loved to be apart of. 

Rey wraps herself around him, trying to comfort him as much as try to find comfort with him. At her touch, his chest shakes with more sobs and he pulls her close. Lando joins them too and the three of them mourn for the people who meant so much to them. 

All other priorities fall away. As much as they might see the reason behind Lando’s kind words, it did nothing for them now as they felt nothing but grief. 

* * *

Snoke scoffed as he watched the report on the news. He’s always been good at predicting the sappy headlines and sentiments they regurgitate to try and give the supposed victims honor and dignity. 

Leia Organa, a prominent face in the city, organized dozens of charity functions and food drives and events that tried to put everyone on a pedestal to remind everyone how special they were. 

The kind of stuff that made Snoke lose his appetite. 

And Han Solo.

They talk about him like he was some sort of war hero when he was nothing but a pathetic man who grew old in an automotive shop after leaving his years of drag racing and smuggling car parts behind. 

And Snoke thinks that even if they weren’t Ben’s parents, they would have killed them anyway. It was bound to happen eventually. They were the ideal demographic Snoke was so invested in, or rather interested in eradicating. But he was quickly approaching a very important sequence in his long-awaited plans as the pathetic Ben Solo was about to have a use for once in his life. 

And soon enough everyone in the city would be cursing his name. 

And Snoke would do exactly what he did when the little bastard had stirred trouble five years ago. 

He was going to sit back and watch as everything came crumbling down for the boy who thought he could be anything else but a cog in his plans.

* * *

The days following were rough.

Ben hardly said anything and Rey wasn’t sure what to say that might make him feel better. Because she knew there was nothing to say that would really help. 

He wasn’t sleeping. She knew he would try but then he would get up after she fell asleep and sit out on the balcony, smoking. 

She tried to give him space as much as she tried to be there for him. It was mentally exhausting trying to figure out what she should do as well as feeling devastated herself. 

Because despite Lando’s words of assurance from the other morning, she knows, she can see, that he’s blaming himself. He’s putting this on his shoulders and it was killing him. 

Whenever she tries to talk to him she just starts crying. They end up holding each other, sobbing until she falls asleep and the cycle repeats itself. 

Poor Chewie has been so confused. Lando took him with him since they couldn’t keep him in their building. 

But then the morning comes where they have to get up and dressed for the funeral. 

She had a black dress that Leia had given her.

Rey pulled the dress off the hangar, bringing it to her face, her tears falling. She could tell that Leia always wanted a daughter by the way she treated her. Rey never was the most fashionable and half of her closet consists of shirts that don’t fit Ben anymore or he lovingly let her keep. 

But Leia always wanted to give her things and take her shopping. And even if shopping wasn’t exactly Rey’s favorite thing to do, she loved to do it with Leia. Leia made her feel so special. 

Rey slips the light fabric over her body feeling ridiculous at the attempt to look pretty when there was something so serious weighing on all of them. 

She doesn’t even notice Ben watching her from the doorway.

“You look nice,” he croaks out, trying his best to offer her a smile. 

He had gotten dressed in his suit but had his jacket draped over his arm and the sleeves rolled up his forearms due to the heat. “Thanks,” she says, smoothing out nonexistent wrinkles in the fabric. “So do you,” she tells him, stepping closer. He holds his arms open to hold her and she tucks herself against his chest, fighting tears already. “Did you get any sleep?”

She feels him shake his head a bit. “No.”

She knows he didn’t but she had asked anyway. She pulls away to look at him and she finds his eyes, reaching for his face and holding his cheeks in her hands. 

“We’re going to be alright. And you know I’m here. I’m here for you always. We’ll protect each other,” she says softly.

Ben seizes her arms, resting his forehead against hers. “I know,” he breathes out. “Always.”

They stay there, holding each other for a long time before they gather themselves enough to get going. 

Rey didn’t bother with makeup knowing it wouldn’t have lasted long anyway as she knows she’ll be crying.

* * *

The funeral was difficult. Not just for Ben but for everyone. He knew his parents had a long list of friends and people they cared for but he was overwhelmed with the massive turnout. 

Both of their careers and personalities were so open. Throughout his youth, Ben wondered if he had been mixed up at the hospital when he was a baby. He felt so out of place. 

He never felt comfortable as a kid who was clearly so much more introverted than his parents. They were always confused about why he didn’t have friends or rather, why he didn’t seem to _want_ any friends. It’s why they had been so surprised when they found out about him and Rey. 

So there were more people there than Ben expected. Some people he hadn’t seen since he was little. Some people he didn’t recognize at all but told him they last met him when he was a baby. 

All of them saying how sorry they were for his loss and how amazing his parents were. It was hard for him to respond or to even know how as he fought against the multitude of emotions and grueling exhaustion that had plagued him for the past several days or however long it had been since Lando told them the news. 

Ben can’t quite keep track anymore.

Rey had pulled him away once everyone was eating. Mr. Sinube had offered to cater and he and Mrs. Nu were ensuring everyone was taken care of. They had been so kind and understanding through all of this. 

The accident happened not far from their restaurant, not long after he and Rey left. Ben tried not to think about it too much but of course, it was a hopeless cause. 

Apparently, the detective that Lando said was appointed the case had been the first to the scene along with Mr. Sinube and Mrs. Nu. The detective hadn't attended the service which Ben might have thought was odd if he spared any thought to it. Besides, there were more people in the house than Ben thought was capable or at the very least, fire safe.

At one point, Lando got up and made a very touching speech that just about killed him and Ben thought he was going to burst.

Rey had pulled him into his old room after that, when everyone was distracted and just held him, letting him fall apart for a few minutes before they had to go back out. She told him he was holding up really well but he knew she could see through his defenses. He could never hide much from her. 

That night, after everyone went home, they decided to stay there and they cuddled in his old double bed in his old room like they used to, still wearing their clothes from the day, pretending like his parents were still just down the hall.

It was the only thing that gave him any sense of comfort to let him find at least a few hours of sleep. 

* * *

If that day hadn’t been overwhelming, the following day might have been even more so. 

Mon Mothma, his mother’s long time lawyer and dear friend read them the will, enclosing what his parents had left behind. 

Of which they left him everything. The shop. Their house. Their money. His dad’s old Falcon. Chewie.

Even the Varykino property further upstate that had belonged to his grandmother. 

Rey gripped his hand as they sat in the big leather chairs. As nice and understanding as Mon had been, Ben still found himself unable to say much. Rey had been the one to scoot forward and overlook things, taking charge.

He doesn’t know what he would do without her. She was the only thing keeping him even remotely tethered to himself. She kept him from completely giving in to the fear roiling in his mind and his stomach that urged him to hide away and avoid all of this. 

Rey had a stack of papers and helped him sign documents, signing over everything into his name. He doesn’t think he would have been able to do it but she kept a reassuring hand on his back. He knew she had already skimmed through the tedious jargon but when Ben had seen the amount of money in his parent’s account on paper, he could have choked.

It was all too much for him. 

His parents had always been well off but Ben was insistent that when he and Rey got their own place that he was going to earn his money and not rely on an allowance, with the exception of the paychecks he and Rey got from his father. But they had earned that, which is what they set out to do. It made it more personal for him and Rey and his parents were very encouraging, even if they still liked to spoil them every so often. 

Now he had more money than any twenty-three year old would know what to do with. But he hates it. He would give it all away (with the exception of Chewie) if it brought them back. 

Things weren’t always easy with his parents. Ben knows he had been a difficult child growing up. He had his nightmares, combined with his recurring anger issues which his parents had been unsure how to handle which is why he had to start seeing Snoke. 

But when it counted the most, when he had been more afraid than ever, they had been there for him. _For Rey._ They showed him they truly cared and how they loved him unconditionally. 

It’s only been days since they had passed but it somehow felt like a lifetime and Ben curses himself as he recalls all the stupid arguments and shitty things he said to them when he was younger and would lash out.

Words long past but now all he seems to think about.

But then he thinks back to the last conversation he had with his father. When Han had told him how proud he and Leia were of him. Recalling more and more of the conversation, Ben hates how much it seemed like a final goodbye, even if neither of them knew that at the time. 

_I love you, kid,_ Han had told him.

 _Love you too, dad._ Ben had rolled his eyes at first but grumbled out his words to let the old man know that he felt the same. 

If only he knew it was the last time. He would have cherished that moment more than he had. 

Ben feels his eyes well up again. 

Everyone tells him it was an accident, but Ben can’t help but wonder if it only happened because he had done something to her car. The others were probably thinking it too, they just weren't saying anything. Perhaps he hadn’t been paying attention to something and caused it to malfunction so horribly that it resulted in this.

Even if he hadn’t caused it, he should have caught whatever it was before it happened. He spent the entire day with it.

None of them, even the other guys at the shop, were permitted to look at the Buick as there were people on the case looking into it. 

But if they found anything, Lando hadn’t shared it. In fact, Lando expressed how he was intentionally left off anything regarding this case as it was deemed too personal for him. 

There were no other cars involved in the accident and even if his parents were feeling distressed looking for Chewie, both of them were always vigilant behind the wheel. 

So Ben can only deduce that if anyone was to blame, it was most likely himself. 

* * *

The days, now turning to weeks, go by slowly, or rather in a strange haze as Ben feels as if he constantly in liminal spaces, trying to adjust to things as they change around him and he had very little regard for how they do.

But he wants to try and be better. He has to be. He knows Rey is worried about him and it was affecting her almost as much as the grief she was feeling. 

So, in accordance with his parent’s will, they decided to move back into their house, feeling it would give them the comfort they might need right now. They both slept soundly the night they stayed in his old room the day of the funeral. And if they lived there, then Chewie could live with them and they wouldn’t have to try smuggling him into the apartment every day or something else just as ridiculous. 

And it just seemed right. They felt safe there. 

So they gradually started packing boxes around the apartment while they tried to resume a somewhat normal schedule in their lives as it seemed like the only way to try to keep moving forward. 

So it was why Ben was driving to the shop. But he looked over to the empty passenger seat though, wondering if it was best to leave Rey alone. 

She woke up feeling off, or at least that’s what she told him. She tried to ignore it as she got dressed and ready but Ben noticed how she looked fairly pale and agreeably off. He suggested she try to sleep a little longer and if she was feeling up to join him at lunchtime, he could always swing back and get her. He knows she preferred a routine where she was keeping her hands and mind busy with more mechanical matters but he could see she needed rest more than anything. 

However, Ben thought he would stick to more paperwork based matters until he got some sort of news on his mom’s car. He didn’t trust himself not to overlook something and send any more unsuspecting people to…

Ben shakes his head, resolving not to even think about it. If Rey knew he was thinking like that she would be furious. And yet, even just driving has him a little on edge and he keeps both hands on the wheel, taking a deep breath every time he was at a stoplight. 

He bypasses the McDonald’s that he and Rey usually frequent on the way to work, finding himself with a little appetite once again. But he knows he’s going to have to brew an entire pot of coffee once he gets to the shop. 

He pulls up, looking forlornly at the spot beside him that the Falcon would almost always frequent. It was odd not to see it there, now knowing he might never see it there again. 

Although his dad left it to him, Ben wondered when or if ever he would find the strength to drive it as he knows his eyes would likely well up with tears and ruin it.

Ben shakes his head at himself once again as he tries to ignore it, opening the door. But as he looks to the other spots, there is one car he doesn’t recognize and Ben already knows it wasn’t a customer as they usually parked in the garage itself.

Ben starts to walk into the office and he can see Wedge and Biggs through the window, speaking to someone but Ben couldn’t see who. 

As he opens the door, Ben finds a young red-headed man, probably around his age, leaning against his father’s desk. It was enough for Ben to decide he already didn’t care for him. 

“Ah, you must be Mr. Solo,” the man says, stepping forward with his hand ready to shake. 

Ben hates being called _Mr. Solo._ That was what people called his dad, not him. And even then, Han hated it too. Far too formal for his liking.

“Ben,” is what he offers in return, shaking the man’s hand.

“Ben, well, nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“I’m sorry, you are?”

“Oh, where are my manners, excuse me. I’m Armitage Hux. I’m the detective that was appointed your parent’s case of which let me express my deepest condolences. I recently lost my own father to rather graphic circumstances and I would not wish the grief upon my worst enemy.”

Suddenly, Ben recalls that this must be who Lando was talking about. They have spoken about it a little since the funeral and when Ben was trying to figure out what else they have learned about the crash. Lando claimed that Hux was a total pain and liked to ignore what everyone told him, opting to do everything his way. 

The same total pain who was also the son of the notable Brendol Hux. An Inspector, who had also worked with Lando, had been killed not long before Han and Leia’s accident. Ben recalls first hearing of it at Sinube’s when Mrs. Nu had mentioned something about it on the news.

Ben clears his throat unsure of what to say as his tired brain tries to keep up with all this information. 

“Yes, well...thank you. I’m sorry to hear about your father.”

He desperately needs coffee.

“Do want some?” Ben offers, pointing to the machine. Even if Lando said this guy was a pain in the ass, Ben tries to give him some restrained kindness as he appreciates that even after his own father had been killed, he was helping to uncover some of the truths about his parent’s accident. 

“No, thank you,” he says. 

Ben nods to Wedge and Biggs who gave him tight-lipped smiles. They looked a little wary and he suspected it had something to do with the detective in the room although perhaps it had more to do with Ben himself.

Ben was technically everyone’s boss and he was already proving to be miserable at it. Besides, they had all been doing this as longer than he’s been alive so Ben hoped they knew to just do what they always did. “Morning.”

“Morning,” Biggs greets in return with an equal amount of energy. “Where’s Rey?” he asks, looking through the window of the garage to see if she was out there.

“She woke up feeling sick. I forced her to stay home and rest.”

They nodded before giving him a clap on the back on their way out to the garage. “Let us know if you need anything, kid. We can swing by later and you guys pack or drop off stuff at the house.”

“Thanks, guys,” he told them as they made their way out of the office, leaving him alone with Detective Hux. 

The room stings in silence and Ben fiddles with the coffeemaker more than he should but he wanted to look busy so he didn’t have to say much. 

But then Hux steps closer. “You know, Mr. Solo…”

 _Ben,_ he instantly corrects the man in his head. He thought he made that clear.

“I’m afraid I’m here beyond just offering my condolences,” he says vaguely. “You see, I was one of the first officials on the scene as I had been dining in a nearby restaurant when I heard the crash. And even though I am not a mechanic myself, it was clear something had happened beyond the driver’s control.”

Ben clears his throat. “Yes, I...I thought so too.”

“Which is why I’ve had the specialists in our forensic department spend a very thorough time with the vehicle to see if there was any evidence of tampering. Perhaps the placement of a device or something that would indicate that somebody intended for that car to malfunction as it did.”

“A device?” Ben asks confused. He hadn’t expected that. “You think someone would have intentionally planted that? That someone would have wanted to ki- cause this?” he asks, unable to say the other word. 

“Well, Mr. Solo, even to our best minds, the extent of the wreckage was so extreme that it’s been very difficult to gather much of anything but due to the state of things, we have been left to the conclusion that this very may well be a possibility. And we have to consider everything when there is only so much we can find. It's very likely that if someone intended for this to happen, they would have wanted the evidence to be destroyed to this extent for the reason of concealing their involvement.”

Ben feels his stomach turn. He hadn’t even considered that. He had been so caught up in blaming himself for this and he hadn’t considered that all this time someone else might have done all this intentionally.

But who? Who would do such a thing?

“And because of this recent turn in the investigation, it’s why I wanted to formally introduce myself and come here this morning to get an idea of what exactly happened that day. And according to your colleagues,” Hux turns to point at Wedge and Biggs through the window. “Apparently, you were the last person seen handling the vehicle.”

Ben pales. “You...you think I would–”

Hux holds up his hands. “Mr. Solo, I can plainly see what the death of your parents has brought you to and I would never suggest something like that. But I’m afraid my job makes it difficult to be subtle as I only wish to ask you some questions to get a better idea of what I’m dealing with. In fact, I feel foolish I haven’t come sooner but I know this has been a sensitive time for everyone.”

The lingering thought at the forefront of his mind returns with a vengeance as he truly tries to confront a reality of which he was truly responsible for this. He doesn’t think he could stomach it. 

But he knows he has to try. He has to know and then answer for whatever the outcome is.

“I understand. Umm...would you like to sit down?” Ben motions for the desk so they could talk. 

“Actually, Mr. Solo, I would prefer if we did this at the station. Official statements are much more secure and at this point, I hope you know that all of this is meant to help you, even if it doesn’t feel like it.”

Ben feels himself stagger on his feet for a moment and he flinches when the coffee machine beeps behind him as he had forgotten all about it. 

He was busy thinking of the last time he was taken to a police station.

But he clears his throat, and nods, stepping away from the counter. “Yes, I...I understand. I want to help piece this all together and I’d like to help any way I can,” he tells the man somberly. Or maybe that’s how he always sounded. He can’t tell anymore.

“Is now a good time?”

Ben wants to decline and make up an excuse so he can have some time to himself, just to breathe or call Rey but he seems to nod before the rational part of his brain can keep up.

“Excellent,” the man says, moving for the door. “You can meet me there. I trust you know where it is.”

Ben wasn’t sure what the man was implying but it instantly makes his hands curl into fists as he wonders what the insinuation referred to. 

And still, all he can do is nod. “Yes. I’m right behind you.”

Abandoning his coffee, Ben loads back into the Blazer, following after the detective in his black Mercedes convertible. Trying not to roll his eyes when he puts the top down.

If the words “pretentious asshole” leave his mouth, Ben thinks he had every right to.

* * *

Hux couldn’t help himself. All the windows of opportunity were there and if what Snoke said were true, pushing Ben Solo’s buttons was a sure way to get a show out of him. 

Which is why he wanted to make sure this conversation was conducted in the very room where Ben Solo’s last interrogation was held. Looking through the two-way mirror, he could tell the guy was already a mess.

His foot was bouncing beneath the table and he chewed at his lip but kept his focus at his hands, refusing to look at the rest of the room which was no doubt familiar to him. 

All of this combined with Hux’s creative injection of suggesting his parents were intentionally killed and the guy was a total mess. And Hux hadn’t even gone in yet.

He quickly ensured that the footage was recorded on the tape as he knew Snoke would appreciate a copy of this. Grabbing the manila folder on the table, he smirked to himself, trying to even out his amusement before he went in.

For he was about to watch the beginning of the end for the miserable Ben Solo.

* * *

Ben is glad he didn’t have the coffee after all as his nerves had him all over the place. 

And this room. This fucking room. Of course, it had to be here.

But then the door opens and Hux enters with a smug smile that had Ben seething.

He should have called Rey. He wishes she were here. But he’s been using her as a shield for weeks now and he knows he has to face this alone. That’s probably why she felt sick, he realizes suddenly. He’s been wearing her out as she carried the emotional baggage for both of them. It makes his chest hurt but he tries to clamp it down and direct his attention to the red-haired man. 

He sets down a thin folder on the table. “Alright,” he says as he settles in the seat across from him. “So, as I said, we are having a hard time getting anything off of the car as everything was pretty decimated,” he says nonchalantly and Ben hates it. "A lot of our more revealing tests take a rather extensive time to complete as we await for technology to catch up to us. It tries it's best but it does extend the timeline quite a bit," he chuckles as if he was talking about the weather. 

He was talking not just about the damn car or the investigation but about his parents. He didn’t need to be so fucking offhand and businesslike about it. Regardless if this was the prick’s job, this was Ben’s life and he didn’t need to hear it like that. 

“But I really wanted to just get a description from you of what exactly you did on the car and that might give us some insight of what was wrong with it and why it behaved the way it did.”

Ben nods. “Well, I uh...I came into work that morning. My dad had driven my mom’s car in and he told me it had been handling a little odd and he wanted me to take the day to direct my attention on that as I had just finished a job the day before. So, I spent some time checking things over before I found some leaks in the fuel injector. I figured that would account for it so I patched everything up. I was going to take it for a test drive after but…” Ben stops as he hears his own words. 

Had he just taken the car out and seen for himself, then maybe he could have sourced the issue before he got too far. Maybe he could have stopped this if he hadn’t left it for his parents to do themselves. 

But his dad had been so insistent that he and Rey head out early and go to dinner. He wanted them to just go out and have fun.

Which they did, but Ben wonders what the real cost of it had been. 

Or if it could have been him that died in the accident. If could have easily been him if he had driven it before they did. 

“But Rey and I, well, we left for the afternoon as my father had insisted we take the evening off.”

Hux’s eyes drift to his bicep where the edges of his tattoo were likely peaking out from beneath his rolled-up sleeves. The one with Rey’s name. 

“And Rey, she’s your girlfriend?”

Ben nods. “Yes. Rey Johnson," he tells the detective. "We were out that night and so we didn’t get news of this until the following morning when Lando visited us at our apartment.”

“Where were you that evening? The night of the accident I mean. Where did you and your girlfriend go?”

Ben refrains from sighing. “We went to dinner, we got gas, and then we just parked along the coast watching the waves,” he swallows before he continues, trying to think how to describe it without being explicit. “We dozed off and figured it was best to stay there as we were both pretty tired and didn’t feel up for the drive back.”

“I see,” he says, seeming to mull the words over in his head. He sits up then, opening the folder, and Ben looks down to see his mugshot from when he was eighteen. 

A shiver runs up his spine and goosebumps spread over his skin. 

“Forgive me, Mr. Solo, but in these cases, it’s best for me to understand _all_ aspects of people in suspicion. Especially if they have, forgive the expression, a criminal history.”

Ben grits his teeth _._ He hated hearing those two words. _Criminal history._ Especially combined with the phrase "people in suspicion." As if he was an actual suspect for intentionally killing his parents. It made him want to throw up. 

Hux continues, ignorant of Ben's inner turmoil. “And I understand that some things occurred before my time here, so I wonder if you could tell me about the events that led up to your six-month incarceration at the Corelia county correctional facility?”

A whirlwind of emotions hit Ben square in the chest. He hadn’t heard the name of the jail for a long time. 

Hux asks him this as if he was asking him what he wanted for breakfast as he skims over the contents of the folder that Ben refuses to glance at again, knowing Plutt’s face was likely in there too. 

It was enough for any sense of patience Ben was providing to fly out the window. “You’re the one with the file. Why are you asking me?”

“Well, I’m sure you’re familiar with how dry paperwork can be. I like to hear about these things from people themselves so I get a better idea of the weight of it all. When things get condensed as much as they can to fit in little boxes, plenty of the details are overlooked and I'm sure you would protest to some of the things in here that are said about you. For instance, ‘violent behavior’ and another note that claims you ‘suffer from delusions that may influence aggressive actions.’”

“They weren’t delusions, alright?” Ben practically snaps at the man. “And I’m not a violent person,” he says resolutely.

Hux looks like he’s repressing a smirk as he flips through the papers. “By the looks of things, I think Mr. Plutt would disagree with that," he gives a scoff, no doubt seeing the pictures for himself. "But you see that’s exactly why I would like to hear your perspective on the matter.”

Ben shakes his head. That was out of the question. That shit was better off in the past and he didn’t want to think about that, especially now, with everything else going on. “I don’t see what the hell any of that has to do with my parents or what you brought me here for in the first place.”

“Well, Mr. Solo, I’m sure you can understand how serious this really is. Although I am the leading detective on this case, there are plenty of people in this station working along with me who are, may I just say, devastated at the news of Han and Leia’s passing. We’re all eager to discover what we’re really dealing with and if it was an accident or if this was intentional.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” What about the past incidents would infer that he would do this to his parents? His parents helped him when it mattered. 

“I already said to you Mr. Solo, this is just a matter of understanding all the variables. Just try to think of this as a matter of crossing your name off the list of people that may have had the cause or intent to do this.”

“I loved my parents! I never would have hurt them!”

“Then I’m waiting, Mr. Solo. I asked you a question and I’d like you to answer it. What can you tell me about the events that led up to your six-month incarceration at the Corelia county correctional facility?” he asks again, as calm as the first time he asked him.

Ben sighs as he knows he’s trapped. He has no choice but to tell the same story he told the last time he sat in this room. 

Only this time he wasn’t wearing handcuffs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun Dun DUUUNNN!!
> 
> I dumped a lot of shit in this one. I thought of splitting it up into parts but left it as is. I see it as kind of a transitional point.
> 
> The next chapter will be pure flashback as we find out what happened five years ago and what everyone has been ominously referring to.
> 
> Thank you so much if you've been reading!


	7. 1988 | Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter is insanely long, and yet it is probably only half of the full run down that I was planning to give. I've decided to cut it in parts as it was getting ridiculously lengthy and probably hard to follow as there is way too much information happening too fast. I have a hard time reading this all in one sitting.
> 
> For that reason, there is probably a lot of errors but I've read through it a few times now and I can't be bothered to do it against so...YEET.
> 
> I'll say more at the end but for now, good luck in getting through this one. This is all in Ben's POV since he's the one going through his past right now. 
> 
> lol, thanks for coming. It's a mess. I hate it.
> 
> [EDIT: I changed it from 1987 to 1988 because I forgot how to count years...wow. You think I would have double-checked but nah]

The bell rings and Ben’s eyes open with a start as he finds his face squished against his backpack. 

_Fuck._ He fell asleep again. 

He’s gone several nights without sleeping for any longer than an hour or so. His nightmares are keeping him up more than usual lately and it leads to him falling asleep in almost every one of his classes. 

He already had lunch detention after getting caught in English class and he has an extra round of homework assignments to do for science as punishment for dozing off. 

He’s always been able to skate by pretty easily in school. A lot of the stuff came naturally to him so he wasn’t falling behind necessarily. But his nightmares were definitely starting to take a significant toll on his daily life that was already grueling in its own way.

He had a ridiculous amount of homework to complete this evening which he knew he would only be able to do after his appointment with Snoke later that afternoon. 

Gathering himself, relieved Mrs. Montgomery didn’t seem to notice his head on the desk all period so he made a swift escape into the hallways. He put his headphones back on, ducking his head as he moved through the halls. 

The school day was finally over and Ben was dying for a cigarette before he had to face the rest of the day. If he got home fast enough, he could manage it before his mom got back to take him to Snoke’s office. 

He knew it wouldn’t make the day any easier but at least to him, it made him feel a little more in control and not so on edge. 

He had been so focused on getting back home and keeping his head down, he hadn’t been paying attention to where he was going and as he rounded the corner, someone crashed right into his chest.

He remains standing as it didn’t have much of an effect on him. But he looks down to see somebody on the floor with the contents of their bag scattered around.

_Fucking hell,_ he groans inwardly, knowing he couldn’t leave them like that. He crouches on the ground, trying to help them, pulling his headphones down and pausing the walkman. 

“Sorry. I wasn’t paying attention,” he tells them, still too embarrassed to look at them directly. 

“It’s fine,” a small voice says and Ben finally looks to see it’s a girl with long brown hair and a tattered looking sweater.

Ben knows her. At least he’s pretty sure he does. He’s definitely seen her before and he tries to think of where it might have been. 

But he still tries to help her, gathering her things that had fallen to the floor. She was carrying so much. But it wasn’t exactly school stuff, but the kind of things one would pack in an overnight bag.

Clothes, socks, toothpaste, bandaids, among her school notebooks and pens. 

And then he panics because he realizes he’s holding several tampons and he drops everything, feeling itchy suddenly.

She notices this and gathers the pile and stuffs it into her bag, not saying anything, probably upset he was touching all her things. 

He tries to soften his actions with another apology. “I’m...I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. Really,” she says, still looking down, her face hidden behind the curtain of her hair. “This happens more often than you would think.” Her voice catches him slightly off guard. She clearly had an accent. Something very English and fairly rare to hear even in Coruscant that managed to be a fairly diverse city. He had gotten fixated so much on how she spoke that it took him an extra moment to realize what she actually said.

“What do you mean?” Ben asks.

“My bag is broken. It doesn’t take much for it to all spillover,” she says, still trying to cram everything back into her weathered-looking satchel. She starts fiddling with the strap, tying it back on as well as she can. 

“Oh,” Ben says sadly, “I’m sorry,” he apologizes once more, unsure of what else to say.

She shrugs and gives him a small smile. “Don’t be. I think you’re the first person that’s ever noticed or at least bothered to help...so thank you.”

As she stands up, she tucks her hair behind her ears and he can finally get a clear view of her face and suddenly it hits him. He knows where he’s seen her. 

“Hey,” he starts. “I’ve seen you at my dad’s shop before. Solo’s Garage?”

She nods. “Yeah. You’re Ben.”

“Yeah. Sorry, I don’t know your name.” They've never spoken before. When she visits with Plutt she usually stays in the car or off to the side. 

She wrangles with her books, opting to carry them instead of putting them in her fragile bag. “I’m Rey.” 

“Rey,” he repeats, recalling her name. “Yeah, you bring in pieces from your dad’s junkyard sometimes.”

Her face falls a little bit. “He’s not my dad.”

Ben feels his insides churn at the conversation. He’s never been able to talk to girls. Actually, talking to anybody was a challenge and he just assumed he would never have the patience to get it right. 

Especially if his sessions with Snoke were any indication.

For some reason, instead of turning away, he just kept putting his foot in his mouth. “I’m...sorry,” he apologizes for, what was most likely, the fifth time. “I shouldn’t have assumed–” he rambles, trying to find the words but she takes a step back.

“Listen, thanks for your help. I’ve got to go though. See you around,” she says before she speeds off in the other direction.

“Yeah, see you...around,” he says after she’s long gone. He stands there for another moment and he looks down to see there was something she must have missed. 

A lone cassette tape without a case.

He leans over to pick it up, inspecting it. 

He spins around, already knowing she was gone. If he was going to give it back to her, it would have to be later.

* * *

His encounter with Rey sits with him long after she had walked away. He often played over conversations in his head, hating himself for what a fool he often made of himself. But this time, it went beyond his usual self-loathing as he found himself harboring a sense of concern for Rey.

He wars with himself, sitting on the couch in Dr. Snoke’s office, deciding if he should bring it up or not when he finally caves in.

“I met someone today,” he blurts out.

Snoke looks unamused as always, sitting back in his armchair. “One of your monsters, maybe?”

“No,” Ben wants to roll his eyes. Despite the man having degrees that claimed he helped people, he could be very insensitive to people’s emotions. Ben hated it. 

“But, I guess I already knew her. I just never spoke to her.”

“A girl, then?” Snoke deduces.

Ben nods. “She goes to my school. I didn’t even know. I had only seen her at my dad’s shop a few times. She’s really handy and quiet but...nice, I guess.”

“Okay,” Snoke sounds bored. 

“I think…” Ben swallows. “I think Plutt, her guardian or something,” he says, knowing he certainly wasn’t her father after his earlier misstep. “I think he might be really mean to her. He’s always kind of an asshole to my dad and to everyone else when he comes in. I can’t imagine living with a guy like that and she seems kinda sad. And today when I ran into her, her things all fell out of her bag and I’m worried she’s going to run away or something. She had so much stuff in there.”

“Ben,” Snoke starts, dropping his hand from under his chin. He pushes up his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose, a clear sign he was irritated as Ben had seen it from him often enough. “She’s not your problem. You have your own problems. Like these monsters you’re dreaming about. That’s why your parents pay so much for you to come to me and get treatment. That’s the problem. Whatever problems she might have are for her own therapist to work out.”

“I don’t think she has a therapist. I don’t think she has anybody,” Ben argues and as he says the words aloud, he decides, for whatever reason, he wants to see her again. “I...I think I’m going to talk to her again.”

Snoke sighs, looking to the clock. “Fine. Do whatever you want. But if you need more than an hour next week your co-pay increases.” 

“I know.”

* * *

The next day at school, Ben devotes all the time he can to try and track her down. He had the tape she had left behind that he planned to give back. 

He listened to it last night as he sat on his windowsill, trying to keep the smoke outside. 

He loved it. He really did. 

It was a far cry from what he normally listened to as he usually opted for music of a more aggressive nature. 

But this had been refreshing. Soothing. 

The tape was labeled _Treasure_ by the Cocteau Twins. He had never even heard of them but he felt almost indebted to them as the music acted almost like a lullaby as he fell into a dreamless sleep for the first time in over a week. 

He almost didn’t want to give it back but he knew that was ridiculous. And from how Rey kept her things, it seemed clear her possessions were very important to her. Besides, he could just go out and buy his own copy. He had a feeling Rey couldn’t afford to do that.

So he continues his search for her.

It was no wonder he hadn’t seen her around the school before because even as he actively searched for her, he couldn’t find her anywhere. He suspects she isn’t a senior like him and figured she might be a junior so he lingered around some of his classrooms from last year, wondering if she would emerge. 

But she doesn’t and he begins to wonder why he’s trying so hard and why she had yet to leave his thoughts since he ran into her yesterday. Snoke certainly thought it was a lost cause and Ben has never been one to be an outwardly concerned person for others.

But there was something about her that made him...he didn’t even know how to describe it. He just thought of her.

He was out of ideas by lunchtime of where to look so he just wandered, listening to the tape more. He looked through all the nooks and crannies the school had. He knows them well as he’s hidden away in plenty of them before. 

He suspects Rey might have a tendency to hide away too. 

And then he freezes where he stands as he sees her. Finally. 

She was sitting behind the cafeteria, her head down as she read. His breath catches in his chest and he’s not entirely sure why. She had on the same sweater from yesterday, he notices. The shirt underneath looked like it could be the same as well but he can’t remember. 

As he quietly steps forward, pulling down his headphones, it all goes to shit as he trips over a cardboard box lying near the dumpster. 

Her eyes find him immediately. 

She gives a small smirk. “You crash into all sorts of things then?”

Ben chuckles, his face heating up. “Not usually, no.”

“Just around me then?”

“Apparently.”

“I must be worse luck than I thought,” she says jokingly but Ben’s chest still sinks a bit. 

“No, I-“ he presses eject on his walkman and holds up the tape. “I just wanted to return this to you. I found it on the ground yesterday after you left.”

Her eyes light up as she recognizes it. “Oh, thank you! I was in a panic by the time I got home yesterday and found it missing.” He hands it to her, trying not to dwell on how her fingers brush past his own. “Thank you so much,” she tells him, inspecting to make sure it was alright. 

He shrugs. “It’s no problem. I uh...I actually listened to it. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course not.”

He smiles at her reassurance. “Well, anyway, I really like it.”

“They’re one of my favorites,” she says, tucking the tape back in her worn-out bag. 

He can see she’s tried to reinforce the straps by adding staples and he frowns to himself. 

The bag was becoming a safety concern. 

He looks to his own backpack. It wasn’t anything fancy. Just a regular black backpack. It was the same style of backpack he’s used for the majority of his education. His mother always got him a new one at the beginning of every school year which meant he was bound to have at least one more back home. 

He was about to offer it to her, knowing no matter what it would be in better condition than her current bag.

But then he hears a loud growl of a hungry stomach and he’s surprised to find it isn’t his. 

“Was that you?” he asks her.

“Sorry,” she says, looking away from him.

He frowns a little, confused why she would apologize. “So you haven’t eaten yet then?” he asks next.

She shakes her head and Ben can see that she didn’t have lunch nor the money to buy it. 

And it makes him wonder when she last ate at all. 

“Well, uh...I had a pretty big breakfast this morning,” he lies, pulling out the paper bag from his backpack. “So, if you’re interested in a PBJ, I could be persuaded to share.”

He offers her half of the sandwich and she looks hesitant to accept as if he was offering her something much more profound than the squished sandwich that he was. 

“Are you sure?” she asks. 

He nods and she finally takes it. He smiles as she takes a bite, clearly enjoying it.

“So you like the Cocteau Twins then?” she asks him then.

He nods. “Yeah. I had never heard anything like it before.”

She chuckles, agreeing with him and his ears perk up at the sound of her laugh. “I uh...I actually have a really difficult time sleeping and sometimes I don’t fall asleep at all. But I was playing it as I laid down and it really helped.”

“It made you fall asleep?” she raises her eyebrows.

He realizes she might have taken that as him trying to say it’s boring. “No, I–”

She chuckles again. “I’m just teasing you. I know what you mean. Their songs help relax me too.”

“Totally,” he breathes out, looking at her as she finished the sandwich. He hadn’t even taken a bite out of his half. He _was_ hungry as he hadn’t had a big breakfast that morning as he told her he did, but he finds himself wordlessly offering her his half as well. Because he has the feeling that she’s hungrier than he is. 

She shakes her head. “Ben, aren’t you hungry?”

He shakes his head. “Nah, I’m fine.”

She looks to the sandwich, chewing her lip. “Even if you’re not hungry now, you’ll be hungry soon enough. You should save it for later.”

“My free period is last today so I can leave early. If I’m hungry by then, I’ll eat at home,” he tells her. 

His explanation must be enough for her as she takes the sandwich from him. But instead of eating it right away she just stares at it for a moment before looking back at him. 

“Thank you,” she says softly. 

Ben nods, giving her a flat lipped smile but looks around. He’s never really been back here before. He didn’t even know students were allowed back here.

“Do you usually sit back here at lunchtime?”

She nods, starting to gather herself as the bell rings. Ben didn’t even hear it at first as he had been so invested in his thoughts.

He takes a deep breath before he continues. This had to be the longest conversation he’s voluntarily had with someone all year and he treaded lightly, not wanting to ruin it.

“Would you mind some company from time to time?” 

She gives him a smile then that makes him feel like he was melting. “No. Not at all.”

He chuckles in victory as he zips up his own backpack. “Then I guess I’ll see you around, Rey.”

“See you around, Ben.”

She becomes the very center of all his thoughts for the remainder of the day and it’s not until Ben is laying back in his bed that night that he realizes what all of this means. He realizes why his heart did somersaults in his chest when he was around her. 

He liked her. 

And the very notion of that was terrifying. 

He had always maintained distance and his emotions usually did the same, unless he got angry. But attraction, _affection,_ was new. And he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. 

He just knew that no matter what he was going to make sure Rey had food tomorrow. 

* * *

As he hands her a whole peanut butter and jelly sandwich for herself, she gives him a look of total surprise. He didn’t know what to say so he just held it out to her, hoping he didn’t seem as creepy as he probably was.

“For me?” she asks softly.

He nods. “Yeah. I thought uh...you know, just in case you didn’t have your lunch it would be best to come prepared.”

She begins to smile but it’s a kind of smile that also looks like it could turn to tears but he takes a sigh in relief when she finally takes it. 

“Thank you, Ben. Really.”

“It’s no problem.”

She tears into it and Ben hardly has the appetite for his own lunch as he suspects that she hasn’t eaten since the sandwich he gave her yesterday. And it fills him with a sense of urgency that he speaks before he can consider all the consequences. 

“Rey?” she looks up at him. “Do you usually not have lunch?”

She lowers the sandwich from her mouth and her head falls. It was answer enough.

When she sniffles, Ben finds himself scooting closer so he could speak lower. No one else was around but to say these things at full volume seemed too heavy.

“Rey? Do you...Do you need help?”

She looks to him then, her eyes glassy. “What?”

“I–I’m sorry, I shouldn’t assume anything but...I just hope you know that if you need anything, you can talk to me.”

“I’m fine. Really. It’s just…” she sniffles again, wiping her eyes before her tears could fall. “Money is pretty tight right now. Plutt thinks he’s losing the junkyard and,” she rolls her eyes at his name, “things are just a bit of a mess."

“Is Plutt…?” Ben knew he wasn’t her father but he must have been some sort of guardian.

“He’s my uncle,” she clarifies.

He nods, trying to think only of things that might help.

“Maybe there are some parts laying around that Plutt could sell to my dad. He’s always on the lookout for old stuff and vintage parts can be hard to get.”

Rey instantly starts shaking her head. “Ben, your father wouldn’t buy anything from Plutt,” she says.

Ben frowns. “What do you mean?”

She looks at him as if she realized what she’s said and pauses before she answers. “Nothing. Sorry.” She fiddles with the bag around the sandwich. “That‘s a nice suggestion. Thank you, Ben.”

He nods, unsure what she was going to say before thanking him but proceeds to his sandwich, not sure what else to do. 

“It’ll turn out fine,” she says again, although this time it sounds more for herself. “It usually does.”

“Well, let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

She looks to him with wide eyes then as a smile graces her face and his breath catches in his throat. 

But as she scooted closer to him, her bag fell off the half wall, and once again, everything she owned went splattering on the ground.

“Fuck,” she muttered before sinking to her knees and gathering it all back, surveying the damage to the old bag.

He crouches down to help her. 

“See, I told you. It happens all the time,” she says, trying to wedge things back in and will the ripped pieces of material back together. 

Ben hasn’t asked her why she feels the need to carry so much and he doesn’t want to ask it in a way that sounded judgemental so he refrained. But it was hard not to notice now as everything was spilling out.

“Rey, I think this bag has run out of lives,” he attempts to joke but she just sighs. 

“I know. I don’t know what I’m going to do now.” It was clear she was worried. 

He already knew she couldn’t afford another one.

“I think I have an idea.”

“What?”

“I have an old backpack from last year at my house. It’s still in good condition and I'm not using it. I only got a new one because my mom always insists on getting a new backpack every year,” he rolls his eyes. “If you want, we can swing by after school, if you don’t mind riding with me.”

Her eyes go a little wide at first and Ben squirm uncomfortably as he wonders if he should have offered.

But then she finally speaks. “No. No, I don’t mind at all.”

He chuckles and sighs in relief at the same time.

* * *

He meets her out front on the steps and he guides her to where he parked his bike. 

But first, he opens his backpack to her, letting her cram as much as she could inside so her things wouldn’t go flying. They rejoice as it zips and he asks her to sling it around her shoulders since she would be riding behind him.

He waits until they are both settled on the seat before he cranes his neck to check on her. “Alright?”

“Yeah,” she laughs. “I’ve tinkered with motorcycles before but I’ve never ridden on one.”

“Well, they do have a bit of a kick to them so you might want to hang on to me,” he tells her, trying not to overanalyze his own words as he knows now is not the time to get clumsy with nerves.

But then her hands reach around his sides, wrapping around him. He gasps at the contact and the sudden closeness. 

He’s seen people do this a thousand times in movies so he shouldn’t be so surprised that this is what ended up happening but it still feels very personal and by far the most he’s ever intentionally invited anyone to be so close to him before.

And he finds that, contrary to what he may have thought before, he quite likes it. He likes to know she’s there. And he’s ultimately relieved that she can’t see how much his cheeks are no doubt blushing as he comes to this realization. 

“Ready?” he asks her as much as he asks himself. 

She chuckles against his shoulder. “Ready.”

He speeds off and instantly, she grips him tighter. Rey gives and exhilarated laugh as he goes faster than he probably should have but he couldn’t resist. Her laugh was infectious and he laughed along with her as she tucked her face into his back, begging him to be careful.

Ben doesn’t remember a time he had smiled so big his cheeks were hurting but he tried to fight against it now as he would likely end up with bugs in his teeth.

They pull up to his house and Ben is almost disappointed he didn’t take the long way home once her arms loosen around him. He instantly misses the security of her around him and it’s strange how he longs for that closeness once more. 

But once he turns to Rey, her eyes are looking at the house. “This...You live here?”

He looks to the familiar townhouse before he looks back at her, shrugging. “Yeah.”

She looks at the building in awe. “It’s amazing.”

He chuckles. “Yeah, it’s alright,” he says, offering her a hand to get off which she takes. Her hands are so much smaller than his but his chest does that twisting thing again as he realizes how well it fits within his own. 

He already knows there won’t be anyone home as his parents both usually work late unless he has an appointment. Then they get home to drive him personally, not trusting him to take himself as they suspect he wouldn’t be going at all. And they were right. He hated going to Snoke and he wouldn’t at all if he had any say in it.

Talking with Rey the past few weeks has only exaggerated how useless Snoke’s advice really was. 

But he doesn’t think of that now. Not when he’s trying to recall the state of his room and hoping beyond all else that he’s not about to embarrass himself into oblivion with how messy it is. 

He never thought about how his room might look to other people before as he’s not one for entertaining guests. 

He opens his door, holding his breath and sighing in defeat as he sees clothes lying everywhere. He instantly dives to start cleaning up, realizing how gross he must have seemed. Especially when he catches sight of the soda can he was using as a not so discrete ashtray by the window.

“Sorry. I don’t get a lot of company, I guess.”

“No, it’s lovely.”

He scoffs at the compliment. “Rey, you’re too nice.”

“No, I mean it. Really.”

He slows his attempts to clean hastily and just looks at her as she admires the space. 

Her hair was wild from the ride. Her cheeks were a little pink from the brisk wind. Her sweater engulfed her frame as it was far too large for her.

And she looked beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

So he looked to his feet, clearing his throat, trying to get ahold of himself before she noticed him staring. 

And then he remembers why they are there in the first place so he makes for his closet where he knew his old backpack was bound to be. He opens his closet, silently wincing as he reveals the extent of how unorganized he is but trudges forward until he finds his old backpack. In comparison to Rey’s bag, it was practically new and Ben starts to feel ridiculous for having got a new one when this one was clearly still usable. But at least Rey could use it now.

He turns around to her and she’s still marveling at his room and looking at his posters. “Here,” he says lamely, trying to get her attention. “I think this will do.”

She takes it, holding it gently as if he had taken it out of a vault and not the back of his closet. “I know it’s kind of plain but at least it’s in one piece,” he chuckles, regretting it instantly when she doesn’t laugh.

_Fuck. She hates it. What have I done?_

“Thank you,” she breathes out so faintly he could barely hear it.

“Rey, you don’t have to use it if you don’t like it. In fact, maybe my mom has–”

“No, Ben” she interrupts him. “No, I love it.” When she finally looks up at him he can see there are tears gathering in her eyes.

He refrains from reaching out to her. “Then what’s wrong?”

She clutches the empty backpack closer to herself. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

Her question catches him entirely off guard. His mouth hangs open for a moment as he processes her words. “W-Why wouldn’t I be?”

“No one else is,” she says, sniffling. “But you...you’re so kind. You talk to me. You listen. You made me a sandwich. And now this,” she holds up the backpack. 

Tears flow down her face and his heart breaks at the sight of her practically falling apart in his room, all because she’s confused why he’s nice to her. 

“Because, Rey, I care about you. Is that so hard to believe?”

“Why?” she asks again, unsatisfied with his answer. His own eyes battle with tears as he looks down at her. He wants to say what he feels but he doesn’t quite know how.

He opts for a safer path, too overwhelmed to face what his feelings might result in. He doesn’t want to scare her off so soon. So he tells her what he knows to be true in a way that he hopes she could understand.

“Because we’re friends, Rey,” he says resolutely. “And I may not know much about having them or being one, but I know that means we look out for each other. And if I have the means to help you, I want to...as long as you’ll let me.”

Her lip trembles as big tears fall onto her cheeks. A small sob leaves her mouth as she lunges forward, wrapping her arms around him in a crushing hug.

He stands there for a moment, totally shocked before he brings his arms to circle around her. 

“Thank you,” she says into his shirt. “I’ll look out for you too. I promise.”

He hugs her closer, his throat tight as he hears her words. Never has he felt so connected to someone. Even after such a short time, he feels like they understand each other. He doesn’t feel intimidated around her the way he does with everyone else. He doesn’t feel weak or afraid the way Snoke would tell him he had the tendency to do. He feels...he feels good. 

And he decides he could spend forever just holding her. But then she pulls away to wipe at her face and to look up at him with a watery grin. “As much as I hated that bag, I suppose I should be grateful.”

“Why?” he asks her.

“If it hadn’t spilled everything, we never might have talked.”

He chuckles, realizing how true that was. “You’re right,” he smiles. “Maybe we should give it a proper funeral to honor it.”

She giggles then and Ben’s heart flutters at the sound.

* * *

He didn’t realize how late it was getting as he and Rey talked for hours. He showed her around his room and they rifled through his music. He played her some of his favorites which then led to him making mixtapes for her as she told him what she liked. 

He has way too much fun supplying her with all his Black Sabbath knowledge of which she was very receptive. 

She liked it and he could tell she wasn’t just saying that.

She smiles as she looks around his room to the other posters and albums, all of which were probably a little over the top, he realizes now in the company of others. And yet she doesn’t seem to mind. She was still looking at everything in slight awe.

But then he sees how her eyes flit to the prescription bottles on his nightstand. When she realizes he’s caught her she turns away. 

“Sorry,” she says, looking back down to her hands where she’s gradually been organizing her new backpack.

“No, it’s alright. I have to leave them out or I forget to take them,” he says casually. Even then, he forgoes them sometimes, convinced they don’t do anything for him. “I think I told you yesterday that I have a really hard time sleeping.”

“They’re sleeping pills?”

“Not exactly. They’re kind of just meant to help balance my brain so that I can sleep easier. The uh…” he wonders if he should go into this with her, wondering again if he might scare her off. In the end, he decides to go ahead.

“The doctor that I go to...he helps me try to work out different things to help me and these meds are part of it. But I think they have yet to work. I’m not sure if they really help.”

“Do you have trouble falling asleep?”

“Well, not so much that, although nowadays I end up keeping myself awake just to avoid sleep. I have these recurring dreams that really get to me and sometimes they startle me so bad that I don't sleep for a few days.”

“Oh my god. Ben, that’s horrible.”

“I think it’s just a matter of finding the right treatment and medicine.”

“Is your doctor helpful at least?”

Ben huffs, smirking a bit as he thinks of Snoke. The word helpful doesn’t come to mind. “He’s a little odd. I see him once a week to try and give him updates on how everything is going but a lot of this stuff...like dream-related things and mental health, in general, are all kind of experimental. I don’t think they know too much about it so therapists try to work away at possible stressors and issues to find the root of things. Like the cause of why I would be having these dreams.”

“I’m sorry, Ben,” she says, looking at him sincerely.

He just shrugs. “It’s alright. I’m kind of used to it by now. I guess that’s why I like listening to music. It keeps me company when I’m up late.”

Rey gives a look of understanding, opening her mouth to speak when suddenly he hears the front door from downstairs close, followed immediately by the sound of his mother’s voice. “Ben? I brought back dinner!”

“Alright,” he shouts back, hoping he didn’t scare Rey. But instead, she focuses on the alarm clock next to his bed. 

“Oh, I didn’t notice how late it was getting. I’m sorry, I’ve overstayed.”

“Rey, you haven’t overstayed anything,” he tells her, moving away from his stereo to look at her. “But if you’re in a rush to get home, I can give you a ride.”

Rey opens her mouth again as if to refuse and he was ready to insist she accept if only to keep her from walking home alone in the dark. But then he hears footsteps, the distinct clatter of his mother’s shoes approaching and they both still as she appears in the doorway. 

She knocks on the frame briefly before stepping in. “Please tell me you cleaned–” she starts but her eyes blow wider than Ben has ever seen as her gaze lands on Rey. 

“Oh, hello,” she says in slight awe before looking back to Ben. “Ben, I didn’t realize you had company.”

“Uh, mom, this is Rey. She’s a friend from school.”

Ben can already see the glint in Leia's eyes and Ben can feel his ears heat up at the smirk on her lips and Ben wants to pull his bed covers over his head and dissolve. But Leia ignores the effect her teasing look has on him as she steps forward to greet her. “Rey,” she says as she holds out her hand to shake. “It’s so nice to meet you. It’s always such a pleasure to meet Ben’s friends.”

_Always a pleasure,_ Ben could scoff at her words. Clearly she seemed to think she was doing him a favor by implying he had other friends to meet. Which of course he didn’t.

But Rey plays along, shaking her hand. “It’s nice to meet you too, Mrs. Solo.”

“Oh please, call me Leia,” his mother insists.

“Leia,” Rey repeats, her cheeks rosy with a smile. Ben focuses back on her, seeing how his mother’s attentions seem to genuinely amuse her. “I’m sorry, I was just telling Ben that I’ve overstayed my welcome. I didn’t mean to impose–”

“Oh no, you haven’t at all, my dear. In fact, why don’t you stay for dinner? I picked up from Mon Calamari’s on the way home, so we’ve got plenty of you’re hungry.”

Rey looks over his mother’s shoulder to him, a silent question in her eyes, asking if it was alright to stay. He nods with a smile, for once appreciative of his mother’s overbearing hospitality to her guests as he hoped Rey knew she was always welcome. 

“I’d love to stay. I’m always hungry,” Rey tells Leia.

Leia chuckles a little before turning to face him once more, patting Rey on the shoulder. “Oh, I like her.”

“Mom,” Ben says, rolling his eyes. 

She ignores him, looking back to Rey. “And don’t worry about the time or anything. I’m sure Ben would be happy to give you a ride back home after we eat. He always likes to get some fresh air after meals anyway.”

“Mom,” he says again, this time a little more annoyed and she seems to get the hint but her smile remains. 

“Alright, well come down when you’re ready. Han is out with Lando tonight so we have the house to ourselves,” she says, moving back to the door and Ben sighs in relief when she’s out of sight although he can hear her humming down the hall.

“Sorry,” he chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. “She uhh...I think she’s just overly excited to see I’m capable of talking to people my age. She probably thought I was a lost cause.”

_I still might be._

Rey just beams. “No, she’s lovely.” She fiddles with her hands for a moment though before looking up at him. “You’re sure it’s okay if I stay?”

Ben chuckles. “Rey, you can stay as long as you want.”

And he means it. 

* * *

They head downstairs and Ben shows Rey to the table before moving to the kitchen, claiming to help his mom when really he only wanted to calm her down. Good thing too because once he steps in the kitchen he’s practically attacked by her as she shakes him by the arms. “Ben, why didn’t you tell me you had a girlfriend?”

“Shh,” Ben urges her to lower her voice. “I don’t have a girlfriend. Rey and I are just friends.”

Leia represses a smirk but thankfully lowers her voice to a more subtle volume. “‘Just friends.’ Of course,” she says, her tone clearly mocking him, not believing his claims. 

“Mom, I’m serious.”

“Alright. Alright. I’m cool. I’ll be cool.”

“Just please don't try to interrogate her or anything. I want her to feel comfortable.”

“Oh, how gentlemanly of you,” she winks.

“Mom,” Ben warns. “Please.”

Leia reaches up, tucking his hair behind his ear. He towered over her now but sometimes these little gestures of hers made him feel small again. “I’ll behave.”

“Thank you.”

He grabs three plates and some silverware, taking a deep breath before he steps back out of the kitchen. Rey was sitting at the table, looking all around at the pictures his mom has hung up everywhere. 

She gives him a bright smile as he steps back over. “Is this you?” she asks, pointing to a tiny frame with a picture of him when he was probably five years old getting a piggyback ride from his dad.

“Yeah,” he says, looking away, embarrassed at how large his ears looked in that picture as his hair used to be so much shorter. 

“You look so cute,” she says, admiring the photo again and Ben folds his lips, trying to keep himself from smiling like a fool because he was already blushing like one. 

Thankfully, his mom comes through with the tray of food and sets it in the middle of the table. “I’m starving,” she says mostly to herself as they all sit down and Ben can tell Rey doesn’t know where to start with everything out in front of her. He goes first, telling her which things he likes so she has some frame of reference of what to take. 

Leia, of course, takes notice. “Have you ever been to Mon Calamari’s, Rey?”

“Uh, no actually.”

“Well, I hope you like it. It’s one of our favorites. Or at least it tastes good and it’s on my way home so we have it a lot.”

Rey laughs. “Oh no, it looks lovely. And I’ll eat anything, honestly.”

Ben knew that was very likely true. And it was obvious she enjoyed it by the look on her face when she took her first bite. 

But soon enough his mother starts talking again. “Rey, I can’t help but notice the charming accent of yours.” 

“Oh, thank you. Honestly, I forget about it most of the time. It must sound odd to people.”

“Oh, I love it. I always wanted an accent like that when I was younger,” his mom says. “Do your parents have accents? Is that where you get yours?” Ben refrains from glaring at her, knowing this was just her way of trying to be nice, even if he asked her not to interrogate Rey. 

Rey has a look of deep concentration on her face. “I’m not sure, actually. I always thought it came from my uncle. My parents passed away when I was very young so I’m afraid I don’t remember them too well. But I suppose however they spoke must have lingered on me a bit.”

Ben had speculated, after his initial misstep of referring to Plutt as her father, that she very likely had no parents. But to hear it from her now, it makes his heart sink, and his gaze shifts to his mother whose chipper mood was clearly affected at the somber turn her questions had taken them. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed–”

“No, it’s alright. Really,” Rey insists. “I’m just glad my accent isn’t as thick as my uncle’s. Sometimes even I have no idea what he’s saying,” she chuckles and Ben can see how Leia forces a laugh in an attempt to lighten her mood.

“This is so delicious,” Rey says then, focused on the food rather than their faces. 

“Oh, please, Rey, have as much as you like,” his mom says, scooting some of the food boxes closer to her. She clears her throat before speaking again. “Are you and Ben in the same classes?”

“Rey’s a junior,” Ben answers for Rey since her mouth was full. 

“So you just ran into each other on campus then?” Leia asks.

Rey chuckles then, looking at him. “Quite literally, yes.”

Ben laughs for the first time in a long time at the dinner table and he can see that his mom noticed this too as she grinned at him. 

“I had seen him before at Han’s shop but we never spoke.”

“Well, that’s no surprise. Ben doesn’t talk to many people.”

“Mom,” Ben interjects but no one seems to notice. 

“Actually, I don’t either. But Ben is easy to talk to...and he’s way too nice to me,” Rey chuckles, looking to him.

Ben should probably say something then but he’s too caught up in her words. Overly flattered that she would say he’s easy to talk to, even if she was just being nice. He always had a hard time talking to people. But with Rey it was different. He’s just glad she thinks so too.

Leia throws him a look when he finally looks up to her and he already knows she’s going to tease him. “Well, it’s nice to hear you’re behaving yourself.”

He rolls his eyes but saw it coming a mile away so he lets it slide. 

The remainder of dinner proceeds fairly pleasantly and Ben is glad that from there on out, Leia’s comments make Rey laugh. He had become immune to his mother’s teasings over the years but he didn’t mind it as it seemed to amuse Rey. It made her feel welcome and he’s relieved to see her eating a real meal rather than a meager sandwich that had gotten clobbered by the books in his backpack. 

When they’re all finished, Rey follows him to the kitchen to help him clean up even though both he and Leia insist she doesn’t have to. 

She does anyway.

* * *

Ben gives Rey a ride home. She squeezes his middle, pointing at the upcoming turns, telling him where to go. There’s something about it that makes him feel so complete. He knows it’s for safety but it reminds him of their hug from earlier. 

But then she leads him to Plutt’s junkyard instead of a house or an apartment building like he was expecting. Ben had never been to the junkyard himself and he didn’t realize it was in such a scary part of the city. His gut twists as he knows this is where Rey lives. 

She taps his shoulder at the gates. “Stop here.”

He frowns but does as she asks, killing the engine. He looks to her as they get off the bike. He looks up at the rusty old sign above the gates that had barbed wire on them as she fishes for her key in her new bag. 

_She lives in the junkyard._

“Rey, you…” he stops when she opens the gate and he sees a long trailer in the middle of the junkyard. 

He would have thought it was the office, and maybe it is, but apparently, she and Plutt live in there too. 

Rey didn’t seem to notice the concern he was harboring inside of him. She said money was tight but this...this made him feel horrible. It made sense why she was so amazed by his house and his filthy room earlier. 

“Ben, I can’t thank you enough for everything. Your mother was so lovely,” Rey says, unaffected by the setting.

He forces a smile, not wanting to ruin her chipper mood. “She loved you, Rey. And she was serious. You’re welcome for dinner anytime.”

She stops fiddling with her things as she looks up to him again. “I’d like that,” she says softly. 

He takes a deep breath before looking back at the lone trailer in the middle of the junk. “Rey, are you sure it’s safe here. Maybe I should walk you in just to be safe.”

“No!” she says quickly and then follows it with a much softer, “No.” She looks to her feet. “Ben, I’ve lived here all my life. I know how to take care of myself. It’s alright.”

He swallows, fearing he had crossed some sort of line. But he really wanted to make sure she was okay and just by the looks of this place, she was far from it. 

He tries to manage a final smile, wanting to leave her with something positive and not the insult his comment must have sounded like. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” he says somewhat lamely as he moves back for his bike. As soon as he’s sitting down he hears her call his name and she walks back over to him. As he sits down, he’s near level to her height. 

“Ben. Wait, I…” She dug into the backpack, pulling out the Cocteau Twins tape. The one he had returned to her yesterday. “I want you to have this.”

He frowns, looking down at it. “But–”

“I know you said it helped you sleep and I just figured since you have a difficult time...well, I don't know, it might help. And you’ve also given me so much and I want you to know I really appreciate everything.”

He hesitates before taking it from her. “But, Rey…” he knows how much her things mean to her. Now seeing how limited her space is at the junkyard, he would feel wrong taking something from her. “Rey, I can’t.”

“No, please. I want you to have it. Besides, I’ll be busy listening to all my new mixtapes,” she smirks.

Ben chuckles. He can tell this means something to her, for him to take this. And in a way, he can understand. And it fills him with affection as she does it because she wants to help him in a way. It means so much that she was listening earlier and she offers him this to try and comfort him. 

Snoke never offered comfort. Only pills and insults. 

So this means a lot to him. 

“Alright, well, I’ll take it for now, but when you want it back, just let me know,” he tells her. “Thank you, Rey.”

“Of course,” she smiles. She stands there for a moment longer slinging the backpack over her shoulder. 

He takes another look around the junkyard, fighting the urge to say something else. To ask her if she was alright here or where Plutt might be. If she wanted to get back on his bike and just stay with him. 

Even if that would probably freak her out and he has to remind himself he’s only really known her for a few days. She would probably think he was a creep.

But before he could even try, she steps closer, her eyes looking to his lips for a moment. Ben’s heart hammers in his ears. He holds his breath but then she kisses him softly on the cheek, her hand tenderly holding onto his arm to keep her balance. 

Ben can’t breathe as he focuses everything on the soft press of her lips against his skin. When she pulls away her eyes find his own and Ben thinks he could get lost forever in her gaze.

And he decides he would very much like to.

“Good night, Ben,” she whispers, her breath mingling with his own, she was so close. 

“G-Good night, Rey,” He says, finally finding his voice.

She smiles one final time before she goes inside the gate. He stayed behind to make sure she got in alright, still uneasy about her living in this place. 

And yet, he is far too ecstatic as the reality of what just happened becomes clear. 

_She kissed him._ On the cheek, but still...it makes him feel lighter than he’s ever been and he chuckles to himself. He looks down at the tape fondly before tucking it safely in his jacket pocket and starting the bike to head home. 

As he cruises through the streets, his cheek still tingles from the contact and he must have looked absolutely crazy to anyone that saw him. 

But he didn’t care. He was in too good a mood.

* * *

He slept that night. As in he fell asleep at a more reasonable hour than he has in a long time and woke up to his alarm the next morning. 

He quickly got dressed and gathered his things before racing downstairs to make him and Rey sandwiches for lunch. 

When he finds her at school, he takes a moment to comb through his hair before she catches sight of him. 

She had awoken something in him, he knows. And even if it was foreign and somewhat terrifying, he wanted to dive headfirst and see where it took him. 

Because wherever it was, she was there and Ben wanted to be with her.

* * *

The following evening, Ben approaches his father as he was sitting on the couch. 

He knew that his dad already knew about Rey from seeing her at the shop but also from his mother’s non-stop ramblings about how pleasant it was to have dinner with her.

Ben had invited Rey over to dinner again and he could tell she wanted to come but she said she needed to assist Plutt with some things at the junkyard that evening. He made her promise to call him if she needed anything, hoping she took his meaning that if she needed food or anything he would be over in an instant. 

He had given her his number and she had given him hers except she told him it was the only phone line at the junkyard and it was best not to call in case Plutt picked up. Apparently he didn’t approve of personal calls. 

It was all the more reason Ben was anxious to talk to his father. Han had known Plutt for a long time and perhaps he had a clearer picture of who this man really was. Even if he and his father hardly spoke these days, his urgency to ensure Rey was safe made him want to try. 

“Hey, kid,” Han says, his eyes for the most part still looking at the TV.

Ben moves to sit beside him, giving Chewie a pat on the head as he does. “Hey, um–”

“Is this about Rey?” he asks first. 

Ben feels his cheeks and ears flare up. Was he that obvious? Was her name written all over his face? He clears his throat before nodding. “Yeah, actually.”

Han laughs. “I thought so. She’s all your mother talks about now too. She sounds great, kid.”

“Yeah, she is,” Ben chuckles. 

“Are you two...dating?” 

The place on his cheek where she had kissed him last night tingles at the question. “Uh...no,” Ben says. “We’re just friends.”

“But you like her,” Han deduces, taking a swig from his beer. 

Ben knew there was no sense in hiding it. He gives a small nod. “I do,” he confirms. He knows that’s what it is and why he spent half of his day wondering how he could manage to tell her that without scaring her away. “But...I’m worried.”

Han looks to him, the furrow in his brows asking questions before he spoke them.

“She lives in the junkyard with her uncle and...well, she never has any lunch at school. She almost cried when I gave her my sandwich at school. And yesterday, when I tried to talk to her about it, she just said that Plutt might be losing the outpost, and money is really tight.”

Han nods in understanding. 

“And I was wondering if you were to buy some stuff off Plutt then that might give them some extra cash. I don’t even know what she could be eating at home or if she’s eating at all.”

Han sighs, setting the can down and leaning forward, turning the TV off. “Ben, I understand. Really, I do. And I really appreciate that you’re trying to help her. But I can’t buy anything from Plutt.”

“Why not?” Ben asks, thinking back to what Rey said. How did she know his dad wouldn’t buy anything?

“The majority of Plutt’s parts that aren’t trashed are very likely stolen.”

“What?”

“I bought some parts off him a few years ago. He came in with a sob story that he had more than just one mouth to feed and I paid double what I should have just to get him off my back. But then Lando came in after there were some claims from the next county over that parts had been stolen from manufacturers. Lando kept it quiet for me because he found some of those parts in my shop. When I told him I bought them from Plutt we realized what was going on. Lando held an investigation but Plutt skated by. He likely had sold everything by then and Lando had nothing to go on since the parts he found in my shop had to stay off the record to keep me safe. Plutt still tries to sell me things from time to time when he comes in with his usual junk but I just tell him no.”

Ben can’t believe it. But that would explain Rey’s reaction. Which would mean she would know Plutt steals parts to try to turn a profit. 

Fear strikes him as he wonders if Plutt has made her take part in it. 

“But, I mean regardless, that still leaves Rey. She shouldn’t suffer just because her uncle is an asshole.”

Han gives a chuckle as he moves to ruffle Ben’s hair. “Look at you. I’ve never seen you like this.”

Ben smacks his hand away, trying to fix his hair out of his face. “Like what?”

Han smirks bringing the beer back to his lips as he finally answers. “Whipped.”

He wasn't whipped. Or, even if he was, this was more his concern for her safety than anything else. CLearly Plutt wasn't a trustworthy guardian if he was stealing things for profit.

Ben rolls his eyes, moving to stand up but his dad snatches his wrist and yanks him back down. “I’m just messing with you, kid. I’m hearing you. If you think she’s in trouble, you know your mom and I would be alright with whatever help she needs.”

Ben thinks he means that. His mom has always been the charitable type and his dad had been something of a teenage runaway himself. He could see how Rey might remind him of himself, even if they haven’t really spoken yet.

“Thanks, dad.”

“Don’t mention it, kid.”

* * *

Ben sits awkwardly in Snoke’s office the following week, feeling unable to say anything despite everything he’s been feeling lately.

Because he decides his feelings which were terrifying enough to admit to himself are not for Snoke to hear. If anyone else was to hear how he feels, it would be Rey who had occupied the vast majority of his thoughts. 

“Tell me about your week,” Snoke finally says, growing bored of the silence. 

“It was...good,” Ben says, almost surprised.

“Good?”

“Yeah.”

Snoke purses his lips, looking skeptical. “Any dreams of Mortis? Or those monsters of yours?”

Ben shook his head. “No. Actually, I’ve been sleeping a lot better this past week.”

It still wasn’t perfect but he was staying asleep longer and best of all, he hadn't had any nightmares. 

Snoke hums in approval. “Interesting. Perhaps you’re finally starting to experience the intended effects of the medication.”

Ben nods. “Maybe. But I’ve actually just been feeling better in general. That girl I was telling you about, Rey, she’s really nice. I’ve just been hanging out with her a lot.” He figures that was safe enough to say. He doubts Snoke would try to twist that around. 

He was wrong.

The older man laughed at him then. “What, that girl you said carried everything she owned in a potato sack?”

“I never sa–”

“I might have paraphrased but the point is maybe you should reevaluate who you’re talking about before you try to give her any credit for this sudden progression. We’ve been working for too long for you to try and claim someone else, _some girl_ , could make you feel better in a matter of a week.”

Ben freezes, feeling his chest protest at his words. Who was he to say what was working and what made him happy? “Well, she has,” Ben says quietly, stuffing his hands in his pockets, clutching to the tape she had given him hidden inside. He never goes anywhere without it now. 

Snoke shakes his head. “Well, try to knock some sense into yourself before next week because soon enough you’ll realize that she’ll just leave you behind, and then we’ll be back where we started when your parents first brought you to me. Is that what you want? Do you think your parents want to deal with that again?”

Ben looks at him with furrowed brows. His parents had been nothing but happy about Rey. In the past week, she’s come over almost every day after school. His parents seem to be as entranced with her as he is and when he returns from taking her home they give him smug grins as they seem to know what he’s tried to keep to himself. 

And yet Snoke seems to think Rey will only bring destruction. 

“Remember what I told you last week. You come to me to work through your own problems. If you think that ignoring them and distracting yourself with some pretty girl will make it all go away then you clearly have a lot more to deal with than just your monsters.”

Ben remains quiet for the rest of the meeting as Snoke continued to berate him and Rey. He wishes he had the courage to tell him off but he just sits there, irate and confused as to why Snoke was so against him being happy with someone.

* * *

“Ben? Are you alright?” he hears Rey say suddenly and he looks to her instantly.

“Hmm?” he hums at first before coming to his senses. “Yeah. Yeah. I’m okay.”

“You’ve been quiet today,” she says, looking back down to her homework as she sat on the foot of his bed. 

He has. He had been going crazy thinking about what Snoke was saying yesterday and how wrong it all sounded. Ben refused to give his words any credence but he had been up late once again. Only it wasn’t because of the nightmares. 

“I know. I’m sorry. I just...I’ve been thinking.”

“About what?” Rey asks, setting her book aside. 

He swallows, unable to meet her eyes. He’s been thinking about _her._ Snoke’s insistence that she was just a distraction sent him into a whirlwind of internal rants, all of which led him to the inevitable conclusion of his true feelings for Rey.

He didn’t care what Snoke said about her, he still loves her. 

_He loves Rey._ Hopelessly so. 

He’s been certain of it for, at least, the last twelve hours, and being around her has made him more nervous than usual as he feels like all his emotions are written on his face. He was surprised he got them to his house in one piece today. She settled her chin on his shoulder and giggled in his ear on the ride home, rendering him unable to focus on anything they sped past. 

He glances up at her again and his heart jumps to his throat when she’s not only still waiting for his response but just in how she looks at him. She has a shine to her that makes him melt but there’s also concern in her eyes. Concern for him. 

And it quickly makes him backtrack from the courage he might have found to speak any hint of the truth. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”

He stands up, moving to his window to get some fresh air. And yet, all his mind is capable of doing is spewing Snoke’s cruel words back at him, trying to tell him that Rey wasn’t worth his time and that any happiness he feels with her is false.

_We’ve been working for too long for you to try and claim someone else, some girl, could make you feel better in a matter of a week._

“Ben?” she comes up behind him, her voice as soft as her touch as she reaches for his wrist. He finds her eyes and his chest swells.

_Try to knock some sense into yourself before next week because soon enough you’ll realize that she’ll just leave you behind_

“Ben, whatever it is...it’s alright,” she whispers.

_You come to me to work through your own problems. If you think that ignoring them and distracting yourself with some pretty girl will make it all go away then you clearly have a lot more to deal with than just your monsters._

But Rey was here. Rey cared. She was kind to him in a way that few have ever been and more than anything he wanted to make sure she knew she was loved and cared for and valued as the incredible and beautiful person that she is. He wants her to know how he feels even if the very thought of it makes him feel almost dizzy, especially as Snoke’s harsh warnings seem to fire off in his brain. 

It creates a fear in the pit of his stomach that if he dares to tell her, maybe it will scare her away and she’ll leave like Snoke said she would. 

But as she squeezes his hand with hers, he comes to a decision that seemed like it should have been obvious much earlier. 

_Fuck Snoke._

Ben surges forward, crashing his lips to hers.

His ears are rushing with blood and it takes a long moment for his mind to clear enough to understand what he’s doing. It’s enough to make him lose his nerve and pull back. When he does her eyes are wide and she looks to him in shock. 

He covers his mouth with his hand as he can feel the hope within his chest start to shrivel up and retreat. 

“Fuck,” he breathes out sharply, running his hand through his hair as he begins to realize all he has just ruined. “Rey. I’m–I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have–”

His words are cut short as she settles her hands on the sides of his face and rises to her toes, bringing herself back to him, kissing him fiercely.

He gasps into her mouth in utter surprise before he kisses her back. Astonishment and the passion of her embrace chase away his doubt and his self-loathing, replacing it with overflowing joy.

He wraps his arms around her, bringing her closer.

He’s never kissed anyone before and he probably wasn’t doing it right but he didn’t even care. He just let instinct guide him, especially when he lifted her off the ground just enough so she was closer to his height.

They didn’t pull away until the need for air overcame all else. He leans his forehead against hers, the ragged breaths mingling together. Her lips are red and her face is flushed and he knows he probably looks the same. He settles her back on the ground, never pulling his eyes from hers. 

There are words he wants to say, but he can hardly recall any of the English language aside from her name which was endlessly firing around his mind, like a mantra.

_How could he think of anything but her?_

She bites her lip for a moment before chuckling softly, her thumbs gently brushing past his cheeks. “I was hoping you would do that,” she admits,

He beams at her, relief and love coursing through him, content to just take in this beautiful look on her face as he processes her words. And yet he ducks down, kissing her again although softer than before. A chaste press of his lips against hers but hoping she understood. “Me too,” he tells her against her mouth, his hands matching hers, cradling her face.

“Rey, I–”

“Dinner!” Both of them jolt in surprise at his mother’s voice calling up to them. He had forgotten about everything beyond this space between them and to hear the rest of the world still existed was far too startling.

“C-Coming!” he calls back, his voice slightly shaky. 

Rey giggles, her face falling to lean against his chest as she hugs him close. He chuckles against her hair keeping her there. Snoke’s words fade away as he holds her here, knowing that bastard was wrong. 

Rey was here and his happiness is real.

* * *

That night he drives through the streets with her clinging to his middle. At stoplights, he covers her hands with one of his and she’ll hug him a little tighter, resting her head against his back. It all felt so natural. So comforting.

His parents gave him a teasing look when Rey had gone upstairs to get her backpack and he just ignored them and waited on the porch, not in the mood for their torment. He felt like he’s been floating on air since they kissed in his room. He didn’t think he could ever return to Earth. 

But then they arrive at the junkyard and his senses return at the somber sight of where Rey calls home.

He always hated letting her go and tonight more than most he feels unable to do so. To know he leaves her here at night never sits well with him. Even if he tried to ask her if she was comfortable or needed anything, she insisted she was fine. 

And she never wanted him to see. He always said goodbye to her at the gate and he had to wait until he saw her go inside safely before he started his bike and rode off. 

He’s also never seen Plutt around. Ben assumed that by now, after dropping her off on his motorcycle at night, that would have earned him at least one dirty look or some sort of generic guardian statement. But clearly Plutt wasn’t too concerned or even aware. 

And Rey...well, the thought of her in that old trailer in the middle of all that junk was unsettling. He’s heard that junkyards, even shitty ones, can be subject to burglary or squatters.

To think Rey could be subjected to that unnerves him. 

But then she hops off and comes to stand beside him, kissing him softly and immediately responds, wrapping his hands around her waist. When she pulls away, her lips still brush his as she speaks. “Thank you. I had a good time today.”

He catches her hand as it falls from his face, not wanting her to slip away just yet. “Me too.”

He wants to tell her he loves her. He wants to tell her about the light she has brought to his life in such a short amount of time. But he didn’t want to overwhelm her or freak her out. Besides, he was still distracted by the looming disparity of Niima Outpost behind them.

But he’s attempted before to try and convince her to let him walk her in only to be shot down so he tries to think of something else. Something that would hopefully be some sort of middle ground with this topic. 

“Hey, uh...do you think I could meet your uncle?”

Rey’s eyes go a little wide and she steps back a little. Enough that Ben gets off the bike, awkwardly stuffing his hands in his pockets as she looks to the ground. 

“Well, you’ve seen him at your dad’s shop before. You basically already know each other,” she shrugs, moving to fish for her keys in her backpack. 

“I know, but, I just thought that I would introduce myself. He’s probably a little curious as to who has been dropping you off and it would probably be polite if I just introduced myself, formally.”

“He’s not a curious man and hardly someone who even considers what good manners would be, Ben. I wouldn't worry about it,” she says, moving to face the locks.

He follows her, stepping right beside her. “Rey, I know he’s an asshole but I think he should at least know who I am, or at least what _we_ are.”

“That we’re together?” she asks, sounding hopeful, her eyes glazed. As if she was just realizing that that’s what they are or could be.

He cradles her cheek with his hand. “Together,” he assures her. “As long as that’s what you wanted,” he says, wondering why she got so distant when it came to Plutt or this horrible place when this, wide-eyed and hopeful Rey was who she really was. 

“I do,” she says quickly. “Of course, Ben,” she whispers, pressing her palm over his knuckles, keeping his hand on her cheek. 

He gives her a small smile. It had felt like a confirmation when she kissed him earlier, but to hear the words, that was amazing too. His heart was beating out of his chest. He’s never felt like this.

But then her own smile falls a bit. “Listen, Ben. I understand you would want to meet Plutt but I just don’t think that’s a good idea. At least not now.”

“Why not?”

“Because..." her eyes seem to look anywhere but him. "Because he’s not here.”

Ben frowns, confused, and looks through the gate to the trailer. “He’s out?”

“Yes.”

“Well, then let’s wait until he gets back. I don’t want you to be here alone anyway.”

Rey shakes her head. “Ben, he won’t be coming back for a while.”

“I can wait,” he assures her. Even if she wants to fight him on this, he’s not budging. He won’t leave her here by herself.

“Ben,” she says softer this time, and Ben looks back down to see the tears spilling over onto her cheeks. He clings to her tighter, his heart pounding for an entirely new reason.

Something was wrong. 

“Rey, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

Her lip trembles, “I...I’ve never told anyone. He told me not to tell and I just thought it was for the best considering everything but–” she cries.

He tries to steady her against his chest, holding her gently as she hugs him. “Rey…” he thinks to how she spoke to him earlier. When he had been so lost in thoughts and Snoke's words. Her presence was soothing and her support and patience even more so. “Whatever it is...you know you can trust me. Just please, let me help you.”

She doesn’t say anything for a long time, but her voice comes soft and almost haunting when she does. “Maybe it’ll be easier if I just show you.”

She steps away, bringing her keys to the gate and unlocking it. She tells him to wheel his bike inside so it wouldn’t be stolen on the street. He does, feeling very uneasy at the sudden silence. 

Together they walk towards the mobile home and Rey’s keys jingle as she finds the right one, unlocking that one as well. 

As the door creaks open, Rey stands there for a moment, looking to him, almost like she was afraid. “Rey?” he reaches for her hand. 

She guides them inside. She turns on the lights and it illuminates something of an office area although there is a small loveseat on the other side of the desk along with a very small and very old TV. There’s a miserable-looking file cabinet that doesn’t look much better than the junk outside. But then Rey leads them through a narrow hallway, passing a bathroom as cramped as an outhouse until they reach the supposed destination. 

It looked like it had been an add on from the original size of the trailer as it was not only colder but lower as well. As if it was sinking into the ground. But then Rey flicks on a small lantern and the space is revealed to him.

And his stomach turns as he realizes what she’s showing him.

_It’s her room._

There’s a small, thin mattress on the ground with a sleeping bag on top. Beside it is an alarm clock and an old tape deck along with a stack of cassettes. Some of which he had made for her. Aside from the lantern, that she had turned on, that looked like everything, aside from the pile of car parts in the corner of the room. 

When he looks back to her again, tears are streaming down her cheeks but her face is still as she looks to the ground, avoiding his stare. 

“This is–” Ben starts but instantly his throat seizes and he stops, knowing if he said the words he would likely burst into tears. He clears his throat. “This is where you sleep?”

She only nods. 

The brutal truth of what she has revealed to him strikes him in the chest as he understands what she was unable to say aloud to him. “Plutt doesn’t live here.” It wasn't a question. It was a realization that all this time, she had lied. Plutt probably wouldn't even fit in this room.

“He works in the office during the day,” she nods back down the tiny hallway. “But no. He...He leaves at five.”

“And you...you’ve been living here, by yourself?” She nods. “How long?” he asks her, his voice croaking. 

She shrugs, still not looking at him. “Twelve years? Maybe longer. I don’t know.”

He’s shaking now, tears spilling over his eyes. His hands cover his mouth as he tries to keep his sobs down. “Rey…”

Every morning that he sees her, she’s come from this place. Every night he’s dropped her off, he’s left her to be alone. A thought that spears him all the way through. 

Suddenly, everything starts to take shape. Her hunger at school. How she carries everything with her at all times. The two shirts she owned along with the thready sweater she wore every day. It’s all painfully clear.

“Rey, why wouldn’t you tell me?” he asks her, not hiding his tears. 

She finally looks at him, her tears flowing. “Because it’s humiliating! I’ve...I’ve never shown this to anyone. It’s where I spent most of my life but it brings me nothing but shame. And I knew that if you knew, you would...you would try to make it better and try to give me more things that I don’t deserve. You would do what you’re doing right now. You would pity me and it would change things. It would change all that we’ve shared because now every time you look at me you’ll be thinking of this.”

“Rey,” he croaks, reaching for her. 

“And I just thought that if you knew the truth that...that it would make you want to leave like everyone else and this is who I really am," she sobs. "I'm nothing."

Her words are too much. They hurt for Ben to hear and he lunges for Rey, wrapping himself around her. He holds her tight, hoping she would return his embrace. That she would know this may change things but not in the way she thinks. He finds his voice to tell her as well as he can. “I’m not going anywhere, Rey. I’m here.”

He has questions. Dozens if not hundreds. Questions better saved for later as he knew now was not the time. There were other things that needed to be said first. 

“You’re not nothing. Not to me.”

It’s then that she seems to relax against him and her arms finally circle him again, holding him tight as she sobs into his collar. They stay like that for a long time. When Ben thinks he has no more tears left to cry and Rey’s sniffling has subsided, he pulls away to look at her face. 

“Rey, I want you to come to stay with me.”

Her eyes, red and puffy, pop out in surprise. “Ben?”

“Please. You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to but at least for tonight until we can think of something else.”

She sniffles. “What about your parents?”

“I’ll talk to them. I’ll make them understand.”

She bites her lip looking unsure. Ben’s blood rushes with urgency and purpose. A desperate need for her to comprehend. “Rey, listen. I need you to come with me. I need to know you’re safe and warm, and fed, and–and just far away from here...with me!” He holds her face in his hands, keeping her eyes on him, knowing his tears were falling fast but he didn't care. He needed her to know. “Because I love you.”

She gasps. There is disbelief in her countenance at first but he keeps his eyes firm, assuring her of his feelings. The truth he is certain of. 

“No one’s ever said that to me,” she whispers.

His heart has already shattered enough within the past ten minutes but perhaps that does it again. The realization that no one has ever been there for her or cared for her in the way his parents have tried to do for him.

A love he now understands he had taken for granted. 

He dives, pressing his lips to her forehead, to her cheeks, to the corners of her mouth. “I love you,” he tells her again, hoping she could believe how much he means it. “Please, Rey. You’re not alone.”

Even if she said no, there was no way in hell he was letting her sleep here tonight. He could always think of something else.

But then she’s nodding, her hands clutching his sides. 

“Neither are you,” she breathes out. “I love you too.” Her words echoed through his ears and settled within his heart where he’ll keep them safe.

He kisses her with all he has. It was even more desperate and charged than the kiss they shared in his room as this one tasted of tears and the lingering sadness of where they were standing. 

But it also felt like coming through the clouds after a storm and how her words of love have settled deep in his mind and his heart. 

He wanted to take her away from here. He wanted to keep hold of her forever.

* * *

They walk back up the steps to his house hand in hand. He can see the curtains moving in the living room and he knows it’s his mother. He was back later than he usually is and she was probably worried.

He opens the door and they shuffle back inside the entryway of his house. Instantly, his mother appears in her elegant pajamas. Her eyes are wide and filled with concern as she looks to him, to Rey, and then back to him.

“Is that Ben?” he hears his father ask from the kitchen. 

“Yeah,” she calls back before focusing back on them, this time noticing their entwined hands. “Ben, is everything okay?”

Ben knows he needs to explain. He doubts they would let a girl sleep in his room without a good explanation. He turns to Rey first, squeezing her hand. “Why don’t you go up to my room? I’ll be up in a minute,” he whispers so his mother won’t hear it easily. 

Rey nods. “Okay,” she says softly, her voice hoarse from her sobs. He kisses her forehead before she turns around, heading up the stairs. He watches her go until she’s out of sight. 

“Ben, what is going on?” his mother asks, her voice hushed but tense in case Rey was still in earshot. Her steps forward, urging her for the kitchen where his dad was. In the bright lights there, his mother gasps when she gets a better look at him. She can tell he’s been crying and his father puts the box of chocolates down when he sees what’s going on. 

“What the hell is going on?” he asks.

“He just got back with Rey. She’s upstairs.”

“You didn’t take her home?” Han asks, looking puzzled more than anything else.

Ben takes a deep breath, trying not to cry again as he knows that Rey didn’t have a home. She never did.

But he wanted to give her one now.

“Listen, Rey...Rey needs to stay with us for a while.”

“Did something happen?” his mom asks.

“She–” he starts but he stops when his throat seizes again. He thought he had cried enough for one evening but to say it again, to his parents. It seems like too much. “She needs a safe place to stay. She’ll take my bed and I can sleep on the floor. Or I can sleep on the couch if you guys are more comfortable with that but please, she has to stay here. That junkyard...she’s been alone this whole time and I–”

“Ben,” his mother cuts him off, reaching to settle a gentle hand on his arm. “She can stay.”

“Really?”

“Of course, kid,” Han says. “Whatever she needs.”

He gives a great sigh of relief, his shoulders sagging from the weight he’s been holding within them. “Thank you.” 

His mother steps forward, hugging him like she used to. In a way they haven’t done in a long time. He doesn't remember the last time he hugged her but he's definitely grown a lot since then. It makes him tremble as he understands how much he’s missed this and how he should never push it away again. Not when he had parents that loved him and tried to be there for him even when they didn’t know how. 

They tried, and Ben understands now that he should be grateful for that. Even if they have their disagreements sometimes, he doesn't doubt that they love him. Not now.

But now, now they were helping him in the best way. They were trusting him to let Rey stay and even without him explaining everything to them. They could see that Rey needed a home and they agreed to let her be apart of theirs. 

After Ben hugs them both and wipes his tears, he heads back upstairs, flinging open his bedroom door to find Rey sitting on his bed. She bolts up when he comes in, her face riddled with worry. Fear of rejection. Fear that maybe his parents would not approve.

“It’s okay,” he tells her quickly. “They want you to stay. They understand.”

Her hands cover her mouth as if she couldn’t believe it. As if she couldn’t believe someone could want her to stay and be safe or to have a home. He hopes she comes to understand that she was deserving of all those things and more. But for tonight, to know she won’t be alone for the first time, possibly in her life, was enough.

To know she was here, he knew he could breathe again.

She rushes forward, wrapping her arms around him. “Thank you. Thank you so much, Ben.”

“Of course,” he speaks against her hair.

He offers her one of his t-shirts and some pajama pants, showing her where the bathroom was so she could clean up and have a moment to gather herself while he situated his room. 

He cleared away his floor so that he could lay out his sleeping bag he hasn’t used since a camping trip he went on with his dad and Lando when he was younger.

When she gets back from the shower, he smiles warmly at the sight of her in his clothes before he goes to clean up too. He stands under the warm spray of the shower, wanting all the fears and doubts and tears from today to wash down the drain. There was a lot that still needed to be said and for him to understand. He knows his parents would have questions as well. But for now, he just let himself breathe in relief as he knows that for now she is with them now and things were going to get better. For all of them. 

He's certain of it.

As he walks back into his room, drying his hair with the towel, he finds Rey laying on the floor. Curled up on his sleeping bag.

“Rey, the bed is for you. I was going to-” he stopped, realizing she was already asleep. 

He shakes his head, wishing he made that clear earlier but just kneels down, scooping her into his arms and gently laying her on the bed, tucking the blankets over her.

“Good night, Rey,” he whispers.

He glances at the pills on his bedside table, about to take some before he goes to bed. The way he was supposed to. But they only remind him of the words Snoke had said.

Although he probably shouldn’t, he left them be and laid down. Snoke was wrong. And those pills did nothing for him. Snoke did nothing for him as well. Had Ben heeded his words, Rey would still be in that miserable trailer all by herself. 

Trying not to think about the prick, focusing instead on the good that happened that day, Ben closes his eyes and falls asleep.

It wasn’t long before he woke up to find Rey beside him, cuddling against him on the floor. He could only pull her closer and drift back into sleep with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, okay that was long. Probably the longest chapter I've ever written and it was supposed to be even longer!
> 
> I honestly toyed with the idea of just making the whole flashback/storytime stuff it's own spinoff fic (like a prequel to this) just because I cram way too much into things that should be simple. But that would mean I've officially gone insane and I would prefer to just keep it all in this one story. 
> 
> That does mean that more of the heavy stuff for our babies and what led to Ben getting arrested is coming up next. Hopefully, it doesn't take me as long to write as it took to write this first half.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. I know this is corny and cliché so if you sat through this whole chapter and my dumb ramblings...you're cool.


	8. 1988 | Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the second installment of the whole "how shit got fucked up five years ago" story. I had to go back and change it from 1987 to 1988 because I am actually a bridge troll and numbers and basic math are not my forte. 
> 
> At almost 19,000 cursed words, this chapter is probably about four times longer than I think a chapter should be and it has been kicking my ass for the past week as I have devoted the majority of my time to trying to write it. I actually like all the individual moments of this chapter and I think they are all in their own way important to convey. However, since it's all condensed into one, it does feel a bit like a rollercoaster or a clunky soap opera. 
> 
> It also has a few moments that might be pretty heartbreaking or traumatic. The Depictions of Violence warning will definitely be evident towards the end of this chapter. 
> 
> On that cheerful note, I hope you enjoy it.

His bed quickly became their bed. 

The sleeping bag didn’t last long as either Rey would come to lay beside him or he would wake up from a dream with her hovering over him, insisting he come up on the bed with her. 

Whether his parents approved or not, the sleeping bag wasn’t used any longer. 

And he didn’t mind in the slightest. They would cuddle close, holding each other as they slept. 

He’s been so glad to have her there. To know she’s safe and that she’s eating well. 

In the time she has lived with them, they’ve shared so much. 

She told him more about Plutt and how she came to stay with him at the junkyard. He held her hands when she started crying, his own tears falling at her words. 

Her parents had been addicts, or at least that’s what she was told. She said she didn’t really remember even seeing them, she was too young and they were gone a lot. She had been found in a shitty apartment, living off of stale Cheerios and flat Dr.Pepper. 

She had to scavenge to get what she needed so from a young age she learned how to take care of herself. 

She told him that she didn’t really even know her name until Plutt came to pick her up. She wasn’t even sure if Rey was her birth name but it was what Plutt called her. 

She also explained that he wasn’t so much her uncle but just an old friend of her parents. He had been the only one to reach out after their death and so he claimed to be her only surviving family so she wouldn’t be sent away. Had he not, Rey likely would have ended up in foster care or just homeless. 

His heart broke as she told him that even though Plutt was an asshole, she was grateful that he had taken her in. He had kept her off the streets and in the early days, she said he didn’t drink near as much back then and he had been more tolerable.

Ben had bitten his tongue, wishing she would see his cruelties started even then because he still left a child to sleep in a dirty junkyard by herself. And likely involved her in criminal business.

Plutt should be arrested. A comment that Ben hadn’t been able to keep to himself as he was tempted to relay that to his parents. 

But Rey swore him to secrecy. For some reason, she just wanted to disappear from there. She didn’t want retribution for all Plutt had put her through and it hurt to think that she may believe herself to be indebted to a bastard like Unkar Plutt. As if he had done her a favor when he had been nothing but another example of the horrible people that Rey had been surrounded by at a young age. 

He couldn’t even imagine where he would be if he had been in her position. He certainly wouldn’t have the cheery disposition she managed to cling to. 

He hoped more than anything she would come to understand her worth and that no matter how she looked at it, Plutt was a very bad man.

But he knew it would take time. 

But they had time. Plenty of it. 

He didn’t talk about his own feelings much, too accustomed to being told how foolish they were when he revealed them to Snoke, but that changed with Rey. 

He could tell her anything.

He told her more about his dreams. He told her how he had been having them since he was young. She asked them where they come from. If it was something from a memory or if they just started on their own. 

He tells her they started on their own, although his mother tells him that he may have been prone to it as her brother struggled with nightmares throughout his life. His mother wasn’t sure what Luke’s had been about but it wasn’t as if Ben could ask him. 

He had vanished years ago. 

But by the sounds of things, Luke’s were never as intense because his mother and father had no idea how to handle it. For the most part, they probably thought he was overreacting about them or these dreams were a sign of something else.

Perhaps that was part of the reason they were so encouraging with Rey and relieved that for once, he was happy and relatively normal.

It wasn’t until he had a bit of an outburst last year that his parents started to realize what a problem it still was and started taking him to Snoke, thinking only to help him, even if Snoke was a total bastard. 

She asks about his appointments and what the man was like which of course he shares. 

Almost instantly, Rey’s face had fallen as even she could see he was not a compassionate doctor.

“Ben, he sounds awful,” she told him.

“I can’t stand him. But my parents want me to stick with it. They would never say it but I know I must embarrass them. I embarrass myself. Having nightmares about scary monsters at my age,” he sighed. 

She held his face in her hands. “Ben, you shouldn’t have to be embarrassed. It something scares you, it scares you for a reason. And this man isn’t even listening to you. He doesn’t treat your dreams with the sensitivity he should. He just makes you feel guilty for things beyond your control.”

Ben hadn’t thought of it like that but Rey was right. He always felt repentant leaving Snoke’s office. 

But Rey...she always listened. She never made him feel stupid or ashamed when it came to his dreams. On several occasions, when she’s helped him wake up from them, her embrace was soothing as she ran her fingers through his hair, asking him if he was alright. 

It was comforting in a way he's never experienced. 

To accept each other’s demons and to help the other handle them. It was loving in a way he didn’t even know two people could be. 

And Ben loved her more than anything. 

He knew within the first week that he had fallen in deep with her but in the time that followed he can feel how that love has blossomed even further in all their share with each other. 

They share everything. 

Their pasts. Their fears. Their hopes. Their days. His clothes. Their music. 

And then the bed. 

His bed had at one point felt like captivity. It had only been a reminder of either how little he could actually sleep or where he would awaken, drenched with sweat and shaking with fear, after his dreams. 

But now, now the bed was something else entirely. It was where they cuddled close. It was where they would duck under the covers and speak softly to each other, shutting out the rest of the world. Their words too sacred for anyone else to hear. 

It was where he would watch her doze of and chuckle to himself when she gave the occasional but adorable snore. 

It was where he finally found himself able to sleep again. The dreams were not gone but he felt like he could actually be able to live with them, possibly for the first time in his life. And maybe someday, they would leave him completely. 

But perhaps the most prominent contrast in how Ben now perceived this bed is that it was where he and Rey would give everything to each other. 

If he was honest with himself, he rarely thought of sex before all of this. Or at least, the thought of having sex with another person. That seemed too impossible. 

There had been the odd occasions when he would take care of matters for himself in the early hours of the morning when he was tense or when he was under the hot spray of the shower. 

But that had changed. 

They hadn’t planned for it to happen that first time, but Ben wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

They had been home alone as his parents had gone out to dinner with friends. 

They had been going through some new music they had picked up on the ride home from school, mixing and matching and working through albums while they ate through a pizza he had ordered for them. 

But as the evening went on, they found a song they both immediately liked and officially loved by the third listen. 

A song called _Hope._

They swayed back and forth in his room, listening to it endlessly as they danced. Even if they were really just hugging while slowly moving on their feet. He rested his chin over her hair, admiring how well she fit with him, even if she was so much shorter than him.

When she finally pulled her head from his chest, looking into his eyes, there had been something there. Something he hadn’t quite seen from her before. 

There was desire. For him. 

They had done a few things up until then. A few wandering hands and daring touches earning gasps and muffled moans from both of them in their cohabitation. But immediately, Ben knew where things had been leading. As did Rey. 

What had started as a kiss quickly escalated to something more as they fell into the bed. Hands fumbled with their clothes, throwing them hastily around the room until they were barred to each other, completely, for the first time. 

Rey nearly covered herself at first, the self-consciousness practically oozing from her eyes. But he guided her eyes to his, gently running the pads of his fingers over her body. 

“You’re perfect,” he whispered, nudging her nose with his. 

He had his own long list of things he found awkward or strange about his body. Things he’s always felt self-conscious about. But not anymore. Not with her and how she looked at him. In how she holds him. 

He wanted her to know that no matter what, she was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. 

She gives a low chuckle at his comment. “So are you,” she breathes, her hands threading through his hair. 

He knows he isn’t perfect but damn he would be willing to believe it in the way she looked at him.

His attentions continued down. She moaned when he pinched her nipple and she arched into him, her hips searching for his. He had groaned at the contact, his hips instinctively bucking against hers. 

He tried to center himself. To look at her. “Rey, are you sure?” He had managed to ask her in between heavy breaths and long kisses. 

“Yes, Ben. Please,” she breathed out, her hands trailing down his sides, reaching between them where he was hard against her thigh. He had nearly lost himself completely in her touch and yet somehow that was when he distantly recalled those lectures from health class.

_Protection._

He frantically reached for the drawer of the nightstand where he had stashed away the box of condoms his father had given him about a week after Rey came to stay with them and their relationship was hardly subtle. 

What had been initially a mortifying exchange between him and his father, Ben had become extremely grateful for it. 

Nothing could have prepared him for the all-encompassing feeling of her. They didn’t move for a long time at first as he feared it would be over before it started. But eventually, he found some sense of control and set a slow rhythm once he found his bearings and the best way to move. 

He had been so nervous. Not only for himself but for her. He was terrified it may hurt for her as he recalled also learning from health class that a girl’s first time was not the same as a guy’s. 

He would never forgive himself if he hurt her so he panicked when her breath caught at one point but she clung to him tighter, assuring him it felt good. He was only convinced of this when she cried out his name, her legs tightening around him. 

It took him a long time to realize that he could make her feel like this. That he could be capable of bringing her to pleasure. 

He had been so used to only causing strife, to know he was capable of this, capable of making her feel good, made him more confident than he had been in possibly his whole life. 

“I love you,” he told her, still lost in her, chasing after something he never truly understood until that moment. None of their previous fumblings could have compared. 

There was a need for her to find it too. A need for him to hold on until she did. “Ben,” she gasped. “I love you,” her hands grip him tighter. “I love you,” she says again as her head fell back and her mouth fell open in a silent scream. 

He failed to keep his own volume under more discrete limitations when he felt her body seize around him. Instantly he was done for as he shuddered against her, thrusting only a few more times before collapsing entirely. Only then did he realize how loud his groans had been and he was hopelessly relieved that his parents had been out that evening. 

In the moments after, when he had yet to move off her and they just held each other there, panting in each other’s ears and whispering words of love and praise, Ben knew more than ever that Rey Johnson was everything to him. 

And he would do _anything_ for her. 

The music still played as they laid there after, holding each other close under his sheets, whispering softly to each other. Both of them in boneless and loving disbelief of what they had just done and how right it felt.

* * *

He sat with his hands in his lap, back on a very familiar and very uncomfortable couch.

“So, how have things been going for you?” Snoke asks, looking down into his mug. His coffee was more interesting than Ben himself, apparently.

“I’m…” Ben shook his head a little. “I feel happy.”

Snoke’s eye snap up to his, his eyebrows raised in surprise. “Happy?” he scoffs. “I wasn’t aware that word was in your vocabulary.” He sets the mug to the side, suddenly more focused on the session.

“I’m feeling better than I ever have and...and my dreams, they haven’t been near as bad lately.”

“I assume you’re going to try and chalk it all up to this girl,” Snoke says, looking skeptical.

Ben refrains from scoffing at Snoke’s disapproval already. “I feel good with her. Better than I’ve ever been.”

“Didn’t you tell me she’s living with you now?”

Ben had been hesitant to mention it, knowing Snoke seemed to detest her from the day he first mentioned her. But eventually, it slipped out. But the fact that he was asking again let Ben know that Snoke hadn't been listening anyway. “Yeah. She was practically homeless. Her uncle,” Ben rolls his eyes, knowing he wasn’t even really her uncle, “has a junkyard and she was living there all by herself. It was devastating.”

“And this would account for why she was hungry and carrying everything she owned in some miserable bag?”

Ben doesn’t like his tone but nods. “Yeah.”

Snoke laughs. “Ben, it sounds like you found yourself a stray dog.”

“What?”

“This girl, clearly, she was so desperate for anything that someone was foolish enough to throw at her that you’ve allowed yourself to think it was anything more than that.”

Ben shook his head. “No. You’re wrong. We love each other.”

Snoke gives a sinister laugh. “You think just because she fucks you that means she loves you?”

Ben can’t speak. He just stares at the man in horror. 

“That is what you’re doing, aren’t you? You’re sleeping with her?” Snoke looks to him pointedly. 

“It’s not like that,” he says, shuddering at Snoke’s words. “It means something to us. It’s...We love each other,” he says again, keeping hold of his words, knowing they were true.

Snoke chuckles. “A girl like that doesn’t know how to love. She only knows how to show her gratitude by throwing her body at you while she continues to eat your food and let you fall deeper and deeper until you’re blind to what she’s done. She’s used you.”

Ben shook his head. He thinks of what Rey had said to him. That Snoke would just make him feel guilty for things beyond his control. That he would exploit his feelings for the sake of making him doubt himself. 

He was doing it again and Ben knew that he could never doubt his feelings for Rey or how she feels for him. What they shared, it was special and he wasn’t about to let Snoke tell him otherwise. 

“You don’t know anything about her,” Ben tells him, not looking away from the older man's stare, challenging him. Snoke has tried to convince him of many things since he had been seeing him but he would not convince him of this. He would not try to warp how he thinks of Rey and her love for him.

“I don’t have to know her to know I’m right. Your desperation to belong anywhere, _with anyone,_ isn’t much different from hers and you allowed yourself to be reduced to this. You allowed you and your parents to fall for this girl’s con and you should get rid of her before she can do any further damage to your already fragile state of mind.”

Ben stands up, breathing heavy and his face twisted with rage. Snoke ignores him, taking another swig of his coffee. 

Suddenly it becomes clear. His hatred of Snoke has never been stronger and words stir within his chest, ready to throw them at Snoke. To make him feel small and weak and horrible in all the ways he always did to him. 

Ben wasn’t going to let Snoke ignore him this time. 

“I just told you that I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life because of this person that I love who has helped me with so much and all you do is shit on her. And me! Every time I’m here, you shit on me. Not once have I left here feeling better or thinking that I even deserved to feel better, or happy, or loved by someone. All because you just exaggerated how pathetic I must really be. And Rey helped me realize that I could feel happy. That maybe I do deserve to feel good about myself. Maybe these dreams aren’t a weakness like I thought or at least not as much as you try to say they are.”

Snoke looks to him, his face and his casual stance in his chair unchanged. But there was something in his eyes. Like a snake’s eyes. Cold and viscous. It made Ben’s spine shiver but he still held his ground, not wanting to let him get to him any longer.

It was over. If his parents still wanted him to be in therapy it would have to be with somebody else because he wasn’t going to put up with this bullshit anymore.

Ben pulls out his wallet, slamming three tens on the pretentious modern art coffee table. “Here is your bullshit co-pay.”

“You still have over forty minutes left in your session, Ben,” Snoke says calmly as if nothing had happened. 

“I don’t need it. I don’t need to see you anymore anyway.”

Snoke finally moves to stand, although his motions and expression still remain emotionless. “Don’t be hasty, boy. You need me. When that girl hs grown tired of you you’re going to need someone like me to help bring you back from whatever hysteria you’re going to find yourself in. You know your parents can’t help you.”

“My parents do help me. They’ve always tried to, even when they don’t know what to do. And they trust me. They love me! And they let Rey stay. I was wrong to think they didn’t care. I was wrong to let you try and convince me that I was angry at them.”

Ben moves over to the door, grabbing his backpack. 

“Ben,” he bellows, louder than Ben has ever heard from him. “You walk out that door and I can’t help you anymore.”

“That’s the idea. It’s nice to know you’re listening for once.”

He reaches into his backpack, pulling out the prescription bottle of pills he hasn’t been taking. “Here’s your pills, by the way. Not that I've been taking them because they don't do shit. Just like you,” Ben says, flinging them away from him and the little red pills go flying all over Snoke’s office. He honestly thought the cap was secured but doesn’t care anyway. He was never going to see this prick again anyway. 

Ben throws his backpack over his shoulder and opens the door, ready to never have to even set foot in this building again when Snoke calls to him one final time. 

“Your compassion for this girl will be your undoing. One day she’ll be gone, and it will destroy you.”

Ben has only two words for him as he turns to look at him for the last time. 

“Fuck off.”

He slams the door behind him and races to get out of the building, practically gulping in the air of the early evening before jumping on his bike and heading home.

He had taken himself to his appointment while his father had picked Rey up from school so that she wouldn’t have to come with him. And he’s relieved she didn’t. To know Snoke would only use the sight of her as another form of ammunition. 

She had looked so worried for him at school, asking him if he really had to go, knowing Snoke was the last person he wanted to talk to much less discuss his feelings with. 

The doctor's words echoed in Ben's head as he sped through the streets. It wasn’t until he nearly ran a red light and he skidded a bit before he realized he had tears flying past his face. 

He took a deep breath and tried to calm down. His heartbeat started to even out and he nodded to himself, feeling still a little shaken but also...empowered. 

He finally stood up to that bastard.

He chuckled to himself before the light turned green and he made it home in one piece. As he made his way inside, he found that his mom was the only one home. He moved into the kitchen and he found her chopping vegetables. She didn’t look up at first but she knew it was him. 

“You’re back early. How was your appointment?”

When he doesn’t answer, she finally looks to him. Her actions seemed to slow once she must have noticed the look on his face. “Ben, what’s wrong?”

At her tone, his heart breaks a little and he can feel his tears start to emerge once more. “Mom, I–” his tears fall and he covers his face. In an instant, she comes beside him, wrapping her arms around him. 

“What happened, Ben?”

“I can’t go to Snoke anymore,” he tells her quickly. No matter what, he would not return, he just hoped she would see he _couldn't._

She looks to him, confused at first but her eyes are wide. “Did he say something?”

“Mom, he’s so horrible to me. He never helped me and the pills didn’t do anything. And I put up with it for so long. Maybe I even believed him when he would tell me the shittiest things..." he's told them before he didn't like Snoke and they understood but wanted him to keep going. But he realizes even then, he never quite revealed the extent to why he disliked Snoke and how he didn't feel like he was getting the help he needed. It seems to be news to his mother.

"...But then, I started telling him about Rey and…” Ben shakes his head.

“What about Rey?” she asked with her fingers under his chin, trying to keep his eyes with hers. She sounded tense, maybe angry, but not with him. There is a protectiveness in her tone as she asks of Rey and he is relieved to know Rey is cared for by his parents in a way her birth parents never were. He leans down to hug her grateful for her concern. That she might finally understand.

His tears finally fall in the safety of his mother’s embrace, in his own home, rather than the exposed discomfort of Snoke and his brisk office. 

She hugs him back but was still waiting for an answer. “Ben, what did he say to you?” this time her voice a little shakier. 

Ben shudders as Snoke’s words echo through his head once more and land like a punch to the gut. He pulls away to look at her. “He compared her to a stray dog," he cries. "He said that she used us, _me,_ to get a home. That she would be desperate enough to use anyone if it meant she got food and a bed and that I was foolish enough to let it happen.”

Leia gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. Her eyes were wide with shock.

“And when I told him that I...that I loved her, he just said…”

_You think just because she fucks you that means she loves you?_

Ben shuts his eyes, refusing to think of how vile his words had been and just how deep the strike had cut him.

“Mom, I can’t even say it. It was so horrible,” he sobs and his mother brings him into her arms once again.

“I’m so sorry, Ben,” she said to him softly as they hugged for a long time. She grabbed a hold of his face when she pulled away, her voice firm. Heavy contrast to the murkiness of her eyes. “You don’t have to go back to him ever again. I promise, Ben. Honestly, we should report him for saying that shit.”

“Thank you,” he breathes a massive sigh of relief, knowing for certain Snoke was out of his life. 

“And if you need to talk to someone, we can always find someone else. Someone who will be kind and not the biggest fucking asshole ever, oh my God what a prick,” she says, wiping her own face and Ben chuckles. 

For some reason hearing his mother swear helped him relax. To know she felt the same as him when it came to Snoke. Finally.

“But then again, you’ve been doing so good lately,” she says, smiling at him. “I haven’t seen you like this in so long, Ben. Maybe not ever.” She pats him on the cheek. “I feel like she helped bring you back to us. We’re so proud of you and we only want you to be happy. I can see very clearly that you are.”

“I am,” he says. “I’ve never felt like this but with Rey," his lip trembles, and a few tears fall as his heart bursts just saying her name. "I love her so much.”

Leia gives a soft laugh, tucking his hair behind his ear. He lets her, even if he hates leaving his ears so exposed. He doesn’t mind for now. “I could have told you that, Ben,” she says warmly. “And I can tell just by the way that girl looks at you, she’s far gone for you too.”

His chest inflates at that. He knows, he feels Rey’s love. She's told him many times. But to know it’s evident to his mother makes him forget Snoke’s words from earlier. 

Just then the sound of his dad’s Falcon rumbles from out front and he knows they’re home. He gives his mother a final hug, thanking her for understanding before moving into the living room just as they walked in the front door.

Chewie came in first and Ben could hear Rey and his dad talking about something but then she came through with some grease smudges on her hands and face looking absolutely radiant. Her face lights up when she sees him. “Ben, I didn’t know you’d–,” she starts but her words are halted by his few quick strides and the sudden embrace he pulled her into. 

“Ben, are you alright?” she whispers, her voice laced with concern.

His dad walks in just then before Ben could answer, his brows frowning in concern at the redness of his eyes. “Kid?”

“Han?” Leia calls from the archway of the kitchen. Ben hears her sniffle a bit before speaking again. “Han, can you come help me with dinner?”

“Yeah...coming.” He shuts the door behind him and on his walk to the kitchen, he gives Ben a fatherly pat on the back.

He stays there with her for a few more moments, just keeping hold of her, not minding if he ended up with grease on his face but eventually pulls away to kiss her chastely on the lips. 

“Ben, what happened?” she whispers. The worry on her face and in her eyes similar to the uncertainty on his mother's face when he got home. “Did Snoke say something to you?”

He nods. “Yes. He said a lot of things,” Ben tells her, his hands reaching for hers. “But it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m not seeing him again.”

“Really?” she sounds surprised but hopeful. She knew more than anyone just how much he couldn’t stand Snoke and all the bastard would try to tell him during his sessions. 

He nods again, “I told him off,” he chuckles softly, still in near disbelief that he did. “I told him that he only ever made me feel bad or that I didn’t deserve to be happy. And that it wasn’t until I met you that I realized that wasn’t true. That I was worthy of feeling good and to be loved and–”

“You did? You told him that?” she asked him, her face in almost awe. 

“I did,” he smiled at her, his tears falling.

She beamed at him, taking his face in her hands and kissing him promptly. When she pulled away he couldn’t tell if she was crying too or if his tears had transferred to her face but her smile remained as she said, “Ben, I’m so proud of you.”

He presses his forehead to hers. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

And he meant it.

From the kitchen where he knew his parents were talking, Ben and Rey could hear his father say, “He said what?” followed closely by “That goddamn bastard.”

Ben knew for certain now that Dr. Anthony Snoke was no longer his problem. 

* * *

_“Happy birthday, dear Ben, happy birthday to you! And many more!”_ everybody sang in the dim light of the candles.

“Alright, make a wish!” His mother cheered, holding up the camera. 

Ben rolled his eyes although unable to hide his smile as he approached the cake. He pulled Rey to his side, insisting she help him. If he wishes for anything over that ridiculous cake it would be for Rey to share the moment with him and to wish something for herself. 

Together they blew out eighteen birthday candles. 

Everybody cheered. _Everybody_ being the “small” group of friends his parents had invited over. 

Lando, of course. Along with Amilyn and Mon Mothma. Pretty much all their friends that had known him since he was a baby. This also meant just about everybody from his dad's garage was there holding up a beer in salute. 

The flash of the camera went off several times and although Ben has never been a fan of having his picture taken, he finds he doesn’t mind. In fact, he welcomes it, knowing these were some of the first he had ever been in with Rey. 

She had on a paper party hat and her hair was in two long braids that his mother had done for her earlier that day. 

He knows this is the first exposure she’s ever had to a birthday party so he was allowing his mother to go through more of the cheesier traditions that he usually insists on skipping. 

Which included, of course, blowing out candles and being sung to by a room full of people. 

In fact, he realizes that this was the first time in over four years he’s even allowed them to throw him a party as he much preferred to ignore it. But this year was different. So much was different now and it was all because of her.

Everyone loved her. Of course, they did.

And Rey, Rey loved everyone. She was so kind and compassionate. Clearly, she had an effect on people because when she spoke, people stopped to listen. When she smiled, people smiled with her. Ben could only watch in wonder, transfixed by her and left in the wonderment that of all people, she chose him. 

He doesn’t know how he got so lucky but he did and he wouldn’t change it for anything. 

He’s pulled out of his daydreaming when Rey walks out of the kitchen to meet him on the couch. He pulls her down to sit across his lap and she smiles down at him before revealing a pink party hat. He rolls his eyes but he still smiles, not minding in the slightest as she fixes it upon his head, fiddling with his hair. She kisses him on the temple when she’s finished. “Happy Birthday,” she says softly in his ear and he holds her closer, smiling, mostly to himself as she settles her head on his shoulder.

He nearly forgot there were other people around until his mother comes forward with several boxes. “Come on, Ben. Time to open your gifts.”

“Mom,” he starts, shaking his head, but Rey was already moving off his lap despite his attempts to keep her there. 

“Oh, none of that,” Leia teased. “Come on, it’s your birthday. Open your presents,” she says, setting them in his now empty lap. 

“I told you not to get me anything,” he reminded her.

“I know. I didn’t listen. Besides, they’re not all from me. There are some very courteous guests that brought you some things.” Ben looked around the room to the people smiling at him, he nods in thanks before deciding he has nowhere else to go but to open them. 

He’s relieved once he takes another look at the presents and finds that there weren’t too many. Luckily not everyone brought him something or else he would have felt overwhelmed. And there was music playing and some people were more focused on the TV than him so it wasn’t like he was the absolute center of attention.

The first one he opens is from Porkins of all people. It was wrapped in car magazines. Ben wasn’t sure what to expect but he laughed to him once he realized what it was.

It was an old Black Sabbath shirt from one of their concerts back in the 70s.

“Thank you, Jek. I love it,” he told him sincerely.

“Eh, it’s nothing. I know how much you like them and you’d get more wear out of it than I do nowadays,” the man said.

“You’re just saying that because it won’t fit you anymore,” Han cracked which made all the guys from the garage burst out laughing. His mom rolls her eyes at their boisterous noise, waving her hands for them to calm down before patting Porkins on the shoulder, hoping he wasn’t offended. Even if he had laughed harder than anyone. 

Next came a few odds and ends that his mother had got for him. Including not one but two helmets for him and Rey. “Those are more of a present for me than you two. I get so nervous to see you riding around on that thing as fast as you do.”

His was matte black but Rey’s was a soft blue with a big white star on either side. It suited her and he smiles to his mom across the room. “Thanks, mom,” he tells her. Rey puts her helmet on excitedly and then puts her party hat back on top of that, making everyone chuckle at how absurd it was. 

That was another thing he loved about her. She wasn’t afraid to be herself.

There was a collection of cards that had cash inside them. Too many cards, he thinks, but Ben thanks everyone, appreciative for their thoughtfulness.

He wonders if Rey has rubbed off on him more than he thought because this would have normally made him beyond uncomfortable but he finds himself even enjoying it. Maybe it’s because she was beside him and sharing the attention and the experience with him. 

Eventually, after the endless streams of birthday cards, he gets to the bigger box that once he gets a hold of, Lando strides forward with his usual cheesy grin. 

“Ah, I believe this one is from me as we have saved the best for last,” he says, gesturing to himself as if he was a game show host. Nearly everyone in the room was immune to his usual showboating so they all just laughed and let him have his moment. 

However, Ben did get a little nervous, untying the ribbons and at one point, Rey had to help him get them off. But eventually, they manage it and Ben opens it to reveal a jacket. 

A leather jacket.

As Ben holds it up, smiling, Lando chuckles. “You see that? That is style, baby.”

Everyone seems to approve. 

“Well, it certainly looks a lot better than that cape you got for him a few years ago,” his father says with a smirk to which his mother promptly smacks him on the arm.

“Well, come on, little starfighter, try it on for size,” Lando tells him, ignoring Han's teasing. 

Ben knows he can’t resist and stands up with a smile, shrugging it on, forgetting that he still had his party hat on so he probably looked a little ridiculous but instantly everyone in the room gushes in a chorus of “Ooo’s” that should have made him want to fly out the window. But he kept his eyes on Rey and the look on her face meant he smiled along with everyone else.

“Thank you, Lando.”

“Don’t mention it, kid. It was a charitable act. You needed it. Every new man needs a new killer jacket,” he says, which makes everyone in earshot roll their eyes. But Ben just gives him a smile. Lando gives him a firm handshake before pulling him in for a quick hug. 

As everyone gives him another round of applause, Rey hugs herself around his middle from behind, like she does when they're on his bike. “Thank you, everyone,” he says sheepishly but covering Rey’s hands around his waist, making him confident that it had been his most enjoyable birthday he’s ever had. 

* * *

Rey helps him take the things upstairs while everyone else continued with the lingering party downstairs. Han and his friends have always been one for making a get together last as long as it possibly could. 

But he didn’t mind this time. It had been a pleasant evening. But he was glad when it was just the two of them again. 

Rey settled the helmets on his desk, admiring hers a little more before turning to him. 

“That was so much fun,” she tells him with a big smile. 

“It was,” he agrees. “It really was.”

She turns to look at him, likely hearing in his voice how much he meant it. He had told her earlier that he was never really one for parties or having all the attention on him so she was glad to see that he had genuinely enjoyed himself. 

She came closer, pressing up on her toes to kiss him softly. Her hands toyed with the jacket Lando had given him. She smiled, admiring it. “Makes you look all the more daring.”

He chuckles, holding her close. “You don’t think it’s a little much?” he asks.

She shakes her head. “No. No, it really does suit you.”

He gives her a smile before swaying forward, pressing his mouth to hers. “Thank you,” he tells her between kisses. 

Their kisses start to linger and his arms start to wander further than they should with so many people downstairs. He knows they shouldn’t start something they can’t finish. They never did anything too involved when his parents were home, terrified they could barge in at some point. Now that possibility even more likely with so many people in the house. Most of which have known him since he was in diapers.

And yet he can’t stop. He keeps hold of her, trying to convince himself everyone was busy and they wouldn’t notice.

But then she’s the one to pull away, “Oh, I almost forgot,” she says, moving back to his desk. “I haven’t given you my present yet.”

He takes a deep breath, trying to settle down, knowing it was safest. “Rey, you didn’t have to get me anything.” Couldn’t she see that her presence was more than he ever could have hoped for?

“Well, I didn’t _get_ you anything. I _made_ you something,” she tells him, unzipping her backpack and rifling through its contents. He moves to sit on the foot of the bed, watching her. “Although, after seeing what other people got you, I’m almost embarrassed to give it to you.”

“Rey,” he says, hoping she knew not to be embarrassed. He would love whatever it was. 

She pulls out a book from the bag, flipping through the pages before finding what she seemed to be looking for but keeping it hidden in her palm. She walks back over to him, her face almost bashful as she sits beside him. 

“I’ve built it up too much now. Maybe I shouldn’t even call it a present. I’ll just give it to you.” She opens her hands and within them is a piece of heart-shaped cloth with a clothespin in the center. The army green fabric looks familiar. It takes him another moment to recognize it.

“Rey, is this–”

“From my old bag, yeah.”

He stares down at it in awe, his heart flooding with emotion as well as his eyes. But she must mistake it for something else. She covers it in his hand. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I just...I thought that if we had never run into each other or if my bag never broke, we might never have spoken and then none of this ever would have happened and–”

He dives to kiss her before she could finish speaking. He clutches the heart tighter in his hands so she wouldn’t take it back.

“Rey, it’s amazing. Thank you.”

Her face relaxes at his words. “You really like it?”

“I love it,” he tells her. “It’s perfect.”

“I put the pin on it in case you wanted to put in on your backpack but maybe it can go on your new jacket,” she suggests.

He beams, realizing she’s right and hands it to her to help him. “Here, find a good spot for it so it won’t fall off.”

She turns to face him a little more and he looks down at his chest as she pins it near the collar snuggly so it won’t go flying when they’re on his bike. He smiles down at it, making him love the jacket more than he thought possible. Now it was truly his. His heart was out for all to see as it was Rey who had made it so.

He looks back up to her with another smile but when he does she has tears on her cheeks. “Rey?” he asks, quickly taking hold of her. “What’s wrong?’

“Nothing,” she says quickly, scoffing at herself and wiping at her eyes. “I just...I love it here, Ben. I love being with you and sharing all of this with you. It makes me feel like I’m part of a family for the first time in my life and I…” a few more tears fall but her voice remains steady. “I just never knew I could be apart of something so wonderful and I don’t know how to thank you for all that you’ve done for me. I never dreamed my life could be like this.”

“Rey,” he breathes out, his voice almost croaky. “Rey, this,” he takes her hands in his, “...this _is_ your family. This is your home. Everyone here loves you.” She chuckles as if she thinks he’s joking. “ _They do._ And tonight was by far the best birthday I’ve ever had. Because you’re here.” He squeezes her hands, “Rey, I love you so much. I...I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for you.”

He thinks of all he’s been able to do since he’s met her. He’s been able to stand up to Snoke. He’s been able to sleep. He’s been able to smile. All things he thought impossible for himself not so long ago. 

“I love you, too, Ben,” she says. “I _do_ know where I would be, but to know I’m here and that you, your parents, their friends, even Chewie, make me feel like I belong somewhere is...Ben, I can’t even tell you how much it all means to me.”

He fiddles with the ends of her hair, admiring the softness with his fingers. His mother’s braids still in her hair. Another subtle message from his mother that Rey was part of their family. Braids were very sacred to his mother. Something about her adoptive mother growing up and learning what different braids can mean. He never really understood it until now how they can be a message. 

In Rey’s case, they can mean acceptance and love.

“You belong here,” he tells her softly. He belongs there too, even if it took him so long to realize.

He unweaves her hair gently, watching in reverence as it fell in slight waves and brushing through it with his fingers. When he’s done he kisses her nose before pressing his forehead against hers.

“Happy birthday, Ben.”

He chuckles. “Thank you, Rey.”

* * *

He stays on the bed for a long moment after she leaves to go shower and change into pajamas. He smiles like a fool to himself in the silence of his room, playing her words back through his head and looking back down to the heart she had pinned to his jacket. 

He can still hear a few people left downstairs but it seems to have died down a bit. He passes by his closet mirror and sees fully how the jacket fits on him. He smirks at himself, quite liking how it looked. Despite Lando’s endless teasing, he was probably the most fashion-minded person Ben knew and he certainly picked out a nice jacket. Ben tried not to think about how much he paid for it. If he did, he would likely give it back and he liked it way too much already. Especially Rey’s little addition on the collar. 

He unzips the pockets, hoping his hands would fit inside as it was hard to accommodate his big hands in clothing but he rejoices when they fit nicely. But he feels something in the pocket and pulls it out to find a wrapped condom. Ben rolled his eyes. 

_That_ was much more aligned with what he expected from Lando and Ben just shakes his head with a scoff. 

“Of course,” he chuckles to himself. 

* * *

The weeks that followed were the happiest of Ben’s life, he thinks. 

Rey was like a beacon. He felt guided by her. 

And he could tell she was happy too. She’s told him so enough. For the first time in her life, she knew she belonged somewhere and it made him want to keep hold of her forever so she would never forget. 

She was _everything._

They would go to school on his bike but at dismissal, their destinations varied. 

Sometimes they would go to his dad’s shop to help out. After Han had picked up Rey and brought her to the shop, she was something of a celebrity around there. Everyone admired how handy Rey was with machines and just how much she could help. Han offered her a job and although Rey had laughed him off, Ben could tell his dad was serious.

The thought of working with Rey in his dad’s shop after graduation came to mind and he instantly fell in love with the concept. 

Sometimes they would go to the music store and pick out some new things to play after they got some sour candy and Slurpees from a 7-11. 

Sometimes they would go to a vacant lot where he was teaching her how to ride his motorcycle and she would shriek with excitement as she quickly mastered the skill. She told him that she knew how to drive a car even if she didn't have a license. Another thing she said she had to pick up at the junkyard. But she quite liked the sensation of being on the bike. He would watch from the middle, drinking his Slurpee in absolute delight as she rode circles around him. 

And then sometimes, they just went straight home, taking full advantage of an empty house to themselves before his parents got back. 

They would fall into his room, pulling at their clothes and driven mad with need as they settled on his bed. In the time since they had first made love, they’ve only gotten better at pleasing each other. Any thoughts of lingering self-consciousness from either of them was long gone as they both became intimately fluent in the shape of each other.

On one occasion (one that Ben thinks about far too often when his thoughts wander in class) Rey had settled over him clad only in his leather jacket. It was massive on her smaller frame but the sight of her above him and the leather against her bare skin was almost dizzying. He clutched at her hips while she moved over him, breathing out his name. 

Needless to say, they quickly exhausted through his limited supply of condoms which resulted in a rather awkward exchange between him and the older clerk at the 7-11 as he asked for the largest box available while the tips of his ears and his cheeks were on fire. But it had been worth it in the end.

After, when they were breathless and sated, they huddled together, speaking softly or listening to music. They would trace invisible patterns against exposed skin. Lips traveling languidly, leaving marks where no one but them would see.

Sometimes they would just stay like that until they heard one of the cars pull up to the house before they quickly dressed and tried to look presentable when Leia called them down for dinner. 

He still had his dreams on occasion but, strangely enough, he didn’t feel afraid of them as much as he used to. Perhaps it’s because Rey would help him wake up before they got too bad. 

Or maybe it was because he was just feeling so much better than he used to and not even old and familiar headstones of Mortis could change that. 

Everything seemed more fucking perfect than Ben ever thought it could be.

And it all seemed to come to a grinding halt with the ring of the phone.

* * *

It was Sunday and his parents weren’t home. His dad decided to head into the shop after lunch even though Sundays were pretty slow so he wasn’t there and Leia had gone to the ballet with Amilyn and they wouldn’t be back until later that evening.

They had the house to themselves once again which was awfully tempting to take advantage of even though they were thinking about seeing a movie later.

He and Rey were in the kitchen and he was trying to show her how to make pancakes even though it was nearing dinner time when the phone rang and Ben left her be, trusting her to know what to do by her fourth successful attempt. There was a slight laugh in his voice as he answered it with a joyful, “Hello.”

“Yes, hello. May I speak with Rey Johnson, please?”

Instantly, Ben’s smile falls and his heart sinks into his stomach as he instantly recognizes the man’s voice. His low, groggy voice and accent gave him away. 

_Plutt._

After a long moment, Plutt grows impatient on the line. “Hello?”

Ben clears his throat. “I-I’m sorry, who is this?” is all he can think to say.

“M’name’s Unkar. Unkar Plutt. I’m her uncle,” he says, as uncivilly as he could.

Ben spins around to see Rey was still occupied at the stove and he quickly ducks out of the kitchen, pulling the cord of the phone as far as he could until he knew he could be out of earshot from Rey.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Plutt, but there’s no one here by that name.”

There’s a horrible sound that comes through the phone. A laugh that quickly changed to a coughing fit and Ben holds the phone away from his ear for a moment, wincing in disgust at the hacking noise.

“Well, that’s funny because I heard from a little birdy she was living up big with the Solo’s. Imagine that. I nearly stopped by the shop to ask old Han myself but I thought I’d have better luck trying the house...but you’re not Han are you?”

“No,” Ben says briskly.

“Which means you must be junior. Benny, wasn’t it?”

“It’s just Ben,” he tells him tersely.

“Ben,” Plutt repeats. “Good name. Strong,” the man says with a dark chuckle. “Well, Ben, I hope you can understand how worried I’ve been about my niece. I haven’t seen her in months now. I thought she ran off on me. And though know I haven’t been the best of family to her but I can’t tell you how relieved I was to learn that she’s doing just fine.”

Ben gulped, trying to stay calm and not crush the phone in his hand. “Well, she is,” he says, hoping he could convince the man to stay away. “She’s fine. You don’t need to worry.”

Plutt’s coughing fit filled his ear once more but the man tampers it down, trying to speak through his wheezes. “Well, you see, as much as I appreciate you taking her in and all, I’m afraid it's time for her to come home. She's been gone too l–”

“She isn’t going anywhere,” Ben said through his teeth, cutting the man off.

“Ben?” Ben spins around to see Rey standing behind him, with a nervous look on her face. “Ben, who are you talking to?”

“Is that her?” Plutt asks with a sudden growl.

Even Rey can hear it as the phone was away from his ear and instantly her eyes go wide and she gasps. "How–"

Ben quickly walks past her, ignoring Plutt’s insistent spewing and practically shouting into the phone, “Don’t call here again!” he says, hanging up with a slam. He takes a heavy breath, closing his eyes for a moment before turning to look at her. She looked scared.

“It’s alright, sweetheart,” he tells her, for some reason feeling out of breath. 

“That was him,” she breathed out, her words not a question but a certainty. “Plutt.” Ben could only nod. His hands still shook a bit from the phone call. “What did he want?” she asked.

He steps forward, taking hold of her arms. “Nothing," he shakes his head. "Nothing,” he insists, wanting to just chase it all away. 

“Ben, please tell me.”

He gave a heavy sigh, looking around the kitchen for a moment before he could continue. He sees she had finished the pancake and stacked it over the others. She had even made a smiley face out of the strawberries and whipped cream. 

He wished he could have smiled back at it and told her she did a good job but his whole body felt heavy. The dark cloud of Plutt’s phone call floated over the whole room and he wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t want to tell Rey about it. He wanted to just pretend it didn’t happen so they could go back to their day. But that was impossible. Rey wouldn't rest until she knew what was said and if Ben was honest with himself, he was far too on edge to let things resume as they were. Plutt’s words got him riled up.

He sighs, closing his eyes. “He was asking about you. He said you had to go back to the junkyard which is why I told him that you weren’t going anywhere.”

“How did he know I was here?” she asks him, confused.

He runs a hand through his hair. “He said someone told him. I don’t know who. He must have looked up the number in the phone book or something. I doubt my dad would have ever given him our home number.”

“Why did he want me to go back?” she asked, her eyes wandering over to the phone. 

“Rey,” Ben quickly reaches for her face, his hands cradling her cheeks so she looked only at him. “Whatever it was for, it doesn’t matter. No matter what he was going to say, you don’t need to worry about it.”

She almost looks guilty as she eyes the phone once more before her head droops, looking to the floor. He doesn’t understand why but he recalls what she told him once. How she said that even though she knew Plutt wasn’t kind, that she felt somewhat indebted to him for coming for her after her parents died. 

His heart breaks as he thinks of all the damage that bastard inflicted upon her. 

Suddenly the thought of that night at the junkyard emerges once again and he thinks back to her words when they were still standing outside the gate.

_I’ve never told anyone. He told me not to tell and I just thought it was for the best considering everything._

She thought Plutt had been doing her a kindness for most of her life when he was abusing her in the worst way. He made her think she was nothing.

For so long he’s been transfixed by Rey and all she’s helped him realize about himself. All she helped him see, helping him to stand up to Snoke.

He doesn’t know how he seemed to neglect that Rey had problems with her own self-esteem. And even if that was not the case, she had to go for so long on her own. It could take a long time to process that. For her to realize it was really over and that her days of survival were over and that now she was allowed to live and be happy. To have everything she never had.

And damn it he wasn’t going to let her go another minute thinking Plutt had some hold on her. She was so strong and inspiring in helping him face his own demons, he was going to help her face her own. 

“Rey,” he breathes out. She just sniffles with her head still down. “Rey, look at me,” he asks softly. Her eyes find his and his lip trembles at the tears on her face. He reaches up to brush them away, keeping hold of her face. “You don’t owe him anything. Tell me you know that.”

“I…” she shakes her head, her tears falling faster. “I just thought–”

“No. You don’t owe him anything,” he answers for her. “He made you think he was doing you a favor. That you had to live in that place, by yourself...all your life. Rey, that’s...that’s abuse. I told you. He should be arrested for what he did.”

Rey sobs and she covers her face, hiding from him. His own tears falling but he ignores them as he speaks, hoping she would hear his words for what they are. 

“Rey, you are the strongest and the most amazing person that I have ever known,” he tells her, wrapping his arms around her while she cried. “You helped me realize so much about myself. I told you, after I left Snoke, that I couldn’t have done that without you. You...you made me feel strong. Like I could be in control of something. That I could believe in myself for the first time ever, in my entire fucking life. _You,_ Rey,” he pulls back to look at her again. “You helped me see that.”

She gives a wet chuckle but her tears don’t stop. 

“I’m not going to let you stand here and think for one fucking second that you should feel indebted to that man. To think that you owe him something after he’s the one that made you live by yourself for years, hungry and afraid. Rey, please, you have to know you’re worth so much more than that. That man probably knows it too, he just doesn’t want you to see it.”

She’s listening to him but he’s still quiet. 

“Rey, it took me so long to realize that I was letting Snoke affect me in a way that seemed to run my whole life. It affected my whole outlook. It wasn’t until I met you and just being with you made me realize that I didn’t have to listen to him. I didn’t have to be the person he was telling me I was. I didn’t have to put up with that.”

He thinks she must understand because even through her tears her eyes were alight with hope. With love.

“So, please, sweetheart. You have to know that this," he nods back to the phone, "whatever Plutt is trying to do, you don’t have to put up with it. And I know that can be hard to tell yourself because you put up with it for so long...so, I’m–” he shudders a bit, holding back his sobs but he keeps speaking.

He has to. He has to make her understand.

“I’m gonna tell you until you know it as much as I do, that you’re the most deserving person on this entire fucking planet and I won’t let you think you have to go back there. Rey, you never have to go back there. I told you. This is your home,” he cries and Rey’s face breaks as she crashes into his chest with a howling sob. 

He pulls her as close as he can, clutching her tightly as his own tears blurred his eyes before falling into her hair. 

He doesn’t know how long they stay there, but it was long enough for the whipped cream on the forgotten pancakes to melt and drip over the edges of the pancakes underneath.

And then, when her shoulders stop shaking with sobs, he hears her whisper against his shirt, “Thank you.” 

He kisses the top of her head. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Ben. I love you so much.”

Ben finally feels like he could breathe again, his whole body and mind flooded with relief.

He hoped that could be the end of Plutt’s torment. If anything, it could be the opportunity to finally get him taken away for his crimes. 

He wanted to ask Rey before he went to his parents. He wanted her to comfortable with it in case Lando had to come and ask her questions. But he would be with her the whole time. He knew she could do it. She could do anything. 

They took a long shower after their talk in the kitchen and after they just laid on his bed, holding each other. His mother had insisted on getting Rey some clothes a while back but no matter what she always wore one of his shirts to bed. It wasn’t even dark yet but the whole ordeal left them tired and they drifted off to sleep.

* * *

_He’s running again. Running through that dry grass that seems to cut at the skin of his arms._

_But he can hear them chasing behind him. He knows they’re coming. He can feel it as much as he can feel his frantic heartbeat pounding in every part of his body._

_It’s so dark and he can’t find the gate and he stumbles, trying to avoid the shorter gravestones._

_He misses one and falls face-first into the dirt and he crashes to the ground with a loud thud. He can see the dark figures emerging through the fog, taking shape and he screams out in fear, closing his eyes tight._

_“No!”_

_“We don’t want to hurt you,” he hears from the fog, none of the forms taking shape. As if the mist itself had whispered._

_“What?”_

_There’s no answer. Ben looks around, rising on his hands, continuing to run for the gate, but looking over his shoulder in confusion. He makes it to the gate, quickly shutting it behind him. He stumbles backward, to ensure nothing got out with him._

_But there is only fog. And with it, another whisper, but strangely like his own, says, “She’s going to die.”_

_Ben squints his eyes, trying to see who was speaking, so much so that it’s not until a moment later than he understands what was said._

_“Who?” he bellows back. No answer. “Who?”_

_The only sound he could hear was an oddly familiar noise. Something repetitive and familiar and for whatever reason infuriating until he seems to breach whatever was keeping it all murky and everything blares._

* * *

Ben jolts as he awakes at the sound of his alarm. His heart beating fast from the startle of it. A smooth arm reaches over him and hits the snooze button. 

“God, that noise,” she mumbles against his collar before she turns over and rolls out of bed.

He turns to look at the clock, wondering if there was some mix-up but it was seven in the morning. They must have slept all through the night. Which means they must have missed his parents coming home. 

He remembers dreaming. He remembers running. But not much else. He thinks he might have made it to the gate but the specifics escape him as he sits up and his head flares with an almost stinging pain behind his eyes.

He rubs at his temples until he feels Rey throw his jeans on the bed. He looks up to her as she gets dressed in front of the closet for a moment before he moves to stand, grabbing his pants to pull them up his legs. He gets the first leg alright but he stumbles trying to get the other one on and timbers to the ground with a loud thud.

“Ben!” Rey was rushing over in an instant, concern on her face. “Wh–”

Just then there’s a knock on the door and his mother comes rushing in. “Did something break?” 

“No, he just fell over,” Rey tells her.

“I’m fine,” he insists, trying to get his bearings and sit back up. Rey and his mother grip his arms, trying to help him get on the bed. “I think...I don’t know, maybe it’s a migraine. My head is killing me.”

 _Do guys even get migraines?_ Ben wonders to himself. He's certainly never had a headache like this before. 

“You might be dehydrated. Han! Bring a glass of water,” Leia calls back into the hallway. She only had one earring on as she looked like she hadn’t finished getting ready. 

“I’m fine,” he says, attempting to rise again. 

“Ben you look peckish, sit down,” his mom insists. 

Han comes in then with a toothbrush in his mouth and a paper cup of water. “Somebody ask for this?” He passes it to Ben. 

“Thanks,” he says, taking a big swig and drowning it all down.

“Better?” Rey asks, sitting beside him.

“I think so,” he says with his eyes closed. His head felt heavy on his shoulders with the headache that was now evident to everyone in the house, even Cheiwe who was sitting by Rey’s legs. “I just feel kind of...disoriented.”

“When I got back last night I peeped in to check on you but you were both dead asleep and it was before nine,” Leia says, pressing her hand to his forehead as if to check for a fever. “I would have woken you up to make sure you ate but you both looked like you need the rest.”

They did. There was a lot he wanted to talk to them about but now was not the time. Early on a Monday morning when he could hardly stand up. 

“Looks like he still needs it,” Han says, his mouth full of toothpaste.

“Yes, Ben, I’d feel better if you stayed home from school today.” She looks to Han next. “Do you think you could drop Rey off at school?”

“Course. No problem,” turning for the door. “I got to go spit this out though, it’s burning my cheeks.” Rey chuckles and Leia leaves to finish getting ready behind him. Chewie stays.

When his parents leave, Rey sets a hand on his shoulder. “Are you sure you’re alright?” she asks him softly.

“Yeah...I just feel...I don’t it’s weird. I think I had one of my dreams.”

“Bad?” she asks, moving to take his hand.

“No, I don’t think. Or at least, it wasn’t like the others. And if it was, I don’t remember.”

“Do you think you’d be able to fall asleep again? You do look a little out of it.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

She kisses his cheek, pleased by his answer before she stands up to finish getting ready and he slumps back on the bed. 

Ben turns to look out the window to see it was dark. Like it might rain. He takes a deep breath, hoping it might ease the pressure in his head but even then his shoulders remain tense. Like his body remembered but his mind didn’t. 

Maybe it was the lingering memory of speaking to Plutt on the phone. Ben’s urgency to handle it with his parent’s returns. But he had yet to ask Rey about that and he knew they had to discuss it. He tries to broach the subject but maybe his headache means he doesn’t do it as subtly as he should. 

“Maybe you should stay with me today,” he says, his wrist covering his eyes. 

He hears her chuckle. “That would be nice, wouldn’t it?”

“I’m serious.”

She snorts a bit, finally facing him again, "Ben, you know I can’t. Besides, I have that math test on Wednesday and I need to get the study notes if–”

“I probably still have my notes from last year. We can find them. I can help you study,” he tells her, looking up at her, knowing that his mind was far from studying for an algebra test. She steps closer to him then, knowing the same. Her brows are furrowed. “Ben, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just–” he finally feels like he can manage to sit up with his eyes open for longer than a few seconds and he stays focused on her eyes. She looks worried and he didn’t want to upset her after yesterday had already been emotionally exhausting for both of them. Perhaps he was just overreacting. She would be home later and they could talk to his parents then. “I’m sorry. Everything’s fine.”

“You’re sure?”

He nods. “Yeah. I think I just need to rest. Maybe I’ve got a head cold or something,” he says, bring his hand back up to his pounding temple. Even if she did stay, he doubts he’d be capable of having such a conversation. 

“Or you could be hungry. We didn’t have dinner last night. I could make you a sandwich before I go,” she offers with a smile.

He chuckles. “No," recalling how they seem to have come full circle. When it all comes down to it, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were another thing oddly profound to them. "No, I’ll be okay. Make yourself something though, okay?” He didn’t want her to be hungry.

“Maybe I’ll make some pancakes in the teacher’s lounge now that I’m an expert,” she jokes. He laughs, feeling a little lighter already although he still doesn’t trust himself to stand up. But he feels fine enough when she presses her lips to his.

It feels like a breath of fresh air and he wonders what he had even been so worked up about.

His dad knocks on the door. “Let’s saddle up, kiddo,” he says with a smirk.

“Coming,” she says, giving him a final kiss on the forehead.

“Rey?" he snags her wrist before she's out of reach.

“Hmm?”

“Take my walkman. It’ll keep you company,” he said, reaching onto the nightstand to grab it and pass it to her. He thinks of where he found her sitting quietly behind the cafeteria not so long ago, but it somehow felt like a lifetime. He didn't want her to have to find herself in silence. She takes it, quickly peaking to see what tape was inside and smiling to see it was the tape she had given him. 

_Treasure._

“Alright. I’ll call you at lunch from the phones in the office to check on you,” she says, grabbing her backpack next to his and moving out the door. Chewie follows her but Han lingers in the hallway. He doesn’t speak until Rey is likely downstairs.

Ben looks to him, wondering what he was smiling about but then he says, “You’re good together.”

Ben can only agree. “I know,” he smirks. 

Han laughs. “Rest easy, kiddo.”

“Bye, dad.”

Ben laid back down after he heard the front door close, leaving him by himself in the house for the first time in a while, spreading out so his face was pressed into Rey’s pillow instead of his own. Her scent lingering there.

It was strange. For so long, he had gone to school on no sleep, and now, after sleeping for nearly twelve hours he had to sleep again and skip school.

As soon as his eyes closed, sleep overcame him once again.

* * *

_He sees her. But it was strange. He would just get a glimpse of her before it changed._

_But he chased them down, getting lost in the endless haze of Rey._

_He sees her smiles. He hears her laughing._

_He finally gets ahold her. He feels her arms around him. As well as her heartbeat against his own as his hands roamed over her body._

_And then, suddenly, she's gone. Everything changes and distorts around him. It all keeps moving until all he can see is a big red blur and he can’t get ahold on anything or what he might be looking at. He can’t feel her anymore. But then he hears her, only it sounds like her sobs from the kitchen and he starts to feel panic settle in his chest._

_But it does not compare to the loud bang that comes after, accompanied by a scream._

* * *

“Rey!” he shouts as he wakes up but as he does, the first thing he sees is the approaching floor as he was crashing upon it. He curses to himself, sitting up for air. 

When he does he finds his headache had faded away but something else had replaced it. His heart pounded out of his chest as he had awoken from a dream, a haze, whatever it was, and remembered what it had been. 

It was about Rey, but something was wrong. 

Just then, the phone in the hallways rings and Ben nearly jumps out of his skin when he hears it. His head snaps to the alarm clock and it was half-past twelve. He recalled Rey was going to call him at lunchtime and he quickly found his feet rushing for the hallway. 

But he still feels shaky. Odd images from sleep still lingering but he tries to push it away as he picks up the phone and sighs in relief as he knows it must be her. So confident with it that he answers with her name.

“Rey,” he breathes.

“Ben, I–” is all that is said before the line goes dead, ringing in his ears.

“Rey?” he says again, tapping the hook, trying to get her to come back but to no avail. After a moment, his body goes rigid with anxiety. He replays the noise in his head. But it wasn’t so much that it was his name but how it was said.

She sounded scared. 

“Rey?” he shouts this time, his hands starting to shake.

Something wasn’t right. He could feel it.

Logic told him Rey was at school and it was a drab Monday and more likely than not the phone line had been disconnected. She would call back in a moment.

But then she doesn't.

Probably just didn't have enough quarters, one side of his mind tries to rationalize its panicking counterpart.

He tries to redial, caving into his more frantic thoughts. His leg is bouncing without his notice but stops as soon as an automated voice says, “The number you have dialed is not available at this time.”

He shook his head to himself, slamming the phone back on the wall and rushing back into his room with his decision made, buttoning his pants he had never taken off from earlier and securing his belt before finding a shirt.

He had to see her, he decides. Just to make sure. He doesn’t care how crazy that makes him.

He grabs his jacket after tying his boots and hops down the stairs, throwing the door wide open to find it cold and wet. It wasn’t raining for now but if the skies were any clue it would rain again soon. Another indication that the school lines were just acting up and he was just being ridiculous. It could have been interference from the storm.

But Ben didn’t care.

He hopped on his bike and drove over to the school.

He parked hastily in front of the office before striding in and heading for the woman at the front desk. Ben had been at the school for four years and had never learned her name as she was usually staring into the computer or using the phone. However, for now, she’s helping herself to a cup of yogurt, flipping through a magazine. And yet she speaks to him before he says anything without even looking up. 

“If you’re here to buy prom tickets you need to go to the ASB window,” her voice bored and nasally. 

Ben shook his head. “Wh–no, I’m not here for prom tickets. I’m looking–”

“Young man, this is my _only_ lunch hour,” she says, looking up at him through her massive glasses. 

“I’m just looking for my girlfriend. I think she called me from here but the line was bad. I was wondering if you saw her by any chance,” he said, glancing over to the phones on the opposite wall.

“Are you a student here?” she asks, setting her yogurt down, sounding annoyed. 

He nods quickly. “I’m a senior. I’m Ben. Ben Solo.”

“Well, Mr.Solo, I am not here to keep up with everyone’s personal affairs.”

“Listen, I just need to see her. Can you call her up to the front office, please?” 

He wonders if it was the desperation in his voice that eventually made her roll her eyes and give in. But instead of reaching for the announcement system, she scooted her keyboard forward. “Lunch just ended. Let me see what class she’s in and I’ll call the teacher. Happy?”

“Yes, thank you. Thank you,” he says twice, feeling antsy, his hands clenching around the ledge of the counter. 

“What did you say her name was?”

“Rey. Rey Johnson.”

Her long nails tap on the keys and she scrolls down on something that Ben can almost make out in the reflection of her frames. She shakes her head and makes a noise of disapproval. “According to the attendance system, Miss Johnson isn’t here today.”

“What?”

“She’s been marked absent in all of her classes.”

Ben’s head starts spinning and suddenly his worst fears start to take shape.

“Mr. Solo?”

He doesn’t answer, he spins back around. Charging for the phones on the opposite wall, putting a quarter in the machine before dialing his dad’s shop. He taps his foot nervously until there’s an answer.

“Solo’s autobody,” his father greets like he always does.

“Dad, it’s me.”

“Oh hey, kid, how you feeling?”

Ben ignores the question, launching into one of his own. “Dad, did you drop Rey off at school this morning, or is she with you?”

“What? No, I took her to school. Why are you–”

“Dad, I’m at school and she isn’t here.”

“What are you doing at school?”

“Dad, did you hear me? She isn’t here.”

“She’s gotta be around there somewhere.”

“She’s been marked absent in all her classes. The secretary just told me.”

“What?” Han asks incredulously. “That’s impossible. I drove her there.”

“Did you see her go in?” Ben asks next. The line is quiet and Ben repeats himself, very impatient. “Dad, did you see her go in?!”

“N-No, I...I dropped her off about a block early because the traffic was bad. The streets were wet. I told her not to worry about it but she told me she didn’t want to be late. I gave her my umbrella, said goodbye, and she hopped out with her headphones on...I...I don’t understand. Where could she be?”

Ben feels like he might throw up. “Something bad happened, I just know it,” his heart pounds as all he can think of is that foul man. “Dad. I think it has something to do with Plutt,” his voice gets strained as he fights down tears.

“Plutt?”

“He called the house yesterday, looking for her–”

“Ben, Just try to calm down, okay. I’m gonna call Lando. He’ll give us some ideas. I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation for all this. Sometimes computers aren’t right or the secretary was looking up the wrong person.”

Ben doesn’t answer. He doesn’t think this is the case.

“Hang tight, kid.”

Ben can’t hang tight. He won’t sit back when Rey could be in trouble. After he hangs up the phone, he spins back for the front doors. The secretary called after him, her voice was more concerned than before as she shouted his name. “Mr. Solo?”

He ignores her, getting back on his bike and riding to the place he hoped more than anything she wouldn’t be at. Knowing he can’t wait or take any chances, he headed to the junkyard.

The rain starts to pour and the clouds are dark with an approaching storm.

* * *

He comes to the old street he used to drop Rey off on. 

He practically throws his bike to the ground, not bothering with the kickstand. He peers through the gate to see a familiar truck he had once seen in his dad’s shop. Plutt’s truck. 

The lights are on in the trailer but the door is open.

He can see vague movement from behind the shitty blinds in the front window next to the door. The shape of him, of Plutt, is clear.

His heart beats out of his chest but it doesn’t stop him from climbing the fence. The rain batters against his face as he scales and he grits his teeth to keep his fingers tight around the wire so he wouldn’t slip. He hops down once he gets to the top and his boots splash in the mud a bit and his feet burn from the long drop but he ignores it, charging forward.

As he approaches the trailer, he passes by the truck. The eyes squint, struggling to see through the wet windows. He first sees the keys in the ignition but he could have vomited when he looks to the floor and sees Rey’s backpack along with his walkman he had insisted she take with him. But the headphones are broken. Snapped in half, as if stepped on.

_Rey’s here._

_He must have taken her._

Blood rushes past his ears and the thunder above matches his sudden outrage.

And then inside the trailer, he can hear his voice, _Plutt’s voice,_ muffled but angry.

“Ya shouldn’t have run. You brought this on yourself.”

Ben gasps as his words strike him with fear and almost denial. That there was no way this could be happening. He didn't want it to be real.

“You could have made it easy but ya didn’t. Ya had to say those things. You had to try and call your Solo boy and bring us to this. But this, all of this...It’s your own fault. After all I did for you and you just hightailed out of here, like all of a sudden you were above it all.”

Ben has his back flat against the trailer, hearing this for himself and trying to think of the best course of action while his body and mind were engulfed with hot angry flames. 

But then there are heavy footsteps. Plutt lumbers for the door, kicking it open.

Ben ducks around the corner, waiting until he saw the man head the other way. Plutt doesn’t get far before he goes into a coughing fit. In the back of his pants, Ben can see the outline of a gun handle tucked in his belt.

 _If he hurt her..._ Ben thinks, his thoughts stopping as the even probable reality of that makes him seethe. 

When the coughing finally slows, Plutt curses to himself before staggering away through the junk to a place Ben cannot see.

And he doesn’t care to.

His window of opportunity has come and he sneaks through the mud, opening the door and ducking inside. The office, if it could even be called that, was lit by horrendous fluorescent lights. But it looked even worse than last time as there as more trash and cans littered the space. But Ben then sees a telephone on the floor, the phone line attached to it frayed as it looked like it had been pulled aggressively from the wall and thrown to the ground. 

But his stomach drops into his feet as he looks to the floor. His throat felt like sandpaper as if the sobs there were strangling him with dread as he saw the droplets of blood on the thin and filthy carpet.

He follows the trail of them to the bathroom, everything seeming to go in slow motion even though he was certain he was moving as fast as he could. His ears were ringing so loud he couldn’t hear anything else. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Ben turns the handle and pushes the door open.

His eyes fall upon Rey, pale and motionless in the tiny bathtub. He dives forward. He calls her name but he doesn’t hear it since his ears are still ringing. She doesn’t seem to hear him either as she remains still. Her eyes closed. There’s a large bruise blooming from her eye to her temple and her lip is split. Like she had been hit.

Tears flood his eyes as he brings a hand to her face. He gasps in relief when her eyes flutter a bit and suddenly his ears clear from the blood rushing past as she whispers his name.

“Ben?”

“It's me,” he sobs. “Rey, I’m here.”

He looks down, checking her over, wondering where the blood had come from. He pauses as he sees the gray duct tape that was hastily wrapped around her middle, stained with blood.

She tries to reach for him and he seizes her hands, holding them tightly in his as she speaks. Her voice so hoarse and quiet. “I didn't see him–” she starts to cry but it changes to a wince and she clutches her middle. He presses there too and when his hands pull away they are covered in blood. She was bleeding out. He didn’t know how long ago the wound happened but the duct tape wasn’t going to hold out much longer. And her skin was so pale.

His body shudders with an impossible fear, one he never thought they would have to face but it’s happening right before him and he knows he needs to get her away from here. 

He peels off his jacket, tucking it over her. Her skin was so cold but he tries to ignore it, moving to brace his arms under her legs and pick her up. She moans a little at the feeling as her eyes had closed again. Her tears dry on her face. “Rey, just stay awake for me. I’m gonna get you out of here.”

“Outta where?”

Ben’s stomach drops as he spins to see Plutt in the doorway of the bathroom. His revolver now in his hand.

Ben’s teeth clench at the sight of him. “I’m taking her to the hospital.”

Plutt laughs sinisterly. “She ain’t goin’ anywhere, boy.”

Ben hopes Rey doesn’t hear him as he says, “She will die if she doesn’t get help.”

“It’s her own fault. She tried to run on me, even after she gave me this shiner and I returned the favor,” he points to his face and then hers. “Besides...no one will care if she goes. Born in trash, die in trash.”

“You’re wrong. If anything happens to her, there’s gonna be a shitstorm on your head. By the state of her alone, there already will be.” Ben says, keeping himself between her and Plutt, so he couldn’t look at her anymore. “If she lives your sentence might be eased, just please let me get her out of here.” He begs, not caring what he promised if it meant he could get Rey out. 

Plutt sighs. “She got to ya didn’t she? That little bitch. She causes more trouble than she’s worth. But no...she stays. Just as I’m staying here. If she’s meant to pull through, she will. I ain’t riskin’ an investigation just so she can get some stitches. Duct tape does just fine.”

“You fucking shot her! She needs more than stitches or she’s going to die!”

Ben’s own words echo in his head. Suddenly, he recalls those words from his dream last night.

_She’s going to die._

Ben shivers, confused and scared, and trying to keep Rey awake.

“These are dinky little bullets. She’s being dramatic. She stays here until she gets it cleared on her own or she dies. I ain’t going to jail for a little ungrateful nobody that tried to play princess with some uptown pricks.”

“You fucking bastard,” Ben hisses at him. 

“Watch it, boyo,” Plutt says, twirling the gun in his hand. “I’m sure mom and pop would hate to see you reduced to this.”

Ben sees that unless Plutt was out of the way, there was nowhere to go. His gun was at his side as he blocked the doorway. Even if he could get back out to the office, the phone was dead. Any chance of calling for help or an ambulance was shot. The only way Rey was getting out of here is if he carried her. 

He weighs his options and the possibilities as he clings to her, trying to keep her awake while Plutt coughed in the doorway. 

Ben’s eyes close with purpose as he knows the only way it can be done. He looks down at Rey, her eyes fluttering again but her pulse weakening. He will not lose her. _He can’t._

He knows what he has to do.

He presses his lips to hers, kissing her with everything he is, trying to convey all she means to him, as quickly as he can. All they’ve shared, and all they may never get to do. When he pulls away, he whispers against her lips, hoping more than anything she could hear him. “I love you, sweetheart.”

And then he springs to his feet as Plutt was still hacking up his lungs. Plutt notices the swift moment and tries to aim his gun while he wheezed and his eyes watered. He fires once but he misses and the bullet goes right through the wall of the trailer.

His coughing ends and he battles with the gun to fire again but Ben charges for him, smacking the gun out of his hand before he could fire. It clatters to the ground as Ben tackles the man back into the hallway.

Plutt curses as his head collides with the paneling of the trailer’s thin walls, the surface caved in from the impact of them. Plutt growls, baring his yellow teeth, trying to grip the collar of Ben's shirt but Ben is faster. He strikes him across the face, feeling his nose shatter under his knuckles. 

“You crazy fuckin'–” Plutt spits kneeing him in the stomach and Ben stumbles to the side a bit at the blow. Plutt ducks away trying to crawl to the front office but Ben rises quickly and kicks him to the side. He doesn’t feel anything but rage as he looks upon the man who had caused so much pain to the girl he loved. The man who tried to kidnap her and when she tried to run he shot her.

His pleas fall on deaf ears as Ben won't hold back. The ringing in his ears returns as he seizes the man, crashing his fierce blows upon his face over and over until his knuckles were numb, long past the point of stinging with the recurring impact.

He gives a final hit, an uppercut to his jaw and in an instant the man is still. Unmoving and no longer trying to put up a fight. To Ben's furious mind, it wasn’t enough and a part of him wanted to keep hurting him. 

But it would never be enough, Ben knows. The man wasn't going anywhere now. And more importantly, Ben needed to get Rey out of there.

Ben tries to ignore the destruction he had brought upon the man's face. Bloody and bruised. Beyond recognition. His stomach turns a bit and he stumbles a bit, crawling on his knees for a moment. He tries to find his bearings, his breathing heavy and uneven. He crashes back into the bathroom where Rey was.

He sobs as he scoops her up into his arms and on shaky legs he takes them out of the trailer. It’s pouring now and he tightens his hold on her so not to drop her even though his arms feel like jelly.

He strides up to Plutt’s truck and opens the door, recalling the keys were still inside and ducks them inside, ensuring Rey wouldn’t hit her head before laying her legs over the bench seat and keeping her head in his lap. He started the car, turned the ignition, and put the car in drive. 

He slammed on the pedal, knowing he would need to get up speed if they were to break through the gate that he wasn’t going to bother trying to find a way to unlock. Not when just seconds could mean Rey lives or dies. 

He speeds through the gate and the truck bounces in protest as he runs over his bike he had left out front, crushing it.

The rain is pounding against the windshield and Ben can’t get the wipers to work as fast as they should since his free hand was clutched to Rey’s, trying to get her to squeeze back. “Rey,” he cries. “Rey, stay with me. Keep hold of me. You have to stay awake. Talk to me, sweetheart.”

She moans at his voice and his hand squeezes hers tighter. “Mmm…’M cold.”

He tries to tuck the jacket around her more. “I know. I know you are,. But it’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna get you help and then all...all of this will be over. We’ll go home and we’ll make pancakes and peanut butter sandwiches and...a-and we’ll listen to music and this will all be over. Alright?” he rambles frantically.

There’s no answer. Her hand is cold and limp in his grip.

“Rey?” he sobs.

He takes a quick glance down at her, away from the road and her eyes are closed and she looks…

 _No._ He won’t think it. He won’t let it be true.

“Rey?” he practically screams. Still no answer. He drives faster, screaming at anyone in his way, even if they couldn’t hear him. 

* * *

He must have run at least three red lights. 

He speeds up to the hospital, skidding into the emergency room drop off. He doesn’t bother turning off the car as he opens the door, pulling her with him until he could get his arm beck under her knees. Then he races into the hospital, rain mixing with his tears. As he enters the brightly lit building, he cries out. “Somebody, help! Please!”

And instantly, people in scrubs and white coats start flocking to him, two of them running forward with a rolling bed with clean white sheets. 

“What happened?” someone in the cloud of people asked, but Ben didn’t know who. His eyes were steady on the girl in his arms. 

“She’s been shot,” he says, laying her down on the bed as they told him to do. His heart breaks as her head falls back onto the pillow, her eyes still closed. 

“Rey?” he calls to her, holding her cheek. She doesn’t move. And his hand is swatted away by one of the doctors or nurses as they try to check her eyes with a thin flashlight.

The nurses brace the bars on the side of the bed, starting to race her down the hallway and he follows but he is quickly pushed back. “No, I need to be with her,” he cries, his voices weak and sore from his screaming and sobbing. Almost foreign to him.

He watches as she gets further and further away from him.

“Young man, they’re gonna take care of her. But I’m afraid you’ll have to wait and let them do their job.”

When he looks up again, Rey is gone.

The nurse he had spoken to disappears then, jogging away, likely to meet the rest of them as they tried to help her.

He brings his hands to his head, nearly pulling out his hair as everything seems to hit him again square in the chest. 

It just wasn’t fair. Of all people, _why her?_

His tears persist, even when several people tell him to move back to the waiting room. 

As he walks, his feet moving without direction or precision, his hands start to sting, earning his attention at last as he sees the damage left behind. The bruises on his knuckles where it felt the rawest scream in protest as he flexes his hands, releasing them from the constant fist they seemed to still be in. He looks down at them in almost horror as he knows what they have done. 

Plutt’s bloody and beaten face flashes behind his eyes. Ben didn’t even know if he had left the man breathing, he had been so driven by rage and the desperation to strike him down so he could get Rey out of there.

Trying to gather what is left of his strength he searches the halls frantically for a telephone. 

He needed to call his parents. 

He moves to the waiting room and wrestles with his pocket, wincing as his jeans seize around his tender knuckles before fining another quarter.

He quickly dials his dad’s number once again. It hasn’t even been an hour since he had called him at the school but already, so much has changed. When Han answers on the other side, Ben starts to crumble.

“Dad?”

“Ben! Ben what’s going on? Where are you? Did you find Rey?”

He whimpers. “Yeah. Yeah, I found her.”

“Is she alright?”

“No, dad, she–” Ben can’t say it, hiding his eyes with his hand, trying to block out the flashes of images that were whirling past his eyes. Rey’s pale face. Her blood on his hands. “Dad, I’m at the hospital,” he sobs quietly. “She’s...I don’t know what’s gonna happen.”

“Ben, stay right where you are. Your mom and I are on our way.”

Plutt’s face, beaten so badly by his own hands strikes him again when he closes his eyes. 

“Dad, I think I did something bad.”

“What do you mean, son?”

“He...he was going to let her...she was bleeding...and I didn’t know how else to–” he tries to explain by stringing together the various images that were haunting him. He hopes it makes sense because he can’t seem to say it.

“Plutt?” Han whispers. 

“Dad, he shot her. She was so cold and I was scared she was gonna- but then he wouldn’t let me take her and...dad, it’s bad,” he says looking down at his free hand.

“Ben, just stay calm. Don’t talk to anyone about this until we’re there. I’m calling your mom then I’m out the door. I’ll be there in a few minutes, okay?”

“Okay,” he repeats, his voice cracking from the pressure of everything. 

“It’s gonna be alright. She’s gonna pull through. Rey’s tough.” 

The line ends quickly after that and Ben knows the sooner Han leaves the sooner he and his mom could arrive. 

But the sudden stillness and uncertainty have him roiling with fear and discomfort as he tries to ignore the eerily cheerful music playing through the speakers of the waiting room.

He falls to a chair, thinking of how quickly it had all changed.

He sniffles, his tears falling quietly as he tries to bite down on his sobs so he wouldn’t attract more attention than he already has. His dad said not to talk to anyone, knowing he could very likely spew and admit to beating a man half to death if not completely. 

So he shuts his eyes, trying to keep himself steady until hopefully, his parents came through the door. His tears fall and Ben notices how his clothes cling to his skin from the rain. His hair was dripping into a puddle in the linoleum and he watched, trying to think only of the drips so that he could attempt to stay in control of himself. 

“Excuse me?” He looks up to see the nurse who had stopped him in the hallway. She’s holding his jacket. The one he had covered Rey with. 

But he ignores that for now. “Is she okay?” he croaks out.

The nurse’s face doesn’t really give much away. “They’re prepping her for surgery now. They’ll take care of her.”

The vague answer doesn’t comfort him in the slightest. Ben can’t hold back his tears as he looks down to his feet. 

“Is this yours?” she asks, holding out his jacket.

He nods, taking it back. He didn’t have the voice to try and thank her so he hoped his nod would express it in some way. 

The nurse steps away then and Ben looks down to the jacket in his lap and his eyes fall upon the little heart pinned to the collar. It was stained, he sees. _Stained with Rey’s–_

He shuts his eyes tight. Trying not to dwell on it but it is a hopeless endeavor. He can only think of her.

He refuses to think of a reality where she doesn’t make it. And for some reason Snoke’s words come to mind. 

_One day she’ll be gone, and it will destroy you._

If Rey were to be lost to him now, he thinks Snoke might finally be right about something.

His mind tortures him as he can think only of her. All the promises he made her. All the times he said he was going to keep her safe. All those days they spoke softly about the future and all they wanted to do.

He clutched the jacket tight, hugging it as if it were her. All the while his memories haunt him and it reminds him all too much of the dream that had awakened him to this nightmare. 

The real world was now blurred red too, much like his dream. Ben closes his eyes, trying to soak in the things that made him feel good. That made him have hope and kept him breathing.

He sees her smiling at him when he offered her his lunch.

He hears her laughing when she rode on the back of his motorcycle for the first time. The motorcycle now crushed by the weight of Plutt’s truck. He tries to imagine her hands wrapped around his waist and her cheek pressed against his shoulder. How she would hold him tighter when he went too fast even though she loved it.

He sees him kissing her for the first time, followed by every kiss they’ve shared since. 

He hears her tell him she loves him.

He sees her bare and panting beneath him, above him, all around him. How her brows pinch and her mouth falls open in pleasure, in his name, as she crests and he tells her how much he loves her. How beautiful she is. How he would do anything for her.

How afterward they would cuddle close and make promises never heard by anyone else.

It spears him through the chest and he cries with his face buried into the jacket, fearing that all those things might be only memories and that Rey could be lost to him now. 

“Rey,” he whispered. “Rey, please, I need you.”

But she can’t hear him. 

* * *

His parents came through the doors and they call to him. Ben sobs at the sight of them, rushing to take hold of them as they both cling to him.

He tells them she’s in surgery and that they won’t know anything for a while. 

Leia turns for the front desks, within moments already filling things out and Ben is grateful they seem to know how to handle this better than he does. 

His dad grips him by the shoulders then and leads him further away from the waiting room where the other patients and family members were waiting. His dad doesn’t look mad but he can see how his eyes drift down to Ben’s hands briefly and how instantly his expression hardens. 

His mother comes back over, hugging him again. “Ben, whatever she needs, we’ll take care of it. She’s gonna be okay, I just know it,” she says, crying. 

“Ben, what happened?” His dad says after he departs from his mother’s embrace.

“After I called you from the school, I went to Niima, worried that Plutt might have…” Ben shakes his head, knowing that his fears had not only been true but much more severe than he ever could have expected. 

Ben tells the story as well as he can, ending with how he stole Plutt’s truck which could have still been out front but Ben wasn’t sure. As he tells them what he did to Plutt, they look to his bruised and bloody knuckles and he can’t bear to see their faces, knowing they would probably be scared of him. 

But his mother just covers them in her own, cautiously running over his knuckles with her thumbs. “Ben, you saved her. Focus on that.”

Han had his own tears in his eyes and Ben didn’t think he had ever seen him cry before. “You did what you had to do, Ben.”

Ben nods, relieved to hear it from someone other than his mind that it was the only way. They both pull him into another hug and Ben’s body wracks with sobs. He can’t remember a time when they all held each other like this but all he can think is that Rey should be here too. But she’s not. She’s in one of these rooms somewhere only he doesn’t know where.

He doesn't know how long they stay like that but it's a long time that they hold each other. They don't move back to the chairs of the waiting room, as if they were shielding him from other people's gazes. But then someone approaches.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Solo?” the women from behind the front counter his mother had spoken to stands before them. She was holding a clipboard and attempting to give them a very weak smile. 

“Yes?” Leia asks, wiping at her tears but her other hand clutching Ben’s arm.

“I’ve just got word from the doctors. Miss Johnson is out of surgery and stabilizing. She’s going to be alright.”

Ben sobs in relief and he feels himself falling a bit. His parents must notice because they grab him and steady him against the wall. 

_She’s going to be alright,_ is all he needs to hear to know his hope wasn’t lost. Rey was alright. She stayed. 

“When can we see her?” Han asks.

Looking at the clipboard, the woman nod as she seems to find the answer. “Well, she won’t be awake for a while, I’m afraid.” 

“Please,” Ben finds himself begging. “I just need to see her.”

The nurse looks to him before glancing over her shoulder a bit to see if anyone was around before speaking again. “Well, I suppose if you were all quiet and let her rest, the doctors would understand. It seems like this has been a very frightening ordeal for everyone. Why don’t you go ahead? She’s in room 613.”

Ben nods in thanks while his parents are able to do with words and shaking her hand. 

* * *

He opens the door and instantly he can hear the heart monitor beeping steadily. Already he can feel like he can breath easier to know she was alright. As he steps in he can feel his mother’s hand on his back. As if to let him know they were behind him. 

His breath is shaky as he sees her. Tucked into a big bed, making her look even smaller. She was pale still, making the bruise on her face look dark and painful. 

He gave a quiet and shaky sob as he stepped closer, reaching for her. He moves into the seat beside the bed, covering her hand with his. “Rey,” he means to say but no noise comes out. As he shuts his eyes his tears fall onto her knuckles. Still smooth and clean unlike his. 

He looks to his parents as they lay eyes on her, their eyes showing their heartbreak as they saw the extent of what happened to her.

Leis sits across from him, looking over her, setting her palm over where her knee would be beneath the blankets. 

Ben keeps his eyes on Rey though, watching the slight rise and fall of her chest. “I thought...I thought I was going to lose her,” he tells them.

“She’s alright now,” his mother says. “She’s here.”

“I should have…” he starts, shaking his head, realizing there was a lot he should have done differently since Plutt’s call yesterday. “This is my fault.”

“Ben, don’t you start,” Leia said, her stare suddenly stern. “This is not on you.”

He ignores her. “I knew how horrible he was. Just hearing his voice on the phone…” he shakes his head, thinking back to his words. “I never should have let her go by herself. I should have understood it as the threat that it was but I stayed home.” How had he been so foolish? How had he ignored the signs for what they were, especially when he was risking something as important as Rey's safety?

“Kid, I’m the one who drove her to school. If anyone of us is to take responsibility it’d be me. But we all know this was Plutt’s mess. And the only thing we should be focused on right now is that...” he gives a small scoff but his eyes gleam with tears as he gestures to Rey, “...she’s here. She’s here because you got her here, Ben. You saved her the only way you could. And I know, _I know,_ that no matter what, anyone with half a brain is going to see it our way too. Hell, I don’t even have half a brain and I know it with everything I’ve got.”

Ben gives a small chuckle but a few more tears spillover. “Thank you,” he croaks out, looking to both of them. 

But then Ben hears heavy footsteps outside the door, coming down the hall. He hopes they keep going, past the room, further down. But the steps slow right outside the door and then there’s a soft knock on the door left ajar. 

Ben turns to see Lando and two other cops standing beside him. Lando face twisted with emotion while the other two remain firm.

"Hey," he says softly. He looks to Rey, his lips folding. “I heard from the front desk she’s gonna pull through,” he says. 

Leia nods, speaking when Ben couldn't. "She will. We're going to see that she gets everything she needs," she sniffles.

His father ignores the words, looking instead to the other two. “Lando, what are they doing here?” Han asks, nodding to the two strangers.

Lando sighs, “I’m afraid that they have orders they got to follow. No matter how much I want to stand in their way.”

“Orders to do what?” Leia asks.

Lando’s eyes glance to Ben for a moment and Ben can see the hurt there. That he doesn’t want to do this but he has to. It’s his job. 

“We’ve just come from the outpost. I was headed there already, after what you told me on the phone,” he says, looking back to Han. “But before I got there, there were more incoming reports from the Jakku district and...well, it was a mess by the time I got there. Cops and medics everywhere.”

“Sir?” one of the cops says tensely, looking unamused. “The orders were direct.”

Lando turns to him, his voice on edge, more so than Ben has ever heard from him. “Do two minutes of conversation and showing a little human decency not fit into your schedule, Deputy?”

They button their lips although they look annoyed.

Lando sighs, his eyes settling back on Ben. “Starfighter?” he says, looking past him to Rey’s still form before wincing a bit. “I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to come with us, kiddo.”

Leia moves to stand, “No.”

“Leia,” Lando starts but she just shakes her head. “I don’t have a choice. We have to take him in.”

“Why?” Leia asks, her voice harsh.

“Because, ma’am,” the other deputy steps forward, keeping his eyes on Ben. “Mr. Plutt was announced dead at the crime scene.”

_Dead._

Ben feels like the wind has been knocked out of him. Plutt was dead. And he...he had killed him. 

There’s a sudden uproar of noise between the adults all standing in the room. Names and accusations. Evidence and tears. Defenses from his parents and even some from Lando who probably hated his job more than ever. But it all blends together and Ben tries to focus only on the beeping of the monitor, reminding himself that no matter what, that beeping kept going. She was still breathing. 

He looks to her, to Rey as he squeezes her hand a little. Wishing he could see her eyes but preferring that she rest, knowing she’s been through so much pain. 

Ben knew this was a possibility. He knew ever since he couldn’t tell whether or not Plutt was still breathing on the floor of that trailer. He took the risk as soon as he decided that to attack was the only way out.

He would have to face the consequences and he would be willing to, knowing his actions are what kept Rey’s heart monitor beeping steadily. He would do it over again, no matter how many times he needed to if it meant Rey was here, safe and free.

He leans in close, escaping the notice of everyone as they spoke, too loud considering Rey had just got out of surgery and needed her rest but to scold them would only add to the commotion. So instead, he whispers to her. “I will come back for you, sweetheart. I promise.” The kiss he presses to her hairline as soft as his voice. 

He stands up then, wiping his face and turning to Lando. The sounds come to a halt as he does as if they just remembered he was still in the room. 

“I’m coming,” he tells them. His parents protest but he looks to them, knowing he can’t escape this. “I have no choice. Not if it’s true.” _Not if Plutt was really dead._

The deputies are eager as one of them steps forward, pulling the handcuffs from his belt and gesturing for him to turn around with his hands behind his back as the other man read him his rights. 

He can only hear the phrase " _under arrest for the suspicion of the murder of Unkar Simon Plutt."_

Were he an observer and not the one being arrested, Ben could have scoffed. Maybe he would have wondered how the hell the bastard managed to have a generic middle name like Simon when his first and last were so preposterous although fitting for his brutishness. 

He feels the metal tighten around his wrists and he is gently urged to turn around. When he does, his mother’s eyes are glassy and she looks furious as she starts to gather herself to follow his father who was already out in the hallway with Lando. 

As they start to guide him out of the room, he stops, keeping his eyes with hers. “Mom?”

She looks like she was about ready to go into battle for him. But there is something else he wants from her instead. Something of an almost crippling importance. “What?” she asks.

He strains his neck to look back at the bed. “Mom, please, can you stay with her?” Leia looks back to Rey, her hand tenderly touching the foot of the bed. Ben grits his teeth to keep from crying but quickly fails, even when he thought he had cried all the tears he had left. “I don’t want her to be alone when she wakes up,” he tells her in his hoarse and broken voice.

His mother’s face crumbles as she holds back a sob. “I will, Ben. I promise. She won't be alone.”

He told Rey once she wasn't alone and he needed to keep it so, even if it seemed like his mother would have to take his place when he could not. 

There’s a firm grip on his shoulders then as he is pulled out of the room and he stumbles on his feet a bit to keep up. He starts to feel like he's suffocating the closer he gets to the door. As he takes his final look at Rey, he calls out a final request. 

“Tell her I love her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woof, sorry. That was rough. 
> 
> I know this still leaves you with a lot of questions but things will all be revealed as we go. Hang tight.
> 
> Next chapter we return to 1993 now that we all know the tragedy from the spring of '88. Thank you for reading if you made it this far. Again, I know this isn't a story many people might be interested in but I'm so grateful for the people that are here because as tragic as this seems, I really love writing this one. 
> 
> Even if it's a clusterfuck dumpster fire. I am very aware of that.


	9. Up the Down Escalator

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one didn't take as long to write since it's a more appropriate length after last chapter.
> 
> Also, I figure that Ben just gave Hux the very general run down instead of an in depth retelling like I spent two chapters doing so I doubt he told him about his 18th birthday party or some of that fluffier stuff.

“They arrested me at the hospital and brought me here. I told them more or less what I just told you.”

Hux nods his head. “Interesting.”

 _Interesting?_ Ben just shared with him the most traumatic experience of his life and all the man had to say was interesting?

“Do you still have these dreams?” Hux asks.

“No.”

For the last five years, it was true. He believed the last one he ever had was the night before Rey was taken. He had awakened from it confused and with a pounding headache. 

That had been the last one. The last time he had seen Mortis.

With the exception of the one he had the night before his parents were killed. 

“Are you currently on any medication?” Hux asks next, pulling him from his silent musings. 

“No.”

“How often do you drink?”

“I don’t.”

Hux looks to him curiously before nodding back to his notes. 

He and Rey don’t drink. Rey didn’t because of everything it had done to her parents, and then to Plutt. She had seen it bring only pain so she never touched the stuff. And as for Ben, he didn’t like to feel out of control. He didn’t like the seize it seemed to have on a mind when he preferred to be coherent.

That and he had tremendous respect for Rey’s decisions and he wanted to honor her same choices for himself. 

Hux writes for a long time and Ben’s leg started to bounce again as he looked to the clock above the door. They had been in there for over two hours now and most of it was spent speaking of the past when he was here to discuss his parents. 

And Hux seemed to think that linking his past with current events could be significant. He wouldn’t have had him tell him everything else otherwise. Not when he could read it all in the file, even if he protested to its brevity.

He finally stops writing, smirking a little as he spoke. “Considering murder is such a capital offense, you must consider yourself rather lucky, Mr. Solo. It says here,” he looks back down to the file once more, “you were sentenced to a year but were granted parole after six months due to good behavior.”

Ben’s fists clenched. “Plutt was a criminal. He had been for years. But then he kidnapped her. Took her off the street.” 

Ben refused to cry in front of this man but his mind flashes to the courtroom where he had to watch Rey on the stand and tell a jury of strangers how she had just been walking when she was grabbed. He remembers how thin she looked. There were bags under her eyes as she was exhausted from everything, including her recovery. 

He remembers how she told them how she tried to call him when Plutt was distracted but he barged in and ripped the phone from the wall and punched her across the face. She said she had hit him back before making a run for the gate to try and get away but then Plutt fired and she collapsed to the ground. It was then that she started crying. Ben had looked to her from across the courtroom with tears in his eyes, wishing he could hold her. 

Ben had to take a deep breath, briefly closing his eyes. There was a reason he didn’t think of these things anymore. If he thinks too much he will get stuck in the past and he’ll see nothing but the carousel of images, switching back and forth between Plutt’s beaten face and Rey’s pale one.

“But still, the man is dead. You had to know that was a possibility when you left him looking like this.”

Hux slides the case photo over, but Ben turns his face away with his eyes closed. He knows better than to look. If he does, he might vomit or cry or his knuckles might sting from the memory.

Ben’s patience has been long gone with this man who clearly seemed to think this was a way of making a point. 

“I know he’s dead. But he also had stage four cancer in his lungs, cirrhosis of the liver, and a compulsive drug problem. The autopsy revealed he was already a dead man walking." Ben will never forget how disgusting Plutt's coughing and hacking were. "That, combined with the kidnapping charges and attempted murder of my girlfriend, my actions were considered self-defense. The jury nearly let me off without any jail time at all because of all the evidence against Plutt.”

“Then why didn’t they?” Hux asks curiously when Ben knows full well that information also resided in the bullshit folder sitting on the table. In fact, he had quoted the words earlier.

“You already know why,” Ben says, feeling sick with memory.

“Ah, I see you’re still quite sore about that then.”

“I’m–?” Ben looks at him incredulously, wondering where the fuck this guy got off. “Listen, _Detective Hux,_ but none of this is shit I particularly like to start my day off thinking about. In case you didn’t notice my girlfriend nearly died in my arms after being kidnapped by a fucking psycho and then I got my ass thrown in jail for doing what I could do to save her. All because that _prick_ tried to convince everyone that I was the one to be concerned about.”

“Are you referring to the testimony made by your former psychiatrist, Dr. Snoke?” Hux asks, this time not even looking at his notes or the file. Suddenly, Ben’s gut flares with hatred. This bastard knew the whole fucking story but made him sit here and spew it anyway, ignoring the fact that it split him in half with agony as the past flooded through his mind.

Ben doesn’t answer. He doesn’t trust himself to, knowing he very well might scream. 

“It says here, he explained the nature of your ‘delusions’, or your dreams, as you call them, to the jury. And apparently, sharing the details of your final session with him were found startling. You threw your medication at him of which you admitted to not be taking before you swore at him and refused to return. This led to his claim of you being capable of ‘sudden aggression and violent outbursts’ which sounds like it made the jury a little nervous and perhaps reconsidering the brutality you inflicted upon Mr. Plutt after hearing a diagnosis from a professional.” 

“I already told you, I’m not a violent person. I did what I did to get Rey out of there. She was dying. I didn’t have a choice.” Ben’s tone is clearly agitated to his own ears at this point and he tries to calm down, hoping a cooler demeanor would help him make his point.

But it was easier said than done as Hux looked far too amused with all of this. And thoughts of Rey, cold and pale, flash through his vision, even with his eyes open.

“And Snoke,” Ben scoffs, trying to rid his tears from his eyes. “Snoke was looking out for himself. Never for me, or for Rey. I can’t even tell you the kind of shit he used to tell me when I was just a seventeen-year-old kid.”

“He sounds like a very renowned doctor,” Hux shrugs, as if in Snoke’s defense.

“I don’t care what diplomas and awards the guy won, he was an asshole to me!” Ben says, his voice rising along with Hux’s eyebrows.

“Very well, then,” he says, his eyes flitting down as he writes more on his notepad of which Ben couldn’t read. 

“Listen, I still don’t understand what any of this has to do with my parents. You brought me here to talk about them and you just drag up shit from the past. Shit that I never would have gotten through if it weren’t for my family.”

His family. Han. Leia. Rey. Chewie and Lando and everyone else that believed in him. 

“Yes, you mentioned several times in retelling your story how much you cared for them,” he says, only glancing at him occasionally as he seemed more interested in his notes. 

For a brief moment, it reminds him of Snoke. How bored Snoke would look as Ben would reveal how he felt about something. 

It was unemotional and inhuman.

And now it was coming from a man who claimed his father had been killed briefly before Ben’s own. He might have expected a little more compassion but evidently not. He spared no time in opening Ben’s old wounds.

“But again, the nature of your parents’ death w–”

Hux’s words are cut off as suddenly the door swings open and Ben looks up to see his uncle standing there. His shoulders sag in relief as he looks to him with desperate eyes. A plea for help. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Lando asks, looking furiously to Hux. “What is _he_ doing in here?” he shouts, pointing to Ben. 

Lando is very aware of how this room would make him feel as well as the story Ben had just shared.

“Excuse me Detective, but I’m questioning a suspect.”

“Don’t you dare call him that!” Lando shouts. “Ben, come on.”

“I’m not finished with my questions!” Hux insists.

“Bullshit. Log says you kept him in here for hours and you can’t hold him for shit so stick your nose someplace else. Ben?”

Ben rises from the chair, his ass sore from the seat and his legs wobbly. He unclenches his fists, finding them clammy and he runs them over his jeans to dry them. He wishes he could wipe away this whole morning just as easily.

Hux seems pissed but stays quiet as Ben and Lando leave and Ben takes a few deep breaths, finally free of the room. Lando pats an arm on his shoulder. “Kid, I’m so sorry. I just got word you were here. I had no idea. If I did I would have saved you sooner.”

“It’s fine,” Ben says, although it feels like a lie.

“No, it’s not, kid. That little shit is such a pain. He’s young and stubborn and wants to do shit his way. And not even in an admirable way, but in a ‘he’s the most pretentious prick I’ve ever met’ kind of way.”

“Yeah,” Ben says, unable to even force a chuckle. “I noticed that.”

As they come out to the parking lot, getting closer to the blazer, Lando huddles closer, his voice quieter. “What was he asking you?”

Ben sighs, far too tired to even try and attempt any more words but knows he has to. “He started off telling me that whatever happened to the Skylark...he believes it was done intentionally.” Lando’s brow furrows in horror, his jaw slack. “He thinks I did this, Lando, I know he does. It’s why he made me tell him about Plutt.”

Because he had already killed a man before, hadn’t he? Because to anyone, he was the obvious suspect. He was, no matter the circumstances, a murderer.

“What?” Lando’s eyes go wide, looking up at him. 

“I didn’t know what else to do,” Ben shrugged, looking to his feet, knowing if he met Lando’s eyes his own might start fogging again. 

“God, I think I might kill him...but listen, I’ll talk to my boss. If he knows the shit he pulled today maybe I can get him off the case. I know he still won’t give it to me. He says I’m too close to it all but you know I’ve never been one to play by the rules. I’m gonna figure this out, I promise you.”

Ben just nods, unsure what to say. His mind was battling with the weight of the morning and all he had to relive in that room where those walls had already heard it all before. He almost felt sick. 

Maybe because regardless if Hux thought he could have done all of that intentionally, the thought that he could have still caused this by accident haunts him in the same way the story he just retold does as well. 

Lando must notice his heavy thoughts because suddenly both of his hands are holding firm to his biceps. “Ben, are you alright?”

He nods weakly, sniffling a bit but holding his emotions in for the most part. “Yeah. I think I’m gonna head home instead of the shop. I left Rey there this morning with a stomachache or something, plus we’re trying to pack everything up to take it over to the house.”

“Maybe I should drive you,” Lando says, still looking concerned. 

“No, I’m okay," Ben lies. He wanted to have a moment to himself, with his thoughts. "Thanks though.”

“Kid,” Lando says, yet to release his arms. “If you or Rey need anything, you call me up, day or night and I’m there.”

Ben nods, “Thank you,” he tells him sincerely. “We might need your help moving boxes this weekend and if not that then maybe just for company as we settle in,” Ben offers with a smile, not wanting to leave the man too disturbed by his quiet. After all, Ben meant it. He could tell Lando was trying to step in and help where he could, very aware of the gap now in their lives as well as his own. 

“Anything you need, Starfighter,” he says, patting him in a silent farewell before Ben hopped in the car and headed home. 

As kind as Lando had been, there was only one person he wanted to talk to or at least be with and he was on his way to her. Tears already blur his eyes 

* * *

Rey had woken up feeling nauseous. It wasn't until Ben left, insisting she stay and rest, that she had flown into the bathroom, retching into the toilet. She held back her hair as well as she could until the world stopped spinning before vigorously brushing her teeth and slumping back to bed, feeling exhausted.

But she didn’t fall back asleep. Her thoughts didn’t allow her that courtesy. Not since everything seemed to fall apart.

However, within an hour, she was feeling better, at least physically, and she moved out of bed to get dressed knowing there was too much to do to lay down. And if she did, it would only be harder to get up at all. She had to keep moving. 

_They_ had to keep moving. 

So she continued packing boxes. 

Rey had attributed her illness to stress and grief that seemed to overcome their lives knowing her sleeping and her appetite have not been what they usually should be in her mourning. She knows it could be a long time until she or Ben feel even remotely normal again. It seems to have affected many aspects of her life, including her appetite which teetered back and forth between being unable to eat anything and eating too much.

Perhaps Rey would have noticed if her mind wasn't so preoccupied these days.

She thinks of Han and Leia and all they did for her. How they let her into their home when they discovered she had none. How they accepted her from the beginning. How they were there for her in the long and grueling months that Ben had been taken away from them and how they helped her recover from the wounds and the surgery. 

And she thinks of Ben too. She thinks of him a lot even when he's in reach but still seems distant. 

They have been quiet lately. She knows he hasn't been sleeping, even less than she is. These days she wakes up, often alone, to find him sitting on the balcony by himself with teary eyes. 

She tries to talk to him or ask him to come back to bed. Or sometimes she just sits with him, hoping he knows she is there with him and that they would get through this. Together.

She only hopes moving back home to his parent’s house is the right decision. She knew there were a lot of memories in that house. She had been there for a lot of them. She hoped the happy ones would keep them company and help them make peace with this when it sometimes seemed there was no more peace left to find. 

But before they moved, they had to pack up first. That and she really needed to speak with Teedo so she could give him their last check. 

Looking to the clock, Rey sighs as it would soon be lunchtime. She knew Ben might be calling to check in soon so she wondered if she could get the business with the landlord over with by then. 

She grabs the check from the counter and starts to make her way down to the man’s apartment, hoping he wouldn’t be hungover or in one of his moods when she was there to offer him money, more than they should since he would likely spend it on drugs or _company._

Rey shivers, deciding not to think about it as she knocks on his door. There's an angry grunt and some odd fumbling noises from the other side and Rey hopes that above all else he wasn't with company now.

It opens a long moment later revealing the small but grouchy face of Teedo. He is, thankfully, clothed although he smells horrible and Rey breathes through her mouth to evade it. 

“What?” he snaps.

She clears her throat, looking down at the envelope. “Hi, um, I wanted to just stop by and–”

“That the rent?” he asks, eyeing the envelope too. His tone is always impatient and groggy. Like he’s always hungover and pissed off. 

“Well, yes, in a way. But it’s also our last.”

“You moving?” he asks with a scowl.

“Yes, we think it’s for the best.”

“Is this because his parents croaked or something?” he asks, crossing his arms. “I saw it on the TV a while back.”

Rey closed her eyes, trying to ignore the insensitivity of his words so she could be finished with this conversation sooner. “Yes, this has been a very difficult time for us. I’m sure you can understand.” She passes over the check. “So, here you are. I’ll drop off the keys when we leave.”

He takes it and Rey starts to walk away but he barks at her. “Oi, stay back, I got to make sure you’re covering all your fees.”

She could have scoffed but she kept it to herself, letting the man count his money so she could be done with him forever.

Just then, Rey hears footsteps echoing from the stairway and she looks down to see Ben appear at the end of the hallway as he has spotted her. He looks confused to see her on this floor so he heads her way.

Teedo hears him coming and ducks his head out the doorway. “So you headin’ out then, are you? Bit short notice to be telling me you’re on your way...and from your lady no less.” Teedo’s eyes wander back to her, slowly looking over her as unsavory as he could. Rey crosses her arms over her middle, her brows knitted with disgust as she tries to look anywhere but him. 

Rey can see Ben’s jaw clench as he comes to stand beside her. 

“Well, it’s hard enough to find you most days as you’re too hungover to open the door or shooting up somewhere. I was starting to think we would have to slip our last rent under the door,” Ben says, clearly upset.

Rey looks to him, surprised at his statement. She reaches for him, her hand settling on his back, wanting him to stay calm. She thought it would be best not to provoke Teedo since they were nearly done with him.

“That’s some mouth you’ve got, Solo.”

Ben reaches for her hand, pulling her closer. “Listen, we covered our fees and all the other bullshit charges. Unless you’ve got a problem, we’re leaving on Saturday.”

Ben pulls her back down the hallway, leaving Teedo standing dumbly in the doorway.

“You’ve got some nerve, boy,” he shouts down the hallway. “You know I saw the reports. I know you’re loaded now so you better hope I don’t increase any charges.” and some of the other tenants stick their heads out of their doors to see what the ruckus was. Rey looks down, trying to avoid the attention.

“Bite me, asshole!”

“Ben,” Rey looks to him with wide eyes as they move up the stairs. What has gotten into him? “Ben, what’s the matter?”

He doesn’t say anything, he won’t even look at her. He just keeps hold of her hand as they walk up the stairs. She figures that means he wants to wait until they are back in their own apartment to discuss anything. When they arrive at their door, she finally asks him.

“Ben, what is going on? Teedo is always a jackass, we don’t need to–”

As soon as the door closes behind her, Ben collapses against her with his face buried in her neck as he begins to sob.

She is startled at first but quickly braces her arms around him, her hands holding him close, her fingers in his hair. “Ben?” she breathes out, her own tears starting out of fear of wherever his have come from. 

As upset as they have been in the past weeks, this felt different.

She holds him there for a long moment, knowing he will tell her when he’s ready but he must need to get this out first.

“I was at the police station,” he says finally and Rey’s heart stops in her chest at his words. 

“What?” She pulls away to look up at him. “Why?”

He pulls away, stepping away so he could run his hands through his hair, she follows him cautiously.

“That detective, Hux, he came to the shop and said he wanted to ask me questions about the accident but then he just–” he growls in frustration before he says anything else. “God, he’s such a fucking asshole.” He sobs again, covering his face and sinking down onto the couch. She sits across from him on the coffee table so she can look at him, bracing his knees with her hands. But his head stays down. 

“What did he say?” she urges, starting to see where Ben’s sudden impatience and rage with Teedo had come from. 

“He said I’m in suspicion for tampering with the car. He has a theory that what happened, happened on purpose.”

The implication strikes Rey like a knife to the chest. “He didn’t?”

“He did,” Ben cries. “He wanted to talk at the station but he put me in that fucking room and walked in with a file about Plutt–”

“What?” she grips his leg tighter, horrified at what he was sharing. 

He shakes his head, his hands finding hers. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t even say–”

“Ben, tell me. What did he say to you?”

Ben sniffles, finally looking to her again. “He asked me to explain what I did the car first...but then he opened the file and said that he wanted a better idea of how and why I was at Corelia and I had to tell him even though I know he knew the whole fucking story already.”

Horror grips her as she understands just what his morning entailed. They rarely spoke of it themselves and when they did they were cautious not to delve too far as they were both deeply affected by the memories it brought back. But to think this Hux bastard made Ben give him everything makes her want to march down to that station herself and punch him in the face. She’s half-convinced she will as she stands up before him but he quickly moves forward, wrapping his arms around her, his face nestled against her middle. His hand tucks up under her shirt and she freezes before she realizes what he’s doing.

He runs his fingers gently past her scar. 

“I’m sorry, Rey,” he cries against her. “Fuck, I’m so sorry.”

She holds him close, her hands in his hair as his face remains pressed against her middle. “Ben,” she says, trying to calm him down. 

“I knew something was wrong. I never should have let you go that morning,” he cries.

“Stop it,” she says, pulling his face up to look at her. “Ben, that’s all over now. I’m okay,” she says, settling her hand over his where it was still brushing over her old wound. “It’s only because of you I’m here at all.”

He closes his eyes as if he’s wincing and Rey’s tears spillover. “But...But then,” he says, his lips trembling. “What if he’s right?”

“About what?” she asks incredulously, already shaking her head. 

“Rey, the car,” he says softly, his voice hardly a whisper.

“Don’t start with that again,” she says almost harshly, holding his face. “Do not think for one second that you could be responsible for–”

“Rey, I was working on it all day and they died driving it just hours later! It’s my fault they’re gone!”

“Don’t say that!” she says, her tears streaming into her mouth as she speaks. “Ben, look at me. You have been working for your father for years. Has anyone once doubted your abilities to fix things as they should be fixed?”

He doesn’t answer so she answers for him. “No. You are one of the best mechanics in that shop and to think you could be responsible for this is ridiculous. You have to see that.”

“But–”

“And let’s say you might have made a mistake, you asked me to double-check what you did that day. You remember? I took a look at it myself and you did everything perfectly. If something was wrong, I would have noticed. Would you doubt my insight on that?”

His shoulders slump then and he seems to breathe again, finally hearing the sense in her words. “No. No, I trust you. Always.”

She moves to sit beside him on the couch, her body exhausted with relief that he is listening. That even when he doubts himself he does not doubt her. She hugs him close and they stay like that for a long time. 

“But Rey…” he croaks out and she pulls away to look at him. His eyes are red and his lips are still trembling as he speaks. “If what Hux says is true...then what if someone did do this?”

She looks to him confused before suddenly what he's implying strikes her like a splash of cold water.

“What if someone was trying to hurt them?” he asks under his breath. 

She gasps at his words. “We don’t even know if–” she tries to offer, but wondering herself if it was true. Could someone have been trying to hurt Han and Leia? To have purposely killed them?

“I don’t know, Ben,” she admits, unsure what else to say. She would like to believe they lived in a world where someone would never be capable of hurting Han and Leia but she knew that wasn’t true. She’s known all her life that there were cruel people in this world who were all too willing to bring pain unto others. Even to people as caring as Ben’s parents. 

“I just don’t know,” she whispers and his head dives to her shoulder as he continues to cry. “I’m sorry, Ben. I wish it could be different.”


	10. The Thinner the Air

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The hits keep coming.

“You’re out of line, Detective. I gave the case to Hux for exactly this reason. You’re too emotional and now you’re interfering with the suspects directly and removing them from questioning.”

“Captain Tarkin, you don’t understand. I’ve known Ben since he was a day old and he would never do anything to hurt his parents. To question him of malicious intent of his parent’s death is going to break him emotionally all because Hux is too stuffy to pay attention.”

“If the Detective saw fit to question him then perhaps there is something there you are just too involved to ignore. Is this not the same boy who beat that junkyard man to death?” Tarkin asks, his brows raised. 

“In case you don’t recall, Captain, that was the same man who was a known criminal, kidnapped a teenage girl and shot her when she tried to escape. Ben was only trying to save her and even then he still paid his dues. He doesn’t deserve to be suspected of something just because of his past. He was just a kid. Hell, he still is!”

“Detective, that may be how you feel and I’m not saying I disagree with you. But you have still been a pain around here since that incident and you cause nothing but trouble. That stunt with dragging the man out of questioning was the final straw.”

“Sir, I–”

“You’re on desk duty until I decide you’re not being irrational. At least until you learn to stop sticking your nose into other cases.”

“Captain,” Lando holds out his hands, trying to stay composed. “I know my actions seemed out of line but believe me, there’s something wrong with this whole situation and I’m not sure Hux is prepared for it. I mean, he’s still young and Brendol’s murder probably hit him really hard and he needs to process that.”

“Armitage has been carrying on just fine, in my opinion. The only person having a hard time processing anything is you. If you dare to test me again then I’ll have no choice but to put you on unpaid leave until you can understand.”

Lando sighs in defeat. 

“That will be all, Detective Calrissian,” Tarkin says, turning away from him, the signal that it was time for him to leave. 

Lando’s head hangs heavy as he stands up and leaves the man’s office. 

He doesn’t care if Tarkin was putting him in time out. If Hux was going to try and attack those kids, he was going to defend them with all he had. Ben and Rey had been through too much hurt and he had made too many promises to Han and Leia to just let it all pass him by. 

And if it cost him his job, then fuck it. There would always be a job for him at the garage.

Lando slumps down at his desk with a groan, thinking that maybe all along that was where he should have been. Han had bugged him about it for years and Lando had always waved him off. But now that the old buddy was gone, Lando wishes he wised up sooner and had every moment he could have had with the old pirate.  With the family he had found with the Solos.

* * *

Snoke chuckled to himself as he watched the footage Hux had given him when he had brought Ben in for questioning a few days ago. 

It was clear that Ben Solo had not lost his dramatic nature in the years since he had seen him. And clearly his infatuation with that little whore had yet to wear out and Snoke wonders what he must find stimulating about her although he has known Solo’s tastes were miserably pedestrian from the moment he met him.

And yet perhaps the opportunity of everything he could accomplish did not come to him until that day he had his little tantrum and threw his pills all over his imported rug. It was at that moment, Snoke realized, that he could inflict destruction upon the boy and if it played out accordingly, it could be used to the highest advantage.

It was why he had phoned up that filthy man Plutt and told him where the girl had been staying, knowing it would only end in some sort of conflict. 

He recalls the day he went to the boy’s trial. He had fought to keep the smirk off his face when he saw what the Solo family had been reduced to as they tried to convince everyone that the boy was only trying to help save the girl. That he was a good soul and was only trying to do what was right. 

Just then the phone rings and Snoke pauses the tape to reach for it. “What?” he answers.

“Did you watch it?” Hux’s voice comes through.

“I’m watching it now. Admirable work, Detective. He’s a wreck.”

“It would have been better but Calrissian jumps in at the end, saying I couldn’t hold him any longer before dragging him out.”

“Well, he will be dealt with in due time. Until then, keep things quiet for me as I proceed from here.”

“I know.”

“And if you fuck this up–” Snoke begins to warn but Hux cuts him off.

“Yes, I know. I’ll end up like my father," the younger man says, his voice sounding unamused. "Honestly, if you’re going to threaten me then maybe use an example of someone else besides the person I asked you to kill for me.”

Snoke chortles at the man’s comment. “Very well. Contact me only when necessary,” Snoke reminds him. 

“Of course.”

Snoke hangs up the phone, resuming the video, and watching in amusement as Ben Solo tries to explain himself. 

He didn’t even know he was already dead.

* * *

Rey paced back and forth in the women’s bathroom, her eyes looking back to the clock above the door. She was the only girl at the shop so technically, she was the only one who used this bathroom. She only hoped no one noticed her absence until she had her answer she needed.

The box said two minutes and she could have sworn it been at least an hour but the plastic sticks in the sink remained blank. She had gotten a two pack, recalling that sometimes they didn't give accurate results and not wanting to return to the store and buy more.

It’s been a few days since she’s suspected that the illnesses that plagued her at odd moments and never for very long, had nothing to do with her grieving. It was happening more and more often since that first morning and becoming more difficult to escape not only her notice but Ben’s. She didn’t want to worry him with anything else right now. Not with everything going on. 

They have been facing the realization that someone might have intentionally murdered his parents. It’s been very emotional for Ben. For both of them.

And Rey fears that whoever might have been trying to kill them, might have been trying to make Ben look responsible. Perhaps they knew Ben was working on the car.

She hasn’t mentioned so much of that to Ben although she suspects he must be thinking that too. 

He had stayed at the house today, as he has most days since he ended up at the police station. She knows to be around the cars and sometimes even driving is making him anxious even though she seems to have convinced him that he is not responsible for the accident. He’s spent his life around those machines. He grew up in them. His father loved them. And then it was Leia’s own car that had killed them. 

She knew it was too much for him. Hell, it was too much for everyone in the shop but things had to keep going. That’s how she told herself it would get better. If they kept moving forward. Which meant the results of the two pregnancy tests in the sink felt like they were a ton of bricks on her shoulders.

It was after they had moved into the house that she first realized. It was now _their house_ technically, but both she and Ben knew it would always be Han and Leia’s. She had been situating the bathroom with their things. Toothbrushes, towels, soaps. But it wasn’t until she was placing the tampons under the sink when she remembered buying the box a while ago and it had remained unopened. That quickly led to startling clarity as Rey realized she was late.

 _Late_ late. 

At first, she told herself that even her cycle might be out of balance as the past month had been far from regular and her body was struggling in more ways than one to keep up. She managed to convince herself of that until the next morning when she got sick again. 

That was when she started to think logistically, to think if it was even remotely possible that she could be pregnant. And Rey cursed herself as she realized it was almost painfully obvious. 

They hadn’t made love since that night at the shore. The night his parents had died. The ever-looming sadness hung heavy over them since then and all they did in bed together was hold each other, cry, or attempt to sleep. 

But that night, in the blazer, she recounts the events a dozen times. She realizes they had let the moment take hold of them and forgotten to use something. It wouldn’t be the first time it has slipped their mind but Rey had been on birth control for years now. Leia helped her get them while Ben was still in Corelia.

But even then, it didn’t guarantee anything. It could never prevent it entirely.

So, that is how she has existed for the past few days. Sitting and stewing in endless uncertainty. Going mad with speculation but too nervous or feeling too exposed to have gone out to buy a test. And too worried to try and tell Ben in case she was just being ridiculous. In case she wasn’t pregnant, she didn’t want to say anything and give Ben anything else to lose sleep over. The bags under his eyes were getting more and more pronounced.

Just then, the clock passes the two-minute mark and Rey gathers her courage to peer over the edge of the sink. She would finally have her answer.

Her heart falls into her feet as she looks upon the two plastic sticks. Both of which had pink plus signs.

_Positive._

Her hands shake as she double-checks the box to see if positive meant what she already knew it meant. 

She settles back to the sticks, lifting them up to examine them closely, not trusting her eyes. But they remain the same even then.

Rey’s eyes blur with tears as she looks to herself in the mirror, turning to her side and glancing down at her middle. She brushes a hand past her flat stomach, trying to imagine how it was real.

They were going to have a baby. She and Ben. 

Rey couldn’t deny that she always dreamed of such a thing but to know it was happening now, of all times, felt crushing.

_What would Ben think?_

They have spoken before about having a family. They both wanted kids, she knows. Eventually. After they got married, they always said. 

But given everything that has happened, to add a baby to it all seemed overwhelming. Having a baby in normal circumstances would be overwhelming, for fuck’s sake. 

But regardless, no matter what may be considered rational or reasonable, Rey knows what she wants. As terrified as might feel right now, she wants to keep it. She wants it so badly and it makes her tears spill over with a vengeance as she pulls up her shirt, running her hands over her belly. 

_A baby._

Just then there’s a knock at the door and Rey jolts, quickly pulled out of her thoughts.

“Rey? Are you in there?”

It sounded like Biggs. 

“Yeah. I’ll be out in a minute,” she quickly calls back, relieved when her voice comes out steady enough.

“Just checking on you. The fella with the Plymouth called. He’s gonna be here in an hour. Do you need help finishing it?”

“No. No, I’ve got it covered. Thanks though,” she calls back. 

Rey quickly scrambled to conceal the evidence, shoving the tests back into the boxes and cramming them under the sink behind the towels. She stands up, wiping her tears away before taking a deep breath and stepping back into the office and back towards the garage. She unties the arms of the jumpsuit from her waist and slides her arms back through and zipping it back up, her hands lingering on her middle. 

For the rest of the day, she tries to think of what she would tell Ben and anticipates what he might say. 

As scary as it might seem, maybe this could be a true step forward. Maybe their future could still be bright in a way they hadn’t dared to hope in the past few weeks.

* * *

_Ben woke up in the dirt, surrounded by tall grass and the pitch black of night. For a brief moment, he is distracted by the clarity of the sky and how many stars were there._

_But then that changes as everything else floods in and he realizes where he is._

_Mortis._

_He sits up in a panic as he sees the decrepit gravestones and mausoleums surrounding him. He fumbles to his feet, trying to get his bearings and find the gate before they could spot him. The monsters. They would come for him. They always did._

_He starts running, tripping over roots and stones as he looks over his shoulder every few seconds, wondering where they were._

_“Ben.”_

_Ben gasps at his name from an unfamiliar voice. He spins around, trying to find the source of it and he freezes as he sees a figure standing in the doorway of an open mausoleum. But Ben can only make out a silhouette at first. A dark figure amongst the rest of the darkness, almost like a shadow and nothing else._

_“You’re not safe,” it tells him._

_“Wha–Who are you?”_

_“They’re coming for you,” the voice says next._

_Ben spins around, thinking he might have heard footsteps. “I know.”_

_“No. It’s not who you think,” the figure lumbers closer and into the night. Ben catches just a glimpse of his face in the slight stream of moonlight and Ben squints in confusion._

_It’s a man. A man Ben is almost certain he’s seen before. Only he can’t think of where._

_“Who then?” Ben breathes out, taking a step closer but the man retreats back into the small structure and the details of his face are gone. Ben steps forward to follow him but the door closes with a thud._

_“Hey!” Ben calls out, striding forward to pound his fists on the stone. “Come back! Who the fu–”_

_Just then the grass all around stirs with movement. Hushed words and hurried footsteps._

_Ben turns, his heart beating loudly as he knows he is not alone. Despite the darkness, he knows he’s being watched._

_His head snaps around, looking for a safe way out but then he hears another rustle through the fog and he breaks into a frantic sprint, hoping his feet took him to the gate._

_He runs. He runs as fast as he can, hearing all the movement shortly behind him. He doesn’t dare turn around. He remembers if he does, he’ll only trip and then they’ll get him._

_The top of the gate comes into sight and his determination to get to it, to get out, only increases. He runs so fast his lungs burn for air but he makes it. He slips through the old iron framework, spinning quickly to lock whatever has followed him inside._

_But as soon as he does, once again, all he sees is fog._

_“He’s going to get you...he’s going to get you,” he hears whispered to him from what sounds to be multiple voices. Whoever they belong to though are invisible to him and he tenses in uncertainty._

_But then he hears something else. Something closer, on his side of the gate. Something that must have gotten out._

_A sinister chuckle, low and knowing, comes from behind him. Right behind him._

_Ben spins around, his fists ready to fight, but in a flash, he is grabbed by the collar and shoved to the ground. He sees a bright flash of metal in the moonlight before he screams. But instead of his voice he hears, there is another._

_“Ben!”_

_Ben hears his name and he shuts his eyes, hearing her voice._ Rey. _He scrambles on the ground, trying to escape the grasp of the figure with the knife._

_“Ben, wake up!”_

_He shuts his eyes tight, just as he sees the knife plummeting towards him, hoping it won’t strike him down._

_“Rey,” he whispers her name. A final plea that just the thought of her would keep him safe._

* * *

“Ben, you’re dreaming!”

His eyes snap open and he gasps in a lung full of air. He sits up from the bed, hot and sweaty. 

Rey’s hands are on him, running over his shoulder, his back. “Are you alright?”

Ben tries to nod, reaching for her. He didn’t know what was happening, or what time it was. He felt disoriented. He wraps himself around her, finding the safety he was craving although he was still on edge.

“Wh–What time is it?” he asks into her shoulder.

“It’s almost six," she says, pulling away to look at him, her hands on his face, brushing away the hair that was sticking to his sweaty face. "I just got home.”

He laid down a few hours ago to take a nap. He’s been so tired, unable to sleep at night. He was relieved at first that he felt like he could rest at all but clearly now even his limited sleep has betrayed him. He takes a deep breath, swinging his feet over the bed. 

“Ben, you were dreaming,” Rey says, her voice small. 

He gives a humorless scoff as he hides his face in his hands. “I know.”

“Mortis?” she asks nervously. He nods, unable to look at her. He hears her give a small gasp as she scoots closer to him, settling her hand on his knee. “Oh my god,” she breathes out. “Are you okay?”

Ben just shrugs, shaking his head a bit. “I don’t...I don’t know,” he admits. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

He thinks of what he had seen. The voices, the figures, the knife. Even if these dreams were in the same setting as the ones from when he was younger, they certainly played out very differently. 

He already knows that the figure at the end, the one outside the gates, was the same from the dream that had cropped up randomly about a month ago. He doesn’t know what that means.

And he doesn’t even know where to start.

It was all too much. All of it existed only in his head and given the expression on Rey’s face, he already knew he was causing her more pain. He did not want to give her anymore. 

He takes her hand, relieved when her eyes find his. It helps him breathe again. “Rey, really. I’m okay. It just startled me is all.”

“But...Ben, it’s still–”

“I know. But it’s just a dream,” he tells her, trying to convince himself it was just that simple. 

Her shoulders slump, looking disappointed in his answer but she doesn’t say anything else. He sighs to himself. 

He hates that he’s done this. At any opportunity they have to move forward, he seems to drag it all back down. He was no good for her, constantly keeping her all too aware of the tragedy that has struck them. He wishes he could be better. He wishes he could be who she deserves. 

He moves to stand, bringing her with him to hold her close. He rests his cheek on top of her head, breathing her in. “I’m sorry if I scared you. Really, I just got freaked out. I’m okay.”

“No, it’s okay. But if you want to talk about it...please, Ben, tell me,” she says softly, her hands warm and comforting against his back. He feels safe like this, with her, even if he knows he’s been using her as a crutch for weeks and that wasn’t fair to her. She could not carry both their burdens. 

“I’m gonna be fine,” he says, hoping that saying it aloud would make it true. Wishing to change the subject he pulls away to look down at her. “How was your day?”

She still looks worried but she answers anyway. “Fine. It was…” her eyes look down at their feet for a moment too long before continuing. “You know. The usual kind of stuff, I suppose.”

He doesn’t feel entirely convinced with her answer but wonders if she’s just upset from coming home to find him as she did. Likely crying and whimpering in his sleep. 

Or perhaps because she hasn't been feeling too well lately either. "Did you feel sick at all today?" he asks her softly.

She quickly shakes her head. "No. I felt better today."

"Because I was thinking if you still were feeling off we could take you in for a check-up just to–"

"No. Really. I feel better now," she tells him quickly, her hands clinging to his sides tightly. 

Ben sighs, knowing Rey would never willingly go to the doctor. She had developed something of a phobia of hospitals after everything. He couldn't blame her. The places made him uncomfortable too after all that happened. Perhaps the only reason he could stomach them a little better was that he knows they saved Rey's life. 

"Okay," he says softly, feeling a little defeated. "If you say so." 

Just then Chewie makes himself known, knocking into their legs. 

Rey pulls away to pet him. “He’s probably hungry. Why don't you take a shower? I can order some food and feed Chewie. Then after dinner, we could take him on a walk. Get you some air too?” she offers, nudging him a bit in the ribs. He smiles even if the one on her own lips looks a little forced.

He nods, thinking that sounded perfect. “Yeah. I'd like that.”

He could use some air.

* * *

Rey linked her arm with his as they walked down the sidewalk in the cool night air. 

He smelled fresh and clean and she tucked her face against his arm, feeling guilty. Feeling like their silence was not as comfortable as it usually is. Like maybe there were things they were both not saying.

She was going to tell him when she got home. But then she found him in their bed, a sweaty mess and mumbling in his sleep. Her stomach had dropped as she knew instantly where his mind really was. He had calmed down a bit since then, but he had been so rattled when he woke up. All because of the dreams she wished could stay in the past with everything else but evidently, they had returned.

Another addition to the long list of unfortunate things that seem to be hurling at them.

But with her condition, _with the baby,_ she didn’t want it to feel unfortunate. She didn’t want it to feel like another burden on their shoulders when it was meant to be happy news. Which is why she didn’t even mention anything to him when she had only speculated she was pregnant. And now that she knows, she can only hope that Ben would feel as happy as she did. But she’s not sure if Ben was even capable of feeling happy about anything right now.

So it seemed, the time to tell him would have to wait. His dream seemed to leave him tense, to the point where he didn’t even want to discuss it with her. It hurt to think he might be shutting her out. After all they’ve been through together, she hoped he knew that she would never judge him for his dreams and she would try to help him in whatever way she could. 

She knew he trusted her, but maybe he just needed time and she didn’t want to push him. And clearly, if his mind was crowded enough, she figured it would be best to hold off on sharing the news with him. 

When the time was right, she would tell him, she decides. She would tell him about the baby. Her gut twists, feeling like concealing it was no better than lying but it seemed best.

She must sigh in her consternation because he halts their stroll, pulling her back a bit so she would look at him. “Are you sure you're okay?” he asks her, his brow a little furrowed.

 _Tell him. He knows something’s wrong, tell him now!_ Her mind shouts at her. 

They don’t keep secrets. At least she didn’t think they did. But maybe that was in the past too. 

She studies his face for a moment, looking at the state of him. She's never seen him quite like this. Which was definitely saying something. She thinks back to her visits with him when he was in Corelia and they weren't even allowed to hold hands without getting scolded at. When he looked like he would burst into tears every time she told him how much she missed him or how much she loved him. 

But this was different. His parents were gone. They were never coming back. They would never even get to meet the grandchild she knew they would love so much. Rey's throat seizes as she hadn't even thought of that yet and how devastating it really was.

She forces a chuckle and shakes her head. “I’m fine,” she tells him, rising on her toes to peck him on the lips. “Really. I'm just tired. It was a long day.” 

He only looked half convinced but doesn’t follow up as Chewie gets irritated with their sudden stop and tugs on the leash. Rey chuckles at the big dog before looping her arm back through Ben's and nuzzling her cheek against his arm. She finally took a deep breath as he started to tell her about something he had seen on TV earlier. She probably acts more invested than she should be in her attempts to drown out his suspicion. 

It was all going to work out eventually. They just needed some time.

Once the air became breathable for him again, she would tell him. Hopefully, he would understand why she waited. And maybe, if they can find answers, _closure,_ with what happened to his parents as Lando said he would help do what he can with the case, then maybe the chance to move forward was closer than they thought. 

* * *

Hux watched from his car as they walked back into the house.

He's been keeping an eye on them. _Stalking,_ some would call it. Research and studying your victims is what Snoke called it. Hux was inclined to agree with him. But he had to be cautious. Stay in the shadows. 

But they're too distracted with each other to notice him further down the street. They walk hand in hand with the small horse they seemed to think qualified as a dog. He sees them go back inside and how the lights turn on. But with his binoculars, he can see through the cracks of the blinds of where they sat on the couch. How Solo practically deflated against her and she just held him, stroking his hair as they watched TV.

Armitage could have gagged. Is this is what average people his age did? It was nauseating. Overly domestic and just sickening. 

He had seen further evidence of such a lifestyle when he had invited himself in while they were out, seeing their overly affectionate and sentimental photographs that cluttered the house. Some of which Calrissian was in and Hux couldn't hold back his scoff. 

He's glad he didn't linger when he was inside as they returned sooner than he thought they would but he had gotten what he came for. He smirks as he looks to the shoes sitting in the passenger seat. He found them in the back of a closet inside what he could only assume was their bedroom despite the posters on the walls that made him think it could have been a teenager's room. But then again, Ben Solo still seemed rather childish.

Having retrieved everything he needed, he quietly drove away, back to his apartment where he could call Snoke and tell him that the next stage in their plans could carry forward. What was once a matter of agreement and an almost business-like exchange, Hux had found immense pleasure in partaking in the downfall of someone. Especially someone as easy of a target as Solo. He conceals the shoes inside a bag as he goes inside, but once inside the safety of his apartment, he takes out the black Vans, inspecting them. He smirked when he had seen the initials on the inside.

_B.S._

"BS indeed," Hux snickers to himself. Ben Solo was never going to know what hit him. 

And as for the girlfriend, _Rey,_ well, time would tell if she burned with him or if she found her comeuppance in a different way. He knew Snoke's imagination was hardly limited in such areas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOF, sorry. This story is meant to be dramatic and it's probably the opposite of what people want to read when they are looking for a distraction. If you read this and you don't hate me, thank you, lol. This story will get pretty wild and I'm excited about where it's going. Hopefully, it doesn't scare everyone away.
> 
> Snoke and Hux are evil bastards but you already know that. 
> 
> I really hope you are all safe and doing alright during these crazy times!


	11. She Sells Sanctuary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't what I want it to be but I'm tired of looking at it so I'm just going to post it and move on. Thank you for reading!
> 
> I love you all! I know things are wild in the world right now so stay safe out there! 
> 
> <3<3<3!!

_He stirs to an odd noise._

_At first, he thinks it must be some kind of animal as it almost sounded like some sort of squealing. But as he rouses to find the Mortis dirt once again beneath him, he realizes that what he hears is without a doubt the cries of a child._

_Of a baby._

_Ben’s senses heighten at how unsettling it felt. To think that somewhere in this cursed graveyard was a creature so new and gentle. Something so innocent did not belong among all this horror._

_Ben looks over his shoulder to the gate. No one was around, or at least, there was no one trying to chase him it seemed._

_He recalled the figure on the other side that had tried to kill him as soon as he escaped. As terrifying as it was within the gates, he fears whatever awaited him outside was worse._

_And the cries continued and Ben’s heart lurched in his chest. So, very cautiously, he advanced closer to the cries, and further from the gate._

_But he began to panic as the cries started to fade. Not like the infant was falling asleep but more like it was being carried further away. Ben’s strides become wider, worried what was to become of it. For whatever reason he feels protective of this little being he knows is somewhere in this horrible place._

_But then he rounds a sharp corner, thinking he might be getting closer, but then he is faced with the shadowy outline of another figure facing him. Ben freezes, not daring to even breathe as he fears what he was facing._

_Suddenly the cries of the child are gone and all he can hear is his pounding heartbeat._

_In the fleeting moonlight fighting to poke through the clouds above, Ben catches just hints of the creature before him._

_They’ve got a series of small pointed horns on his head and Ben sees flashes of sharp yellow teeth to match. But the rest of his features are hard to make out as he was battling with the shadows and his overwhelming urge to bolt._

_But even still, Ben knows he’s seen him here before, but it’s been so long and the sight of him knocks all the air from his lungs._

_“They say it’s destiny! They say it will be you!” the monster gives a sinister chuckle. “But you will not save us! Not when you will refuse to save yourself!”_

_“I...I never said–” Ben starts to attempt to find the words._

_“Maul!” another voice calls out. “Maul, you fool! Let him be!”_

Maul?

_Suddenly, the creature before Ben growls. Perhaps that is his name._

_In an instant, the fog swallows the creature whole and he is alone once again, frantic and afraid in the place he never wanted to be._

_But...it isn’t even real._

_“Wake up!” he tells himself. Shutting his eyes and covering his ears._

_But then Ben feels the ground thump with an excited rhythm. As if a drum line was beneath his feet in the dirt._

_Ben’s heart pounds fast enough to match it and even if he knows it’s a dream. His fear weighs out as he hears someone, perhaps many, swiftly running through the tall grass around him._

_And he knows the chase is beginning again._

_But as he begins to run, he looks to the gate, his stomach dropping as he knows to leave would doom him as well. His only chance was to wake up._

_He halts his sprint to curl into himself, keeping his eyes shut tight as he tried to stop it. “You’re dreaming! This isn’t real! Wake up!” he screams at himself, practically slapping himself in an attempt to make it stop._

_He can feel the air swirl around him. He keeps his eyes sealed shut and screams louder, applying more pressure to his ears as he knows for certain that if he were to open his eyes, he would see that the monsters had found him. It is they who he feels with him but he refuses to acknowledge them._

_“Wake up! Wake up! He shouts at himself._

_The last thing he hears is the sudden resurge of the cries of a baby._

* * *

He wakes with a start, his breath loud in his ears as he tries to take in the return to reality. He sighs in relief that it was over, although with Mortis, apparently, it was never really over. 

He’s not sure what to make of what he just saw. He was confused as to why he heard a child crying. That’s definitely never happened before. 

And as for the figure, _the monster,_ Ben has seen flashes of him before in his dreams. Ben would see a glimpse of him when they were chasing him. He had never heard him speak before, he doesn’t think. And he’s never heard his name.

 _Maul,_ the other voice had called him. 

He shakes his head, not wanting to think of it any longer.

He looks over to Rey beside him, grateful he hadn’t woken her up. 

Something was off. He could tell. She looks so distant sometimes and when he tries to get her attention, she pretends like everything is fine. As if he doesn’t know the difference between her genuine smiles and her fake ones. 

He tries to ask her if she’s alright, but she insists she’s fine. Every day he asks her she gives some generic answer. Just like how he gives a generic answer about how he's _just tired_. How his dreams weren't bothering him. Or how he was keeping busy during the day at home instead of sitting on the couch and crying while he looked at pictures of his parents.

He can’t help but feel like despite how she was just inches from him, she was miles away. He didn’t know if it was his fault or maybe just because of how scary things have been. And maybe the reason why she’s pretending was for his sake. She’s been trying to act too normal because he knows he’s been far from normal. 

Or maybe he’s just too confused to know what anything is anymore. He’s confused with everything and wondering how the world could be so vile that someone might have tried to hurt his parents. 

Or how in this time, he managed to make the one person who has always trusted him to feel like she needs to lie to him. About what he doesn’t know. But he knows in a way, he’s lying too. He hasn’t told her what he’s seen in his dreams no matter how many times she asks. He just wants to let it all go away so that he could hold her again without feeling afraid that he might be losing her. Or losing himself. He wasn’t sure anymore. 

He sniffles, scooting closer to her, fighting his tears to hold her again. If she was going to pretend while they were awake that everything was fine, maybe he could do so now. He cuddles close, breathing her in. She stirs a little in her sleep, turning over to face him although her eyes are still closed. She hums in what almost sounds like his name as she snuggles closer to him.

He takes a deep breath, his eyes pricking with tears as he presses a kiss to her forehead.

“I love you, sweetheart,” he whispers to her.

“Mmm...Love you,” she mumbles back although she's technically still asleep.

His lip trembles at her words, slurred, half-asleep, but true. 

They love each other. They would do anything for each other. They’ve come through hard times before. They would overcome this too. He had to believe that. But he knows they cannot hide from each other. He knows they need to share everything if it means they are to be stronger together.

If he shows her he won’t hide, maybe she won’t hide from him. 

He smooths his hands over her back, letting his mind wander until he can relax once again. He looks around his room. The room he grew up in. This was the room they first shared.

Actually, it was where they first shared _many things._ Memories that he would never forget and always hold dear, as dearly as he holds to her now. 

He doesn’t know what his dreams meant, or if they even meant anything anymore at all. But he couldn’t let them control his life when there were too many things he had to keep safe. As scary as things were, he couldn’t let them get any scarier for them. He had to be sure that whatever they faced, they faced together. 

“We’re gonna be okay,” he tells her, even though she’s asleep. He says it for himself too. 

They had to be okay. They had to. If he doesn’t have Rey, then he’s lost everything. 

* * *

“The c-c-c-car is toast. I can o-o-only hold it for so long before people get suspic-c-c-cous of why I’m spending so much time on it.”

“I thought my compensation would have made your efforts worth my while,” Hux yelled at the man. DJ was a man that worked in the forensic department that he had arranged with before he planted the small device in Leia Organa’s Skylark. 

“Well, I recovered al-al-almost nothing from the engine. I searched for your ‘addition’ but nothing survived. If _I_ were to p-p-plant something even, the whole rest of the department would-d-d-d know it was m-m-m-me. I’ve already b-b-b-blown off the Buick representatives that are w-w-w-waiting to see if it was a product issue. They’re want to see if it d-d-d-demands a recall.”

Fucking hell. Whatever speech impediment this man was suffering from was exhausting just to listen to. Let alone the information he was sharing.

If there is no device uncovered then there was nothing to implicate Solo. 

Snoke would be pissed. But hopefully, the remaining portions of their well-constructed plan would help compensate for this setback. 

“Very well. I can’t promise my associate will be very comfortable to know you have not carried through with our arrangements. So I suggest you ensure that what you’ve told me are the results that you have arrived at only as an absolute last result or it may find you in more desperate circumstances.”

“I am j-j-j-just telling you how it is, guy.”

“I see. Proceed with your work. Anf know if you speak of this–”

“Yes, you made the circums-s-s-stances very clear.”

Hux hangs up the phone with a slam, pinching the bridge of his nose. He should have known the prick wouldn’t come through. 

However, it was inconclusive. A dead end. Combined with everything else he and Snoke have put in place, surely it would all work out. Even if he was not charged with the murder of Han and Leia, there was plenty else he would soon be found responsible for.

* * *

Ben decided to go to work that day. Even if he was tired and he was still feeling antsy around cars, he knew he couldn’t hide forever. And he needed to get back on a schedule if he was going to be any help to himself. 

And to Rey. 

She had smiled at him as she used to when he got dressed beside her and he started to feel, for a moment, like he used to. Like they could be happy and excited for the day as they used to be.

He hadn’t felt like that since before the accident...if it even was an accident. 

By the time he’s walking out to the driveway and Ben’s eyes linger on the garage where his father’s car was. 

The Falcon.

It was left to him in the will but Ben isn’t sure he would ever have the stomach to drive it ever again. 

It was the car he had learned to drive in. And although he wasn’t there for it, it was the car Rey had used for her driver’s test about a month before he was released from Corelia. It held a lot of value in his family but he’s been unable to go in the garage at all. There were too many memories inside.

Rey comes out of the house then with the keys in her hand and Chewie tagging behind. “Ready?” she asks him with what he knows to be a forced smile.

“Yeah.”

* * *

He tries to think of what to say to her all the way to the shop. It’s been a long time that he’s felt the need to rehearse his words with her. They haven't But they’re nearly there when he decides it cannot wait any longer. 

“Rey?”

“Hmm?” 

“I...I’m sorry I haven’t told you about my dreams.”

“No,” she says softly, after a moment. “It’s okay. I understand. It’s hard to talk about and I don’t expect you to tell me everything. I just want you to know that if it helps to talk, I’m here to listen.”

“I know you are,” he reaches over to rest his hand on her leg. “And I know things have been hard and that...I’ve been...I’ve been difficult.”

“No,” she says quickly, turning to look at him and he swallows when her eyes look glassy already. “You haven’t. I’ve just been worried about you.”

Her concern hits him square in the chest. “I’ve been worried about _you._ I want you to know you can tell me anything.”

Her eyes focus on the road but he knows she’s listening.

“Rey, we...we know each other better than anyone," he breathes out, his hand holding tighter at her leg. "I know there’s something wrong with me. I can’t hide that...but then I look at you and I get scared that there’s something you’re not telling me _._ And I know it’s probably me but–”

“No!” She says firmly as they pull into the driveway and she parks where they always park. When she turns off the engine, she caves her head against the steering wheel for a moment before looking back at him with tears in her eyes. “No, Ben, it’s...it’s not you.”

He unbuckles the seatbelt, turning to her and reaching for her hands. “But it is something. Isn’t it?”

Her lip trembled and she nods. “Ben–”

Her words are interrupted by a sudden knocking behind him. Ben gasps at the shock but turns to see the excited faces of Porkins and Wedge. 

“Hey! Ben’s back!” They cheered and he forced a smile, nodding to them although he still held her hand tight in his. 

Rey quickly wipes at her face and sniffles before the two men could take notice. “We can talk about it later,” she says.

“Rey,” he reaches for her.

“Please,” she begs softly, looking to him with big glassy eyes.

His stomach twists but he acquiesces, “Alright. _Later,_ ” he says, ready to hold her to that.

“Thank you,” she says, squeezing his hand before hopping out of the car and he did the same. He holds the door open so Chewie could jump out too. 

He looks over to Rey who was wiping her tears in the driver’s side mirror and his heart falls, wondering what was wrong and wishing she would tell him now. He wants to help her from whatever strife she may be feeling, knowing he was more than likely the cause of it.

* * *

His day drags as he seems to only be capable of looking at either Rey or the clock. Hours go by and his apprehension only intensifies. 

She stays focused while he felt like a total klutz with everything. He kept getting lost in thought, thinking it would just be better if they could talk. If he could understand. 

Every time she catches her eyes, she tries to give him a smile but it looks more like a wince. She looked so worried. And it certainly did nothing for his nerves. And his exhaustion from the night before starts to take its toll as his hands don’t seem to do what they should with every little task. 

So he’s almost relieved when he hears the phone ringing in the office and he jumps up, telling anyone in earshot that he would get it. He jogs inside, answering it quickly to hear Lando’s voice on the other side. 

Ben breathes a sigh of relief, comforted to hear the older man’s voice. Even when he greets him as he usually does. “Starfighter!”

“Hey,” Ben almost smiles. “What’s going on?” He steps over to the cooler and fills a small cup with water. It wasn’t near as hot anymore as they were approaching October but he still got too sweaty in the shop. 

Lando carries on as Ben moves back towards the desk. “Well, I...I just wanted to check on you. To see if you kids need anything.”

Ben moves over to sit in his father’s seat behind the desk, taking a deep breath. “No. I’m okay.” Although that feels like a lie but if he were to delve into any of his anxieties he may burst into tears and he didn't feel like doing that now.

“How about Rey? She good?”

Ben turns around to look at her through the office window. She didn’t know he was looking and he sees how her focus is perhaps not as firm as he thought earlier. She’s sitting at the workbench in the far corner with nothing in front of her. She’s just hunched over, and he can’t quite tell what she’s doing or if she’s even doing anything.

Ben’s lip trembled as he tries to speak, setting aside the water. “I don’t know,” he admits to his uncle. “I want her to know I’m here but I think she’s afraid to tell me what’s bothering her. _Besides the obvious._ We’re going to talk later but–” his words freeze as his throat seizes.

Lando must notice even over the phone. “Kid, I know it's rough. She’s probably just feeling scared too, you know. I mean, after you were taken to Corelia, she could hardly talk to anyone she was so devastated. It took her time to try and reach out to all of us, even as we tried to tell her it was all going to be okay. You know, she blamed herself for you being there and that took a toll on her. Even the doctors said it affected her recovery because she was so upset.”

Ben sniffles, hating that for all of that he couldn’t be there. He hates to think that Rey would feel guilty for all that. They talked about it almost every time she came to visit him and he would tell her that she can’t try to put it on her shoulders. She never did anything wrong. And neither did he. They survived. 

If anything, he never should have let her go alone. At least that is what he blames himself for even though everyone else tells him that’s ridiculous.

Lando continues. “Just remind her that you’re there, that you’re together, and that no matter what you love her.”

“I do,” he whispers, tearing his eyes away from the window.

“I know you do," Lando chuckles softly then. "And she loves you too. You're gonna be fine."

Ben wants to believe him. He wants to believe everything is going to fine but things had changed so much. Ben looks down at the chair he was sitting in, feeling undeserving to even sit there when someone else should be here.

After a long moment, Lando clears his throat, sounding as optimistic as he can when he speaks again. "Listen, let’s all meet up tomorrow. My work has been pretty slow lately and maybe we could all just unwind for a bit. Go out to eat or something?”

“That sounds nice,” Ben says sincerely.

“Alright then. I’ll call you tomorrow. Hang tight, Ben. I love you, kid.”

Ben nods, smiling softly to himself. “I love you too, Lando.”

With that he hangs up the phone, feeling a little bit better than he did before. He sighs though as he looks down to see a photo of him and Rey. He holds it up, admiring but also envious of how happy they looked not so long ago. When they thought all the hard times were behind them.

He sets it back down, his eyes lingering on the other pictures his dad kept out and around. There was one from his eighteenth birthday party of he and Rey blowing out his candles. 

There was a picture of Chewie when he was a puppy. The day they got him.

There was a photo of Ben sitting in the driver’s seat of the Falcon when he was probably eight. 

There was a photo of Ben with his parents and he was so tiny in his father’s arm he must have been less than two. They all smiled as they stood in front of their house on the day they moved in. His parents looked so young.

And then Ben’s eyes stop as he looks to a photo of his parents on the day of their wedding. They stood with big smiles with a bunch of their friends. Lando stood beside Han but beside his mother was his uncle Luke.

He disappeared before Ben was born. Ben had never met him and he’s only ever seen pictures of the man. 

But his head spins as he thinks back to his dreams. The one from maybe a week ago where he had been confronted by a man in front of the mausoleum. Even in the darkness, he had looked familiar. And although that man had been older and had a beard, unlike the young and bright looking man in the photo, there was an undeniable resemblance and Ben doesn’t know how he had missed it before. 

The man he had seen in his dreams looked like an older and bearded Luke Skywalker.

Not that it meant anything. Or at least he tried to tell himself it didn’t. His dreams had been going off the deep end lately. But it still jars him enough to stumble back and bump into the desk, spilling over the paper cup of water he had forgotten on the table.

“Shit,” he swears as it quickly spreads on the surface, drenching the papers and some of the checks on top. He tries to be quick, using the last few tissues to contain it but it will need more. 

Quickly, he rushes to the bathroom to grab some towels. He ducks into the women’s room where they were stocked under the sink. He kneels down, grabbing a roll but before he stands up, his eyes notice an odd pink and blue box stashed further back. He squints his eyes, craning his head so he can try to read the words on the side. 

_Quick Response._

His first instinct practically slaps him in the face. He sets the towels aside as he reaches for the box, his suspicions confirmed as he sees the front for what it is. 

A pregnancy test. And inside are two plastic sticks with pink little positives on the side. He didn’t need to look at the diagram on the side of the box to know what that meant. 

Whoever took these tests was pregnant. And given that only one woman used this bathroom, he knew exactly who it was.

_Rey._

* * *

Rey felt sick, although she doubted it was due to her pregnancy at this point as it felt more like guilt was heavy in her gut, knowing that until she told him it would persist. 

She didn’t realize he had been worried about her the way he confessed to being this morning. She thought it was all because of his dreams and his parents and that prick Hux. But then he said he was concerned for her and whatever it was she was so clearly hiding. 

She couldn’t hide it anymore. She needed to tell him. She doesn’t think she could do anything else until she does and she knows he’s been distracted enough with what must have been her cryptic reaction this morning. 

Rey moves away from the workbench, wiping her eyes and turning to find him. She doesn’t see him where he last was though. Biggs must see her looking for him because he smirks, nodding his head towards the office. “Phone rang a minute ago, he went to get it.”

She thanks him with a nod before rushing through the door. But neither the phone and the desk are in use. Although there is a cluster of used tissues attempting to soak up spilled water. “Ben?” she calls out. Suddenly concerned what might have made him flee from the phone. Perhaps Hux had called or he got news about the car.

But then he appears in the bathroom doorway with familiar objects in his hands and tears in his eyes. 

The tests looked so tiny in his hands. How could something as insignificant-looking as those plastic sticks manage to change so much about their lives with just a glance? Well, actually she knows why, she just wishes Ben didn't have to find out from the same pink positive signs that she did. She wishes she could have managed to tell him herself.

Rey rushes forward to meet him, feeling frantic and so so stupid for leaving them there, so easily exposed. 

“Ben,” she starts, her voice already croaking. 

“These–” he looks down at the tests in his hand. “You’re...we–?” he can’t string any words together and his tears spill over onto his cheeks. Rey pushes him back into the bathroom, closing the door so it was just them.

"You didn't tell me?" he asks once they are concealed in the small bathroom, still clutching the tests. It breaks her heart.

She fights through her need to sob so she can try to explain. “Ben, I...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to find out like this. I was going to tell you. I was. I was marching in to just tell you now! I was just scared a-and I know that no excuse but with everything else going on, I didn’t want you to feel overwhelmed or trapped or anything that made you think that–”

Her words are cut off as he crashes his lips against hers. 

His arms wrap around her and Rey’s body finally relaxes from the anxiety she’s carried with her for days now. She kisses him back, bringing a hand to his face. She stays like that as they pull away and he presses his forehead to hers. And although there are tears in his eyes, there’s also a beautiful smile on his face. Her thumb brushes away a tear on his cheek. “You’re not mad?” 

He scoffs, lifting his hand between them to look back down at the tests. “How could I be mad, Rey? This...this is,” he shakes his head, looking for the words. “We’re gonna have a baby,” he says softly, tears streaming all the way down to his beaming grin. 

She hasn’t seen him smile in so long. 

“Yeah,” she whispers back, smiling through her tears. “A baby, Ben.”

She’s known for a week now. Speculated for even longer but it never felt as real as it does in that moment. Suddenly it all becomes very tangible and possible and beautiful in a way it could only be to finally share it with someone else. With the man she loved. 

He gives a chuckle, although it could have been a gasp it was so gentle. He sets the tests back in the counter, letting his hands wander past her middle. It was still flat but that doesn’t deter him in the slightest. 

“From the beach?” he asks quietly.

She nods. “Yeah, that’s what I figured.”

He chuckles softly but Rey can see him doing the math in his head. “Have you…” he clears his throat. “When did you take the tests?”

She looks down a little. “About a week ago,” she admits. His face remains neutral but she can almost feel his disappointment that she wouldn’t share this with him immediately. She holds him tighter. “I’m sorry, Ben. I shouldn’t have–”

He shakes his head. “No, no. I understand now.”

“I should have told you immediately I just didn’t know how.”

“It’s alright. It’s all okay now. We’re _all_ going to be okay.” He cradles her face with his massive hands. Happy tears fall from the corners of his eyes when he smiles at her in that way that made her heart burst. “This is a happy moment. The happiest moment of my life.”

The happiest moment of their lives and they were standing in a bathroom. She laughs, wrapping herself around him and smiling like a fool into his chest. 

She feels ridiculous for ever thinking she has to hide. For thinking it would make him anything else but happy. 

She loves him so much.

* * *

They shuffle back inside the home. 

They left work earlier than they should have but they weren’t able to get anything done after their conversation and revelation in the bathroom. Everyone was probably confused but they managed to keep it to themselves.

She places the box with the tests on the kitchen counter. She feels guilty for leaving them in the shop for as long as she did.

But then that guilt is chased away by the arms that circle around her waist and the kisses pressed against the back of her neck. 

She relaxes against him and smiles when his hands roam to cover her stomach. “You won’t be able to work with the cars when you get bigger.”

She chuckles softly. “I thought about that too.”

“And there’s a lot of fumes in the garage. It might be dangerous. Maybe we should just move you to the office from now on.”

She chuckles at him, admiring his intentions for what they were. And she thinks she might agree with him even if doing paperwork and phone calls sounded so boring. She knows he’s right.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

He urges her to turn so she was facing him. “We’ll have to find a doctor. One for pregnancies. For babies, you know?”

Her hold on him tightens. She knows that’s inevitable, even if it makes her nervous. “I know.”

“Hey,” he brings his hands to her cheeks, no doubt hearing her nerves for what they are. “You’re not alone. I’m gonna be with you through everything.”

“I know.”

“And I mean everything!”

Rey chuckles, “I know you do,” she smiles, but it falls as she thinks of all that lies ahead of them. Doctors. Appointments. Hospitals. All things she would have to get used to rather quickly even if she was no stranger to them. She had to remind herself this time around was different. Ben would be there this time. “I’m just scared.”

“Rey,” his voice softens as he brushes his thumbs over her cheeks. “Listen, I’m terrified too and obviously there’s a lot to figure out...but it could never distract me from how fucking happy I am.” He kisses her once, then twice as he keeps hold of her. “I still can’t believe it,” he breathes out against her lips before kissing her again. “A baby.”

“A baby,” she repeats. Her own tears start to burn again. He’s right. Even if it’s scary, it would lead up to something beautiful. To their family. And that was worth being a little scared and unsure to know all the happiness and love they could experience going forward. “I love you, Ben.”

He gives a laugh but it sounds mixed with a sob. “I love you so much,” he tells her, kissing her with a bruising passion. 

They kiss like that for a long moment until their breathing becomes more and more ragged. The beat of their hearts spurring the movements of their hands. An urgency rising by the second to be closer. To chase away everything that has been looming over their heads. To take a moment for themselves as they basked in the hope of what would be their family. 

Ben lifts her at her waist, urging her onto the counter, bringing them closer as he fits between her legs. Once his hands help to wrap her legs around his waist they fit beneath her, bringing her as close as possible so she can feel what she hasn't felt in so long. She moans at the feel of him, pressing her hips against his. 

She's missed this.

So when he picks her up, carrying her back through the kitchen she clutches him tighter gasping in his ear.

* * *

Ben carries her upstairs, feeling like as much as his mind was reeling, it was also the brightest and most hopeful he’s felt in what seemed like forever. He felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel and it existed between them, _within her!_

It was amazing.

He kicks open the door to the bedroom with a grunt, making her giggle against her throat where she was kissing him.

When Chewie tries to follow, he kicks it closed again with an apology to the big dog as he sits out in the hallway. Ben might have almost felt guilty if his entire focus didn't begin and end with the woman in his arms. Ben moves to lay her on the bed, gently. He couldn’t be too careful. He pulls off his shirt and she does too. Both of them hardly taking their eyes off each other.

Once all his clothes were littered on the floor, he moves his hands down to the bed on either side of her to help her finish removing her own. 

Her breath hitches as he brushes his fingers beneath her underwear, pulling them down. “Ben,” she moans as he casts them aside. 

He descends upon her then, tracing his hands once her legs, her sides, and then settling over her stomach. 

He lowers his head there too, pressing kisses against her navel. Her fingers thread through his hair and he hears her let out the smallest gasp at the sensation. His hand spans the entire width of her stomach. He smiles as he wonders how long it would be before that changed. How long would it be before she started to show?

He cranes his neck to look up at her, and his heart gushes when her eyes meet his. He feels like he can see their whole future laid out ahead of them. Solid and clear. 

He presses his nose against her stomach, his lips brushing there as he speaks. “I already love them so much already.”

Her hands urge him further up and he cautiously crawls over her until his face is hovering above hers. She braces his face with her hands. “I know _,_ ” she breathes out softly, “Me too.” She had tears in her eyes but she was smiling. A genuine, beautiful, _Rey_ kind of smile that struck him to his core. 

He runs his hands past her body. Her skin was so smooth and he could swear she was glowing. In fact, he doesn’t know how he could have missed it before. She was radiant. 

Rey pulls him down, kissing him softly and her legs wrap around him, making his mind flood with arousal as well as a sudden realization of how long it’s been that they haven’t done this.

He didn’t realize how much he missed being with her like this. 

Ben pulls back to look down at her again, marveling at her body. She had always been beautiful to him. Even when he used to worry she was too skinny or when her scars were more prominent against her smooth skin and she had tried to hide them. She was always beautiful. But this was a new beauty that Ben didn’t revenue realize a person was capable of. He might not even know it existed. But to look upon the person who was to be the mother of his child made Ben think she had never been more incredible. No one could ever compare. 

His hand travels between them, leisurely stopping at her breasts and admiring how it makes her cling to him tighter as her own hands wander over him. 

“I’ve been so worried about you,” she tells him in a breath, her lips at his ear.

“I'm okay,” he tells her. “It’s all gonna work out now,” he whispers against her throat. “I promise,” he vows to her.

Her fingers wrap around him then and he moans, abandoning her breasts to travel further down. The need to be with her again consumes him entirely as he brushes past her center with his fingers and feels her warmth, waiting for him. 

“God, Rey,” he pants against her mouth. 

“Please,” she moans, arching against him, her hips searching for his as she guided him blindly to meet her.

Ben moves to take her hands in his, entwining their fingers as he raised them above her head on the pillow. And with one slow but steady roll of his hips, he presses into her.

Her breath catches, as well as his own. How they managed to go so long without this remains more prominent a mystery than ever as she overthrows all his senses.

They move together, slow and savoring as much as possible as he only pulls out after he’s gone as deep as he can before pressing back in. Their moans mingle together in the little space there is between them. But as her legs tighten around him, their pace quickens and Rey’s hands grip his tighter as she moans his name louder and louder, matching the building tension between them as they chase after it. 

He marvels at her as he looks upon her. Her hurried breaths. Her lashes fanning out over her cheeks. The little pinch between her brows that he’s pressed kisses to a thousand times when it appeared. 

He feels like he’s missed her even though she’s been here the whole time. But that was partly his fault. He’s been so distant and it’s no wonder she was so worried to tell him. After all, they’ve been through lately. 

By far, the longest they went without having sex was the long months he had been in Corelia. But now it was over a month, bordering on two, that they've abstained from it, and Ben didn't even realize. Both of them have been occupied with nerves, fear, and exhaustion and it distracted him for realizing how he hasn't really been present. And Rey was so worried about him, worried what the news might do to him. She had been afraid to tell him and that spears him in two that she not only felt that way but he hadn't built up the courage to confront her about it for over a week.

He already promised her that from now on, they were going to be okay, and he meant it. With every fiber of his being. They were going to move forward into this new chapter of their lives together as they welcomed something entirely new. 

Or rather, _someone._

It's more than Ben could have ever imagined.

"Rey," he breathes her name, giving her all he has left that he feels her fall with him as she seizes around him with his name on her lips. He finishes with a few unsteady thrusts, emptying himself inside her. He's exhausted all he has except his dwindling strength to remain above her and not to crush her.

So, he falls to the side instead but she goes with him, clinging to him even then. 

His fingers slip through hers. Her hands slowly slide back down to cradle his face and he pauses for a moment as he feels moisture beneath her thumb but realizes in an instant that she was wiping away his tears. 

“Ben?” she breathes out, her voice laced with sudden worry.

He didn’t even realize he had been crying. 

She looks concerned for him as if she wants to ask him why. He just chuckles, ducking forward to kiss her softly. “I’m so happy,” he assures her, chuckling softly to himself. “I never realized just how badly I wanted this.” His hands wander back down to her stomach. “Thank you, Rey.”

She gives a soft and breathy laugh that tickles his face, admiring how she keeps hold of him even now. “Thank _you,_ Ben _.”_ She cuddles closer, pressing a kiss over his heart. “Thank you for everything.”

Although she had brushed away his tears, new ones surge forward as her words, _her love,_ surround him. He really believes his promise to her... _t_ _o them._

Things were going to get better.

He has spent so long getting tangled up in fear that he shouldn't. He couldn't let his dreams, his doubts, his fears pull him back now. He couldn't the darkness consume his life when there was so much light to be found.

Mortis wasn't real. Monsters weren't real.

This. Now. Rey and their baby and their future were real. And he was going to be there for every moment of it.

* * *

The two brothers conceal themselves away from any listening ears. 

“I saw him again, I tell you!” Maul spits furiously to his brother. “In my dream, he was standing as close to me as you are now.”

"Shh," Savage holds up his hands, urging him to lower his voice. “You mean Solo?”

“Of course Solo! Who do you think, brother?” Maul says, shoving him aside as he paced through their room. 

“We should go to Skywalker,” Savage suggests. “He would want to know if it concerns his nephew.”

“Skywalker is a fool! He won’t listen. He shuts himself away, trying to contact this boy with his weakened powers, thinking he will solve all or problems when he is nothing more than a coward. A weak-minded coward. If he were truly the chosen one he would have found us by now. But look at us. Every day, our city rots with us inside. We can’t wait any longer. Mortis is dying! Soon enough, all of us will die too. We’re suffocating!”

“What are you suggesting then?”

Maul sneers, “I say we go find this Solo ourselves and bring him back. His cowardice will prove to everyone that he is not our savior and when they are faced with the truth...then we reveal that if any of them have any loyalty or love for our home, they will entrust me to save it. For I will have proved myself brave enough to walk among the humans, to show them all I can protect us more than Skywalker ever could. More than even Vader could when Mortis was under his protection.”

“Brother, this plan is mad!”

“It’s all we have left. I won’t trust Skywalker to fill us with any more false hope. Whatever gifts he brought with him when he first arrived have expired. He is no more our leader than I am a fish! He has failed Mortis. _He has failed us!_ The future rests in our hands and we must do better.”

“It’s forbidden that we leave the gates, Maul. You know that. And even if we escaped, by the morning we’d be dead. The sunlight–”

“We’ll take Skywalker’s truck. The one he arrived in all those years ago. By morning, we’ll board up the windows and then we’ll wait where we know Solo will be.”

“You’ll never make it.”

“Not without your assistance, brother. You are coming, are you not?”

Savage looks to him with conflict in his eyes, knowing he can refuse him nothing. “I will follow you always, brother.”

“That’s what I thought. When the sun sets tomorrow, we go. We don’t return until we’ve found him.”

“‘Until we’ve found him,’” Savage repeats, his head heavy. His brother has never failed to be impulsive and aggressive, but this was new territory. 

They have never left Mortis, and the stories their mother used to tell of the outside world, _of the humans,_ haunt him still. Not that he would ever admit that to Maul. 

As much as he loved his brother, Savage also feared him. The hatred in his heart made him so angry inside. 

And now, it was likely going to get them killed, along with the Solo boy if they even managed to find him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *clusterfuck fully initiated*
> 
> thanks for coming, i hate it lol


	12. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half of this chapter was done but it got deleted which was very frustrating so most of this is my attempt to remember what I did the first time but not as good.
> 
> So this is like the microwaved version of chapter 12 and I hate it but whatever.

Ben woke up, nestled against Rey. 

He chuckled under his breath as he looked at her, realizing it was all still real. Rey was here, his legs tangled with hers. His hand rests around her middle and he sighs in disbelief of all he's come to know and the little being growing there. It all seemed too good to be true but it was.

And it was all for them.

He reaches up to push the hair out of her face, pressing a soft kiss to her temple. 

She doesn’t stir then so he decides to leave her to rest so he can go rinse off. They had gotten up briefly last night to feed Chewie and eat a small dinner for themselves but they quickly made their way back to bed, _celebrating._ Which then resulted in a more restful sleep than Ben has experienced since his parents died. _And_ he hadn’t dreamt. 

However, as Ben stood under the spray of the shower, just thinking of the absence of his dreams makes him wonder about them for a moment. Especially once he reflects on his revelation from the office yesterday. When he had seen the picture of his uncle standing beside his mother, it was something of a surprise...but he thinks maybe _coincidence_ was more appropriate. He had seen those pictures a million times and maybe if Ben had a personal connection with his uncle then he would have recognized the man from his dream sooner. 

And although the fact that the man looked a lot older, he had to remind himself it was just a dream. Dreams were odd, especially his. Even the one he had the other night had been disorienting.

Ben’s stomach drops suddenly though as he recalls hearing the cries of a baby echoing out through the graveyard of Mortis.

He had never heard the crying of an infant in his dreams before and yet he had heard it the night before he learned he was to become a father. His hands stop lathering the shampoo in his hair as he tries to place that under the same umbrella as "coincidence" although he’s having a harder time doing so. 

But that’s all it could be. As much as his dreams have haunted him throughout his life, he knows now more than ever, he has to stop being afraid of things that weren’t real. He’s terrified, thinking of a little face, waking him up in the middle of the night, telling him they had a bad dream.

What help would he be if he were to tell them not to be afraid if he was still afraid of his own dreams? 

No. He had to stop getting stuck in his head. He managed to get himself out of his dream the other night and although it had been confusing and terrifying and he still had questions about the emergence of his possible uncle, the man with a series of horns on his head, and the sinister figure who awaited outside the gates, he would have to push through. These dreams left him once before. Perhaps they only returned after his mounting grief and stress got the better of him. 

It was almost amusing that it was in Corelia that he managed to sleep without the fear of seeing the monsters chasing after him at night. Not that it meant he slept well there either but he had been so eaten up with worry about Rey and his anger about Snoke that he had almost forgotten about the monsters at the time. 

What he wouldn’t give to forget about them now. Along with all the other shit that’s happened. He wishes all he had to think about was them and the baby. _Their future._

Maybe he could. It warms him with hope just to close his eyes and think of that now. The two of them raising a family here. 

By the time he steps out of the shower, wipes off the steam from the mirror, and sees his reflection come into sight, he decides there is something he would very much like to do today.

He would like to buy a ring. 

Before, he told himself he was waiting to save up. To buy her something good. To wait until they had enough to get a better apartment or a house of their own. But the circumstances have all changed so drastically. They now lived back in his old house and he had more money than either of them knew what to do with. 

And although those facts come something of a heavy burden of their own, he knows his parents would want him to use it to move forward. To use it to ensure that their family was well-taken care of.

And marrying Rey seemed long overdue. Especially now.

Decision made, Ben chuckles to himself as he steps out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. As he does, he finds a large dog to have occupied his spot on the bed, cuddled close to Rey who was smiling at him with tired eyes.

“I see I’ve been replaced,” Ben jokes as he moves to sit on the edge of the bed beside her. 

Rey chuckles softly, petting Chewie sweetly before moving to sit up. 

Before she could retort he pulled her closer, pressing kisses to her face. 

“Morning,” she breathes out against his ear and it nearly makes him want to tell Chewie to get off the bed and risk getting sweaty again but then she pulls back to look at him. “Did you sleep alright?” she asks him, her hands combing through his damp hair.

“Mm-hmm,” he hums against her skin. “Better than I have in a long time,” he tells her. “No dreams.”

She sighs in relief against him and he pulls her closer, resting his forehead against hers. “How do you feel this morning?” He asks her, his hands already moving towards her stomach. 

“I’m good. Although that could change in ten minutes,” she huffs as she stretches a bit, moving her legs over the side. “It can be a little unpredictable.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he says. He tries to think of how to help. “Maybe there’s something to help that. I can call around today to different doctors to try and get us an appointment with someone.”

Rey chuckles. “No, it’s alright, I can handle it,” she tells him. “Besides, I’ll have plenty of time to make some calls, being cooped up in the office anyway.”

“You know, I was thinking about that. The guys will know something’s up if you’re not in the garage. Should we tell them?”

Rey smiles. “Might as well. Han always said they’ll gossip worse than cheerleaders.” Ben laughs, recalling well enough his father’s words. “But maybe we could wait until after the first appointment. Just so we know everything’s okay.”

He takes her hands in his. “Sounds good,” he tells her. “But, it _will_ be okay though. You know? I don’t want you to worry.”

Rey chuckles under her breath as her hand lifts beneath his chin. She kisses him softly before she whispers, “They’re going to love you.”

His heart melts at her words as he takes her meaning. His eyes burned with unshed tears at how sincere she sounded and how whole he felt. He feels like he’s been fractured and a total mess since the accident, since the funeral, since everything seemed to crash into the ground. But yesterday, last night, and now...Ben feels like it’s fused him back together with the love he feels from her and the hope of all that was to come. 

Rey gives him another kiss before he could find the words to answer. She stands up then, “I’m gonna go take a shower then we can get going.”

“It’s still early,” Ben says, his hands traveling down as he leans his face against her middle, smiling against her skin. She gives a fake scoff as she playfully pushes him away.

“Knock it off,” she teases him. “There are other things to be done.”

“Like what?” he asks her, still reaching for her.

“Like you going downstairs and feeding Chewie,” she says, ruffling his hair. “He told me he’s hungry.” Ben chuckles as she saunters away for the bathroom. 

He spins around to look at the big dog on the bed behind him. “Did you tell her that?” As he meets Chewie’s big puppy eyes, his tail starts wagging. Ben smiles at him, reaching over to pet his head. “You’re not going to be the baby anymore, big guy,” he says to him softly with a smirk.

Ben rises to get dressed and ready, following Chewie downstairs to feed him. 

Halfway down the stairs, the doorbell rings, and Chewie barks, rerouting to wiggle excitedly in the entryway. Ben frowns curiously before he ducks to see through the peephole and he beams when he sees who is waiting on the other side. 

Ben throws open the door with a smile and practically lunges for the man, wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. Lando quickly returns the embrace with a surprised but pleased chuckle. 

“Hey,” Lando chuckles in delight, patting him on the back. “Good morning to you too.”

“Morning,” Ben’s greeting is muffled by the man’s shoulder. He finally pulls away to see Lando’s smile persist as much as his own. 

“You’re looking good, kid.”

“I feel good,” he assures him. He steps back in, urging Lando to follow. “Come on in.”

“Thanks. Sorry to just drop by. I know I said I would call but I thought I’d just crash in on you two and insist we go to breakfast like we used to.”

“That sounds nice,” Ben says, leading him towards the kitchen. “Rey’s just getting ready. I’m gonna feed Chewie his breakfast but I can make you some coffee if you want.”

“No, I’m alright. Thanks though.”

Ben nods, moving into the kitchen and preparing Chewie’s food. But he can feel Lando’s eyes on him. He looks over his shoulder to see a familiar smirk. “What?” he chuckles. 

“So, you talked to Rey I take it?”

“Yeah,” Ben pulls away, his eyes feeling foggy again even as he beams with pride. He quickly settles the bowl on the floor and the big dog’s tail wags non stop while he devours his meal. But Ben stayed focused on his uncle who was watching him closely. “Yeah. We talked.”

“And it’s all good?” Lando asks.

Ben chuckles, stepping closer to set a hand on his shoulder. “Lando, it’s…” Ben shakes his head, trying to find the words. “It’s amazing,” he breathes out. He knows he said they would wait until after the first appointment but Lando could already tell something had changed. That and Ben was dying to tell him so he quickly gives in. “We’re gonna have a baby,” he shares, his cheeks hurting from his grin. 

Lando’s eyes shoot wide as he grips him a little tighter. “She’s pregnant?” 

Ben nods, beaming while he lifts up the box of tests they had left in the kitchen. “I found out yesterday. Almost right after we got off the phone.”

Lando laughs, pulling him in for another hug. “Oh, Ben, I’m so happy for you. _For both of you._ That’s incredible.”

“I know. I can’t wait.”

“Little Starfighter is having an even littler Starfighter,” he jokes softly and Ben laughs.

“Don’t tell anyone else yet, though. I just wanted to tell you because...well, you’re my uncle. You’re family.”

“Aww, kid, you’re gonna make me cry.” Lando smiles but wipes at his eyes before giving him a loving clap on the shoulder. “Ben, your Mom and Dad would be so proud,” he tells him softly. “They would be over the moon.”

“I know,” Ben says somberly. “I wish...I wish more than anything they could be here. I know mom could help be there for Rey and tell her what to expect. She gets really nervous with doctor stuff, you know?” Lando nods and Ben knows he understands completely. More so than most. He had seen her that day, just as they had. Right after she had come out of surgery.

Ben continues on, “I want her to know it’s all going to be okay.”

“It will be,” Lando assures him. “Ben, there’s no shortage of people who are going to help you two out with whatever you need,” Lando says sincerely before his usual smirk returns once more. “Unless we’re talking diapers. Uncle Lando doesn’t do diapers.”

Ben laughs. “Don’t worry. We won’t make you get your hands too dirty.”

“Man, look at you,” Lando whispers, shaking his head. 

“What?” Ben looks to him curiously.

“You look so excited about it. It’s adorable,” he teases him before his eyes go wide. Ben knows that look. It was the look he gets when he recalls a story and Ben braces himself. “You should have seen your father the day your mom told him she was pregnant with you,” he laughs. “I walked in to find him passed out on the floor of our apartment and I had to help your mom get him to the couch to knock some sense into him,” Lando chuckles, looking half lost in the memory. “But you,” Lando smirks, smacking him playfully. “You’re all hands on deck, right from the get-go.”

“We talked about it, you know? A family. A future. We always wanted it. I had forgotten just how much though."

He used to sit in his cell, looking at the little collage of pictures his mother brought for him. At that time, the only pictures of Rey and him were from his eighteenth birthday. His favorite being one he never recalled his mother even taking of him sitting on the couch with her in his lap, fixing a pink party hat on his head while he smiled at her. He used to fall asleep to thoughts of her and everything that could be there's as soon as he was free again. And when he would tell her as such, that for once his dreams were clear of anything but them and their future, she would cry and tell him how much she missed him. How she wished her dreams could be like that too. 

Ben shakes his head, trying to push those thoughts away before they became too real and his eyes started stinging with different kinds of tears. "Things have been so scary lately and I let a lot of stuff pass me by. But not with her. I want...I want to cherish everything.” he feels like he’s fighting tears again. “I already missed enough in Corelia. And these past weeks, I’ve been such a mess. I’m not letting things pass me by. I need to be good. For Rey. For the baby. _For myself.”_

 _I made her a promise,_ he thinks. And he wasn't going to break it. 

Lando shakes his head again, smiling happily. “I’m serious, Starfighter. Your folks would be proud of you. I sure as hell am.”

Ben nods, looking to a picture of them on the fridge. “They used to tell me they were proud. To the point where I’d just roll my eyes. But...I miss it now. I miss them.”

“I miss them too. Every day.”

Ben’s head feels heavy as he looks to his feet for a moment, chewing his lip a bit before speaking. “Lando, I know that you’re not on the case...but have you heard anything–” Ben’s words trail off as Lando was already shaking his head. 

“Nothing. I can’t get anyone to even look in my direction sometimes. Everything’s become so screwy since that Inspector was killed. Hux’s dad,” Lando clarifies, rolling his eyes a bit at the man’s name. 

Ben scoffs just at the mention of the man. 

“I try to keep tabs on it without being too obvious but even then nothing works. I even tried to call the forensics team that’s still working on the car but they just gave me shit and started asking for my badge number. But I think I can figure enough to know that they don’t have much to go on. If they were making any headway I at least would have heard something but that little asshole,” Lando shakes his head and Ben knows he’s referring to Hux again. 

Ben knows what he means. As far as Ben could tell, it seemed like the only action Hux had taken regarding his parents’ death was suspecting him for being responsible.

“It's hard to feel like I can do good when no one else is bothering to give me anything but paperwork to get through,” Lando shrugs again and Ben can see the frustration he must be carrying in terms of his job.

Just then they hear footsteps coming down the stairs and Ben shakes out of his drearier thoughts as Rey appears in the doorway of the kitchen. She grins when she sees their guest. “Oh, Lando. I didn’t even hear–”

Lando steps forward, pulling her into a hug. “Congratulations, sweetheart."

Rey’s eyes immediately snap to Ben’s from over Lando’s shoulder. “I see you told him, then,” she deadpans.

“I'm sorry," he says a sincerely as he can although he chuckles a little. "I couldn’t keep it in."

Rey laughs herself, her smile bright and the sight of her settles in his heart. He was so glad to see her smiling again. Her arms hold the older man tight. “Thank you, Lando. I’m glad you’re the first one to know.”

Lando pulls away from her. “Anything you need, you can count on me to help out.”

“Thank you, Lando,” she says sincerely. “Really, that means the world.”

Rey steps over to him then and turns to lean against him so they were both facing Lando. He wrapped his arms around her, resting his hands over her stomach and his head over her sweet-smelling hair.

“Well, why don’t we all celebrate with a stupidly big breakfast. Rey, my dear, what would you like to eat?” Lando asks her, rubbing his hands together. 

Rey chuckles. “Oh please.”

“No, seriously, it’s your choice. It’s always been a cardinal rule that the woman eating for more than just herself gets to pick the restaurants.”

She chews her lip for a moment and Ben knows she’s thinking. He wonders if she even would want to go to breakfast because her appetite has been off and she’s been getting sick in the mornings, but then he smiles when she squints her eyes, looking to them with a smirk. “Someplace with waffles maybe?”

Lando claps once, “Waffles it is.”

* * *

Snoke watches as Solo, the girl, Calrissian, and even the filthy dog all skip out of the house, looking all too cheery. 

He wonders what the sudden change in tempo was attributed to, but he can see well enough they are chatting before they get in the cars, likely about their impending destination which seems like it may not be the auto shop as he initially suspected.

He would have to follow them or he would lose them. 

He scoffs when he sees they pull into the parking lot of a diner. He parks across the street, quietly observing as well as he can. He’s perfected the way to look casual while he studies so no one bothers much. He sits on a bench, pretending to be invested in his paper while he looks on to the three people who were sitting on the patio with the dog sitting under the table.

He sees how Solo can’t take his hands off the girl. _Rey_. Which wasn't uncommon for Ben, Snoke knows, but there’s something different about his attentions this morning. His smile hasn't been knocked off his face either. 

Before, while he observed them or how Hux claimed he studied them revealed that in the weeks following the death of his parents, he’s been distant and either keeping to himself or clinging to Rey’s hand. 

But now, he was all over her. 

And it’s not until Calrissian gets up, probably to piss or wash his hands, that he understands what all of this was about. Ben leans over to her, ducking beside her ear so only she could hear him. Not that Snoke would be able to hear them even if he was in earshot, but Snoke knows what’s been said. Or at least he could have predicted it because he watches as Ben’s hands trail over her middle, placed protectively over her stomach.

And then how the girl smiles at whatever goop he just spewed in her ear as she settles a palm over his knuckles before she kisses him softly.

Suddenly it all clicked into place. She had to be pregnant.

Snoke chuckled to himself. It couldn’t be that obvious. Surely they weren’t that fucking stupid?

 _But they were,_ Snoke reminds himself, recalling what made Solo such a perfect target in the first place.

* * *

Ben sat back in his chair, stuffed. 

Rey stood up, saying she was going to go to the bathroom and both he and Lando bolted up to accompany her, worried it meant she was sick but she laughs at them, assuring them she was fine, she just wanted to use the restroom.

They sit back down and although part of Ben wanted to follow after her anyway to ensure she was alright, he decided to take the opportunity to speak with his uncle. His other plans demanding attention.

“Lando, do you think you could give Rey a ride to the shop before you go to work?”

“Why? You busy today?” Lando asks with a chuckle in his voice.

“I have an errand I need to run,” Ben says, trying to hide his smile.

"An errand?" Lando asks, almost confused.

"I need to pick something up...for Rey," he says, feeling almost bashful.

Lando burst out laughing and Chewie actually jolts up to look at the man. “Oh boy, if you think you’re being subtle–”

“Shut up,” Ben says, his cheeks heating up.

“No, I’m glad. I didn’t want to say anything. I’m not old fashioned but I know you. You are your father’s son. I know you'd want to marry her.”

“It’s not just because of the baby,” Ben tells him, leaning closer to ensure only he could hear. “I was always going to marry her and I know I should have done it by now but this definitely woke me up.”

“So you’re going ring shopping, then?”

Ben nods, smirking. “I was planning on it. If you think you can take her.”

“Oh, I’m in no hurry to get to work,” Lando chuckles. “But do you think you can tell that girl you’re off to run an 'errand' she won’t know what that means?” Lando nods behind him to the restaurant where Rey had gone to.

“No. She’ll know,” Ben chuckles, knowing the element of surprise wasn’t on his side but plenty else was. “But she’ll play along...unlike you.”

Lando laughs at Ben’s prodding for a moment before he calms down, and when he does, he looks to Ben so sincerely that Ben knows he’s going to say something. “She probably will. Rey is...” he chuckles as he trails off, as if to find the words. “That girl is probably the most compassionate person I’ve ever met,” he says sounding so sure, like he’s clearly thought it before. He smiles as he looks back to Ben, certainty still in his voice, “And I already know she’s going to be an amazing mother.”

Ben beams, but feels like he could tear up again at Lando’s words. Because he’s right. 

Rey was going to be amazing. To think of her as a mother makes something in his chest melt as does the vision of her holding a little bundle in her arms. 

He can’t wait to see it for himself.

* * *

As they walk back into the parking lot, Lando’s pager beeps and he excuses himself to go use the phone. Rey lingers so they can bid him goodbye as they were all headed to work but Ben pulls her aside before they get into the blazer. Chewie looks up at them as Rey holds the leash in her hand. 

“Rey, Lando is going to give you a ride to the shop. I’ll be there in a few hours.”

Her brow furrows. “A few hours? Where are you going?”

She can see he’s trying to hide a smirk in his lips. “I have to go run some errands.”

“‘Errands?’” she asks, her eyebrows raised. 

“Errands,” he confirms. 

“And you won’t tell me what they are?” she chuckles.

He shrugs, his voice going higher the more he denies his plans. “It’s just some errands,” he says, looking anywhere with her.

Suspicion of his true intent breaks through and she fights her beaming grin too. She can see he’s trying to have his fun and she won’t spoil it for him. She didn’t get to share her news with him the way she wanted to so if Ben would like to scourge for any sense of secrecy she would let him have it. 

She nods then, pressing up to her toes. “Alright,” she fiddles with the zipper on his jacket. He was wearing his leather jacket. The one Lando got him for his eighteenth birthday. “Errands it is. Don’t be long.”

He smirks at her, his eyes clear of everything that has been plaguing him for so long. He looked beautiful. He kisses her sweetly on the lips before tucking her jacket tighter around her, ensuring it covers her middle which makes her chuckle. All his fiddling.

“Alright. Just take it easy in the office, like we said. Are you gonna call around to doctors?”

She nods. “Yeah. I was planning on it.”

“Wherever you want,” he says, his voice low. Sincere. “Even if you want to go to a doctor in the next county or something, we’ll make the drive. It doesn’t have to be at Coruscant General just because it’s closest.”

She nods, appreciative of his sensitivity. But he always is. “Thank you,” she whispers. “I’ll think about it.”

“Alright,” he smiles, kissing her forehead. “I’ll see you later, sweetheart. Do you want me to wait until Lando comes out?”

“No, it’s alright. Go ahead. Chewie will keep me company.”

He chuckles, giving her a final kiss goodbye and Chewie a playful pat on his back before turning back for the blazer. She waves at him as he leaves, feeling so happy. Happier than she ever expected to be just yesterday morning when her shoulders were still heavy with guilt and worry.

 _He’s going to marry me,_ she thinks to herself. 

She kneels down to pet Chewie. “He’s sweet, isn’t he?” she whispers to the dog, Chewie’s tail wags. “You could be my maid of honor, my darling,” she says, kissing him above his eyes. 

Rey waits there with Chewie for several minutes and she frowns, wondering what’s become of Lando. She nearly walks back in to see if everything was alright but then he storms out the front door, looking more than a little wild. 

“Lando?” she calls to him.

“Rey, get in the car,” he says quickly, fumbling for his keys.

“What’s wrong?” She asks, charging after him. He doesn’t answer so she just opens the passenger side door. Chewie hops in before her, jumping in the back before she sits in and she reaches over to the driver seat as she takes him in. Lando looks frazzled. “What’s going on?”

“I just got the news. There was an incident at Sinube’s last night.”

_Sinube’s?_

“What kind of incident?” she asks as Lando peels out of the parking lot. 

He looks to her gravely before hastily looking back at the road. 

“Homicide.”

* * *

Ben peered into the little box, smiling as he looked at it.

Ben had looked through several different shops and gotten annoyed with several sales floor people and the ridiculous shit they tried to sell him. He wanted to buy a ring, not a fucking boulder. Not that he had to worry so much about prices anymore but his eyes still bulged to see that such tiny things could go for prices that rivaled a new car. 

All of which were gaudy and nothing he could actually picture sitting on her finger. 

He knew Rey and he knew that, if anything, she would prefer something that wasn’t massively excessive or dramatic. The only other piece of jewelry she wore in all the years he had known her was the locket he gave her. The one she wore every day. 

By the time he left the fourth shop in the shopping district, he half-considered picking up Rey and just asking her himself so she could pick out something she liked. But then he had passed by an antique shop, of all places and there was a ring sitting in the window display. He’s amazed he even saw it at all but he’s so glad he did. 

It was perfect. And the older woman who ran the tiny shop nearly gave it to him for free because there was no price tag on it and she said his intentions were honorable but he insisted he give her something. 

He managed to give her a hundred dollars, knowing she might need it considering the state of her shop. Honestly, he’s not sure she even noticed because she mentioned several times that she couldn’t find her glasses and how miffed she was that her husband hadn’t come back from getting coffee because he always dealt with the register.

But it didn’t matter at this point because Ben was transfixed by the little thing that meant so much. It made him think about the baby as he wondered how small it really was and if it compared to the size of the ring or if it was bigger by now, seeing as Rey was nearly two months along.

Regardless, Ben loved the little ring. 

He could only hope Rey loved it too. It was somewhat modest in size but more beautiful and original compared to all the other options he had seen earlier that morning. 

It looked like a little flower with a diamond in the middle. 

There was something about it that just made him think of Rey and he could actually see her liking this over the anchors that added ten pounds to her hand. This, he was pretty sure, was small enough she could work with it on but still look very beautiful on its own. 

He had already decided how he would ask her. He could drive them out to the beach after work. If they left early enough they could catch the sunset. She was too insightful and she would already know what was going to happen but he knew she would still like it. So much has gone so wrong in the past several weeks that to have something like this, a moment that showed how they could all move forward without being afraid or hiding away. 

As he strolled by on the sidewalk, grinning like a fool and admiring it as much as he could, he suddenly crashes into someone and he comes back to his senses as he quickly reaches out to steady the man with his hands.

“Oh, excuse me. I’m so–” he stops dead when he sees the face of the man looking back at him.

“Why, Ben Solo. It’s been ages…”

Ben feels frozen, stuck in his body made of stone as he looks upon this man in the disgust that has not faded despite the years.

_Snoke._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up
> 
>   
> This is the ring I imagine Ben picked out for Rey lol.


	13. Accusations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actual trash. Thanks for coming.

“Are Jocasta and Tera alright?” Rey asks for the third time but Lando hasn’t answered. 

“I don’t have too many details right now. I’m just going to take you to the shop and go from there.”

Rey huffs, worried and thinking the worst. What if someone had broken in and tried to rob them and...Rey can’t even think it. It makes her stomach turn and she takes a deep breath, trying to keep her breakfast where it was. 

“Do you need a bag?” Lando asks.

“No,” Rey says, rolling down the window. “I’m fine.”

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything about it. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“No. It’s not your fault. I just hope they’re alright. They’re…” Rey trails off as they turn onto the street the shop was on but outside Solo’s is another cluster of police cars. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” he says, getting as close as he can before an officer stops him and he parks the car while it was still half in the street. Rey looks to him wildly before opening the door and Chewie hops to follow her. 

As she approaches the shop, she sees the other guys littered all around, being questioned by different officers. 

And then a red-headed man marches up with a smug look on his face. She already knows this must be Hux but he isn’t looking at her. He’s looking at Lando. “Calrissian. Fancy seeing you here but I’m afraid Captain Tarkin has informed me that you are to stay off the premises. He doesn’t think you’re fit to deal with this case.”

“What case?” Rey asks before Lando can, coming to stand beside them, confused and bordering on angry.

“Miss Johnson,” Hux says to her with a slight nod. “I’m sorry we had to meet like this. I am Detective Armitage Hux,” he says holding out his hand which Rey leaves hanging.

“I know who you are,” she says tensely. “But why are you here? What gives you the right to barge in here and–”

Hux pulls out something from his jacket and interrupting her. “I have a warrant, issued just this morning to search the premises.”

“For what?” Rey snaps at him while Lando snatches it out of his hands to inspect it. 

Hux purses his lips, looking at her in distaste. “Well, I’m afraid last night there was a grisly scene at the restaurant about a block away.”

Rey already knows he means Sinube’s. She's about to ask what happened and if Tera and Jocasta were okay but then Hux continues.

“We have reason to believe the perpetrator fled the scene and came here after viewing some security footage from the surrounding businesses.”

“Came here? Who would–What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“Ma’am, there is no need to get upset with me.”

Lando shakes his head, “So you saw some guy make a clear trail from Sinube’s to this place through several different cameras just this morning?”

“Believe it or not, our department can be quite competent without dead weight hanging around.”

“Watch it, kid,” Lando warns.

“Yes, well, once again, you’re not allowed to be here so I suggest you head back to the station.”

“I just got a call twenty minutes ago to meet at Sinube’s!”

“Then do whatever you want. Get fired! I don’t care. Just stay away from here,” Hux says loudly, cutting past all other noises in the area as they turn to look. Lando looks furious.

Rey’s never seen him look so angry but he just shakes his head before he turns to look at her. “Come on, Rey. Let me get you out of here.”

“Oh, not Miss Johnson. She has to stay.”

“Why?” Lando snaps. 

“I have some questions I need to ask her so she has to stay here,” he insists.

Lando takes a step closer, speaking under his breath as if he’s trying to ensure Rey can’t hear him but she does. “I swear, if you’re trying to pin this on the kid–”

“You’ll what, Detective?" Hux asks loudly, his eyebrows raising, challenging Lando. "May I remind you we have the same job title. Whatever evidence I find will convict who did the crime. Whether or not Mr. Solo is responsible or not remains to be seen. You’re the one who brought him up.”

“You’re the one standing here, trying to find shit!”

“Well, perhaps if you had seen the footage for yourself you would understand my suspicions. The figure seen running away in the shots had a very tall frame, clad all in black. And although I’ve only spoken to him briefly, I would be willing to put money on it that it was none other than Ben Solo.”

“No,” Rey says, charging forward. “That’s impossible. Ben was with me all night.”

Both men turn to look at her and they fall into silence. Their lack of response makes her say it again, louder. _“He was with me!"_

Lando nods eagerly as if his ears had finally caught up. “Yeah. You forgot to check for an alibi before you went and got a bullshit warrant.”

Hux gives a scoff at both of them as if he was holding back laughter. “Miss Johnson, excuse me for saying so but it sounds to me that making excuses for your boyfriend is something of a recurrence.”

“They’re not excuses! I _defend him_ when he is falsely accused!” Rey says, taking a step closer. 

“I wonder how false can the accusations be if they keep happening? You know more than anyone what he’s capable of.”

Rey could punch him she hated him so much. “How dare you–”

“Before you get too upset, you should know it involves much more than just what happened last night. The homicide at Sinube’s is another in a trail of murders we now believe to be connected. Including the murder of Teedo Lugga.”

“Teedo is dead?” Rey exclaims.

Hux nods casually. “This is what I wanted to discuss with you, ma'am. He was found late last night although, given the state of things, our specialists say he was killed over a week ago. And when we questioned the tenants if Teedo had any enemies, strangely enough, Ben’s name was mentioned more than once. Ben Solo’s name has been firing on all cylinders as you mechanics might say.”

Rey can hardly form words, feeling overwhelmed by what she was hearing but trudging forward anyway. “They weren’t enemies! They had a few arguments but it was never–”

“Detective!” a man shouts from the office before Rey could finish and both Hux and Lando spin around.

“What?” they both say but clearly it was Hux who was meant to be addressed. 

“We got something!”

They all speed for the office, following the commotion to the locker room and when she stands in the doorway, Rey sees at least five officers huddled around Ben’s locker where they had removed his jumpsuit and bandana to reveal a dirty plastic bag. A woman wearing gloves pries it open and taking out a sneaker with what seemed to be blood on the soles. 

Shoes that Ben used to wear back in high school but she honestly thought had been thrown out years ago.

_So why the fuck were they here now?_

The woman hands them to another man who inspects them and compares them to a photograph Rey can’t see. “We’ll have to run a few tests but upon the first inspection, it seems to be a match to both crime scenes.”

“Excellent,” Hux smirks before calling out to the officers still in the garage. “Notify all units. I want an APB on Ben Solo, immediately!”

_No. Not Ben. Not now._

The world is spinning and nothing feels right and tears are gathering in her eyes. “This is bullshit,” she says to Hux as he passes back through and Chewie growls at him a bit. 

The man only seems amused as he stands over the bloody Vans and pointing to the initials _B.S._ with a pen. “My thoughts exactly,” he says, his lips curling into a sinister grin. 

Rey’s stomach turns, furious and overwhelmed. She tries to fight it, knowing all of this was some massive misunderstanding or some really twisted joke because it couldn’t be real.

Her stomach wasn’t listening though because she quickly covers her mouth and rushes to the bathroom.

* * *

Ben’s throat is dry and he stands there, still, and frightened as he looks upon the man he hated more than anyone. 

He can see his lips moving but he can’t hear him. His ears aren’t cooperating. All he can hear is his frantic heartbeat. 

“W-What?” Ben finally croaks out. 

“I said that’s a very nice ring you’ve got there. I imagine it’s for your Miss. Johnson?”

Ben closes the box with a loud snap. “Don’t even say her name.”

“Still upset, I see.”

Ben scoffs, knowing better than to waste any more of his life with this asshole. “Fuck off,” he snaps at him before spinning around and marching away.

But then Snoke calls after him, “You know, even if you marry her it would still be a bastard.”

Ben stops dead in his tracks. His hands shake as he clenches his fist around the little box in his grip. It was not just anger but fear that struck him to his core at his words. 

_Because why the fuck would he know that?_

Ben turns around, looking at the man in horror who looked all too pleased with himself. “What did you just say?”

Snoke ignores him, stepping closer. “I’m glad I ran into you, Ben. There are some things I’d like to say to you.”

“Yeah, I could think of a few things myself,” Ben says, his lip curling in anger and he refrains from grabbing the collar of Snoke's shirt. He had to stay calm. Clearly Snoke knew how to use a courtroom to his advantage and Ben wouldn’t let that happen again. 

He _couldn’t_ let it happen. 

Speaking as steady as he can, he says, “You better have a good fucking reason for saying what you just did.”

“Or what? You’ll kill me? Like you did with Plutt? From a professional standpoint, I must say your feelings for Miss Johnson have driven you to some very violent behavior. Perhaps she’s more of a problem than I thought.”

Ben comes to stand right before him. His teeth were grinding as he tried to bite back his screams. “Don’t you dare say anything about us. You don’t know anything about us, you never did! You can pretend like you have the best interest of your patients in mind but you’re the one who could have helped me when I needed you but you just threw me under the fucking bus. So I suggest you get the fuck out of here before I throw you under a real one myself.”

 _Fuck._ As much as he meant it, he knows he shouldn’t have said that. But he was seething with rage.

Snoke chuckles. “How amusing. Physical threats aside, that’s almost exactly what your father said to me that night.”

Ben staggers back, feeling like he’s been slapped in the face once Snoke mentioned his father. _When had he spoken to Han?_

“What night?” Ben bites out.

“I think you know.”

Something was wrong. Very wrong. He couldn't mean...

Snoke chuckles, shaking his head. “As I said before, I have a lot I’d like to discuss with you, Ben. Things I think you should hear before you go running for Calrissian about me. I’m only here to help you, Ben.”

Ben is already shaking his head. “You have never fucking helped me in my life! I’m not going anywhere with you!” Clearly something was going on. It was no accident that Snoke ran into him just now.

“I’m afraid you have to. Right now, there is a dangerous threat in this city that endangers Miss. Johnson more than anyone else. If you truly wish to keep her and your unborn child safe, I suggest you come with me.”

* * *

Ben tried to stay composed while he followed him to an all too familiar building. He holds out better than he could have expected but once they get into the elevator, Ben’s patience is out as he looks to him as well as he can, even though everything looks red. 

“You’ve been following us?” he asks, stepping closer, feeling ready to scream. “You’ve been following _her?”_

“How much time do you think I have to my disposal to follow you and your whore around?” Snoke chuckles darkly.

Ben nearly snaps, ready to erupt but the elevator dings and the doors open to another man with a briefcase. He doesn’t seem to pick up on the tension in the small space as he was skimming over the newspaper. Ben backs up, taking a deep breath. Snoke looks too pleased and Ben’s fists are shaking. He knows this is bad. He knows his control is slipping and he can’t let that happen. 

He knows it was a mistake to follow him here but he couldn’t risk it, he figured. Not when he seemed to be almost threatening Rey and their baby.

How Snoke knows about the baby, Ben doesn’t know but just the very thought of it and all it implies makes him want to puke or beat the shit out of him and Ben knows he can’t do either. 

And Snoke knows that too, which might be why he’s trying to taunt him. He’s probably trying to get a rise out of him so he’ll land back at Corelia and then everything he and Rey had dreamed about is gone. Ben reminds himself that he has to take the high road. He had to get through this as well as he can until he could get back to Rey and figure out what to do next. He would not let this man ruin anything else for him. 

He stuffs his hands in his pockets, gripping the little box, trying to cling to everything it means to him and his family. 

The elevator rings and Snoke stepped forward as the doors open. Ben follows behind. 

_Breathe._

The hallway leading up to the door seems to go on forever as they walk in silence and Ben stares daggers into the back of the man’s head. He opens the door and they go inside. As soon as he does, Ben feels a whirlwind of memories slash through his chest as he looks upon the room that looks exactly like it did the last time he was here. 

When he was still seventeen and he had come here to tell him how Rey had impacted his life and how for the first time in so long he felt happy. And when Snoke just degraded him, Ben told Snoke to go fuck himself and he threw his pills on the rug. 

And then all he can think about is the horrible words Snoke would say to him as he sat in the armchair with his judgemental sneer on his face. 

_You think just because she fucks you that means she loves you?_

Ben felt the need to run. He almost does, thinking he could be better off literally anywhere else. But then the door shuts behind him loudly and Snoke ushers him further in. “What the fuck is all this?” Ben growls at him.

Snoke doesn’t answer.

“You’re going to have to answer me or else I’m going to call the cops right now,” Ben shouts.

“There’s no need to get emotional. We’re both adults here so we can act like them, don’t you think?”

Ben’s hand tightens around the box in his pocket, trying to keep himself breathing as calm as possible. He needs to stay level headed and say what he needs to say. 

“You’re going to answer two questions for me before anything else.”

“You’ve never liked anything I have to tell you.”

“First off,” Ben says, ignoring Snoke’s statement, despite how true it was. “When did you speak to my father and why? And second–”

“How did I know Rey was pregnant?”

Ben looks at him, hating to even hear her name from his lips. 

Snoke chuckles as he moves to stand at his desk, setting his briefcase on the blotting-pad. “That actually was more of an educated guess but your reaction was all the confirmation I needed. You’ve never been subtle.”

Ben thinks he could be lying but Snoke won’t even turn around to look at him. He takes another step back for the door. He doesn’t like this. 

“And my father?” Ben manages.

Snoke is quiet for a long moment before he speaks. “Before I answer that, I want you to come and look at some photos with me.”

“What photos?” Ben scoffs, annoyed.

He turns around with a smirk. “I think you’ll find them interesting. They were given to me by the local law enforcement who wanted to know if any of my patients were capable of what was in these photographs.”

Ben just stands where he is, wary and not willing to move an inch and not liking the implication. “I’m not your patient anymore,” Ben reminds him. 

“No, but _you were_ for an extended period of time. Whether you like it or not... _I know you,_ Ben Solo.”

Ben strides forward to the middle of the room, pulling his hands out of his pockets. “You don’t know anything about me,” he says, his voice low.

“Do you still dream of monsters, Ben?” Snoke asks suddenly, catching him off guard. “Of Mortis?”

Ben just shakes his head, feeling like the ground beneath him was falling away. “I...I don’t–” he tries but Snoke interjects. 

“Because I’ve had many patients that deal with delusions and aggressive outbursts, but I think your case was very extraordinary considering you’ve been affected by these dreams and images for so long. It's interesting you've been able to suppress everything.”

“Suppress what?” Ben snaps at him.

“Ben, whatever these impulses are, the sooner you tell me, the sooner I can help you.”

“Help me? What the fuck are you talking about? You have never helped me! You never even listened! You never gave a shit about what happens and you made that pretty clear in that courtroom. So don’t pretend like you give a shit now. Whatever this is, just leave us alone and stop fucking stalking us or whatever it is you’re doing!”

Ben spins around, striding back for the door. He’s just gripped the door handle when Snoke speaks again. 

“I’ve thought a lot about you since you were last in my office. It wasn’t until that day that I really realized the potential.” It gives Ben pause.

_Potential?_

“You were so filled with rage and yet this girl waltzed into your life and you became something else. I mean, just think about it. Everything I used to implement in our sessions, about how you needed to change and you just sat there. But then I spoke of her briefly and it lit a fire under you so quick you screamed at me and not only admitted to not taking your medication but you threw them around my office.”

“If this is about a cleaning bill then–”

Snoke ignores him, talking over him. “I couldn’t get it out of my head. So, since I’m a man of science and experimentation, I suppose I couldn’t resist the chance to see how far you would go. How easy it would be.”

Ben lets go of the handle, looking over his shoulder. Goosebumps prickled his skin, even with his jacket on. “What are you saying? What did you do?” Ben asks gravely. 

Snoke chuckles, his shoulders bouncing a bit as he leans back in his chair. “You still haven’t figured it out?”

Ben stares at him...waiting for an explanation, fearing what it may be and wondering if it was meant to be obvious.

“Who do you think told Plutt where she was staying?”

It takes a moment for the words to register in his brain before they strike him hard and his knees feel like they could give out.

“It was all your fault…” Ben breathes out, feeling his hands already shaking. Snoke spins to look out his window, out at the city, looking bored like he always used to.

“Plutt never would have found her if you hadn’t told him. He never would have taken her...he never would _shot her!_ ” Ben screams, his tears spilling over finally as that image returns to his mind. When Rey was pale and bleeding in his arms. “I never would have killed him and then I never would have gone to jail!”

“I didn’t do anything except call the man. From there on you made your choices and the outcome was your responsibility. Not mine.”

Ben is seething as he marches back across the room and slams his hands on the desk and it makes Snoke finally look back at him. “Why? Why did you do it?”

“I told you. I was looking for your true potential. And as sloppy and emotional as you were, it was enough for me to realize you were a fit candidate.”

Snoke waves his hand slowly over the desk and Ben looks down at the photographs he had fanned out.

They were from at least ten different crime scenes with what must be twenty different people. It was gruesome and Ben had to look away, disgusted by what he was seeing. 

Snoke chuckles. “This is your new portfolio. It’s very impressive, unfortunately, the police will not find it as pleasing once they learn you’re the one responsible.”

Ben stiffens at the man’s words, glancing back at the photos before looking up at him in more horror than ever before, slowly backing away. “You did all this.”

“Ben.”

“You did all this and you’re trying to pin it all on me.”

“Mr. Solo, by now I suspect the authorities have already found some damning evidence at your place of business that connects you to several crimes from just last night.”

“Last...I was home last night! You think they won’t figure out I was home all night? Rey will tell them. You’re never going to get away with any of this! Whatever the fuck it is!”

Snoke moves to stand, his hands reaching out and fiddling with the photos, straightening them. “The evidence will outweigh the more trivial details, especially a young girl’s insistence of her boyfriend’s innocence when everyone will know she’s just trying to protect the father of her child. Besides, when it comes down to it, who do you think they’re going to believe? A psychiatrist who specializes in diagnosing mental disorders or a mechanic who not only suffers from delusions of monsters but has already killed a man due to his lack of control?”

Ben’s body trembles with anger, fear, and an animosity Ben can only recall feeling while he was looking at Plutt aim his gun at them before he was hacking up his lungs. 

Snoke notices it too.

“I can see it now. In your eyes. You want to kill me, don’t you?”

_He does._

But he won’t. He can’t. 

He has to get out of there. Immediately. Ben spins around instead, rushing for the door and practically ripping it off its hinges as he flies out of the building as quickly as he can. Snoke just chuckles to himself back in his office, letting Ben flee as he presses the buttons on the phone and waits for an answer. 

“Hux,” the man answers.

“He just left," Snoke tells him. "He’ll be going for the girl and Calrissian.”

“Got it. We’ll find him.”

“Did they find the shoes?”

Hux chuckles. “Yes. Everything’s on schedule.”

“Good.”

* * *

Ben bursts out of the building, nearly crashing into a few people but quickly threading through them as he raced back to his car that was parked a few blocks away.

He had to find Rey and Lando. 

He was shaking from what happened in Snoke’s office and he could only hope that Snoke was wrong. That no one in their right mind would think Ben guilty of these murders. 

But he fears that Snoke was right. Ben had a record and Snoke was a doctor and a jury had already favored his opinion once before.

A series of events that Snoke set in motion. He had been the one to call Plutt and reveal that Rey was staying with him and his parents. 

It seemed so obvious now and Ben wonders how he never thought of it before. 

Because of Snoke, Ben had to finish his senior year through tutors in jail. He didn’t go to his graduation or take Rey to any of the stupid dances they probably would have blown off anyway but if he knew his alternative was jail he would have gone. Instead, his girlfriend had to visit him weekly. When he tried to hold her hand across the table the guards would snap at them. He went six long months without holding her which was the most maddening thing he’s ever gone through. Even more so than having to sit through Snoke’s testimony.

Despite being across a table from her it felt like they were miles away. 

Ben shudders at the thought of it happening again. If he were to be arrested again, he wouldn't just be missing Rey or missing his daily life...he would be missing the baby. Rey would have to go appointments without him...after he promised he would be there for everything. The thought of her alone through all that, _through labor even,_ crosses his mind and makes him want to cry. 

And then the baby...a heartbreaking vision of having to meet his baby from across a table with guards watching comes to mind. 

_I wouldn’t even be allowed to hold them,_ he thinks to himself. What if he had to watch his child grow up through pictures on a cell wall and monthly visits? Ben would slowly become more and more of a stranger until the kid would feel nothing but resent for him. For being absent. His tears burn his eyes and Ben tries to bite them back. 

He will not let that happen. He can’t. He made a promise to the baby as much as he had made one for Rey. He was going to be there no matter what. He was going to make sure they knew just how loved they were...no matter what and no matter how much Snoke may try to rip it away. He would fight.

Snoke was more a monster than any of those he had seen in Mortis throughout his life but he will not let this man take any more from him.

He would not lose his family and his future just because some psychopath thought he was a proper fit for some sick game he was playing. 

He had to get help. But he needed to get safe first. He didn’t know what the hell Snoke was going on about something found at the shop and Ben had no idea what that meant. But he imagines whatever Snoke has been planning has been in motion for a long time and he must have been following them after all. His fists clench at the thought of him being there, over their shoulders all this time. All those times he let Rey go to work alone, driving home late, possibly followed, or any other amount of horrific scenarios that put her or the baby in the radius of an actual murderer. 

He gets a few strange looks as he speeds back for the blazer but he ignores them, knowing time was against him and he was already at a disadvantage. The fact he got out of Snoke’s office should be a triumph in itself but he fears Snoke might have anticipated that.

Ben rounds the final corner, catching a glimpse of his car...as well as the two officers that were circling it like vultures. 

Ben skids to a stop and ducks into an alleyway, his heart beating out of his chest. 

_What the hell was happening?_ This couldn’t be real. This had to be another dream. Any moment now he would wake up with Rey hovering over him with a worried look on her face, telling him it was going to be okay. He shuts his eyes tight, trying to will it so. 

But nothing was happening. He was still in the alley and the cops were still peering through his windows. 

Ben refused to get in handcuffs again. And if he were to walk up to those cops, that’s guaranteed to happen. If he got to Lando first, maybe he could help him figure this out, make his case. Maybe even they could get through to that Hux who seemed to be in charge of most things these days. If he knew what Snoke was planning, and had practically admitted to, then maybe Ben could sort this out before it ever really started. 

He takes a deep breath, running further down the alley, knowing wherever he goes from here, it would have to be on foot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're approaching that point in the story where things are really changing and it's becoming more and more clear to me just how stupid this whole thing is.


	14. The Killing Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, sorry. This one took me a while but it was difficult to write and...well this one is just a lot and you'll probably see why. Not sure if anyone is really interested in this story but I'm kind of wandering between the fics that interest me right now and I don't know why. 
> 
> Basically, if you're here, letting me torture you, then thanks. I hope you enjoy the ride. 
> 
> [WORD OF WARNING:] This one feels dark. There is a major character death in this chapter. I keep it as 'un-graphic' as I could. But when you get to the end, try not to freak out. This is probably the halfway point in the story so we still have a ways to go. Lots are still to be revealed and even though you will hate me...actually, I have no follow up. You will hate me. Welcome to the club. 
> 
> Nervous to post this but yeet.

Ben found a secluded phone booth, thinking it may be the only safe location for him to call from. He entered, keeping his head down and hoping anyone walking by wouldn’t be paying him any attention or how much he was sweating. 

After he finds his final quarter, he dials Lando’s apartment number.

He knew it was wishful thinking that Lando would have heard there was some commotion and just evaded the shop altogether and taken her to his place, but he wanted to believe it. He needed to talk to them. 

The line rings and rings before he finally hears Lando’s voice...but it turned out to be his answering machine. 

Sighing to himself, he decides to leave a message instead. 

“Lando, it’s me. I…” he already feels like he’s crying. “I don’t know what’s happening or what the fuck’s going on, but they’re looking for me and I–I just saw Snoke and I think...no, I know, Lando! I know he’s behind this, whatever it is.”

He was in the middle of the park, not far from the cemetery where they had the funeral.

_Han and Leia’s._

“Don’t call me back here. I can’t stay here. But please, if you hear this, make sure Rey’s okay.”

He thinks back to what Snoke said. _Right now, there is a dangerous threat in this city that endangers Miss Johnson more than anyone else._

His tears fall.

“I’m so scared,” he admits to the machine. “I know the cops won’t believe me and Snoke knows that too. But no matter what, if something happens to me,” he sobs, hating he had to say that. “...don’t leave her alone. She’s in danger. _Both of them._ ” He knows he’s almost out of time. “Lando, please, I need your help. Whatever it takes, just don’t give up. Snoke has–”

The line beeps and Ben growls out in frustration, hanging it up. He thinks back to what he’s said and hopes that it’s enough. That wherever he is, Lando would soon understand the basis of what Ben was saying and that they would look into Snoke.

But he still fears that no matter what, he’ll end up back in a cell just like the first time and everything, his life, his family, would be taken from him. Things he wasn’t willing to sacrifice. 

Leaving the phone behind, he starts to head for the cemetery, not knowing what else to do. 

It reminds him of that time after he had called his father from the hospital and he sat hopelessly in the waiting room, covered in a mixture of Rey’s blood and Plutt’s.

Ben wishes his parents were here. They helped him out of the mess with Plutt as best they could but now he was alone and he panics as he thinks of Rey, _of the baby,_ stuck in the middle of this too. 

And to think that Snoke could get to her first...that Rey and their child could be taken from him as quickly as his parents were taken hit him so hard his knees gave out a bit and he stumbled, barely catching himself on a lamppost. 

He feels like he can’t even breathe. 

But then in the distance, he hears sirens and it makes him rigid with fear. And not knowing where else to go, he steps forward, towards the cemetery where his parents were. 

Reaching into his pocket, he grabs the box with the ring inside and holds it tightly in his hand, trying to convince himself that he was going to see Rey very soon and all of this will have gone away. That soon they would be allowed to live their lives and think of names and paint the baby’s room and do everything he’s imagined since he first discovered they were going to be parents just yesterday.

He had to believe that was possible. He could not give up. Snoke would be found guilty and he and Rey were going to be okay.

 _We're going to be okay,_ repeats over and over in his head, like a mantra. Ben wishes he could believe it more than he actually was.

* * *

Lando stood guard with Chewie at the bathroom door where Rey was inside, _sick_. She had run in there looking green after Hux called out for Ben’s arrest. And Lando was ready to strangle the redhead. But that would have to wait. Because the instant Rey got out of the bathroom, he was getting her out of here. 

Something was wrong. He could feel it. Someone had it out for Ben and was making sure he paid the price. Or maybe, whoever this was, had it out for all the Solo’s and could possibly be responsible for Han and Leia too. 

Whatever this was, it was bad and Lando knew that Ben would want Rey out of here before it got worse.

But then Hux comes back out of that locker room with a scowl. “I told you already that you’re not allowed on the premises so you need to fuck off!”

“Don’t worry. I’m getting the fuck out of here once she comes out. You’re literally making her sick. This isn’t healthy for her.”

“Wel, it’s not my fault she can’t hold down her breakfast. Besides, if she thinks that will get her out of answering questions–”

“She’s not answering any of your bullshit questions. Stay away from her.”

“This is exactly why Tarkin told you to stay out," Hux snaps at him, poking him in the chest. "You’re too close to these people where now you’re causing a ruckus at a crime scene. So get out of here before I have you handcuffed and driven back to the station.”

The door opens behind him then and he spins to see Rey there with big teary eyes.

“Rey, you don’t have to say anything. You don’t have to answer any questions–”

“Get the fuck out of here!” Hux shouts, grabbing the back of his jacket and pulling him away. 

“Rey, it’s gonna be okay. Ben’s gonna be okay!” he feels like he’s lying and it hurts all the more as she looks so devastated and terrified as he’s dragged out of the office and back into his car out front.

He starts up his car and he’s chased out by another cruiser, giving him no choice but to leave. He had to find Ben before anyone else did.

Lando looks down at his pager to see he has a voicemail waiting. It could have been Ben...he hopes it is. 

* * *

Rey sat hunched in Han’s old desk chair. Chewie rested his head in her lap and she kept hold of him, thinking the dog was the only reason she wasn’t hysterical. 

Detective Hux sat across from her. His mouth was moving but she had started to ignore him, not being able to stomach the kind of accusations he was putting in place. He was trying to pry things from her, to plant doubt in her mind that Ben is not who she thought she was. Rey could only assure him that he was wrong and that Ben was innocent. She would do it as many times as she had to. Because they were all wrong about him. 

But Hux didn’t want to hear that. He didn’t want to hear that Ben was home all night. He didn’t want to hear that the shoes found in his locker were placed there. He didn’t want to listen to her about anything unless she suddenly agreed with him that Ben was a murderer.

“You know what he’s capable of more than anyone, Miss Johnson.”

Rey just shakes her head. “I’ve answered your bullshit questions. I don’t have anything more to say to you and you can’t make me stay here,” she snaps at him, eyeing the trash can in case she needs to grab it quickly. Her stomach was in knots. 

“Forgive me for saying so, but you don’t look too well, Miss Johnson,” Hux says, using his shoe to slide the trash can closer to her. “Perhaps before you can get sick again, we can get the truth out of you instead.”

“I am telling you the truth,” she said again, her throat seizing with sobs she wanted so badly to release. This wasn’t fair. He couldn’t do this to them. 

“Then why, may I ask, do you seem to be so disturbed? Enough to make yourself ill?” he crosses his arms, like he’s discovered something. 

“As far as I’m concerned, I’m done talking to you. And you can’t keep me here any longer,” she tells him. She needed to get out of here. She needed to find Ben before all of them did. 

Hux’s jaw clenches, knowing she’s right. He wasn’t even supposed to be questioning her here. She was supposed to go to the station but she insisted that if they put her in a car she would just throw up again.

But then Hux moves closer. “I know you think you’re being brave and loyal or whatever you want to call it...but sooner or later we’re going to prove before a court just what this man has been up to and that jury is going to pity you, because they will see how far you’re willing to go to convince yourself that there’s nothing wrong with him.”

Knowing he was just trying to scare her, she stands up, ignoring him as she heads for the door. Chewie follows her and she tries to keep her composure until she’s out of their sight. Once she’s outside, Biggs and Porkins approach her with worried eyes and open arms. She finds herself sandwiched between them and sobbing. 

She thinks of Tera and Jocasta. She even thinks of Teedo, as annoying as he was. He didn’t deserve to get killed. But he was and now they all think Ben was responsible. 

“Rey,” Biggs whispers. “We don’t totally know what’s going on, but I got a call from Lando...he says something with this stinks bad.”

“Ben is being framed,” she tells them quietly. “This is all wrong.”

“Lando wants to talk to you. But they won’t let him back here. We’re going to give you a ride and if they don’t follow us, we’re going to take you to him. From there you can try to find Ben.”

Rey’s tears nearly spillover to hear that somebody else seemed to understand that this was wrong. That Ben wasn’t guilty. 

“Thank you.”

* * *

Hux noticed when the girl slipped out but he had it under control. Naturally, a cruiser followed them, making them think they could swindle out of being followed, but Hux thrived on being discrete. He had mastered it. After all, he had been following these people for weeks now and they hadn’t noticed. What’s one more day?

He leaves one of the deputies in charge, telling them he was going to take the shoes to the forensics lab personally. There was no need to though. He had already done the paperwork for them this morning as there was no need to test them. He knows whose blood was on them. After all, he had been the one wearing them when the stains got there in the first place. 

All he had to do was wear a hoodie bulky enough to hide his hair and to mimic Ben Solo’s frantic movements as he sprinted past the one security camera that he knew would reveal just enough of a vague figure before slipping back into the garage and stashing the footwear in the man’s locker. 

Because anyone would have believed Ben was responsible if Hux made him out to be. Which really took no time at all to coax Hux's coworkers into thinking. 

Everything seemed to be going exactly to plan. Except for the act that Ben Solo couldn’t be found fucking anywhere. It was rather frustrating but he knew it wouldn’t be long. The guy was too predictable and it wouldn’t be long before he gave in and tried to reunite with the girl. 

So Hux keeps his distance, keeping her in his sight always as he remains at least five cars behind her and Lando once they meet up in the parking lot of a Dairy Queen. 

They would lead him to Solo.

And then this whole mess could be put behind him and his and Snoke’s agreement will finally come to close. 

A life for a life. That was the deal. Snoke had already taken care of Brendol for him...so now, after weeks and weeks of patience and waiting for everything to fall into place, Hux would finally be delivering what Snoke had asked of him. 

To frame, ruin, and eliminate the one person he believed was qualified as the perfect scapegoat. 

_Ben Solo._

* * *

They had been looking all day and now it was the late afternoon. Nearing sunset. Lando kept looking over to Rey in the passenger seat. The kid looked exhausted but she refused to be taken home. She insisted they needed to find him.

He had won one argument, however, and that was insisting she eats something. She had no appetite even though she said she felt better than she did this morning after getting sick. She caved though when he practically guilted her into eating some granola bars, saying she needed to keep herself fed. He didn’t feel comfortable taking on that role but Lando told himself that Ben would go ballistic if he found out Rey was starving and he hadn’t done anything. 

But Lando thinks that, at this point, he would gladly welcome Ben’s rage if it meant he just got to see him. He was so worried about him and he could only imagine what turmoil Rey was going through in the passenger seat if her countenance was any indication. 

“Tell me again what he said,” she croaks out, her gaze still out the window, looking at everyone on the sidewalk, as if she thinks they would find him that easily. Her hands are busy, opening and closing the locket on the chain nervously. Like she doesn't even notice she's doing it. 

Lando sighs. She wanted to hear once more what Ben had said in his voicemail. “Kid, I already–”

“Tell me again!”

Lando gives in, knowing it was the most he could offer her right now. “He’s scared, Rey. He told me he had run into Snoke and he believes all of this tails back to him. And because of that, you were in danger. He asked me to make sure you were safe and to not call him back from that number. He was probably at a payphone.”

He hears Rey sniffle again as her face dives to her hands. Chewie whines from the back seat, trying to nuzzle against her arm to get her attention or cheer her up. 

“This isn’t fair,” she sobs.

“I know.” Lando wanted to go to the station and get as much information about Anthony Snoke that he could. There was always something off about the guy, beyond the fact that he really screwed Ben over when he was on trial. But he knows if he were to stroll in, they would chase him away. Nobody trusted him to keep a level head when it came to Ben. But it wasn't so much that Lando was being irrational, it's just that no one was listening. No one ever believed his assistance to Ben's innocence. Especially not with wonderboy Hux around. 

“I don’t understand,” she shakes her head. “Why Ben? He’s the kindest person I’ve ever known and yet everyone thinks he’s some monster. All because of an incident that only happened because he was trying to save me,” she says somberly, still hiding her face. 

“Rey, don’t try to find ways to blame yourself for that.”

“But everyone holds it against him. They all think it means he’s capable of these horrible things,” Her lip trembles. “Teedo. Jocasta and Terra...and who knows what else. They don’t listen they just want him to suffer. He’s already been through so much. We all have.”

“That’s what it feels like.” Lando sighs again. 

“I don't want to lose him again. I can’t!” she cries and Lando reaches over to rest a hand on her shoulder.

“We won’t,” he tries to tell her but honestly, Lando isn’t sure how certain of that he could be but it makes Rey quiet down for a moment. They fall into silence then, their eyes looking back over the streets and through the alleys, looking everywhere for a tall man with dark hair and a black leather jacket. 

Lando’s head feels heavy, wondering what Han would think if he saw them now. He wonders what Ben’s parents would be doing in this situation. Lando isn’t a father (as far as he knows) but he feels a responsibility to these kids. He wants to be there for them more than ever because they had lost so much. Still, he feels like he’s not doing it right. 

He still kicks himself for not being able to help Ben more than he could the day he had to arrest him at the hospital. That broke him and he wasn’t sure if Han or Leia would ever forgive him. 

“I just wish Han and Leia were here,” Lando admits to Rey. “They would know what to do. How to help.”

Rey’s head snaps up as she gasps. 

“What?”

“Han and Leia...of course!”

“What do you mean?”

“Lando,” Rey’s eyes are still filled with tears but she has a determined look on her face as she held tight to her necklace. “I know where Ben is.”

* * *

Hux sees them suddenly turn around, changing directions and taking a certain off-ramp that instantly reveals to Hux where they must be going. 

_Of course,_ he practically hits himself in the head. This was Ben Solo. And if Ben Solo was anything, it was predictable. And Hux knows he had been closer to downtown because that's where Snoke had spoken to him. 

Quickly, he radios the station, requesting back up, trying to hide the smirk from his voice. They might even get there before Lando and Rey do. 

* * *

Ben sat on the grass, leaning against their headstone as tears tried on his cheeks. The sun was setting and still, he didn’t know what to do. He curses himself for not getting a cell phone before now. He could have tried to call her. 

_Rey._

He just wanted to hear her voice and have her tell him that she was safe. That she and the baby were okay. That Lando got his message and Snoke was being arrested and everything was going to be alright. 

But it’s just him and the silence of the cemetery around him now as he tries and fails to come up with some sort of solution to all this. 

Why did it seem like the universe was always trying to pull the rug out beneath him every time he found his way to his feet again?

“I don’t know what to do,” he whispers to the stone, his voice hoarse, wishing his parents were here. “I don’t even understand what’s going on but I know it’s bad. And I know that, almost no matter what, no matter how this goes, they’ll find some way to pin this on me...and then I’ll be gone for good. They’ll lock me away and then everything I hoped, all Rey and I had planned, is gone.”

He pulls out the box from his pocket, opening it to look at the little ring. “All I wanted was to be with her...with them,” his lip trembles, tears escaping him at all that seemed possible but now seemed to be floating away. “Why can’t it be that simple?”

He cries, looking up to the headstone again, his parents' names etched there. The words _Beloved Mother and Father_ making Ben feel like his heart was breaking. 

Dusk cloaks over the graveyard in the park and Ben leaned back against the stone, looking out at the city. He fiddles with the tiny velvet box in his fingers, wondering where Rey was in that moment, hoping she was safe. He desperately hopes that the next time he saw her, all of this was behind them. 

He thinks about turning himself in, just so he could try to explain himself for the thousandth time but he knows it’s pointless. They won’t listen to him. 

He had to hold out hope that Snoke would be questioned. That his home and office would be searched for evidence or some shit. But the man’s words echo back through his head, haunting him. 

_Who do you think they’re going to believe?_

Ben hadn't even gotten an answer out of him about his father. His suspicion was heavy in his gut though. The implication that Snoke could have been the last person to see his parents alive. He should have said something like that to Lando but his brain has been so scattered. So terrified.

Just then, a sudden sound breaks him out of his thoughts. A call of his name.

“Ben?”

He sits up straight, trying to see over the headstones, hoping what he heard was real and not just his imagination. Because it sounded like her.

And it was.

Ben’s throat strains as he tries to swallow back his tears. He was so happy to see her. He sees her getting out of Lando’s car and Chewie hopping out behind her as she rushes for where she knows he must be. 

She found him. She was here and he knows that now they were together and they could figure this all out.

He stands up, his tears blurring the shape of her. “I’m here,” he croaks out. Too quiet for her to hear but when she spots him, she and Chewie run to him faster. Lando is there too, trying to keep up.

Ben stumbles forward, the little box still held tight in his hand. He had just gotten it earlier that day but that seems so long ago now. He feels like he hasn’t seen Rey in days and his arms ache to hold her again, grateful that she was alright. It reminds him of the day he got released from Corelia and the moment he stepped out of the gates, she had run to him and he had choked on his tears at the sight of her so close. No glass, no table, no dreadful prison uniform between them. 

Ben holds out his arms, ready to catch her again like he did that day.

But then the world seems to stop as suddenly, he sees dozens of other people emerge in his vision, popping out behind trees and other gravestones. Cars pulling forward from out of sight with the sirens blaring and megaphones calling out to him. 

_The police._

He could almost pretend they aren’t there, just a little longer if Rey kept running for him. If he could just hold her for a moment then maybe he would realize it was just a bad dream and she would wake him up like she always did. 

But then several men step in her path, blocking her from him and grabbing her roughly, pulling her away even as she screams to be put down. 

“Let her go!” Ben growls out, stepping forward but before he even moves five feet, there are guns pointed at him and an order to put his hands up. 

_Big guns._

“Freeze!” they shout at him as he skids in the grass.

“Stop it!” Ben can hear Lando shouting from where he was being held back just like Rey, and even Chewie, Ben realizes, seeing him being hooked onto a leash and pulled back towards one of the police cars. “Stand down!” Lando shouts out.

“Shut up!” Hux shouts at Lando, ordering the others to take him and Rey further back so he and the others could handle Ben. Ben who still had his hands up as the people before him all lined up

“Ben!” Rey cries out as they practically carry her away, even though she fights against them but they drag her off. 

“Don’t touch her like that!” Ben cries out but they just shout at him again and tell him to keep his hands in the air. Rey gets pulled back closer to Lando. Ben sobbed out in refusal, stepping forward and willing to do anything if it meant they would let them go. It hurt too much to watch. 

“Get back!” they shout at him. 

Ben wants to scream out in refusal. He would take his Mortis nightmares over this any day because this was too real. And now Rey was here too. He sees her crying out and trying to shove her way back through to get to him but they are restraining her.

His hand grips tighter to the box still held in his hand. This isn’t what he wanted for her. This isn’t what she needs. But he doesn’t know how to help her. 

To make matters worse Hux approaches them, slipping through the barricade of people aimed at Ben. He whispers something in one of their ears before coming to walk forward to where Ben was standing. 

“Ben,” he calls out, trying to sound casual, “we’ve been looking all over for you. What are the chances we find you here?” he chuckles. 

“I-I didn’t do it,” Ben grounds out, wishing he could have managed something more profound but it’s hard to put together your defense when everyone is pointing a gun at you and they think you’re a murderer.

Hux turns around behind him to look at them, waving his hand down a little to lower their weapons slightly. They ease up a little but Ben doesn’t feel the slightest bit relieved. The look on Hux’s face was not convincing. The man comes closer to him. They were close in height but there was something eerie about him and Ben didn’t like it at all. 

He steps right in front of him, his voice low so no one but Ben could hear him. “Ben, you don’t need to run anymore,” he says. “You’re a very sick man, and we want to help you.”

Ben shakes his head. “I...I didn’t do it. I didn’t hurt anybody.”

“Ben, you have to answer for what you’ve done, whether you understand that or not.”

“No, I’m serious,” Ben cries. “It was Snoke. _Anthony Snoke,_ my old therapist,” he explains, trying to string the words together. “H-He approached me today. He’s responsible for all of this. He has pictures and…I think he's responsible for my parent's accident...” Ben trails off trying to pull it all together. He needs to. “He’s framing me!”

Hux’s face is unreadable as he just stands there for a long moment not saying anything. Ben’s not sure what it means and he nearly speaks further in the silence, hoping it would help his case. 

But then Hux gradually starts to smile. But there’s something very wrong about it, especially when his hand settles over Ben’s shoulder.  
“Oh, Ben,” he chuckles. “I believe you,” he tells him quietly.

“You do?” Ben croaks out, surprised. Already he’s thinking how he would turn around and tell them all to fold back and they would finally leave him and his family alone. 

“Of course I do. I know Snoke is responsible.”

“You...how?” Ben sighs out in confusion. 

“Because I’m the one that helped him.”

“What?” Ben’s blood runs cold as Hux’s smile turns into a sneer and his eyes, they Ben shiver.

“You idiot,” Hux shakes his head, laughing to himself but remaining quiet so only Ben could hear. “I’m the one that helped put this all into place. It was me that messed with your mom’s car that night.”

Ben blinks several times before the words sink in. His parents...Hux was responsible.

"You?" is all he can manage. Ben's fists start shaking.

“But, you know, sometimes, you have to learn to take the fall. Because in this scenario, it’s not him or me that takes the blame,” Hux’s hand falls from his shoulder to poke him forcefully in the chest. “It’s you.”

Ben swats his hand away, ready to go ballistic at the man’s confession. He killed his parents! He’s in on this with Snoke! They’re out to ruin his life for reasons he’ll never understand but he knows aren’t fair. Ben grits his teeth, his entire body shaking with rage trying to think of what to do. This man led him to think Ben had been responsible when it was Hux and Snoke all along.

_What the fuck was wrong with them?_

But before Ben could act on anything, Hux spins around and shouts back to everyone else behind them.

“He’s got a gun!"

_What?_

Ben watches in slow motion as Hux dives for the grass covering his head before suddenly there’s a deafening noise in the air that Ben registers at the same moment when he feels himself being thrown back as if someone was shoving him with a strength Ben has never known. 

And he feels it again and again until suddenly he can’t feel anything anymore and it’s around then that Ben realizes that he’s been shot. 

He hears a whole commotion of volume wash over him until it all kind of drains away and he feels himself timber backward. 

The next time he opens his eyes, he’s looking up at the night sky and it seems to be fading away from him now. He doesn’t know why but it makes him want to cry. So he holds fast to the little box as tight as he can. It was sweaty in his palm and a little crushed under his furious grip but what matters is that what’s inside was still safe. He clings to it, trying to stay awake because he has the feeling if he closes his eyes, he may never wake up again. 

But he doesn’t hold out for long and soon enough his eyelids close. Too heavy to stay open. 

But even then, he could swear he feels Rey close by, holding him softly and saying his name and if he had the energy to hope for anything, it would be to wake up in their room and that this could be nothing but a dream.

There's a pressure on his chest that doesn't quite feel like pain. Something else. Warm and safe. But before he can give it any further deliberation, thoughts evade him and he falls under.

Unfortunately, when everything goes dark, it stays like that. 

* * *

After the first shot rang out, Rey's ears started ringing, weighing out all other noise. But she could feel from the air, how the hair on her arms and the back of her neck stood straight up, that there were more shots that followed. 

And as she fights her way through the men holding her back she sees it all happen and it’s like the moment is frozen in time as she watches Ben fall to the ground.

She knew she was screaming because her throat was raw but it didn’t restrain her in the slightest as she cried out his name, fighting and clawing her way to get away from the people holding her back. 

At some point, desperate to be released, she must have punched somebody because instantly her arms are free and she wastes no time in striding forward, back through the gravestones to get to him. 

“Ben!” she sobs out, her chest ripping open with the fear of a truth she will not accept. She won’t. She shoves past the second wave of people who try to grab her but she possesses a strength she didn’t know she had. Enough to push through ten men in her pursuit to see him. To make sure it’s not what she thinks. 

But it is.

She sees him there in the grass, limp and unresponsive. She feels sick as she screams out in refusal, falling to her knees and crawling to him the rest of the way. 

“No, no, no!” she sobs, hovering over him and trying to get a better look at the wounds at his middle. “Ben, please!” She brings her hands up to his face, holding his cheeks but his eyes are closed and he isn’t answering. She reaches down for one of his hands but there’s something there, she looks down to find a tiny little black box. Her heart wrenches at the sight of it, knowing it was meant for her and what very likely was hidden inside. 

They were going to get married. They were going to start a family and face whatever came next together as they tried to look to the future. That’s what they wanted. It’s what they deserved.

“Oh Ben,” she breathed out, hoping he would answer her. But he doesn’t move and she finally lowers her eyes to his middle where his t-shirt was soaked crimson.

 _He’s gone._ She knows she can’t hide from it now.

Ben is gone.

“No!” she cries out, bringing her hands to his chest, covering the wounds with her hands as if that would change anything. As if wishing them away and hiding them from sight would make it better. She knows that’s impossible but she tries to believe in it anyway. She leans back over him, her face next to his as she whispers to him. “Wake up. Please, Ben, you have to wake up. Come back to me!” she cries. He didn't budge, his face was motionless and pale. Paler than he usually is. 

“I love you. I love you so much. Just come back, please...please!”

She feels hands on her back trying to pull her away. She clings tighter to Ben, refusing to be taken from him. One of her hands grips at the lapels of his jacket while the other stays focused over his heart, begging for it to beat again, for his eyes to open and look at her once more. She needs him to. She can’t bear the thought that they had closed for good. 

“Come back. You have to,” she sobs into his neck, her arms unable to hold her over him anymore. 

Rey faintly registers that someone is yelling at her but she ignores them. Her hearing is still muffled to make out the words but she knows what they want. 

She didn’t want any of them touching him or leaving him here for the sake of taking photos or what else. Not here. Not so close to where Han and Leia were. It wasn’t right. He could just be left here. And if he was, then she wasn’t leaving either. "Don't touch him!" she screams, swatting away at the hands that try to intercept.

Yet her strength seems to give out as they pull her away. She snatches Ben’s hand, the little box slipping into her fingers before his arm slumps lifelessly back down. The sight of it makes her sick, to see him like that. It melds with the panic coursing through her. She can’t leave him. She can’t! She tries to dig in her heels and pull free. She tries to get back to him. 

Rey thinks back to the stories Ben has told her. How after he carried her out of Plutt’s truck into the hospital, he wasn’t even sure if she was still alive and after he laid her down on the gurney, he tried to follow her and the nurses down the hall but they kept him back. He had to stay where he was and watching her go was the hardest thing to do because he wasn’t sure if she was okay. 

But this is different. Ben wasn’t okay. Ben was gone.

And still, watching him until he leaves her sight is more painful than anything she’s ever experienced because Rey knows that she will never see him again. 

The instant Ben is gone from her sight, her hearing seems to return at full force as the commotion of the night air hits her.

She hears Lando screaming out, sobbing out Ben’s name. She hears Cheiwe’s barks loud and furious from where he was being restrained. She hears more sirens in the distance, getting closer. She hears the chatter of everyone responsible for this flutter around her, trying to get a hold on the situation. 

Most of all she hears how weak her screams sounded as she continued to call out his name.

And perhaps it is what she doesn’t hear that breaks her the most. She doesn’t hear Ben answer back and it makes her knees give out as the reality of it finally hits her with the force of a train. 

Ben is dead. 

* * *

“Hux, what the fuck? He isn’t armed,” Phasma curses at him, looking down at Ben and finding no gun on his body.

Hux shakes his head, acting surprised as everyone else. “He reached into his jacket," Hux shrugs. "I was mistaken. I’m sorry.”

That was the end of it really. Probably because they all believed Ben to be the murderer he had convinced them all he was. 

“Still, that girl went ballistic,” Canady remarks, nodding over to the car they had put her in. Not far from where Lando was being put into another, screaming his head off.

“Don’t worry, I know a great therapist,” he says, hardly able to hide his smirk. He had to call Snoke as soon as possible. 

It was too bad he had missed the show.

“Let’s get him bagged up and taken out of here,” Hux nods to Solo’s body in the grass. “Get whoever to make it happen. I got to make a call.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben is dead...  
>   
>   
> OR IS HE????
> 
> Seriously tho, just hold tight. This is the wild ride fic that I shouldn't be writing but I ended up doing anyway and there is still a lot to be revealed. 
> 
> HEA, peeps. HEA.


	15. Stolen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woof, ok, so yeah...things are getting...yeah...crazy.

**_1988_ **

_Rey stirred to a strange noise. A repetitive beeping. It wasn’t as blaring or piercing as the alarm clock she woke up to in Ben’s room._

_This beeping was slower but consistent and she focuses on it for another long moment before she moves slightly. Pain shoots through her body and she groans out, stilling immediately and fighting to get her eyes open._

_She feels a warm hand on her arm._

_“Rey, it’s alright. Just relax and try not to move too much, sweetheart.”_

_Rey calms at the sound of Leia’s voice so low and reassuring in her ear. Leia’s other hand squeezes her hand, brushing her thumb past her knuckles. Rey follows Leia’s instruction, trying not to panic as it takes her far too long to open her eyes but finally she manages it._

_The lights above her make her blink instantly, tempted to close them again._

_She’s definitely not at Ben’s house, she knows. She’s not home._

_And when she finally makes out Leia’s face, she can tell something was very wrong. She was trying to keep a shaky smile on her face but her eyes and nose were red from tears. “Oh, Rey,” she breathes out. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am to see you awake.”_

_Rey frowns, confused before she looks further to her right and sees the origin of the noise. A heart monitor. More of the room seems to flood in then. The wires running towards her body, under her gown. The IV in her arm. The crisp sheets of a bed she’s never been in. The bright ceiling lights and linoleum floor. The look on Leia’s face as she seems to crumble further with every passing moment._

_She was in the hospital._

_The beeping of the heart monitor starts to pick up as Rey tries to recall how she got here. She tries to think back the last thing she remembers, the pain in her side making her gasp as it all rushes back._

_Plutt. The junkyard. The shot she heard fire as she collapsed into the mud out in the rain. The bathtub.  
_

_And then Ben._

_Ben had been there. He spoke to her softly. She could swear she felt the press of his lips against hers even. And his hands gently roamed over her before he had carried her out of there. The details are fuzzy. The last distinct thing she remembers is lying in his lap while she looked up to him driving. He had looked so worried but he had tried to keep her awake. But his voice had faded from her and everything had gone dark. Until now._

_Rey’s eyes try to look further around the room, wondering where Ben was. But it was just her and Leia._

_“Wh-Where’s Ben?” Rey croaks out, her voice sounding alien to her it was so raspy._

_At the mention of her son, Leia’s sniffles and brings a tissue to her face again._

_The heart monitor beats faster._

_“Leia, what happened to him?” she cries._

_“He, uhh…” she composes herself a little, lowering the tissue. “I know he’d give anything to be here but he can’t right now. But we’ll see him soon. Why don’t you just try to rest and gather your strength so–”_

_“Leia, just tell me,” Rey begs. She needs to know. “I know he brought me here. What happened?”_

_Leia’s tears spill over onto her cheeks then. “He’s...he’s at the station, answering some questions. When he found you like he did and then how Plutt had–” Leia stops herself, shaking her head but her gaze lingers down to Rey's side._

_Rey looks down too, her hands ghosting past where she knows the wound would be. Rey sobs out, pained, confused, and wishing Leia would give her a straight answer. But judging by the small answers she does give, the fact that it was just the two of them, and that Ben was at the police station, her lip trembled as her mind pieces it all together. Suddenly her mind recalled the sound of ferocious blows coming from the front of the trailer._

_The truck Ben had been driving them in...it had been Plutt’s. Ben got her out of there, and she knows he would have done whatever he needed to ensure that happened. No matter the consequences._

_“Has he been arrested?” Rey croaks out, hoping it wouldn’t be true._

_Leia’s expression tells her all she needs to know. She knows Ben had been taken away by force, all because he had been trying to save her._

_“No...no they need to know. I need to tell them that he was trying to help me and that–” Rey tries to sit up. The heart monitor beeps wildly as she tries to get out of the bed. She needed to get where she was and explain to them that he was only helping. If it hadn’t been for him, Rey doubts she would even be alive right now. He had saved her life._

_But Leia is quick to urge her to calm down and move back to the bed. Her hand runs calmly over her head, trying to get her to relax. “Rey, deep breaths. You have to lie back, sweetheart. You could hurt yourself if you move too much.”_

_“But I–” she sobs out, her words failing her as she sobs into her hand._

_“Rey, listen..." Leia cups her cheeks tenderly, trying to get her to listen. "You are safe. You’re going to be okay and that’s all that matters to Ben. To all of us. Whatever happens next, we’ll face it as it comes.”_

_Rey hears her words but it doesn’t change the fact that she wants Ben there with her. To know that he’s okay too._

_Leia presses a kiss to her forehead. “Ben asked me to stay with you. He didn’t want you to be alone,” she explains._

_Rey sniffles at her words. That sounds like something he would say._

_“My son,” Leia smiles down at her, “he loves you so much, Rey. We all love you so much. You’re one of us. You’re already a Solo in all our hearts and you’re the light in Ben’s life.”_

_Rey sobs out, feeling grateful but undeserving of this family after it was only because of her that it seemed to be broken. But Leia just holds tighter to her hands._

_“So that’s how I know we’re going to overcome all this. That’s how I know this is all going to be okay. It's important, even in the darkest times to still hold out for hope.”_

_Rey grips Leia’s hand in hers, tears flowing from her eyes as she is overcome with emotion. Still, she wants to believe what Leia says._

_“We’ll see Ben soon?” she asks, sounding so much like a child crying to the mother she never had._

_“We’ll see Ben soon,” Leia confirms, sounding so certain and it helps Rey breathe a little easier._

_She would see him again and everything would be okay._

* * *

**_Present_ **

Rey hasn’t slept but she sits up from the bed, knowing she wasn’t going to sleep anyway. She doesn’t know why they thought she would be able to. 

She had been taken away from the cemetery and stuffed into a car before they dropped her off at a hospital. At Coruscant General, as if they were trying to torture her as much as they could. 

They all thought she was in shock and having some sort of breakdown...and if she was, she had every reason to. But now she was just sitting up in a room that looked far too similar to the last one she had stayed in. 

It made her tremble even more. There was a nurse that kept coming by to check on her but Rey wouldn’t even look at anyone. She tucked the blanket around herself, sobbing as she held tight to Chewie. Everyone seemed to understand that so they didn’t seem to say anything in regards to having the big dog in the hospital. 

He was the only one left she could keep hold of. 

Every time she opens her eyes, she sees the bright fluorescent lights or dreadful linoleum and it’s all too much. And when she closes them, she sees flashes from the cemetery. From watching Ben die.

The moment makes her think back to when she woke up in that hospital bed and Leia sat with her, telling her that no matter what they would see Ben very soon and that all that mattered was that she was okay. 

_You’re already a Solo in all our hearts and you’re the light in Ben’s life._

Rey sobbed out as she remembered Leia’s words. She looked down into her hand where she was still holding the little box she had taken from Ben’s hand. 

She hasn’t opened it yet. She hasn’t found the strength. But now, she feels like it’s the only thing she can do. 

She looks down at it, imagining how Ben might have presented it to her. How he might have gotten down on one knee and asked her to marry him. 

He would have been nervous even though he knows what she would say. Maybe he would have driven them to the beach. Maybe he would have done it in their living room. It wouldn’t have mattered. Rey would have loved it no matter what. 

Slowly, she opens the weathered-looking little velvet box until the ring inside is revealed to her. Rey instantly starts crying harder as she admires it. It was so beautiful and perfect. He knows she wasn’t one for jewelry but she loved the locket he had given her. And now he had given her this. One of his last gifts to her.

It looked like a little flower. She had never seen a ring look like this before. It wasn’t exactly conventional but it was perfect. She takes it out of the box, looking to it reverently in the light of the early morning before sliding it over her finger. 

She doesn’t know how he managed to guess her ring size so perfectly. She certainly didn’t know it. 

Any smile or happy tears that she should have had don’t come. The same sullen tears remain.

This should have been _their_ moment together. 

As much as she knows Leia meant what she said, that she was always a Solo in their hearts, Rey wishes more than anything that she and Ben could have made it official. That they could have gotten married and she could officially be Rey Solo. She could have gotten Ben a ring and they could try to arrange everything before she got too big and could still fit in a wedding dress. It could have been so beautiful. 

But now she was alone. She had to put it on herself. The closest she could get to seeing their wedding was in her imagination and no matter what, she would have to remain Rey Johnson. Her name itself had never felt so suffocating before but it was now. Because she knows what she could have had but it was taken from her so unfairly. _Stolen!_ Ben’s life was stolen from him.

And in all too many ways, from the baby too. 

They would never get to meet him. Never get to hear from Ben himself just how much he loved them. It was devastating. Rey leans over, wrapping her arms around her middle, the closest she could come to hugging them.

Rey stays like that, sobbing to herself until there’s a knock at the door. Rey ignores it. 

“Miss Johnson?” a voice calls in, cracking the door open. “My name is Dr. Erso,” she announces herself. “There’s some officers that would like to ask you some questions.”

Rey doesn’t answer, keeping her back to the door. Sniffling and trying to keep her focus on the beautiful ring he had gotten for her instead of the room she was in. 

“They said it’ll only take a moment,” the doctor says.

“No,” Rey bites back finally.

“Ma’am, there are just a few things to clarify–”

“No!” Rey settles a hand on Chewie’s head, relieved that he was a support to her. 

“I’m sorry, but I’m not sure if you have much of a choice, Miss Johnson,” the nurse says somberly, stepping forward and stepping in Rey’s line of sight. “Do you mind if I check over you?” Rey shrugs, minding quite a lot but knowing that she wouldn’t be leaving until she did what she came to do. “Thank you.”

The doctor helps her pull the blanket away a little so she could get better access with her stethoscope. Rey can’t take a steady breath though, her tears keeping her from doing much else. She feels the woman settle a hand on her shoulder then. 

“This man they’re talking about...he was your boyfriend?”

“He’s not guilty...but now he’s gone,” Rey croaks out, the locket she wears held tight in her grip once more. 

The doctor seems uncertain, unsure if Rey was just delirious or if Ben really was innocent. She probably doesn’t even know the whole story. But she seems to humor her slightly, giving her a nod and helping to settle the blanket back over her shoulders.

And then, for whatever reason, Rey’s mouth speaks without her permission. 

“I’m pregnant,” Rey rasps out, frightened and shaking.

The nurse’s face blanches for a moment before she seems to piece it all together. “He was the father?”

Rey starts to cry again. 

_Was…_

Why did that word hurt so much?

There’s another knock at the door then and Rey knows it’s the police, especially when Chewie growls on the foot of the bed. She goes rigid, curling in on herself but Dr. Erso tries to steady her, helping to guide her back onto the bed so her head was against the pillow. 

“Actually, gentlemen, my patient isn’t ready for your questions. You’ll have to come back another time.”

Rey doesn’t hear their response but they must turn away because it remains to be just them and if Rey wasn’t so preoccupied with the warring emotions within her and the desperate gasp for air between her sobs, she might have recognized the gratitude she felt for Dr. Erso. 

Hospitals made her so uneasy and she finds herself digging her fingernails into her palms, wishing Ben was there to hold her hand. 

_It's important, even in the darkest times to still hold out for hope..._

Rey tries to ground herself in Leia's words. But it's never felt this dark before.

* * *

Hux could hardly keep the grin off his face as he and Snoke laughed all the way to the hospital.

“They took _her_ there too. They might be asking her some questions but I think we could arrange a meeting with her.”

“Ugh, that girl.” Snoke’s lip curls but he seems more amused than disgusted. “She’s pregnant, by the way.”

“What?”

Snoke nods. “I figured it out today. I mentioned it to Ben and he went on the fritz. He seemed to think himself fit to be a father,” Snoke scoffs. “He could hardly keep his hair out of his eyes and he thinks he could care for a child.”

Hux recalls from earlier how the girl was getting sick in the shop. Lando seemed overly protective. He must know. “So what do we do with her? Disposal?”

“Not yet,” Snoke shakes his head. “Maybe not at all. If she’s as hysterical as you say, we could put her against herself. See how fast she breaks. That would be cleaner. Less suspicious. No one would doubt she’s unstable, especially after realizing she’s been dating a killer since high school.”

Hux snorts as they pull into the hospital parking lot. He steps on the brakes as a car pulls out of a spot while he was searching for one. He honks at them as they skid out and nearly clip the front end of his own vehicle but they seem to ignore him. Hux hardly gets a solid look at them, ducking to see past the frame of his own car. He thinks they might have been a doctor leaving their shift because they had a surgical mask on but then Snoke pulls him out of his thoughts. 

“People never learn their manners.”

“Indeed,” Hux agrees. 

Snoke wanted to see the damage for himself and Hux figured it was plausible enough to have him here since technically, he was Ben’s former therapist. 

They spared a few more moments to rejoice in the car, laughing about the final result. Together, they regain their composure to get out of the car and step inside the building, headed for the morgue where Ben was brought in. 

“Will you get in much trouble? After all, it was your call that led to his demise,” Snoke asks once they are alone in the elevator. 

Hux shrugs. “As far as they are all concerned, he was a murderer. What happened to him was of little consequence.”

Snoke chuckles dryly as the doors open onto the right floor. Together they walk out and Snoke follows Hux’s lead to the right place. He nods to the bored-looking man who had large glasses and was more focused on his magazine than his job at the desk. He waves him through to the doors that lead to the morgue, not once looking up.

Hux walks in, smirking to Snoke as they pass through the threshold of this place of where they have both sent many. 

But Hux stops as he sees the main table in the center of the room unoccupied. Hux looks to his watch with a scoff. “I thought they would have at least got him here and situated by now.”

“Maybe he’s in the back,” Snoke nods to the wall of doors where the other bodies were kept. 

Hux shakes his head, doubtful but goes over to check the charts. Ben’s name wasn’t on it. 

“For fuck’s sake, they probably left him out on a gurney somewhere. The DOA’s always make people lazy,” Hux rolls his eyes, stepping back out to the man at the desk. Hux never remembers his name but it hardly mattered. It’s not like the kid remembered his name either 

“Hey,” he calls to him and the man spins around, pushing his glasses up further on his nose, his mouth chewing on what looked to be a sandwich. “Where’s the guy they just brought in. You know, the murderer with the gunshots?”

The kid motions back inside, behind them. “They’re working on him now.”

“There’s no one else in here!” _No one alive at least._ And certainly no Ben.

The guy shakes his head, “They probably went on a break. I think I saw them walk by a few minutes ago. Gary and Bill usually go to get coffee or something.”

“They took a break before they even got started?” Hux asks tensely. “The body isn’t even in here? What the hell are they doing?”

“What are you talking about? I saw them put him on the table. Big tall guy. Leather jacket. I asked if they’d let me keep it but they said it had some bullet holes in the back,” he tells them casually, his focus returning to the magazine in front of him. 

Hux ignores the fact that the doctors have been giving away articles of dead people’s clothing to the guy that worked here to focus on the more serious matters.

“That man you’re describing isn’t in there! That’s what I’m telling you. No one’s in there. They couldn’t have finished already, have they?”

“I really don’t know, sir.”

Hux wants to slam the kid’s head on the table but he hears Snoke snap at him, pulling him back inside the double doors. 

“Clearly that boy is useless, try to be a little more constructive. Ben isn’t here and he’s supposed to be. Now go find someone else competent enough to answer.”

Hux groans, annoyed with the incompetence of this place that somehow managed to misplace a corpse that seemed impossible to lose. The man was, what? He was at least six foot three, had on a thick leather jacket and boots, and must have weighed a ton to drag him in. Unless they got tired on the way to the elevator, there was really no excuse as to why he seemed to be missing. Surely someone would have noticed Ben Solo lying around. 

Because the man was dead! How did you lose a dead man in a hospital after he had been put in the morgue? 

It’s not like he got up and walked away himself. 

Groaning to himself, Hux sets out to find the doctors that were supposed to be in the morgue and performing Ben’s unnecessary autopsy. 

Imagine his surprise when he finds two men in just their underwear, unconscious and tied up in the men’s locker room. 

* * *

Lando stepped out of the cruiser. One of the younger officers (Lando couldn’t be bothered to see who it is) drove him to the hospital hours after the incident, waiting for him to get a grip, as they called it. He had to settle down though. He needed to see what happened to Rey. He knew she was...broken and his heart hurts as his tears just keep rolling. 

Just this morning, everything seemed so perfect. They had gone to breakfast and celebrated to news of the newest Solo and now, hours later, he is mourning the loss of the last surviving one. 

He feels like he’s failed. He’s failed Han and Leia. He’s failed Ben and Rey and the baby.

He’s failed himself. 

He pulls to the side, clear from the walkway of the entrance as well as the lighting so he can hide his face and try to get through as many tears as he could. Or at least catch his breath a little. He felt so devastated it made him feel on the brink of passing out or losing feeling in his legs entirely. 

Because that’s what losing Ben felt like. Being paralyzed. 

He can’t imagine the effects this must be having on Rey. At the thought of the kid, Lando tries to gather himself. He needed to go inside and track her down and he hates how it makes him think back to that day he came to this very same hospital and Rey had been shot.

And Ben had been arrested. 

For years that thought had weighed heavily on him. That he had taken Ben away from the one place where he needed to be.

But this was so much worse. Because Ben might have been arrested at the cemetery. That’s what Hux and the others had showed up for...but it all went wrong and now Ben was dead.

How could he face Rey now when she knows that just as much as he does? He told her it would all be okay. He had promised himself he would protect them. 

But he hasn’t. He’s always made it worse. 

Without a doubt, Lando decides that whatever tomorrow holds, he was going to resign from his job. Everyone he worked with ignored him, held him back when he told them to stand down and step away from Ben. They all ignored him in general, actually. They’ve stuffed him away at his desk, doing nothing more than paperwork for over a month now. Ever since Han and Leia’s accident. 

He’s been having thoughts about it for a while now but this pushed him over the edge. He doesn’t know what he does after that but he would figure it out. Besides, he had to find a better and more effective way to protect the little family he swore to. 

He had to protect the last and surviving Solo and the girl that carried them. He won’t allow any more losses. It was too painful. 

As he wipes away at his face though, he looks out to the parking lot, and instantly he freezes as he catches sight of something.

An old blue pickup truck. 

Simple maybe. He’s seen plenty of them over the years but this one gave him pause. Because unless his mind was playing tricks on him, he could make out the Rebellion stickers on the bumper. Lando only recognizes it because it was a symbol _he_ had drawn back when he, Han, Leia, and Luke formed that band that lasted a grand total of three days before they got bored and Han sobered up and realized he couldn’t play the drums. 

But Luke, prideful of their efforts anyway, had taken the sticker and lovingly placed it on the bumper. 

Which means that truck was undoubtedly Luke Skywalker’s. A man Lando hasn’t seen in decades. 

Was it possible, wherever he was he had returned, hearing the news of what’s happened to his family? After all these years?

No. Luke hardly knew Ben. He was a toddler when Luke wandered off. And if Luke cared enough, he would have come for Han and Leia's funeral. He wouldn’t have disappeared off the face of the earth all those years ago. 

Lando loved Luke like family, but his disappearance had become a distant thought in his mind. The last time he was around, he wasn’t exactly his healthiest. He was in and out of hospitals and institutions, being part of sleep studies and drug trials. But then one day he kind of just gave into his delusions, got in his truck, and never looked back. 

So how the fuck was the truck here now?

Before Lando can get his legs to move forward, to examine it further and realize his eyes were just playing tricks on him, he hears a commotion behind him as several of the other cops are racing out of the hospital.

“Who the fuck would steal a dead body? Especially Solo’s? The guy was a murderer, wasn’t he?”

“I don’t know. Just shut up and get in the car. Whoever did it couldn’t have gone far.”

Lando freezes, unsure what the hell was happening anymore. He wasn’t even sure if he heard them right.

Had someone...taken Ben?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has officially gone past the point of no return and I have few regrets.


	16. Seventeen Minutes Earlier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol, I was going to wait a full day to upload this but I I lost patience so...two chapters, one day.
> 
> This one takes place, as the chapter suggests, seventeen minutes earlier. So, before Hux realizes Ben was taken.
> 
> It’s pretty short but i figured it could stand on its own just for...dramatic effect.

**_Seventeen minutes earlier_ **

“This can’t be him,” Savage shakes his head, exhausted and irritated from the journey.

“It is!I know it is!” His brother insists too loudly. “He looks like the man from my visions.”

“But he’s dead!”

“Lower your voice, brother,” Maul snaps and Savage rolls his eyes, thinking he was not the one who deserved to be scolded. “Besides, in appearance that may be true. But look closer. Reach out for yourself. He’s still in there. Dormant, as if frozen in time and weak, but in there. And look,” Maul rips at the man’s ruined shirt which stains were misleading. The wounds on his chest were closing.

“ _He heals._ ”

Savage shakes his head in disbelief. “Who could have done this?”

“He must have done it himself...” Maul shrugs, “perhaps the bloody chosen one was picking his moments.”

“I thought the whole point of this was to prove that he wasn’t the chosen one.”

“Well, he may just be ‘a one’ that is still capable of certain things. He may still be perceptible to the Force. However, I know when it comes to home, he won’t be able to save us.”

“Force healing though? I’ve never seen it done. How could he possibly manage it on himself of all things...especially while he was dying?”

“It doesn’t matter. The Force healing of himself doesn’t save Mortis.”

He rolls his eyes at Maul. “And yet, we are to save him, just so that you can prove he can’t save us?”

“Correct. And when Skywalker and everyone else sees that _I_ not only rescued and returned with the prodigal son, they’ll realize that living a life chasing a prophecy is delusional. We must take matters into our own hands.”

“So what then?” Savage asks him, pulling on the surgical masks they had stolen along with the scrubs they had donned. They had walked right past the human male at the front desk unnoticed. “We just carry him out of here and take him back? Besides, how are we even getting back in the first place? The truck will never make it. It’s beat.”

Maul heaves to push the man up, ignoring Savage.

“Mmm,” the large man moans, his eyes closed as if he were sleeping.

“Kriff, Savage, help me get him to his feet. He’s heavy.”

“Don’t you think we should let him finish healing first? What if moving compromises him?”

“What if we take too long and they come back to splice him up?” Maul counters. “We take out chances, make it back outside. We can find a new car. There were plenty of others to choose from.”

“Fine,” Savage says, coming around to help get the man’s arm over his shoulder. “But we’ll need to find something to board up the windows. My arm still burns from the one spot we missed.”

“You’re such a baby.”

Together they get the man off the table but he can’t support his own weight. He’s already slipping and they have to hold tighter to him to keep him steady.

“Mmmnng...” he moans out before his head rolls back and he seems to look fully dead again.

“He’s talking already, see?” Maul says, pulling the man by the hair until his head was more upright. 

“That wasn’t a word.”

“He’ll be good as new soon enough.”

“How do we get him out of here without drawing suspicion?”

“Brother, these are humans. They're practically sheep.”

“I find it amusing you can be having such a nice time but may I remind you that being away from home and fully immersed in the human world is not as humorous to me as it is to you. I just want to get out of here.”

“Oh, you think I want to be wearing their clothes and to be stuck where they keep their dead?”

“Whatever, just shut up. I don’t want the one outside to hear us.”

“Cover your face, he’ll see your markings," Maul point to his face before tightening his hold on Solo's wrist. 

“Well, your horns are poking out of your stupid-looking bonnet.”

“It’s just as stupid as yours so shut up.”

It takes longer than it did to come in since they were practically carrying the dead weight of a nearly dead man but as Maul said, no one seems to give them much attention. It was odd, seeing humans in such a way. He's been afraid of them all his life and now here he was, dressed as one of their doctors in their place of healing, seeing them at their most vulnerable.

"This way," Maul snaps. "I saw a van on this side of the lot."

"What, we're abandoning the truck altogether?"

"You have a better idea?"

Skywalker would be pissed but Savage already knows at this point, he's going to be so pissed about everything else that his truck was probably of little consequence. The fact that they had stolen it in the first place would have been enough. But Maul doesn’t seem to consider that.

Maul practically rips the door open on the side of the van and it slides over. They finally catch their breath as they set the man down in the back. "Fuck, he's heavy," Maul swears as they shove him inside so he was laying in the back. When his feet are inside, they quickly shut the door and head for the front.

Maul breaks the assembly around the steering wheel and fiddles with the wires, insisting he knew what he was doing and that he had seen it done on television once. Savage almost reminds his brother that hates television because he said it was made _by_ humans _for_ humans but leaves it be as he hears a weak voice from the back of the van.

"Rey?" the man croaks out, his eyes still closed, his face still relaxed and pale, but the wounds on his chest no worse than before. At least he seemed to be getting better, although Savage doesn't know how long that will take. 

"Ahh, see?" Maul roars a laugh as the engine turns over. "I told you it would work."

"Just get us back. I've had enough of this place."

Maul doesn't even look in the mirrors as he slams his foot on the gas and they fly back into reverse, nearly running into another car. But Maul (as he does with everything it seems) ignores it and presses forward, skidding out of the parking lot and back onto the road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Umm...yeah so there’s some actual force nonsense in this story. Yes, this is off the deep end. No, I do not have control.
> 
> But at least now you know Ben isn’t dead! 
> 
> (Sorry if this seemed to come out of nowhere. Savage and Maul were talking about finding Ben at the end of Chapter 11 in case anyone needs a refresher. For those who didn't watch the Clone Wars, Savage was Darth Maul's brother and they had some times, lol.)

**Author's Note:**

> I can't not make a playlist so [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6pui0jKPkds3cHXiGBNVUC)


End file.
